Q: Whats the diff between Tiger and Santa?

A: Santa stops at 3 hos

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quote:

Originally posted by Ravemontreal Once I took a piss in front of everybody at Stereo. Put the garbage under the mixer, and did it right there while people were dancing and screaming. people thought I was playing with the mixer but I was playing with my zizi.

quote:

Originally posted by Enjoy a classic from the aria days: me: are you on TA? girl: uhhhh... im on speed

En français


C'est un policier qui arrête un automobiliste et décide de s'amuser à ses dépens.

Flic - Bonjour Monsieur vous venez de brûler un stop, je dois sévir mais
comme aujourd'hui je suis de bonne humeur, je vous offre une chance de
vous rattraper.

Automobiliste - Ha oui ! , que dois-je faire ??

Flic - Je vous pose 2 questions, si vous répondez juste je fais sauter
votre amende.

Automobiliste - D'accord

Flic - Qu'est-ce qui a 4 roues et un volant ??

Automobiliste - Une voiture ?

Flic - Oui mais laquelle?, une Toyota, une Volvo, une Mercedes.?.. désolé
je ne peux pas considérer la réponse comme bonne.J e vous pose la 2 ième
question. Qu'est-ce qui a 2 roues, un guidon et un moteur??

Automobiliste - Une motocyclette ?

Flic - Oui mais, laquelle?une Suzuki, une Honda, une Kawasaki?... navré
mais je dois vous remettre une contravention avec amende...

Avant de partir l'automobiliste demande :- Je peux aussi vous poser une
question ?

Flic - Bien sur...

Automobiliste - Qu'est-ce qui fait les 100 pas sur un trottoir en
micro-jupe, un chandail moulant décollé, un petit sac en bandoulière et
qui fait de beaux sourires aux automobilistes?

Flic - Une pute ?

Automobiliste - Oui mais laquelle?, ta mère, ta soeur, ta femme ou ta
fille?

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It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day.

The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD. Susie answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy . You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD. Nancy answered first.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut".

The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny said, "TIGER WOODS! CAN I GO NOW?"

loll
Dom K.

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www.TLPWORLD.com

a blond girl gets arrested on the highway for speeding.


a blond police officer comes out of the police car, comes up to the other blond girl's car and ask for her driver's licence...


the blond girl asks: "what's a driver's licence?"

blond police answers: "it's that card with your picture on it"

the blond goes looking in her purse and finds a mirror... "hey there's that picture card" and passes out the mirror to the blond officer.

blond officer looks at mirror and says:

"you should of told me your worked for police !!!" gives back the mirror and runs off.

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Now Circusless

Last edited by Fran666 on Dec-16-2009 at 19:26

those were very good.

Malek's joke.. oh dear.

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quote:

Originally posted by Ravemontreal Once I took a piss in front of everybody at Stereo. Put the garbage under the mixer, and did it right there while people were dancing and screaming. people thought I was playing with the mixer but I was playing with my zizi.

quote:

Originally posted by Enjoy a classic from the aria days: me: are you on TA? girl: uhhhh... im on speed

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.


One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:



Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Edna



The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.





It read:


Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.
Sincerely, Edna

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quote:

Originally posted by Ravemontreal Once I took a piss in front of everybody at Stereo. Put the garbage under the mixer, and did it right there while people were dancing and screaming. people thought I was playing with the mixer but I was playing with my zizi.

quote:

Originally posted by Enjoy a classic from the aria days: me: are you on TA? girl: uhhhh... im on speed

surely staged but still funny...

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Now Circusless

Last edited by Fran666 on Jan-03-2010 at 20:33

omg, lisez cet album photo et pleurez... surement la joke du mois:

http://karine009.skyrock.com/profil/photos/43028332

ayoye.

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A man goes to the bar, gets drunk and starts crying.

The bartender approaches him and asks: "why are you crying?"

The drunk man says "Well, tonight I got so drunk that I puked all over my shirt. My wife is gonna KILL me if she finds out that I got so drunk that I puked all over my shirt."

The bartender says: "I've got an idea. Put a 10 dollar bill in your shirt pocket and when she asks you about it, tell her someone at the bar got so drunk that he puked all over your shirt and gave you 10 dollars to get it cleaned."

The drunk man thanks the bartender and goes home.

The next day his wife says to the man "I found money in your shirt pocket"

The man says "A guy got so drunk at the bar last night that he puked all over my shirt and gave me 10 dollars to get cleaned."

His wife says "but this is a 20 dollar bill."

To which the man replies "I forgot to mention, he also shit in my pants"

Cleveland tourism promotional video

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Now Circusless