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tranceaddict Forums > Local Scene Info / Discussion / EDM Event Listings > Canada > Canada - Montreal > Joke of the day thread?
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Spin Laden
Nick Vachon approved



Registered: Jan 2006
Location: 1211 Ambien City Blvd, Canada, K1A 0A9

Q: The Stanley Cup was recently on tour in my town, and I kissed it. Do I have to worry about being infected by listeria?

A: You are safe. The Stanley Cup has not been in contact with a Maple
Leaf product in over 40 years.

Last edited by Spin Laden on Sep-30-2008 at 21:29

Old Post Sep-30-2008 15:14  Canada
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Spin Laden
Nick Vachon approved



Registered: Jan 2006
Location: 1211 Ambien City Blvd, Canada, K1A 0A9

quote:
Originally posted by Dj Nacht
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macarroni and chesse with broccoli.

Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"


Old Post Sep-30-2008 15:17  Canada
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DK Man
Supreme tranceaddict



Registered: Sep 2005
Location: Montreal, Canada

A man at the BAR!

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart! 'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: 'Here. Rub it.' So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. 'I will grant you one wish. Just ! one wish - each person is only allowed one!'
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want a million bucks!' A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.'
'Tell me about it!!'says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?

Dom K.

Old Post Oct-02-2008 14:05  Canada
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malek
drinks your milkshake!



Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Montréal

hahahahahha


___________________
[/IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/ngycqo.png[/IMG]

Old Post Oct-02-2008 14:44 
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Nekya
Senior tranceaddict



Registered: Feb 2008
Location: quebec, Canada

Rofl


___________________
Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better...

Old Post Oct-02-2008 18:05  Canada
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Spin Laden
Nick Vachon approved



Registered: Jan 2006
Location: 1211 Ambien City Blvd, Canada, K1A 0A9
pick up lines..

1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree an I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Man - 'Fat Penguin!'
Woman - 'WHAT?'
Man - 'I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.'

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room...

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.


AND... the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

Old Post Oct-02-2008 19:25  Canada
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Paulr
Supreme tranceaddict



Registered: Jan 2007
Location: Montreal, Quebec

LMAO DK !!!!!


___________________
Paul

"Pauly D. attempts to scratch for the first (of many) times. Someplace, somewhere, DJ Shadow shudders and doesn’t know why."

Old Post Oct-02-2008 19:39  France
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malek
drinks your milkshake!



Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Montréal

hahahaha keep them coming


___________________
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Old Post Oct-02-2008 19:39 
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ostrich
13percent.ca



Registered: Jan 2008
Location: MTL

I was standing in a queue at a supermarket checkout with
my young son and in front of us is a huge fat woman.

Suddenly she gets a text message and her mobile phone starts bleeping.

"Look out" shouts my son, "she's reversing"


___________________
Ostrich
13 PERCENT


04.03 | Daome w/ Shed & Deadbeat
04.18 | Stereo w/ Matthew Dekay
05.01 | Salon Daomé
05.17 | Stereo w / Sven Vath
05.18 | Piknic Electronik
05.18 | Le Bleury

Old Post Oct-06-2008 07:50  Canada
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ostrich
13percent.ca



Registered: Jan 2008
Location: MTL

There's a old guy in his 80's sitting in a bar
when a little old lady of around the same age
sits next to him & asks,
"you don't mind if I sit here"?
"Of course not" he says.
He offers her a drink & she has a glass of white wine.
"You look a little sad" she says.
"Well" he says "I lost my wife a few years ago".
"Oh, sorry to hear that but you should be over that by
now if it was a few years ago"?
"I am" he says "but I haven't had a woman hold my willie in ages".
"Oh I'll do that for you" she says.

"Really"? he says "lets finish up & go back to mine, I
only live around the corner"?
"Great" she says so they finish up & go to his
where she holds his penis.

"That was great" he said with a huge smile.
"Do you want to do the same tomorrow"? she says.
"I'd love to" says the old man "I'll meet you in
the pub at the same time tomorrow afternoon.
The next afternoon they meet up & go through the
whole thing again & again they both enjoy themselves with
the little old lady holding the little old mans willie.
"Same again tomorrow" she asks?
"Sure" says the guy.

The next day the old lady goes to the pub & he's not there. She waits
for half hour & then decides to go knock on his door, no answer so she
goes back to the pub & he's still not there. Now the old lady is
getting worried that he may have fallen or something & goes back to
his house & knocks again, still with no answer, so she decides to
check if he's in 1 of the other local pubs.

She goes into 1 pub & & sees the old man hugging another little old
lady. She goes up to him & says "hey, what happened to you? I was
really getting worried"
"Oh, I was just here with this other lady" he says.
The old lady replies "well what's she got that I haven't got"
& he replies "Parkinsons".


___________________
Ostrich
13 PERCENT


04.03 | Daome w/ Shed & Deadbeat
04.18 | Stereo w/ Matthew Dekay
05.01 | Salon Daomé
05.17 | Stereo w / Sven Vath
05.18 | Piknic Electronik
05.18 | Le Bleury

Old Post Oct-06-2008 07:56  Canada
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JeremyZF
Senior tranceaddict



Registered: Jul 2008
Location: Montréal, Québec, Canada

quote:
Originally posted by DK Man
A man at the BAR!

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart! 'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: 'Here. Rub it.' So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. 'I will grant you one wish. Just ! one wish - each person is only allowed one!'
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want a million bucks!' A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.'
'Tell me about it!!'says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?

Dom K.

ROFLMAO you made my day even though it's the morning!!

Old Post Oct-06-2008 11:54  Canada
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Spin Laden
Nick Vachon approved



Registered: Jan 2006
Location: 1211 Ambien City Blvd, Canada, K1A 0A9

quote:
Originally posted by Cosmic Fur
How's it any more of spam than Sarah's video? It's the same damn thing, different person. It's kind of funny (see: hypocritical) to see you guys jump all over this guy while feverishly defending Sarah's video. Good work on keeping this fair for everyone.


quote:
Originally posted by luvofhouse
Thank you for defending me cosmic fur hugs


quote:
Originally posted by Cosmic Fur
no homo

Old Post Oct-06-2008 14:41  Canada
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