RANDOM FACTS ABOUT VIN DIESEL
1. Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
2. If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: “I End Lives.”
3. The popular videogame “Doom” is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.
4. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
5. There is no “I” in team. There are two “I”s in Vin Diesel. **** you, team.
6. As a child Vin Diesel would recharge batteries simply by gripping them in his hands.
7. When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
8. Vin Diesel can count backwards from infinity.
9. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
10. When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, “Holy crap! That’s Vin Diesel!” Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
11. Vin Diesel has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.
12. Crop circles are Vin’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
13. Vin Diesel’s mood has an affect on the Earth’s gravitational pull.
14. Vin Diesel performed his own circumcision with a machete and a blow torch.
15. Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
17. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
18. Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s shit.
19. At Vin Diesel’s Bachelor party, he ate the entire cake before the guests could tell him there was a stripper inside.
20. Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his “Filet of Child” sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
21. Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
23. You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
24. If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy’s. When asked why he doesn’t do this Vin replied “Because Grammy’s are for queers.” Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
25. Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
26. On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
27. When Vin Diesel does a pushup he isn’t lifting himself - he’s pushing the earth down.
28. Vin Diesel doesn’t believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while ****ing another.
29. The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
30. Upon seeing Vin Diesel’s groin one is transported to 16th century Russia.
31. When Vin Diesel smokes cigarettes, his lungs get stronger.
32. When Vin Diesel drives through Colorado, the mountains move out of his way.
33. If you whisper Vin Diesel’s name to a newborn penguin, it will attempt to suckle your teat.
34. Vin Diesel’s hair is too afraid of him to grow.
35. When he was an infant, Vin Diesel circumcised himself with his own teeth.
36. Vin Diesel’s Swiss Army Knife has the entire Swiss Army contained within it.
37. Ultraviolet light does not reflect off of Vin Diesel, rather it is absorbed and converted into awesome energy.
38. Vin Diesel’s genitals have their own representative in Congress.
39. Before being born, Vin Diesel survived 13 abortion attempts by the doctor, who was later killed by Vin Diesel’s umbilical chord.
40. If you rearrange Vin Diesel’s name, it spells out: I END LIVES
41. The Compass does not point toward the magnetic north pole. It points toward the general direction of Vin Diesel.
42. Vin Diesel can tell time by staring directly into the sun.
43. Whenever Vin Diesel puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind.
44. Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
45. Vin Diesel's home security system is Vin Diesel