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what would YOU do...need some serious advice
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| evil_cookie |
I’m in need of some serious advice, and I can’t seem to make up my mind…and the people I’ve talked to all say different things. So any sensible response/advice here would be appreciated…
Yesterday a brother of a friend of mine who I have not talked to in five years shows up at my door saying his brother has been missing for over a week (whom I also have no talked to for at least a year). It turns out he’s gotten himself kicked out of university and he’s caught up in drugs and . Anyway, half way through our talk their mom comes in…and immediately starts crying asking me to tell her where her son is, or if I know anyone that might. Turns out he ran away because of a court medical order – due to the excess drugs he’s been taking, he has developed a growing case of schizophrenia. So obviously I’m sad to hear this, but I have no clue where this guy is, or who his friends are for that fact. Truth be told, his drug use was the reason I disconnected myself from him. So I tell them that I would call if I heard anything.
So as my luck would have it…this afternoon he comes on msn, messages me saying that he is around my house and he’d like to see me. So I immediately call his brother and say look he’s at this place, what do you want me to do? He says: “meet up with him, we’re going to call the cops” at which point I say, no that, that is retarded, that would do more bad than good, I figure he just needs his family. Anyway, so I tell him to meet me at my restaurant since I was heading over there, and his mom calls me saying “please keep him there I’m on my way with my husband and my son, I promise I wont call the police”. So I take her word, and we chill at my restaurant for an hour or so waiting for his family (of course he does not suspect a thing)…and I’m getting nervous, cause I’m like where the are they…
Then guess what, I see two ing cop cars pull up outside (his back was turned so he couldn’t see) and his mother with them. Then his mother runs to the other side of the street with the husband and brother and hides…
Cops come in, ask him for his name, tell him that he’s under arrest and that they have a warrant for his arrest, he resists a little, they throw him to the ground, knee him a couple of times, push him against the wall till they got the cuffs on him…and I’m just standing there ing speechless, I mean what do I say? And my customers are all standing still as well…anyway not having said a word to him the whole time since the cops come, I’m just starring at him, and as they’re taking him he just says “thanks for the food”. And the cops take him.
After they leave…the family comes in, starts thanking me and , I’m like wtf guys, you said no cops, then they go on to explain that they had no option blah blah. Then I’m like okay great, but now he’s going to think I called the ing cops, cause nobody else knew he was at my restaurant beside me. So the mom cries a little bit, so does the dad, and they’re like, “we can’t let him know that we had anything to do with this, he will hate us forever”…”so we have to play it out as pure happenstance – you two were sitting here, there was a warrant for him, and the cops just came”. I’m like yeah great, that makes a lot of sense, cops randomly ing come to north York to my place looking for him…yeah…
So the family’s suggestion is that we act as if we never talked, he was just there, he got arrested for a warrant then I called an informed them…
But I don’t really like this ing plan, I want to tell him, look man, your parents called the cops on you, that’s it. Your mom came crying, I felt bad for her, so I wanted her to see you, then she showed up with cops, I had no idea about all the ed up that was going on in any of your lives.
THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO. But the family is like begging me not to.
If he’s mentally unstable, and he is, and the family denies calling the cops, he’s going to rightfully assume I was out to get him.
What a ing day…
What do you guys think? =/ |
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| Irishaddict |
Do what the family is asking you to do. It sucks for you YES, but overall if he's going to get help he needs to trust his family. They are involving the police obviously because they have exhausted all of their resources. You have every right to give the family a piece of your mind, but honestly in the interests of seeing that dude ever get better, you have to turn the other cheek with respect to telling him who called the cops.
Sorry to hear though, wow, ty day indeed. |
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| Gypsy |
| Not an easy situation by any stretch. I think you should tell him your side of things. Basically the parents are cool with blaming you and letting him hate you, and in doing so bitch out of their own responsibility as parents as they try to be more of a friend to their kid than the authority figures they should be. That's lazy parenting. Kids hate their parents sometimes, that's inevitable, but they expect a level of trust from their friends. The parents should have been prepared to deal with that resistance from their child, and should have stuck to their guns about doing what they did because they love him and care for his saftey and recovery. Shame on them for using you as a pawn. |
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| oldschool420 |
| I'd definitely tell him that his family were the ones who called the cops. They straight up lied to you, so why should you even go with their "plan". You were nice enough to even inform them that you would meet him. Don't let the family involve you in this mess. Although he is your friend, you are not responsible for their family issues and should not be held accountable for anything that happens between them. SO yeah, I'd definitely tell him what the real situation was. |
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| Irishaddict |
| I think what you're forgetting to take into account is the mental disorder though. If it was a clear-cut case of a kid being an , then yes, I agree with you. There's factors there beyond parenting, that need professional help. If he's not going to listen to the parents to get them, then I can see why the police are involved. In the interests of him getting better and receiving help, he needs to come back to a stable environment - a home where he doesn't feel like he was 'betrayed' which is how he's probably interpreting this right now. I hardly think this was a case of lazy parenting. |
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| Gypsy |
| quote: | Originally posted by Irishaddict
Do what the family is asking you to do. It sucks for you YES, but overall if he's going to get help he needs to trust his family. They are involving the police obviously because they have exhausted all of their resources. You have every right to give the family a piece of your mind, but honestly in the interests of seeing that dude ever get better, you have to turn the other cheek with respect to telling him who called the cops.
Sorry to hear though, wow, ty day indeed. |
Trust is based on honesty. In order to trust his family, they need to be honest with him. If they're lying to him already, then it doesn't bode well for the future. |
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| WillyWonka |
| Eventually show him this thread and your name is cleared. ;) |
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| Irishaddict |
| quote: | Originally posted by Gypsy
Trust is based on honesty. In order to trust his family, they need to be honest with him. If they're lying to him already, then it doesn't bode well for the future. |
Like I said, in a perfect world, I agree with you. Mental illness is a brand new ballgame though. Even if they were perfectly honest with him it would serve no purpose as the issues are internalized in him. He needs the help first, worry about picking up the pieces when at least everyone is back on the same (mental) playing field. |
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| Yohan |
Michael, you don't deserve to get the screw.
You will never get trust based upon lies.
Frankly, if I get lied upon, no matter what the cause, I'd be pretty pissed, and you look like you're the bad guy.
The dude's family USED you for their own gains and in process, screwed you. If I was in your position, I owe these people nothing. Let them sort out their own problems.
You don't deserve to come out of this as a bad guy, and all you did was trying to help. |
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| Irishaddict |
| Lol, everyone is so bloody jaded. All I'm asking is that you look beyond your immediate self in this situation. |
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| 1dawoman |
| this is obviously a tough and sensitive situation for everyone involved....especially if this guy is going through mental health issues and isn't receiving the proper medical attention he needs.....If I were you I would also want to tell him that I had nothing to do with the cops finding him at the restaurant....HOWEVER....like you said yourself....at this point, he will benefit most from his familie's support and the worst thing for him right now is to be rejecting their help, which is what will probably happen if he finds out they were responsible for the arrest. If I were you I would back off (as hard as that may be given your good intentions in this whole thing) and let the family sort everything out. I think that in the end, he will be better off because of it and, maybe in the future when things have settled down, the parents will decide to tell him the truth...... |
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