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"I Am A College Student"
By Steve Hofstetter
I am a college student. This is what the world thinks of me.
I stay up late. I wake up later. I still need to sleep in class--when I go
to class.
I yell things at the top of my lungs, like "Party!" or "Spring break!" or
"College!" I have mp3 copies of every Dave Matthews CD ever released, and
I didn't pay for any of them. My room is covered in posters--especially
that one of John Belushi in a shirt that says "College" and the guy with
the windy cheeks from that Maxell ad. I live in a frat house.
Sometimes I play drinking games with my friends. Sometimes I play drinking
games with myself. I always drink five or more beers in one sitting.
I eat pizza for breakfast (when I have breakfast), ramen for lunch, and
I'm on the meal plan for dinner. I constantly complain about the meal
plan, but I take seconds anyway. Cargo pants are the perfect size for
bagels.
Classes bore me, and I take the easiest ones possible. I don't study until
a few hours before my exam, after I'm up all night on Ritalin. I'm dumb
unless I'm double majoring in the hard sciences. I am not double majoring
in the hard sciences.
I have a bong in my room. My RA allows it, because she doesn't know what a
bong looks like, and I tell her it's a hookah. I do not know what a hookah
looks like.
I like sex. I like sex a lot. It's all I think about, and every time I
leave my dorm room, it's with the express purpose of having sex.
Sometimes, I don't have to leave my room because people come to have sex
with me--usually while my roommate is trying to study.
I desperately want a job, but I am too irresponsible to do anything except
make copies. Sometimes I screw those up too. But no one else will make
copies all summer for $8 an hour because no one else is as poor as I am.
Companies like hiring people as poor as I am.
When I run out of Dave Matthews mp3s, I listen to Phish covering Dave
Matthews. When I can't do that, I listen to a few guys from the next dorm
who cover Phish covering Dave Matthews. One day, I hope to get a band
together so that we can cover them.
I use the CliffsNotes to write my papers, but I'm too lazy to read them
all the way through. I'd rather do research online than in a library. I
judge how cool I am by how seldom I go to the library. I think I'm pretty
cool.
I use Instant Messenger for 23 and a half hours a day. I have three
different away messages for every activity that I'm involved in. I have
two screen names so I can check who is online. I was thrilled when AOL
upped the limit on buddy lists, so I could add more people whom my
roommate stalks. I IM my roommate.
I use words like "sketchy" and "tool" and expect my parents to know what I
mean. When I go home over break, I argue about sleeping in the same room
with whomever I'm dating. My mother does not do my laundry fast enough. My
father found the condoms in my night table but is trying to be cool about
it.
I am on my third cell phone. I lost one in a bar and smashed the other one
while I was just as smashed. I have 12 dozen numbers stored in my phone. I
don't know who half of them belong to. It takes me an hour to get
ready--unless it's for class. I can do that in 30 seconds.
Free food will get me to go anywhere. I'm not active in any clubs, but I'm
on 37 different mailing lists. I love all of my school's teams, even
though I can't name anyone on them. Except for that guy on my freshman
floor. You know, what's-his-name.
I am terrified of graduation, because I don't have a job lined up. Maybe
I'll go backpacking in Europe. Maybe I'll go to law school even though I
have no intention of becoming a lawyer. It doesn't matter--my parents will
pay for it.
Eventually I'll find a job. Then I'll become a young professional. I'll
get a studio apartment for a year or two until I earn enough to move into
a one-bedroom. All the furniture I own will still be made of
particleboard. I' ll try to go out at night, but I'll be too tired after
work. So I'll turn on the TV and see news stories about these damn college
kids yelling "Party!" and ruining the music industry and doing everything
they can to disrupt the lives of everyone who is not in college anymore.
And hopefully, I'll know better than to believe it.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Orbax "I Am A College Student" By Steve Hofstetter I am a college student. This is what the world thinks of me. I stay up late. I wake up later. I still need to sleep in class--when I go to class. I yell things at the top of my lungs, like "Party!" or "Spring break!" or "College!" I have mp3 copies of every Dave Matthews CD ever released, and I didn't pay for any of them. My room is covered in posters--especially that one of John Belushi in a shirt that says "College" and the guy with the windy cheeks from that Maxell ad. I live in a frat house. Sometimes I play drinking games with my friends. Sometimes I play drinking games with myself. I always drink five or more beers in one sitting. I eat pizza for breakfast (when I have breakfast), ramen for lunch, and I'm on the meal plan for dinner. I constantly complain about the meal plan, but I take seconds anyway. Cargo pants are the perfect size for bagels. Classes bore me, and I take the easiest ones possible. I don't study until a few hours before my exam, after I'm up all night on Ritalin. I'm dumb unless I'm double majoring in the hard sciences. I am not double majoring in the hard sciences. I have a bong in my room. My RA allows it, because she doesn't know what a bong looks like, and I tell her it's a hookah. I do not know what a hookah looks like. I like sex. I like sex a lot. It's all I think about, and every time I leave my dorm room, it's with the express purpose of having sex. Sometimes, I don't have to leave my room because people come to have sex with me--usually while my roommate is trying to study. I desperately want a job, but I am too irresponsible to do anything except make copies. Sometimes I screw those up too. But no one else will make copies all summer for $8 an hour because no one else is as poor as I am. Companies like hiring people as poor as I am. When I run out of Dave Matthews mp3s, I listen to Phish covering Dave Matthews. When I can't do that, I listen to a few guys from the next dorm who cover Phish covering Dave Matthews. One day, I hope to get a band together so that we can cover them. I use the CliffsNotes to write my papers, but I'm too lazy to read them all the way through. I'd rather do research online than in a library. I judge how cool I am by how seldom I go to the library. I think I'm pretty cool. I use Instant Messenger for 23 and a half hours a day. I have three different away messages for every activity that I'm involved in. I have two screen names so I can check who is online. I was thrilled when AOL upped the limit on buddy lists, so I could add more people whom my roommate stalks. I IM my roommate. I use words like "sketchy" and "tool" and expect my parents to know what I mean. When I go home over break, I argue about sleeping in the same room with whomever I'm dating. My mother does not do my laundry fast enough. My father found the condoms in my night table but is trying to be cool about it. I am on my third cell phone. I lost one in a bar and smashed the other one while I was just as smashed. I have 12 dozen numbers stored in my phone. I don't know who half of them belong to. It takes me an hour to get ready--unless it's for class. I can do that in 30 seconds. Free food will get me to go anywhere. I'm not active in any clubs, but I'm on 37 different mailing lists. I love all of my school's teams, even though I can't name anyone on them. Except for that guy on my freshman floor. You know, what's-his-name. I am terrified of graduation, because I don't have a job lined up. Maybe I'll go backpacking in Europe. Maybe I'll go to law school even though I have no intention of becoming a lawyer. It doesn't matter--my parents will pay for it. Eventually I'll find a job. Then I'll become a young professional. I'll get a studio apartment for a year or two until I earn enough to move into a one-bedroom. All the furniture I own will still be made of particleboard. I' ll try to go out at night, but I'll be too tired after work. So I'll turn on the TV and see news stories about these damn college kids yelling "Party!" and ruining the music industry and doing everything they can to disrupt the lives of everyone who is not in college anymore. And hopefully, I'll know better than to believe it. |
Ok how about this guys!!! Since this thread is still up and running, how about all of you make up the funniest letter ever imagined that would get the girl to go out with you.
BTW, If I were to make up a letter I wouldn't use the names Patrick and Ashley now wouldn't I. Shit and LOL is not my writing style. Although it's hilarious, it's just not me. I already proved that I couldn't have written that letter. Only some moron will keep saying that I did.
The only two people that can prove that I didn't write this letter is knsv and CygnusX. I'm pretty sure carona knows about it too. If you don't believe me, then PM these guys. They'll say that I didn't write this letter. Peace guys!!!
You ever heard of the story "The boy who cried Wolf"? 
ok ok...wtf, i started posting on this thread last week when there was 2 pages...now there's 11. The worst part is i freakin read from where i left and W
T..that was the ending....oh well, had some great, amazing, rolling on the floor laughs...this thread is not goin to die!!!!!!!!!! i say aye, for the lamest thread ever on ta...am i the only one that feels like this was like a soup opera??????? someone posted here, why need tv when you have ta
I DIE!!!!!!!!!
oo btw...i also think that sebb was patrick and he really got turned down by ashley thats why he ended the thread coz he was really hurt and didnt want to talk about it coz we where RIGHT from the very beginning, should've listen to us, WE TOLD YOU SO,not to send that DAMM letter 
OH WELL...better of thinking of a better excuse that your a 24 USC grad.....ffs yah nice try there buddy THATS EVEN MORE LAME than your letter
ok thats it f0r now
indy
Hi Cindy!
Just kidding I know your name starts with an A... or a K. As you can tell im drunk. fuck. sober. Disregard that. So how you doin'. no but seriously. Im really forward with people, sometimes too forward. I just go right up to peoples mailboxes and put letters in there. Sometimes I dont even say hi to the person im deliverin the mail to. Thats how money I am. Hey you ever get that feeling that someone is watching you? 
haha JK! (BTW when I posted that pic in my local forums I got 3 LOL's and 1 ROTFLMAO). Yeah so ive been watching you (you know the rhodedendron bush to the left of the third step stone at your front door?) no i know that because your friend told me...anyways forget about the plant, lets talk about me. Better yet, I want you to talk about me. So why dont we meet up and you can tell me how awesome I am. No no. just kidding. Ill probably be doing most of the talking.
Email me: RadicalAwesomeness@hotmail.com
Id have you mail me back but i think that old dirty mailman looks at all my pornos before he delivers them and I dont want your letter mixed up in that.
PS include your name.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Orbax *the post above* |
WHY IS THIS ON PAGE 2
my letter Turkish BaZar style
(You must listen to this tune to truely apprechiate it:
Vicious_-_Turkish_Bazar_At_Istanbul_2002)
Selamin Aleykum,
I'm Mustafa from Istanbul. I want to marry you. I give you a sitar if you go out with me. Cool? No? I give you 2 camels if you marry me! 3 camels? Cool? You must a be a virgin if I give you 3 camels! You like me very much! You and me ride on to a sunset on my new camel with a cool neon lights! You see! I'm romantic! 
I wait for you very much!
Im very rich, so i can afford you. Look at my camel. It shows how rich I am.
^ You like my camel? My camel and You, I, are be good family!
- Mustafa, from da BaZaar Crew.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Orbax Hi Cindy! Just kidding I know your name starts with an A... or a K. As you can tell im drunk. fuck. sober. Disregard that. So how you doin'. no but seriously. Im really forward with people, sometimes too forward. I just go right up to peoples mailboxes and put letters in there. Sometimes I dont even say hi to the person im deliverin the mail to. Thats how money I am. Hey you ever get that feeling that someone is watching you? haha JK! (BTW when I posted that pic in my local forums I got 3 LOL's and 1 ROTFLMAO). Yeah so ive been watching you (you know the rhodedendron bush to the left of the third step stone at your front door?) no i know that because your friend told me...anyways forget about the plant, lets talk about me. Better yet, I want you to talk about me. So why dont we meet up and you can tell me how awesome I am. No no. just kidding. Ill probably be doing most of the talking.Email me: RadicalAwesomeness@hotmail.com Id have you mail me back but i think that old dirty mailman looks at all my pornos before he delivers them and I dont want your letter mixed up in that. PS include your name. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Orbax "I Am A College Student" By Steve Hofstetter I am a college student. This is what the world thinks of me. I stay up late. I wake up later. I still need to sleep in class--when I go to class. I yell things at the top of my lungs, like "Party!" or "Spring break!" or "College!" I have mp3 copies of every Dave Matthews CD ever released, and I didn't pay for any of them. My room is covered in posters--especially that one of John Belushi in a shirt that says "College" and the guy with the windy cheeks from that Maxell ad. I live in a frat house. Sometimes I play drinking games with my friends. Sometimes I play drinking games with myself. I always drink five or more beers in one sitting. I eat pizza for breakfast (when I have breakfast), ramen for lunch, and I'm on the meal plan for dinner. I constantly complain about the meal plan, but I take seconds anyway. Cargo pants are the perfect size for bagels. Classes bore me, and I take the easiest ones possible. I don't study until a few hours before my exam, after I'm up all night on Ritalin. I'm dumb unless I'm double majoring in the hard sciences. I am not double majoring in the hard sciences. I have a bong in my room. My RA allows it, because she doesn't know what a bong looks like, and I tell her it's a hookah. I do not know what a hookah looks like. I like sex. I like sex a lot. It's all I think about, and every time I leave my dorm room, it's with the express purpose of having sex. Sometimes, I don't have to leave my room because people come to have sex with me--usually while my roommate is trying to study. I desperately want a job, but I am too irresponsible to do anything except make copies. Sometimes I screw those up too. But no one else will make copies all summer for $8 an hour because no one else is as poor as I am. Companies like hiring people as poor as I am. When I run out of Dave Matthews mp3s, I listen to Phish covering Dave Matthews. When I can't do that, I listen to a few guys from the next dorm who cover Phish covering Dave Matthews. One day, I hope to get a band together so that we can cover them. I use the CliffsNotes to write my papers, but I'm too lazy to read them all the way through. I'd rather do research online than in a library. I judge how cool I am by how seldom I go to the library. I think I'm pretty cool. I use Instant Messenger for 23 and a half hours a day. I have three different away messages for every activity that I'm involved in. I have two screen names so I can check who is online. I was thrilled when AOL upped the limit on buddy lists, so I could add more people whom my roommate stalks. I IM my roommate. I use words like "sketchy" and "tool" and expect my parents to know what I mean. When I go home over break, I argue about sleeping in the same room with whomever I'm dating. My mother does not do my laundry fast enough. My father found the condoms in my night table but is trying to be cool about it. I am on my third cell phone. I lost one in a bar and smashed the other one while I was just as smashed. I have 12 dozen numbers stored in my phone. I don't know who half of them belong to. It takes me an hour to get ready--unless it's for class. I can do that in 30 seconds. Free food will get me to go anywhere. I'm not active in any clubs, but I'm on 37 different mailing lists. I love all of my school's teams, even though I can't name anyone on them. Except for that guy on my freshman floor. You know, what's-his-name. I am terrified of graduation, because I don't have a job lined up. Maybe I'll go backpacking in Europe. Maybe I'll go to law school even though I have no intention of becoming a lawyer. It doesn't matter--my parents will pay for it. Eventually I'll find a job. Then I'll become a young professional. I'll get a studio apartment for a year or two until I earn enough to move into a one-bedroom. All the furniture I own will still be made of particleboard. I' ll try to go out at night, but I'll be too tired after work. So I'll turn on the TV and see news stories about these damn college kids yelling "Party!" and ruining the music industry and doing everything they can to disrupt the lives of everyone who is not in college anymore. And hopefully, I'll know better than to believe it. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by DiS my letter Turkish BaZar style (You must listen to this tune to truely apprechiate it: Vicious_-_Turkish_Bazar_At_Istanbul_2002) Selamin Aleykum, I'm Mustafa from Istanbul. I want to marry you. I give you a sitar if you go out with me. Cool? No? I give you 2 camels if you marry me! 3 camels? Cool? You must a be a virgin if I give you 3 camels! You like me very much! You and me ride on to a sunset on my new camel with a cool neon lights! You see! I'm romantic! I wait for you very much!Im very rich, so i can afford you. Look at my camel. It shows how rich I am. ^ You like my camel? My camel and You, I, are be good family! - Mustafa, from da BaZaar Crew. |
Doesn't give me pleasure to do this but its a rainy Sunday afternoon and I felt I needed "closure".
*drum roll*
sebby = his "friend" Patrick
Even though most of us had this growing suspicion I thought I'd provide some proof. I found his home page (tru no great detective work)
http://profiles.yahoo.com/paksan3281 Looks like they both live in LA, play hockey, work at USC...hmmm what coincidence.
Patrick, come on you wrote bad love letter, just admit it, and we all can move on. We didn't mean to be cruel but you kept digging your self a deeper hole by lieing about.
ps I promise this is my last post in this thread
this thread must continue...... forever!
| quote: |
| Originally posted by igottaknow Doesn't give me pleasure to do this but its a rainy Sunday afternoon and I felt I needed "closure". *drum roll* sebby = his "friend" Patrick Even though most of us had this growing suspicion I thought I'd provide some proof. I found his home page (tru no great detective work) http://profiles.yahoo.com/paksan3281 Looks like they both live in LA, play hockey, work at USC...hmmm what coincidence. Patrick, come on you wrote bad love letter, just admit it, and we all can move on. We didn't mean to be cruel but you kept digging your self a deeper hole by lieing about. ps I promise this is my last post in this thread |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by igottaknow Doesn't give me pleasure to do this but its a rainy Sunday afternoon and I felt I needed "closure". *drum roll* sebby = his "friend" Patrick Even though most of us had this growing suspicion I thought I'd provide some proof. I found his home page (tru no great detective work) http://profiles.yahoo.com/paksan3281 Looks like they both live in LA, play hockey, work at USC...hmmm what coincidence. Patrick, come on you wrote bad love letter, just admit it, and we all can move on. We didn't mean to be cruel but you kept digging your self a deeper hole by lieing about. ps I promise this is my last post in this thread |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by igottaknow Doesn't give me pleasure to do this but its a rainy Sunday afternoon and I felt I needed "closure". *drum roll* sebby = his "friend" Patrick Even though most of us had this growing suspicion I thought I'd provide some proof. I found his home page (tru no great detective work) http://profiles.yahoo.com/paksan3281 Looks like they both live in LA, play hockey, work at USC...hmmm what coincidence. Patrick, come on you wrote bad love letter, just admit it, and we all can move on. We didn't mean to be cruel but you kept digging your self a deeper hole by lieing about. ps I promise this is my last post in this thread |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by politcs_of_danc wait , so how do you know this is true????? how do you know that he looks like that???? |
| quote: |
| my email is paksan32@yahoo.com Hopefully if all goes well we will be talking soon. If not than I wish you a great 10 days off from school and Ill be awaiting the very awkward moment between us in Accounting 300. (I’m just kidding) Have a great break!!! |
^^lol. igottaknow, youre a fuckin genious.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by sebby Ok how about this guys!!! Since this thread is still up and running, how about all of you make up the funniest letter ever imagined that would get the girl to go out with you. BTW, If I were to make up a letter I wouldn't use the names Patrick and Ashley now wouldn't I. Shit and LOL is not my writing style. Although it's hilarious, it's just not me. I already proved that I couldn't have written that letter. Only some moron will keep saying that I did. The only two people that can prove that I didn't write this letter is knsv and CygnusX. I'm pretty sure carona knows about it too. If you don't believe me, then PM these guys. They'll say that I didn't write this letter. Peace guys!!! |
just read through this whole thread, hilarious stuff
don't worry sebby, when you get a little older you'll learn how to talk to girls 
for your next experiment, have a stab at it, it might just work
don't let this thread die, its too funny
| quote: |
| Originally posted by fuct4less ^^lol. igottaknow, youre a fuckin genious. |
This was my paper I turned in in regards to some book we had to read for class...yeah I love college hehe, no fear.
Wow…where to begin. That was obviously the authors question as she randomly started spewing shit out onto a page. This book has no plot structure…or should I say a terrible one, because technically one has to exist. To read any structure into it would be lying to yourself and to others, if you spoke it out loud. We all know that its bullshit. There is no WAY on earth you can look at this as a literary piece and be blown back, arms flailing, in your chair, with your mouth hanging open at the sheer brilliance of her ideas, unless you are smoking some very powerful, and very stinky, BC Bud. There is a reason that Hemmingway, Dumas, Shakespeare, and even contemporary authors such as Conroy, and Lewis, are viewed to be brilliant writers. It is because their papers have structure. Intelligence can be said to be the ability to put complex ideas into a format that is easily understood by others, and yet be none the less complex for the rendering. She doesn’t have this. She would be someone who does not meet this definition of intelligence. She would technically be a drooling moron.
It has been said that a thousand monkeys with typewriters, given an infinite amount of time, would eventually write the entire works of Shakespeare. This book…5 monkeys, 3 minutes.
shush it walker 
dang girl why you gotta burn me like that
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