Insomnia induced rant
Heres the story up until now. Some of you might remember my insomnia rants from before, i might have also said that the situation gets worse when im under a lot of pressure. So heres the story until now. After a few care freee months ive been working two jobs and studying full time again since late october (i rarely even check PDD anymore, which is sad since i really enjoy reading it). At the beginning i was handling it quite well but the closer it gets to exam period at the university i attend the more pressure im under and the shorter my nights get. Add to that that this month my schedule as a security guard (job no.2 the one that keeps changing all the time) has been quite erratic, sometimes not knowing if im supposed to be workining as short as an hour before my shift starts and that the other firm that im working at (job no.1 programmer/graphic designer) took up a couple of big projects that need to be finished really soon but half of the staff had gotten sick so they have been absent for the last couple of weeks so the task of making up for their absence falls onto the rest of us. And of course february is the month that is dedicated only to exams at school so i need time to get ready for those as well.
Back to the present, it is now 7.15am and its been roughly 76 hours since ive slept (mind you that wasnt a nice long rest but more a 2 hour long nap). In 2 hours and 45 minutes i start my 12 hour shift as a security gueard so even if i could sleep i cant afford to. I suppose i could sleep from 11 (i finish my shift at 10pm and it takes me a while to get home) to 5 (i have an exam at 8 and the uni is quite far away) if it werent for that tinly problem that i have to hand in a large bit of code before i go to school so that one of the projects we are working on can be completed on time so i have a whole night of debugging ahead of me. A whole night of debugging that could be done in less than an hour (i write nice code) if i was properly rested but dead tired as i am now it will take me a while to get the rest of the bugs out.
A few days ago i manage to find some free time to visit a doctor to ask him if he could do something for me (the poor soul thought i will drop dead infront of him becouse i supposedly looked so terrible). He perscrived me some sleeping pills which i gladly took yesterday at 6pm (no securtity gueard shift yesterday so i looked forward to some sleep). The damn pills didnt work. I lay in my bed in the dark for 3 hours staring at the ceiling before i said fuck it gotten up and did some studying for tommorows exam. But of course now im scared that the pills will start working in the middle of my shift so ive been drinking some heart attack inducing coffe (seriously guys at the chem lab at the uni would wear protective clothing to handle my pot of coffe it is that lethal. It will double your blood pressure and make a hole in your stomac if you dont watch it, though it tastes quite nice). Hopefully my insomnia with the help of my toxic coffe will hold out for another 36 hours because im supposed to have 3 days off then (i will sleep for tho days straight if i make it). They have promissed me time off from my security guy post, i dont need to0 hand any code or graphics for at least two weeks after tomorrow and for another week i have no exams planned. It will be so nice if it all works out.
Of course that is not all. I think i forgot to mentiuon before that my parents left for a two week vacation to Egypt a week ago so not only do i have to take care of my shit i need to take care of tjhe house as well. Sure thare are other people at the house but my sister is a total bitch, the only thing she does all day is eat fatty food and lie on the sofa watching soap operas (and she does it upstairs to where i live with my parents instead of downstairs where my parents completely redid the apartment for her, not thats shes thankful or anything, stupid ****. When my parents left she promissed that she will take care of the pets (which are hers, neither I or my parents wanted pets but she brought them home anyway and now expects everyone else to take care of them becouse she cant be bothered). She prommised she would change the water in the turtles aquarium (i would do it but my dislike for water animals and everything connected to them is enourmous) but she apparently forgot. Instead she and her boyfriend went to the shop to get some groceries at 2pm (she said whe would do it because she emptied the upstairs friedge of everything edible) and she said she would be back in half an hour max. She came back at 10pm. Stupid ****. If it werent for me her dog would crap and piss all over her place because she of course forgot to let him out. That mut is so lucky that i insist on going for a jog at least for an hour every day to clear up my mind so i took him with me. Speaking of crapping theres my grandmother who is immobile and has to be taken care off by the nurse who is fucking late (she should haev been here at 7, if her excuse when she finaly comes isnt that she had a terrible accident and died but came back to life just so she can do her fucking job i will throw something at her. Probably a tissue or sometjhing since she still has to take care of my grandmother so i cant really piss her off too much. And my grandfather, while in really good condition for a 93 year old (god bless him the man is in an outstanding shape for his age, i hope that if i manage to reach taht age i will be in as good of a shape as he is)is really too old to help with anything (he actually could help with alot but i really prefer for him jto rest. No need to push it hes a great man and i would prefer he stick around as long as he can, instead of strainning himself with some stupid shit i can do and egtting hurt or worse in the process).
Speaking of being in shape, im in a terrible one. Ive been loosing and gaining 5kg in the timespan of a week which is not healthy at all. i tend to gain weight while studying and loose it while worrying about other stuff, mostly i dont have time to prepare a proper meal, my breakfast or dinners usualy consist of a single jogurt and my luch is usualy instant mushroom soup (my sister has time to prepare all sorts of meals for herself since she skips school all the time and doesnt even work but she still eats half a kilo of fries, a large stake and about 3 eggs for lunch, i havent eaten that much in the last week). Add to that the inability of the doctors to cure my neck and back problem (slipped on ice, hit my head wery hard, had hallucinations, a bad concussion and a slipped disc in my neck), been on painkillers since then, cause sometimes the pain gets unbearable. It sure is nice that studying and codid requires alot of sitting which usualy only worsens the pain.
I suppose that all this is making my job as a security guard a bit easier. Because of all the stuff thats happening i usualy look like im ready to shoot someone in the face so people tend not to cause trouble when im around. Another thing that helps me pass the time during security guy shifts is the "Keith and the Girl" podcast which i try to listen if i can (i cant not use my mp3 player everywhwere im posted). It puts a sinister smile on my face and people supposedly find that equaly unnerving as the imgoingtoshootyouintheface look so they dont tend to cause any trouble around me.
I suppose thats about it. Just needed to vent a little. Cant really talk to my friends about it since i rarely have tim to see them anymore because like me, many of them try to juggle between a job, school and some sort of a social life. I dont have time for tha later since im keeping two jobs which sort of sucks. Since december ive only had time or energy to goo out twice (only managed to get laid one of those times which is another thing that is pissing me off) which is quite depressing. I really should have thought of getting a girlfriend of some sorts before i gave away my social life. But then again i have no free time anyway so its more than likely that any girl i got would leave me after a week of me ignoring her, and that i would be to busy to even notice that shes not around anymore. Ill need to work on fixing that problem. Especially now that i hear that perhaps the only girl i ever cared about dumped that bastard abusing boyfriend of hers and has been asking around about me a little. We were never really officialy together, but damn it if of all the girls i ever had i didnt care for her the most or at all actually (also i still think she is the hottest looking girl i have ever seen, though many dont seem to share this oppinion but i dont really care). I really need to do something, finaly the potential girl of my dreams is out there being single and i dont have the time to seek her out (lost her phone number after my phone broke, and the copies of the adress book i had stored on my laptop, desktop DVD and USB drive got erased (let my sister use my laptop for school -> she got a virus on it and it messed up my hard drive beyond repair) burned (i overclocked my desktop computer a bit too much and the machine fried along with all the date), badly written (damn you CRC errors on DVD discs!) and overwritten (my sister used my usb drive without permission, she erased all my date off it so she could put 50 megs of her data on it ---> it was a 2Gb USB drive with more than half of free space remaining and she still erased all of my files off it!)
Serieously if i make it to thirty alive and partialy sane (screw 30, make that 25) ill consider myself qute lucky.
9.05 am, about 78 hours uptime and still going strong, off to take a quick shower than opff to work. And in 3 days when i hopefully will manage to get some sleep i will look back onto this post and realize what utter rubbish i wrote but for now let it be. have to run.