You seem very concerned with your outward appearance everything from your name, to makeup, clothes, hormones, etc.
How do you think how people would view me if I had a Steven Seagal fetish. Had drawings of him on my wall, change my legal name to his, grew a pony tail, started to talk like him, etc.? Foolish right? But how is what you are doing that dissimilar?
By changing your name are you really any different inside? Think about it these are all superficial changes. Look at Michael Jackson maybe he was really a white woman trapped in a black man's body. It wasn't enough that he knew who he was he had to have all that surgery and lighten his skin.