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-- Joke of the day thread?
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surely staged but still funny...
omg, lisez cet album photo et pleurez... surement la joke du mois:
http://karine009.skyrock.com/profil/photos/43028332
ayoye.
A man goes to the bar, gets drunk and starts crying.
The bartender approaches him and asks: "why are you crying?"
The drunk man says "Well, tonight I got so drunk that I puked all over my shirt. My wife is gonna KILL me if she finds out that I got so drunk that I puked all over my shirt."
The bartender says: "I've got an idea. Put a 10 dollar bill in your shirt pocket and when she asks you about it, tell her someone at the bar got so drunk that he puked all over your shirt and gave you 10 dollars to get it cleaned."
The drunk man thanks the bartender and goes home.
The next day his wife says to the man "I found money in your shirt pocket"
The man says "A guy got so drunk at the bar last night that he puked all over my shirt and gave me 10 dollars to get cleaned."
His wife says "but this is a 20 dollar bill."
To which the man replies "I forgot to mention, he also shit in my pants"
Cleveland tourism promotional video 
tabarnaque... j'ai tellement ri...
someone forwarded me this lol
OTHER DUDE TO PICK UP GIRLS/WATCH PORN WITH - mw4m - 23
Date: 2010-01-12, 6:04PM EST
Reply To This Post
normal straight dude looking for other straight dude to go to a peepshow, or watch some porno with, or even pick up some girls.
this shit is way better with a friend than alone.
email me to get something set up.
http://montreal.en.craigslist.ca/cas/1549776817.html
oh geez
A blonde
calls her boyfriend and says,
"Please come
over here and help me.
I have a
killer jigsaw puzzle,
and I can't
figure out how to get started."
Her
boyfriend asks,
"What is it
supposed to be when it's
finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the
picture on the box, it's a
rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to
go over and help with the
puzzle.
She lets him in and shows
him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a
moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter
what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and
says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cold drink, and then, "he said with a deep sigh..........
(scroll down)
"Let's put all
the Corn Flakes back in the box."
ah calisse....
fell on the floor
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Fran666 A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cold drink, and then, "he said with a deep sigh.......... (scroll down) "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box." |
Canadian husband says to wife:
"My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear Gold tonight."
Wife answers:
�Why not wear Silver and come second for a change?�
Crazy people talk
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
here's one for you breeders--
Four gay guys walk into a gay bar and they find a problem. There's only one stool left.
One guy says "Lets flip for it"
But another says "No, Lets flip it over"
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..
They get back to his place,
And as he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is
Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom,
With hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
In rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
Quite some time to lovingly arrange them
And she was immediately touched
By the amount of thought he had
Put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
The bottom shelf,
Medium-sized bears covering the
Length of the middle shelf,
And huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
Obviously masculine guy
To have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his
Sensitive side.
But doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
Continue talking and,
After awhile, she finds herself
Thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
Could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
Father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
Lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
And he romantically lifts her in
His arms and carries her into his bedroom
Where they rip off each other's
Clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
Responds with more passion,
More creativity, more heat than she
Has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
They are lying there together in
The afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
Strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
Strokes her cheek,
Looks deeply into her eyes,
And says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'
New Sex Study...
It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.
The husband sits up and begs.
The wife rolls over and plays dead.
An octopus walks into a bar and says, "I can play any musical instrument you like."
Englishman gives him a guitar which the octopus plays better than Clapton. Irishman gives him a piano and the octopus plays it better than Elton John. Scotsman throws the octopus a set of bag-pipes. The octopus fumbles around for a couple of minutes, Scotsman says, "What's wrong - can ye no play it?"
Octopus replies, "Play it? I'm going to fuck her brains out once I get her pyjamas off..."
The doctor told a man that masturbating before sex, often helped men last longer
during the act.
The man decided, "What the heck, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking
about where to do it. Obviously, he couldn't do it in his office. He thought about
the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was
too unsafe� Finally he found a solution.
On the way home from work, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if examining the truck. Satisfied with his
privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and
thought of his lover.
As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at his pant leg. Not wanting to lose
his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What in the hell are you doing?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle; it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too because your truck
rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago!"
- Au cours d'un jugement pour divorce, le couple se dispute la garde du fils unique. La m�re, tr�s �mue, se d�fend :
- Votre Honneur... Cet enfant a �t� con�u en moi... Cet enfant est sorti de mon ventre... Donc je m�rite de le garder !
Le juge, tout aussi �mu et presque convaincu, laisse la parole au futur ex-mari.
Celui ci utilise son cot� pragmatique :
- Votre Honneur, je n'aurai qu'une question : Quand j'introduis une pi�ce dans un distributeur de boissons, la canette qui en sort est � moi ou � la machine ?.....
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