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-- Joke of the day thread?
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Q. What's the difference between a Methodist and a Baptist?
A. The Methodist will say hi to you in the liquor store.
guy approaches chick and asks her: "Hey girl ..you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job?"
to which the girl answers (with a puzzled look): "Uh.....not really."
so then the dude replies: "Great. Wanna do lunch?"
winrar is this.
http://www.bebooksonline.co.uk/girl...oys/default.htm
man, I don't know why Muhammad toons are taken so seriously, this Jesus stuff is frickin hilarious. Muslims are way too highly strung 
too soon? 
notice the lack of tities on that female... she must be 9
i am happy you were not offended...i just always found that funny but was scared to post it.
"halal...not suitable for girls" gets me every time.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by elFreak i am happy you were not offended... |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by elFreak i am happy you were not offended...i just always found that funny but was scared to post it. "halal...not suitable for girls" gets me every time. |
sweat wars.
A man staying at the Ritz Hotel in London removes a card from
a telephone box offering sexual services. Back at the hotel he
rings the number. A lady with a silky soft voice answers & asks
if she can be of any assistance? The man says "I'd like a blow
job, a shag doggie style, some mild bondage finishing off with
a soapy tit wank, is that OK"?
It sounds interesting sir" replies the woman "but you might
like to dial 9 for an outside line 1st"?
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,
stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and
your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully
and a little voice will tell You which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, hang up.
It doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep
or before the beep or after the beep.
But Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down,
hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
You won't be crazy forever.
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300�C.
The Russians used a pencil.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Enigmatik When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300�C. The Russians used a pencil. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Enigmatik When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300�C. The Russians used a pencil. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by DJ_SideFx Comments: This story marvelously illustrates the perils of government waste; pity it's not true. NASA didn't have $12 billion to spend on anything when it first started sending astronauts into space in the early 1960s. The agency's entire budget for the 1960 was $500 million; by 1965, it was up to $5.2 billion, still not enough to throw billions away reinventing the ballpoint pen. Be that as it may, astronauts in the Apollo program did begin using a specially-designed zero-gravity pen in 1968 called the Fisher AG-7 Space Pen. Nitrogen-pressurized, the pen worked in "freezing cold, desert heat, underwater and upside down," as well as the weightlessness of outer space. It was developed not by NASA but by an enterprising individual, Paul C. Fisher, owner of the Fisher Space Pen Company. By his own account, Fisher spent "thousands of hours and millions of dollars" of his own in research and development; not billions. The Fisher Space Pen is still used by both American and Russian astronauts on every space flight, and you can buy one yourself direct from the company for a measly 50 bucks. |
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of_
his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly
dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and_sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."
"Your wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.
"Well_when_you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees_and blows it right back up."
| quote: |
| Originally posted by fayraree holy fucking useless info |
| quote: |
| Tiesto |
hahahah
ahaha spin
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Enigmatik My friend was asked by Global why he brought his dog with him to vote, his answer: Simple, he has better instincts and a nose for crap.  I wonder if he made the news haha. |
Spiders On Drugs
Two guys with black eyes are on a plane. The first one asks the other why he got it. He replies "well its a bit of a tongue twister. I was getting my ticket to pittsburgh and when the busty woman behind the counter asked me what I needed I replied gimme two pickets to titsburg and WHAM." Then the man asks the first one how he got his. He replies "Its a bit of a tounge twister too. I was having breakfast with my wife of 20 years and instead of saying pass the butter I said YOU DIRTY WHORE YOU RUINED MY LIFE and WHAM."
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