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Posted by Silky Johnson on Feb-12-2018 14:25:

C0r Parents Thread: Yes, It's Come to This

Seems like enough of the remaining posters here have kids/families to warrant a parents' thread.

Talk about your kids! Talk about your experiences as a parent! Ask for advice! Give advice!


My sweet babe is 6 months old. Time truly does fly now. I keep anticipating all kinds of growth and change, but it happens literally overnight. Have to enjoy the present more than ever!

Becoming a parent has been a lot like becoming an adult, and having yet another realization that I know very little, and a lot of what people older and wiser with more experience said was true (to a point, many people are still morons and I tune their bs out, lol).



Let's see if this thread lasts.


Posted by ziptnf on Feb-12-2018 15:19:

inb4 Ted Promo and IGK

Little man is doing great, but the breastfeeding has been tough. Seems like every position we try he doesn't want to latch on. We are trying to use a hand pump for the rest of her colostrum.

Trying to help my wife as much as possible, a lot of responsibility is on her but I'm trying to fill the gaps. Definitely going to need something to help with those short nights of sleep. It's already amazing though, he's so adorable and I never thought I'd feel that feeling of awe until I held him.


Posted by KiNeTiC ENeRgY on Feb-12-2018 15:53:

I have been successfully dodging the "lets have one" bullet for about a year now, but alas she will probably get her way. I'm on the fence about having one - always have been. I like my life and fear the most about how much will change when a kid comes into play. It could be a great thing. but what if it isn't?


Posted by Silky Johnson on Feb-12-2018 16:49:

quote:
Originally posted by ziptnf
Little man is doing great, but the breastfeeding has been tough. Seems like every position we try he doesn't want to latch on. We are trying to use a hand pump for the rest of her colostrum.




Yup, it can be tough at first without help! I'm sure I recommended seeing a lactation consultant...should def do that if you can. Here is a great link with videos that explain and show perfectly how to get a good latch, signs baby is getting milk, etc.

https://globalhealthmedia.org/videos/breastfeeding/

'Attaching your baby at the breast' is a good place to start.


Also Jack Newman is the guru of breastfeeding. He has tons of vids on Youtube, and a really great FB page.


Posted by Silky Johnson on Feb-12-2018 16:58:

quote:
Originally posted by KiNeTiC ENeRgY
I like my life and fear the most about how much will change when a kid comes into play. It could be a great thing. but what if it isn't?




If you view it in terms of what you have to give up by having a kid/family instead of what you will gain, then don't do it. It's hard, unrelenting fucking work, and if you go into it thinking you will lose out on life, you likely will not enjoy it.


Posted by SYSTEM-J on Feb-12-2018 16:59:

quote:
Originally posted by KiNeTiC ENeRgY
I have been successfully dodging the "lets have one" bullet for about a year now, but alas she will probably get her way. I'm on the fence about having one - always have been. I like my life and fear the most about how much will change when a kid comes into play. It could be a great thing. but what if it isn't?


I'm similar in that I've never felt any desire to have kids. They incite no emotion in me. Why shoulder such a massive responsibility if you're perfectly happy without them?


Posted by DJ RANN on Feb-12-2018 17:58:

quote:
Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
I'm similar in that I've never felt any desire to have kids. They incite no emotion in me. Why shoulder such a massive responsibility if you're perfectly happy without them?


I'm in virtually the same boat; The changes that a kid (or kids) bring to your life make me have absolutely no desire to have one. Thankfully my missus has an even stronger position on kids so the only "pressure" on us is kind of from friends and family who don't really understand why we wouldn't want one.

I barely get enough sleep as it and running a business takes so much of our time as it is, that throwing a drooling shit machine in to the mix will just mean no sleep whatsoever and total change to our business lives.

So many friends have babies/kids now and while most of them will say "it's the greatest thing ever blah blah blah", I see the incredible strain on them, and what it does to their sanity and relationships. And these are people with means who have nannies and house cleaners, and can afford whatever the kid needs.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to not want to have kids. It's the deepest commitment you can make and if you're not totally on board to have them, that's a sensible choice. it's not like the world needs more kids that aren't 100% wanted.


Posted by ziptnf on Feb-12-2018 18:00:

Even the most cynical bastards change when it's their own child in their arms. But if you flat out don't want them, Aunt Cindy pestering you about it shouldn't change your mind. Just don't have them.

@Jenny yeah there are lactation consultants here at the hospital but they are totally MIA and we have to drag them out of their caves to come down to our room. Hopefully when we leave the hospital we have easy access to one so she can get into a rhythm. One just came into the room and it already seems like we are getting good advice.


Posted by Silky Johnson on Feb-12-2018 18:09:

Good. And honestly, keep fucking pestering them until you get the help you need to feel confident. Breastfeeding is the most important thing your wife and baby are going to do, do not go home without feeling very good about it. The first week alone is SO important in getting breastfeeding going, you don't really have days to fuck around trying to figure out if it's going well or not.

I wish her all the best! If you or she ever has questions and need help in a pinch, hit me up in here or via pm!


Posted by ziptnf on Feb-12-2018 18:25:

Ugh I'm so relieved. He just had a great feeding session. Restored confidence with her (she was a mess earlier when they were struggling) and gave him a good meal. I'm sure at some point they will get into a rhythm and when her milk starts coming in they will be doing great.

Last night he was fussing and had that old black tar poopy diaper from all that time in the womb. We were trying to change him (holy shit I had no idea what I was doing) and he pees on his shirt. D'oh!

Anyway he's a cutie and it has changed my life. I love him. PM me if you wanna trade pics Jenny!


Posted by Lews on Feb-12-2018 19:01:

quote:
Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
I'm similar in that I've never felt any desire to have kids. They incite no emotion in me. Why shoulder such a massive responsibility if you're perfectly happy without them?


Boarding. School.

Boarding. School.

Boarding. School.


Posted by Lira on Feb-12-2018 19:03:

We're still over the fence: on the one hand, my wife is halfway through her doctorate, and we're still trying to find a way to get a professorship in the same city (she's based in Manaus, and I'm in Brasília). On the other, she's about to celebrate her 39th birthday, and she feels it's probably getting a bit too late...


Posted by SYSTEM-J on Feb-12-2018 20:08:

quote:
Originally posted by Lews
Boarding. School.

Boarding. School.

Boarding. School.


What's the fucking point of that? I'm supposed to pay through my nose for a child I won't even see? I know there's an animal compulsion inside everyone to further their genes, but within three generations none of your blood line will have any memory of you at all, much less the rest of the world, unless you actually did something resonant with your life.


Posted by Lira on Feb-12-2018 20:22:

If your child makes a great contribution, you'll be famous too, even if you do a piss poor job. Think about it: We all know Arthur Schopenhauer's mother scarred he emotionally, making him a bitter genius. She's a famous footnote. Michael Jordan's father was a bully. We now know he existed. Elon Musk's parents named him Elon. QED.


Posted by Silky Johnson on Feb-12-2018 20:35:


Posted by JEO on Feb-12-2018 21:07:

I've already terminated one because of the overall circumstances at the time, but I would like to have one or two later in life. My sister has quite a few, and she told everyone until the first one that she doesn't really want kids. Then boom, a whole flock of them, one after the other.

My girlfriend hasn't warmed up to the thought of kids yet, but I've learned a valuable trick on here recently that could overcome this obstacle. For real though, I don't know what the hell would I do with the rest of my life did I not have kids at some point.


Posted by Silky Johnson on Feb-12-2018 21:31:

quote:
Originally posted by JEO
My girlfriend hasn't warmed up to the thought of kids yet, but I've learned a valuable trick on here recently that could overcome this obstacle.




LOL


Posted by chris1011 on Feb-12-2018 21:36:

quote:
Originally posted by KiNeTiC ENeRgY
I have been successfully dodging the "lets have one" bullet for about a year now, but alas she will probably get her way. I'm on the fence about having one - always have been. I like my life and fear the most about how much will change when a kid comes into play. It could be a great thing. but what if it isn't?


Same thing here lol.

I think in the next few years when my finances are finally in order I'll be ready and I'll be able to get over that fear.


Posted by Vector A on Feb-12-2018 22:02:

quote:
Originally posted by JEO
My girlfriend hasn't warmed up to the thought of kids yet, but I've learned a valuable trick on here recently that could overcome this obstacle.

Lol, this reminded me of those "one weird trick" ads you see.

"Feminists hate him!"


Posted by DJ RANN on Feb-12-2018 23:04:

quote:
Originally posted by Lira
If your child makes a great contribution, you'll be famous too, even if you do a piss poor job. Think about it: We all know Arthur Schopenhauer's mother scarred he emotionally, making him a bitter genius. She's a famous footnote. Michael Jordan's father was a bully. We now know he existed. Elon Musk's parents named him Elon. QED.


Or you could be like Marvin Gaye's dad, and get famous for killing your child.


Posted by Zoso on Feb-13-2018 00:24:

I have never wanted my own, biological children. My views (I'm 41 now) have never wavered on that. However, I have (almost) raised two step-daughters (one is 16, the other is 21 - and each has a different biological father, yikes!) into successful adulthood...although the last year with the 16 year old has been trying, to put it mildly. When my wife and I met over 14 years ago, I was in my mid 20s with not a care in the world. I had a decent full-time job in banking. I had no debt. My main concerns were how much weed we had and what computer games we were playing on the LAN that night (I roomed with a couple of former high-school friends after I moved back to my home town after getting my bachelor's).

Over the course of six months, I went from single and no real responsibilities to married with two kids and all the legal/moral/financial/ethical responsibilities that entails. It was a drastic change, to be sure, but if I had not been absolutely sure about it, I never would have done it. Marriage is a damned easy thing to get into and a damned difficult thing to get out of (in the US, at least). Many times, raising the girls was far easier and less complicated than dealing with the drama of the fathers. Each had his own thing(s) he'd get hung up on and raise hell about. One was basically a classic verbal/emotional abuser, and the other was a classic wife-beating alcoholic. I was always careful, however, to never overstep my bounds - in that I never talked down about either of them in front of the girls. Any such conversations were between me and the wife long after bedtime. I always gave each dad not only his legal rights, but also the opportunity to participate as much or as little as he wanted. Unfortunately, they both chose nearly as little as possible, and I feel they missed out on some great stuff, as their girls are nearly grown.

I never wanted my own children because my entire life has been a huge internal emotional struggle with depression and OCD tendencies that, at times, are just pure hell on earth. I know that just because I have these, it is not guaranteed that I'd pass them on to a biological child, but with a 50% chance or so, the odds were always just too great for me. I love my girls, and I've raised them like they were my own since the ages of 2 and 6. It's been both the most challenging thing I've done and the most rewarding. The best part about them getting older and wiser (assuming you survive the teen drama) is that you can finally talk to them as an equal adult with an equal understanding that almost nothing is, like you explained when they were kids/incapable of understanding, white and black. Life is played out in all shades of gray in a twisted morality tale. I enjoy sharing the wisdom I have gained through my many mistakes and experiences, just as my father has always done with me. That, to me, has been one of the most rewarding aspect of (step) parenting.


Posted by Silky Johnson on Feb-13-2018 01:23:

Ah man, you sound like an awesome dad.

I think that is precisely the toughest part about parenting - not putting your own shit onto your kid. You have to be pretty self aware. I am damn petrified of passing on my type A tendencies to our kid, it's even more challenging than I thought to be constantly aware of how I model behaviour. Thank fuck my husband is super chill, we create a good balance. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have had a kid, hahah.


Posted by Lira on Feb-13-2018 03:46:

That's a bit more extreme than what I had in mind, Rann
quote:
Originally posted by Zoso
I never wanted my own children because my entire life has been a huge internal emotional struggle with depression and OCD tendencies that, at times, are just pure hell on earth. I know that just because I have these, it is not guaranteed that I'd pass them on to a biological child, but with a 50% chance or so, the odds were always just too great for me.

That's why I've postponed so far. It seems depression runs in my family and, although I'm lucky it skipped me for the most part, it'd break my heart to bring someone into this world just to hate their every breathing moment. My teenage moodiness was enough for me


Posted by Zoso on Feb-13-2018 11:30:

quote:
Originally posted by Silky Johnson
Ah man, you sound like an awesome dad.

I think that is precisely the toughest part about parenting - not putting your own shit onto your kid. You have to be pretty self aware. I am damn petrified of passing on my type A tendencies to our kid, it's even more challenging than I thought to be constantly aware of how I model behaviour. Thank fuck my husband is super chill, we create a good balance. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have had a kid, hahah.


I don't know if I am "good" or not. If I have had ANY "general" success at all as a parent, and, specifically, as a male parent, I owe the "general" success to having 2 outstanding parents who to this day serve as role models. If I've had any success, specifically, as the male/dad parenting figure, then I definitely owe that to my father. He is wise beyond his years. I've never seen a more capable, intelligent, and truly talented man. It's hard to believe he is 71, now, and that there are fewer days ahead than there are behind. I acknowledge that life is fleeting and temporary, and when he is gone, I will accept it, but I can't lie: my world will shatter, for a time, and it will never go back together the same, after.

I've done my best to show "my" girls what it is like to have a stable father/man figure in the home. I get up and go to work every day, whether I feel like it or not. I help with all of the house chores, and often complete most of them myself on the weekends. I keep firewood in the shed and the stove fed in the winter. I keep the grass cut in the summer. I don't go to bars after work or "hang out with the guys" instead of coming home. I wash dishes after the wife cooks, and I've always backed her when the ex-husbands were in the wrong/being general assholes. I've done my best to be the primary breadwinner so that she only has to work part time and can pour as much of her life into her girls as she wants. I'm also, by nature, overly empathetic, so this allows me to often times be a mediator between mom and girls, and it's allowed them to see that a man/father isn't just someone who yells at the wife/kids every time there is a disagreement over ANY issue.

Now, with that said, there are a ton of things I could have done better over the years, and I fully acknowledge that. But, when I look back on it and self-evaluate, I can honestly say I feel I've gotten more right than wrong. And, when compared to what their biological fathers have done, especially, I've gotten far more right.

My girls know that I will always be here for them, no matter what. Even when one of them chooses to take the car joyriding, run it off in the ditch, and flee the scene, thus introducing the "juvenile justice system" to our family...at the worst possible time, as we'd much rather focus on getting the wife's lymphoma into remission. But, here we are, and I love my juvenile delinquent all the same, and we'll go with her on the journey and use it as best we can to learn and grow.

Short story long: parenting is hard as fuck...but, I'm not sure where I'd have ended up in life had I not taken on the role. I feel like it wouldn't be a "good" place, if that makes any sense at all. The path I was on was rather self-destructive, and though I will always be my own worst enemy, taking a "break" to raise a couple of girls certainly has slowed the self-destruction.

God, do I ever ramble. Press 1 if you read this shit and are still awake. Press 2 if you want your money back.


Posted by Silky Johnson on Feb-13-2018 12:24:

What if I press 3 to repeat the recording? Lololol


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