L4C triggered this sadness inside of me...

I feel so bad about being a dick on these forums, especially shitting on others people tracks or other people's ideas. Please don't take it personally, it was never really personal; it was just a way for me get a little bit of humor out of my otherwise emotionally dull life. I am completely stupid in this regard: I could have making friends, but I chose to make enemies instead.

I recently got diagnosed ADHD/Social Anxiety and this was after 15 years old being told I had garbage pale depression/anxiety. THESE TWO DIAGNOSES ARE NOT THE SAME. I've been to countless psychologists, one specializing in Social Anxiety Disorders(WITH A SHITTY PHD TO BOOT), another one specializing in adult children of narcissists, several primary care physicians, one acupunturist(to her credit the first time made me feel euphoric), CBT therapist, tried a fuckton of antidepressants, and none of it helped. I finally got a psychi that gets it and now I'm on a drug trial so I'm a bit more hopeful, but man this whole process was depressing: living your whole life not knowing what the fuck is wrong with you and to add to the pressure everyone thinks your a fucking genius who should be able to reach whatever stupid standard they have in their head.

I thought ADHD had to do with hyperactivity, bouncing off the walls and touching everything, but most people don't deal with that type. My type ADHD-PI has to do with "inattention" and by that I mean you can't just focus on one thing because you are juggling 5-10 things in your head. Walk into a room and there are 10 things to worry about.

"Shit do I need to close the door all the way? When should I approach the counter to talk to the nurse? Which word should I use to correctly express X thought? Should I read that magazine, oh wait no, cause then I'll have to wash my hands, o wait, but I'll have to wash them anyways.ETC ETC ETC." I lose my wallet and phone all the time. Put down somewhere, "WHERE THE FUCK DID IT GO?" When I was walking out of the doctors office I thought I left my glasses back at his office, so I get there and tell him I forgot my glasses. I look down at my shirt, and there hanging off my shirt was the pair of glasses that went missing! I deal with shit like this all the time, but I hide it so well that most of the time I walk around with an angry bitch face and people think I'm a pompous asshole because I'm good looking. Sometimes I wish I could just be scarred or something so people would feel sorry for me if I felt angry or sad.

I could be wrong about this, but I think that there are some people are here with the same problem. I want to reach out to people here because its a fucking bitch to deal with. Maybe this is ignorant, but I think treatable cancer would be better because then you say, "I have cancer" and then you get free pussy(jk, maybe...) But ADHD is misunderstood by laypeople(which is understandable), ADHD meds are stigmatized via retarded college kids abusing it, but worst of all is that MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS DON'T DIAGNOSE AND TREAT IT PROPERLY.

Most people don't get diagnosed correctly, those who are will most likely not seek treatment. Those who do get meds, might not even receive the correct dosing. Meds have to be fined tuned for proper effect.

I'm not sure if I'll start producing anytime soon, but maybe in the future I will pick it up as a hobby again. I wish you guys the best of luck and get whatever it is you want out of your music.






TL DR: I'm sorry for being a dick. I had a ton of psych problems, and eventually got diagnosed for ADHD/Society Anxiety. If you think you may have it I highly suggest going in for treatment. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

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Originally posted by dj_alfi change your avatar for fucks sake.

Welcome to my world. It's like pressing play on a hundred different documentaries simultaneously inside the head.

If you try to stop it and clear your mind, it's like holding your breath - you can only do it for a few seconds before panicking.

All external functions such as socialising require massive amounts of concentration, which become uncomfortable and increasingly difficult, resulting in a strange form of introversion where you need to disappear to a quiet place to release all your mental energy.

It's not fun, and hardly anyone understands just what the fuck you're going through to try and look normal.

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I thought I had adhd reaching my early 20s because I hadn't accomplished anything , and would give up or fail whenever I attempted to. I realized what it really was is addiction (the internet) and like other addictions it basically hindered my ability to follow through or complete a task. All I wanted was the reward and lost sight of the steps it took to accomplish them. Mindlessly browsing the Web day in and day out would do that to you I guess..


I have Seen some minor improvements though ever since I embarked on this quest of "having a life" I got my license , and went back to school.

I am still working on it , too me it's as hard as quitting a drug even though I may not suffer like a junkie physically or mentally, the time I have wasted can never be given back .. there's days that I take initiative and own up to my bs and other times mope with thoughts of suicide and blaming others .


(Ps I know they have rehab for all sorts of things now , but I gotta do this the old fashioned way as I'm broke and have pretty much been on my own since 17)

I will say that the depression or whatever is bothering isn't going to just go away one day , you need to seek help

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Originally posted by aquila Welcome to my world. It's like pressing play on a hundred different documentaries simultaneously inside the head. If you try to stop it and clear your mind, it's like holding your breath - you can only do it for a few seconds before panicking. All external functions such as socialising require massive amounts of concentration, which become uncomfortable and increasingly difficult, resulting in a strange form of introversion where you need to disappear to a quiet place to release all your mental energy. It's not fun, and hardly anyone understands just what the fuck you're going through to try and look normal.

You act normal and you get nothing for it. Funny in a way.

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Originally posted by dj_alfi change your avatar for fucks sake.

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Originally posted by LoveHate I thought I had adhd reaching my early 20s because I hadn't accomplished anything , and would give up or fail whenever I attempted to. I realized what it really was is addiction (the internet) and like other addictions it basically hindered my ability to follow through or complete a task. All I wanted was the reward and lost sight of the steps it took to accomplish them. Mindlessly browsing the Web day in and day out would do that to you I guess.. I have Seen some minor improvements though ever since I embarked on this quest of "having a life" I got my license , and went back to school. I am still working on it , too me it's as hard as quitting a drug even though I may not suffer like a junkie physically or mentally, the time I have wasted can never be given back .. there's days that I take initiative and own up to my bs and other times mope with thoughts of suicide and blaming others . (Ps I know they have rehab for all sorts of things now , but I gotta do this the old fashioned way as I'm broke and have pretty much been on my own since 17) I will say that the depression or whatever is bothering isn't going to just go away one day , you need to seek help

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So here is where the certainty comes from. People with ADHD nervous systems ALWAYS use Interest, Challenge, Novelty, and Urgency and can NEVER use Importance rewards and consequences in daily life to get the tasks of their lives done. The second defining feature of ADHD is like the first. People with ADHD nervous systems ALWAYS have an intense, almost catastrophic emotional response to the perception that someone has withdrawn their love, approval, or respect and non-ADHD folks NEVER do (or at least not to the disruptive extent that ADHD people do). Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and an Interest-Based Nervous System together can explain virtually all of the manifestations of ADHD.

That's how you know if you have ADHD. If you don't have it, maybe think about getting on something.

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Originally posted by dj_alfi change your avatar for fucks sake.

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Originally posted by Robotrance What's up? whats with colours?

Figured it would be easier to read.

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Originally posted by dj_alfi change your avatar for fucks sake.

Is it just me or are mental disorders relatively common among artists?

I think they're more common among message boards.

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Originally posted by Beatflux But ADHD is misunderstood by laypeople(which is understandable), ADHD meds are stigmatized via retarded college kids abusing it, but worst of all is that MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS DON'T DIAGNOSE AND TREAT IT PROPERLY.

All mental illness is misunderstood by people who haven't experienced some sort of it themselves. Many doctors have difficulty diagnosing and treating people because the brain is very complex and every MI person suffers in his or her own way. Psychiatrists tread in darkness, as it's all basically trial and error with medications.

And whoever thinks considers the cliche that mental illness somehow enhances your creativity is seriously misinformed.

Last edited by AlphaStarred on Jan-14-2015 at 07:22

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Originally posted by AlphaStarred I think they're more common among message boards.

Sure, if you mean plain old insanity

It's just that I keep reading about actors, musicians etc. who are suffering from ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder and so on. And I'm one of them too.

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Originally posted by Mr.Mystery It's just that I keep reading about actors, musicians etc. who are suffering from ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder and so on. And I'm one of them too.

Mental illness happens to many people, unfortunately, it's just that you don't hear/read about it because they're not famous.

Welcome to the club broseph.

yup yup being mentally unwell sucks balls