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I'm content for now. My life's almost always been just good enough; basic needs met, many creative outputs, a life partner, a surprisingly easy and creative job with lots of freedom and the right kind of responsibility. Even when it wasn't, I've found the missing joy from somewhat excessive alcohol use. Also, I take up smoking during not-so-joyous times, like military refreshers and funeral arrangements, stuff like that. Everything's easier when you have something nice to look forward to. I'm almost certain that smoking has saved me from a total mental breakdown on many occasions. Not the most stoic thing I guess, but it's survival.
I have also had to compare myself to less fortunate people to make myself appreciate all the good things I have. At the end of my last summer vacation (which was four weeks instead of my usual seven) I had to remind myself it could be 5-10 days, and I could be commuting an hour every day instead of the ~8 minutes it takes me to get to the office. All in all I probably live better than medieval kings. Some days I just WFH, lay on the sofa watching stuff on Netflix and give a thought or two to a problem at work, then open my laptop to actually implement the solution when I feel like it. It's hard to imagine how it could realistically get any easier than that. Now this AI shit's here to ruin it all though, but I'm confident I'll find fulfilment in less creative work too.
I'm not rich, but any lack of money has very rarely kept me from achieving the things I want to, and I doubt it would bring me too much extra happiness anyway. Playing a riff a bit more cleanly than I did yesterday, writing a guitar section that I feel proud of; that's the kind of stuff that makes me happy. But of course if I could buy a new guitar or a set of e-drums without spending an hour on a spreadsheet, I would be just that tiny bit happier.
What a fucking asshole post now that I read through it.
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