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FORTUNE COOKIES
Aren't they supposed to be positive?
I just got one that read "Innocence and time, once lost can never be regained."
Wow, fuckin' depressing.
To add insult to injury - I absentmindedly placed it on my lip while thinking about how fucked it was and it affixed itself there, giving me a paper-cut on my inner lip when i pulled it off.

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