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Breaking News:U.S Military Confirms Unidentified Aircraft Shot Down Was Santa Claus
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| bigjimslade002 |
ALASKA - Although no body has been recovered,the United States military has confirmed that the unidentified aircraft that was shot down several hours ago after violating a no-fly zone above Alaska was in fact Santa Claus.And now the U.S. military is stating that this was not the first time Santa Claus violated public airspace.
Military investigators are basing their conclusion of the crash on what they believe is sleigh debri at the crash scene, as well as literally hundreds of thousands of wrapped presents floating in the water off the coast of the Alaskan peninsula.
"No airship exists currently in flight that is big enough to carry that many presents" said Lt. Dan Eisenberg of BAE Military Aircraft Intelligence."They had to come from that bag."
The United States just released a statement moments ago stating that Santa had been warned several times since the 9/11 attacks of violating local airspaces for his famous once a year trip.
"It was something we tried to work on with him in the past several years” stated Lt. Eisenberg. “But he had disregarded several different solutions that we tried to work out with him.”
After several airspace trespass violations Santa was eventually fined and later was warned in writing buy the U.S military that further violations could endanger his life and that of his reindeer.
Several groups are now wondering how a trained American born United States military pilot did not recognize the infamous red sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer as not being a threat to U.S. airspace.
Although little information is being provided by the U.S. military at this time,several sources close to the investigation are citing bad weather as a possible reason as to why the fighter pilots did not not recognize the iconic figure.
On the downing itself Lt. Eisenberg stated “several attempts were made to make contact with the at then unknown pilot but radio contact by the fighter pilots went unacknowledged by Mr. Claus.”
"Several radio communication warnings were sent out to get the pilot to turn the aircraft out of public airspace” stated Lt. Eisenberg. Warning shots are fired per policy when time and safety permits it."
The decision to take down the aircraft was made after several brown unidentified objects began striking the aircrafts in pursuit.
"Worried that our men up there were under attack from an unknown weapon we felt we were given no choice but to act defensively and several missiles were deployed".
Although several fighter jets were involved in the skirmish, first class private Dan Johanson was credited with the kill shot, according to sources close to the investigation.
Private Johansan, a six year veteran with the BAE military aircraft division, is now coming under fierce criticism and several groups have released information that Johanson was not a fan of Santa Claus, and was known on Mr. Claus’s watch list as “being naughty”.
Internal reports just released showed Johanson had been listed on Santa’s naughty list several time as a child although the report failed to show how many times.
Some groups are stating Private Johanson was on the list for ”just about his entire childhood”.
The Military is defending the pilots decision to down the aircraft.
"I believe the take down was justified "said Sgt. Robert Lidsey. ”We have no indication at this time that any pilot involved was acting in malice or had a personal vendetta against Mr. Claus, and that any pilot involved wasn’t acting in the good faith of protecting the public airspace of the United States Of America which they are trained to do.”
Private Johanson could not be reached for comment but sources say he is in protective custody tonight, guarded by the Secret Service, in fear of a retaliation by several militant Santa groups who consider Santa Claus a possible messiah. Angry parents are also considered a possible threat.
The military is stating that no pilot involved will be making a comment on the situation until a thorough investigation by the military is concluded, which at this stage is in its infancy. But many Santa fans are already weighing in on the matter, many threatening to avenge the “jolly savior of earth.”
“It’s obvious this pilot had something against Santa” stated one underground militant pro-Santa website. ”He saw his opportunity to take revenge and he took it, what are we going to tell our children?” “He can run but he can’t hide, death comes for you dog”.
The Secret Service is stating they are looking into all threats of revenge and are taking each seriously.
Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. |
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| leebates1986 |
1. boring
2. at time of post, he was in s.w mexico |
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| boris_the_bear |
| it was his decoy - Ded Moroz and that slut Snegurochka :stongue: |
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| Lebezniatnikov |
| Disappointing, not a single Sarah Palin *pew pew* reference. |
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| XaNaX |
| lame, Private 1st Class is not a rank that would be allowed to pilot an aircraft |
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| misterpink |
| It's actually a cover story. Santa was taken out by the Israeli army. |
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| Allied Nations |
| funny piece of writing |
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| akalouda |
| the jews repeated history...first jesus, then santa...what have christmas figures done to jews!...why! |
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| Akridrot |
| quote: | Originally posted by DJ Shibby
2/10 |
No need to be that generous, Christmas is over. |
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| DJ Shibby |
| quote: | Originally posted by Akridrot
No need to be that generous, Christmas is over. |
:haha: |
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