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Another gay advice thread...but mine's a little different
no relationship advice needed.
ok, so i think i have a problem with managing money...no that's a lie, i DO have a MAJOR problem managing money. it's an addiction and i can't stop spending. i'm sure it has to do with impulsiveness. anyway, is it gay to go to therapy about it? lol it really worries me because i plan on being extremely successful and rich, but you have to be smart about money to be those two things. Do you guys have any tips to help me stop spending? I don�t know what to do. Even though I know I have a few bills to pay, I still HAVE to have that pair of shoes or those jeans. Yesterday I sent my boyfriend balloons (flowers would have been gay) and it was like $40! I definitely don�t have $40 right now, but I still did it. I was like oh who cares. that�s bad.
I don't know if therapy will help, maybe it will. I used to have that problem too, but then for a while I was really broke during school and learned how to live on basically nothing and not buy anything I didn't absolutely need so now I have no problem anymore.
Re: Another gay advice thread...but mine's a little different
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| Originally posted by Slylee no relationship advice needed. ok, so i think i have a problem with managing money...no that's a lie, i DO have a MAJOR problem managing money. it's an addiction and i can't stop spending. i'm sure it has to do with impulsiveness. anyway, is it gay to go to therapy about it? lol it really worries me because i plan on being extremely successful and rich, but you have to be smart about money to be those two things. Do you guys have any tips to help me stop spending? I don�t know what to do. Even though I know I have a few bills to pay, I still HAVE to have that pair of shoes or those jeans. Yesterday I sent my boyfriend balloons (flowers would have been gay) and it was like $40! I definitely don�t have $40 right now, but I still did it. I was like oh who cares. that�s bad. |
Well I�ve made some progress. I used to go to the mall and buy clothes that I wasn�t necessarily crazy about. I would just like, �oh well, I need to buy something, this will do�. But now, I buy on a strict NEED TO HAVE basis rule and I don�t break it. If I try something on and it�s taking me several minutes to decide if I like it or not, I won�t buy it. I know when I HAVE to have something...I try it on, and I�m like, �oh hell yea�. that�s the only time I buy something now. So that�s a start.
I come very cheap with an easy return policy, you can buy me!
you don't need therapy...you just need a good smack in the face haha. ok no, but seriously...you're right...you won't be able to be wealthy if you don't setup a financial situation for yourself that will allow it. what is therapy really going to do? you already know your problem and you know how to solve it...just do it damn it!!
jason's tough love for the day
keep yourself busy with other things then shopping/spending money... once you find something you can get a natural high on, managing $ will be a little more easier.
The big issue here is self-control. From your second post, it seems like you've already started to make progress in this area. Possibly what you need to do is sit down and write out (or use Excel) to make a budget based on about 95% of your known income. This allows you to set limits on what you can and can't spend, and also gives you a little bit left over to use how you want. If charging is your problem, zero out your balance on your credit cards and toss them. Get a new one with a balance less than one of your paychecks (not sure if you make cash, checks, salary). Get rid of your check cards, and use your atm card only in emergencies. Go back to hadwriting checks, it will make you cut down on spending (it takes more work, many places dont accept personal checks, and it's a hassle) and the check register helps you keep track of your funds. If you spend all the money youve set aside for your pay period, resist the urge to get more by enjoying one of the possesions you already have.
Buying something cause it looks hot is nice, but I bet you have alot of clothes which look good on you already, some you may not have worn more than 4 or 5 times. Why not use the wardrobe you have already? Clothes are pretty expensive, especially designer clothes and even a couple of blouses, pairs of jeans and other things can make money disapear fast. Resist buying new clothes unless you need to. For special ocassions, pull something rarely worn from the back of the closet, or pull a Marge Simpson and do some altering.
long post...sorry.
Short version:
Self control
Manage your money via a budget
Tailor your credit to your income
Dont buy clothes when youve got a closet full.
The act of buying something gives one a rush of happiness. As you start to get older you realize material goods only provide a temporary high. There are a lot more important things in life than material goods. I know when I'm down or stressed out about something, shopping tends to distract me from my problems. I see no problem sending him ballons, selfless acts are really kool. Oh one other technique buy with cash instead of credit. The realization of how much it cost makes you think about whether you really need it.
well when I was 18, I got 2 credit cards and maxed them out and then after a while, I was going through a bad time in my life and I was kinda depressed with no job and stuff so I couldn�t pay my bills..so I just swept them under the rug, and I have bills in collections now so my credit is really bad. so that�s not a problem with me. I just have my atm card. I�m like about 3k in debt, but that�s so insignificant compared to other people�s debt, I really don�t feel like forking out the cash to start paying it off, because I�m hoping maybe one day I can just run into that kinda money and just pay it off you know? I DID get a car financed recently with my mom as a co-signer, so that will help to start repairing my credit, but I still have those other accounts that I haven�t even made payments on in like 2 years. lol I�m horrible. It�s very irresponsible of me...
hey don't those things disappear after 7 years? all of this started when i was like 19....i'm about to turn 23..it's not like I plan on buying property or anything at least until I�m like 30 and well into my career. by that time it�ll be 7 years since my bad credit history started. Should I say screw it?
They'll go away after 8 years.
Nope. It's seven years after you pay off a delinquent account. Not 7 years after the account is filed.
EDIT: Heres a possibly helpful link for you: http://scholarships.brokescholar.co...ditHistory.html
By the title of this thread, I swear I thought you had turned into a lesbian, im like "WOOHOO, this outta be a wicked thread". God im such a pervert.
in all honesty, i'm right with ya jamie. first off, being a student, i make a VERY limited income. and i love to throw it around on people. i mean, if i'm at the bars...i'm buying some people some drinks, i'm always sending packages to my ex in africa etc...i don't really have the shopping for myself problem so much, but i would go with what tribu said...
i think its good that you are starting to rebuild your credit. i actually have pretty great credit because i've always made payments on time and i've taken out car loans etc...but that's a good thing to start getting on top of now while you're still young.
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| Originally posted by igottaknow The act of buying something gives one a rush of happiness. As you start to get older you realize material goods only provide a temporary high. There are a lot more important things in life than material goods. I know when I'm down or stressed out about something, shopping tends to distract me from my problems. I see no problem sending him ballons, selfless acts are really kool. Oh one other technique buy with cash instead of credit. The realization of how much it cost makes you think about whether you really need it. |
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| Originally posted by Slylee Well it�s a combo of both. Shopping relieves my stress and brings me temporary happiness, but I also spend too much when I�m out. If I go out to dinner w/ my boyfriend and his best friend, if I have the money, I�ll insist on paying. Or I�ll be browsing online and I�ll see a shirt and buy it for my boyfriend for no reason. I love to buy people stuff and surprise them. I mean, I think I�m a pretty overall happy person. I�m pretty content with myself and stuff like that. I am having problems with my mom though and maybe that�s what�s making me sad on the inside. I�ve had probs with her since I can remember, she affects me very negatively. Do you think I shop because I�m miserable and I�m looking for something to make me happier? |
You know what, I am the same way. No matter what advice anyone gives you it isnt going to help because you just wont listen. Face it! This is something that you like to do, and you are asking for advice to help you from doing something you enjoy. If you didnt enjoy it you wouldnt be doing it am I right? Its the remorse afterwards that gets you isnt it. When you realize if I didnt buy these shoes I could have paid this bill, or done something else so much better. Here is what I do now and it tends to help. I go window shopping and I go with no cash or credit on purpose. I spot out the things I like and see how I can work them into my budget when I get my paycheck. Most times when I come back to get the item its 20% off or some shit. Sometimes it pays to wait an extra week for the items that "just came out". This way I can at least say I got a good bargain and it was less impulsive which gives more logic behind my spending. I tell my BF not to let me spend money but it doesnt hepp because he cant be with me 24/7 and he says even if I try you always come home with something when I am not there so he has just given up. Or you can always shop online first and price match before you go out. If you still want to spend impulsively make sure what you are spending the cash on is the absolute best price you cant find. I will not encourage you to stop spending but I will encourage you to spend wiser.
thanks for the advice tribu!
i can't get any credit cards, so that's good. i work full time at a law firm and get paid pretty decent money...enough to have a car payment and rent and a few other bills...but i go through my spending money like it's nothing.
i did just start school this week so i'll be very busy now. i have trouble prioritizing. i SHOULD be paying off those bills but instead i'm getting a new computer and i want to save up for tables. lol
Don't know if this is good advice.
Print some small pictures of people that live in the streets, or like poor people that live in thirdworld countries.
Put them in your wallet, each time you open it youl see it, and when you see it, you realize 2 things.
There are people who have it far worse than me, and i should spend my money wisely because i do have the opportunity to spend money.
Second thing you realize will be.
If i keep spending my money like that, ill end up like these people maybe, which you don't want to right?
donno, maybe it will help.
fuck therapy.
just control yourself, if you wanna do it then you will do it, its like anything if you want it that much you can get there....
therapy would be a waste of money.
leave all credit cards at home. walk around with only a certain amount of money. have no way of getting more money. (this is a problem that i ran into) i would carry around a bank card but leave credit at home so to get more money i would just call and transfer cash into certain bank accounts and spend it.
the most important thing is to set a budget for yourself and also record for a month or two regarding your spending.
lol@eyesofextacy that post made me laugh cuz it's so true.
floorfiller, maybe that's it but i can't really say because i don't have that feeling that no one will like me if i don't spend money on them. i know people like me because i'm cool
lol but i'm sure that has something to do with it...like i'm trying to impress or something. but honestly, if you knew me very well, you would know that i'm the type of person who will give you the shirt off my back or walk over hot coals for you if i really like you, so i think a lot of it is also just cuz i love to make people smile and laugh. it brings me pleasure
| quote: |
| Originally posted by EyesOfExtasy You know what, I am the same way. No matter what advice anyone gives you it isnt going to help because you just wont listen. Face it! This is something that you like to do, and you are asking for advice to help you from doing something you enjoy. If you didnt enjoy it you wouldnt be doing it am I right? Its the remorse afterwards that gets you isnt it. |
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| i did just start school this week so i'll be very busy now. i have trouble prioritizing. i SHOULD be paying off those bills but instead i'm getting a new computer and i want to save up for tables. lol |
oh yea, and I have done what you said before princess�about just taking out a little cash and then leaving the atm card at home. I do that before I go to south beach to party. lol good idea, especially because I use the occasional party favors, and once those are in your system forget it.
and I can�t ask my bf to help cuz he�s useless and worse than me. he spends soo much money it�s ridiculous. his car payment is more than his rent, and he only shops at neiman marcus. lol at least I go to discount stores.
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| Originally posted by Slylee floorfiller, maybe that's it but i can't really say because i don't have that feeling that no one will like me if i don't spend money on them. i know people like me because i'm cool lol but i'm sure that has something to do with it...like i'm trying to impress or something. but honestly, if you knew me very well, you would know that i'm the type of person who will give you the shirt off my back or walk over hot coals for you if i really like you, so i think a lot of it is also just cuz i love to make people smile and laugh. it brings me pleasure |
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