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-- Joke of the day thread?
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had to clean thread up, dead pakis and moms notwithstanding
The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.
Little Susie was not the best student in CatholicSchool. Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'
When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.
The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.
And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted.
O'Byrne playing hockey
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Dj Nacht O'Byrne playing hockey |
Alarm Clock Problems
since this is now about Pakistan jokes..
Question - When you apply for Welfare in Pakistan what does that Government give you?
Answer - A map of Canada
so I was with Spin Laden's mother the other night and I say, "gee, your pussy's huge, gee your pussy's huge." and his mother's like "why'd u have to say that twice?" and I'm like, "I didn't."
did u try the crabcakes?
The latest Christmas toy has just hit the shops.
It's a talking Muslim Doll in full yashmack.
Nobody knows what it says yet because no one will pull the chord.
how do u call someone whos constantly got a red spot between his eyebrows, most probably from an aiming device??
paki
or is it hindu?
....
0-16
| quote: |
| Originally posted by crazydafy alright lol noob huh? a gamer or just a guy who knows 1337? |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Bertuzz none of the above Someone that knows that someone that attends a "techno" TI-ES-TO show, hoping for a kanye west song to come on, is a noob. |
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway
next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face
was plastered with red lipstick, And a half-empty bottle
of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened
his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,
'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living,
being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt
for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and
lack of a bath.'
The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, '
Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man
And apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so
strong. How long have you had arthritis?'
The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father.
I was just reading here that the Pope does.'
^^^heheh
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into
bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your
sleep, Ralph..'
Ralph was stunned.
'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for.
Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and
that is as a chicken.'
Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ralph the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster.
'Don 't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '
'Never,' said Ralph.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He
soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head,
and heard his wife yell.....
Ralph! Wake up! You drunken ass!
You're shitting the bed!
Your wife decides to go out with her friends on a girls night dancing....
You're okay with it, because you get to watch sport all night....
You hear her stumble into bed around 4am and laugh knowing she's
going to have a monster hangover....
You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which
she used last night...
You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece....
You circle the car looking for dents and find none....
But then ... Wait a
minute....
A picture is worth a thousand words....
SCROLL DOWN!!!
| quote: |
| Originally posted by ostrich |
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called
Richard, the 10 year old next door whose bedroom looks
like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.
I explained to Richard my trouble, Richard clicked a
couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So,
what was wrong?
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless
inquired, "An ID Ten T error? What's that? In
case I need to fix it again."
Richard grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an
ID ten T error before?"
No, I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think
you'll figure it out."
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like the little shit.
Judge gives 7 year old right to decide custody.
Vancouver, BC, January 30, 2009
A seven year old boy was at the center of a county courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Toronto Maple Leafs, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
*Chuckle*
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Spin Laden Judge gives 7 year old right to decide custody. Vancouver, BC, January 30, 2009 A seven year old boy was at the center of a county courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Toronto Maple Leafs, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone. |
I wish that one about Toronto was true last saturday! Spent big cash to be at that f'ing game.
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm
while his wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: 'This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache.'
Wife replies: 'I think you'll find that is a sheep.'
Man replies: 'I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep'
A man gets home from work and sees his girlfriend standing in the doorway, suitcases in hand, about to leave him.
She's furious and says to him, "I found out you're a pedophile."
The man replies, "that's a pretty fucking big word for a 12 year old!"
-If you're interested, here's a reddit thread packed full of offensive jokes.
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