Ok we've pretty much jumped to the conclusion that sebby is patrick, despite sebby's every attempt to convince us otherwise. But I have a new theory .... what if sebby was telling us the truth, that he is NOT patrick as he so claims. What if they are really two different people, but the ultimate lie was that there is NO Ashley!!! Bear with me:
I hope you don’t think that I’m some kind of weird, four eyed fool for writing this letter. Actually it may be a little ironic for me to write one….since we did meet for the first time through note writing…lol Anyway your probably wondering why I’m even writing this letter. Well, first off…I’m bored and I should be studying for finals. Second I wanted to tell you something. I think you’re a cool and very cute guy. Actually I think you’re the shit (as these young kids like to say these days). As the great Patrick Aksan used to say and I quote: “If I were a fly, Id be all over you cuz you’re the shit.” Maybe it’s your sexy cock ring, or you’re coming into class late asking if there was a quiz. Or maybe it’s just the fact that I’m soooooooooo lonely and I need a friend (ha ha that was a joke….no really it was And maybe I’m just ignorant or can’t take a hint but you never did answer my emails that I sent waaaaaaaaaaay back when. You know…..the ones that asked for your hand in marriage…or the one asking if you wanted to go to Hawaii on my yacht…...or maybe you didn’t get those. Hmmm well, if you didn’t at least I know that you got this letter.
Patrick, I have a question for you. I was wondering if you’d like to have a nice romantic dinner at McDonald’s with me this weekend? (I’m messing with you. It should be on Friday cuz they have better deals during the weekdays) But in all seriousness. Would you like to go out with me? Maybe go dancing or take a nice walk on the beach. Id like to get to know you. See what makes this East coast hunk tick. Grant it… I’m not the sexiest guy, or the strongest, or even the hungest….. Fuck it…I’m as plain as a bagel that you sell at your store. But I can promise you one thing. You’ll have a fun night out. Man I sound like a damn advertisement…..see I even have a little marketing skills to offer you. So what do ya say Patrick? Will you do the honor of going out on a date with me? It took me 11 weeks to nurse the balls to be able to ask you….. and if you say no. It’s ok. Ill have another 12 weeks in Accounting 300 to write you a better letter/proposal.
I hope you enjoyed reading this letter as much as I enjoyed writing it. I also hope that you don’t have a boyfriend cuz I’m sure he’d REALLY enjoy reading this letter. And the fact that I just spent study time making an (_,_) out of myself really doesn’t help. I hope to hear from you soon babe (hopefully sooner than later). My cell phone number is 1 323 XXX XXXX and my email is email@example.com Hopefully if all goes well we will be talking soon. If not than I wish you a great 10 days off from school and Ill be awaiting the very awkward moment between us in Accounting 300. (I’m just kidding) Have a great break!!!
So what do you guys think of my theory?