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ostrich
13percent.ca
Registered: Jan 2008
Location: MTL
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A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway
next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face
was plastered with red lipstick, And a half-empty bottle
of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened
his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,
'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living,
being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt
for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and
lack of a bath.'
The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, '
Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man
And apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so
strong. How long have you had arthritis?'
The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father.
I was just reading here that the Pope does.'
___________________
Ostrich
13 PERCENT
04.03 | Daome w/ Shed & Deadbeat
04.18 | Stereo w/ Matthew Dekay
05.01 | Salon Daomé
05.17 | Stereo w / Sven Vath
05.18 | Piknic Electronik
05.18 | Le Bleury
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Jan-07-2009 17:31
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Spin Laden
Nick Vachon approved
Registered: Jan 2006
Location: 1211 Ambien City Blvd, Canada, K1A 0A9
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^^^heheh
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into
bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your
sleep, Ralph..'
Ralph was stunned.
'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for.
Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and
that is as a chicken.'
Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ralph the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster.
'Don 't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '
'Never,' said Ralph.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He
soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head,
and heard his wife yell.....
Ralph! Wake up! You drunken ass!
You're shitting the bed!
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Jan-15-2009 18:55
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Inrush
Supreme tranceaddict
Registered: Nov 2008
Location: Kitchener
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Jan-15-2009 21:24
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Spin Laden
Nick Vachon approved
Registered: Jan 2006
Location: 1211 Ambien City Blvd, Canada, K1A 0A9
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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called
Richard, the 10 year old next door whose bedroom looks
like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.
I explained to Richard my trouble, Richard clicked a
couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So,
what was wrong?
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless
inquired, "An ID Ten T error? What's that? In
case I need to fix it again."
Richard grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an
ID ten T error before?"
No, I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think
you'll figure it out."
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like the little shit.
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Jan-21-2009 14:20
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Spin Laden
Nick Vachon approved
Registered: Jan 2006
Location: 1211 Ambien City Blvd, Canada, K1A 0A9
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Judge gives 7 year old right to decide custody.
Vancouver, BC, January 30, 2009
A seven year old boy was at the center of a county courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Toronto Maple Leafs, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
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Feb-10-2009 20:50
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zeKsg
ZEK
Registered: Sep 2007
Location: Ottawa, Canada
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Feb-10-2009 23:53
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Hurock
tranceaddict in training
Registered: Jan 2007
Location: St-Jean-sur-Richelieu, Canada
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quote: | Originally posted by Spin Laden
Judge gives 7 year old right to decide custody.
Vancouver, BC, January 30, 2009
A seven year old boy was at the center of a county courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Toronto Maple Leafs, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
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___________________
Electro, House and Trance FTW!
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Feb-11-2009 00:55
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