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Posted by Miss Julia on Jan-07-2005 20:17:

Advice from the guys....

So men, answer this:

Can a guy be in love, but at the same time not be ready for a commitment?

If so, please explain...

Thanks in advance!

Posted by nchs09 on Jan-07-2005 20:17:

Re: Advice from the guys....

quote:
Originally posted by Miss Julia
So men, answer this:

Can a guy be in love, but at the same time not be ready for a commitment?

If so, please explain...

Thanks in advance!

indeed........

but watch out.. knowing guys, we mostly are after the p00n

Posted by Floorfiller on Jan-07-2005 20:18:

hmmmm...could you be a little more specific? i mean...i've loved women, but i don't like wanna get married tomorrow.

do you mean this guy doesn't want to date exclusively?

Posted by jonSun on Jan-07-2005 20:21:

Re: Advice from the guys....

Posted by Miss Julia on Jan-07-2005 20:27:

Let's say the couple have been together for about a year now. Things are going great. He is saying he loves you and you make him happy, BUT at the same time he is saying he doesn't know what he wants, and is afraid of commitment.

What does that mean? I know men have a different mentality as women, but how can u love someone, but not know what you want? How can you love someone, but be afraid of commitment?

It's a little confusing to me.

Posted by Floorfiller on Jan-07-2005 20:28:

well...even though i'm waiting for a story hehehe...this is how i would break it down...

commitment: marriage

i would say that a man can be in love and not be ready for marriage. that's a big decision and he could maybe not feel like he is capable yet both financially and emotionally to take that on...

commitment: exclusive dating

i don't know about this. maybe i'm old fashion, but i think if someone doesn't want to date exclusively...then you probably don't want to date that person. i mean, i think it's awesome to date exclusively and i don't even think i'd date someone if it wasn't. to me...that is basically saying that i like you for only a few reasons...and i want those few reasons from other ladies too hehehe...

Posted by Floorfiller on Jan-07-2005 20:30:

quote:
Originally posted by Miss Julia
Let's say the couple have been together for about a year now. Things are going great. He is saying he loves you and you make him happy, BUT at the same time he is saying he doesn't know what he wants, and is afraid of commitment.

What does that mean? I know men have a different mentality as women, but how can u love someone, but not know what you want? How can you love someone, but be afraid of commitment?

It's a little confusing to me.

hmmm...well i don't think that means he doesn't love you. if you guys have been dating for a year...i think he's just saying that he isn't ready for the next step...whatever that is. i don't think that means he doesn't love you...he just loves the way things are going and doesn't want to risk ruining it...

do you guys live together right now?

Posted by Slylee on Jan-07-2005 20:31:

I�ve read in chick magazines before that sometimes men get freaked out a little by how much they like a girl, so it sort of scares them into not wanting to commit JUST YET, and they sort of detach themselves and act weird. Then of course we get freaked out and think they don�t like us. So maybe it is possible.

Posted by jonSun on Jan-07-2005 20:31:

Posted by AwakenedAddict on Jan-07-2005 20:32:

I would say that if I was in love, I would not be afraid of committing to one partner. As for committing to marriage, that is a different thing... it's a big step that people are consistently putting off until later in life these days. I can only speak for myself, however, if a guy has been dating a girl for over a year and they are happy and he doesn't want to be exclusive, then you should dump him fast

EDIT: yea I pretty much rehashed floorfiller's post.. heh

Posted by daydreamer on Jan-07-2005 20:33:

more info...on the couple....

Posted by Vero on Jan-07-2005 20:34:

quote:
Originally posted by Miss Julia
Let's say the couple have been together for about a year now. Things are going great. He is saying he loves you and you make him happy, BUT at the same time he is saying he doesn't know what he wants, and is afraid of commitment.

What does that mean? I know men have a different mentality as women, but how can u love someone, but not know what you want? How can you love someone, but be afraid of commitment?

It's a little confusing to me.

if hes stuck with you this long, i would believe that he loves you. im sure he also sees "shit or get off the pot" time coming up on him as well. dont try to pressure a guy into marriage, it will only turn him off to the idea. if you want THE commitment (i.e. the ring) then play it casual. a year isnt that long of a time, if you are exclusively dating, i would be happy with that if i were you. once it gets to about 2 or 3 years and you guys have been living together for at least a year, then its time to think about getting married.

btw, how old are both of you?

Posted by goodgreef on Jan-07-2005 20:34:

i am a girl and i was much in love with my ex boyfriend but i wasnt ready for marriage.
i knew i wanted it eventually i guess... but DEFINITLEY not anytime soon.

i think fear of committment is the biggest killer of relationships..and its mainly covered up with other things... (other reasons that are made up sub-consciously because of the fear)...

good luck.. but my guess is take it easy and dont bug the guy about it too much because that'll just freak him out more. he'll think he NEEDS the answer for you right away, and if hes not ready to answer it'll just cause too much thinking on his part and scare him.

Posted by Miss Julia on Jan-07-2005 20:35:

Thanks for the opinions, guys. It makes sense to me now, that guys may be afraid of the "next step". It's understandable. But what can a girl do to make the guy feel at ease? What can a girl do to take the pressure off the guy, and make him feel comfortable with the relationship?

The last thing a girl wants to do is make a guy feel stressed out and uncomfortable.

Posted by Floorfiller on Jan-07-2005 20:40:

quote:
Originally posted by Miss Julia
Thanks for the opinions, guys. It makes sense to me now, that guys may be afraid of the "next step". It's understandable. But what can a girl do to make the guy feel at ease? What can a girl do to take the pressure off the guy, and make him feel comfortable with the relationship?

The last thing a girl wants to do is make a guy feel stressed out and uncomfortable.

hmmm...

well of course the best thing to do is just be yourself. don't feel rushed like you have this biological clock ticking...you're young i checked the profile hehehe . just be the person that he wanted to date in the first place. if i was you and you don't want him to be stressed about it...try not to talk about it too much. i mean..it's great to know where the two of you stand on things, but if you always start talking about your friends getting married and your mom wants grand children...hehehehe...just take it down a notch. i'm sure he has feelings for you...he's just a man and too stupid and immature to make a decision like marriage right now

especially also if you guys are still students or anything like that. i don't know about other guys, but i'd like to be settled before i start thinking about getting married. i'd like a nice job...be done with school...and ready to spend my life with the person i love...so it's not you...

Posted by jonSun on Jan-07-2005 20:42:

quote:
Originally posted by Floorfiller
hmmm...

well of course the best thing to do is just be yourself. don't feel rushed like you have this biological clock ticking...you're young i checked the profile hehehe . just be the person that he wanted to date in the first place. if i was you and you don't want him to be stressed about it...try not to talk about it too much. i mean..it's great to know where the two of you stand on things, but if you always start talking about your friends getting married and your mom wants grand children...hehehehe...just take it down a notch. i'm sure he has feelings for you...he's just a man and too stupid and immature to make a decision like marriage right now

She said it was her friend, not her.

Posted by Floorfiller on Jan-07-2005 20:44:

quote:
Originally posted by jonSun
She said it was her friend, not her.

well i don't fucking know...i didn't read it that closely hehehe...she can translate that into her friend...i don't care hehehe

Posted by Orbax on Jan-07-2005 20:45:

why is this a guy thing haha. People are always wondering if they can one up or something.

Posted by Miss Julia on Jan-07-2005 20:46:

No one said anything about marriage!!! Rather, a female just wants to feel like they are "wanted".

When the couple have been dating happily for a year, and then he all of the sudden he starts saying things like "I don't know what I want", and "I'm not ready for a commitment", but at the same time he says "I love you and care about you, and there is a part of me that really wants to be with you"... it get's a little confusing.

What should a female think when a guy says things like this?

Posted by Slylee on Jan-07-2005 20:47:

*Edit* ok, now i just read what you said i'm gonna delete my reply about marriage and all that.

it sounds like he's having second thoughts about you and the relationship. this is what you need to do ASAP. you need to tell him that you are sort of confused too, and you think you want to explore other options and "find yourself" and take a break. then start going out and having fun and not calling him...only occasionally returning his calls.

if he loves you, he'll come running back crying like a baby. if he doesn't, then he obviously wasn't happy and was waiting for it to end.

Posted by stren on Jan-07-2005 20:49:

Posted by jonSun on Jan-07-2005 20:51:

quote:
Originally posted by Miss Julia
No one said anything about marriage!!! Rather, a female just wants to feel like they are "wanted".

When the couple have been dating happily for a year, and then he all of the sudden he starts saying things like "I don't know what I want", and "I'm not ready for a commitment", but at the same time he says "I love you and care about you, and there is a part of me that really wants to be with you"... it get's a little confusing.

What should a female think when a guy says things like this?

Thats not a good thing if he's saying this after a year. I really dont think its the scared of commitment part if its not about marrige. I really dont think this relationship your "friend" is in is gonna last much longer. In the past I said the same to a girl after about a year & the relationship lasted only 5-6 more months & those months sucked becuase our feelings were on 2 different pages.

Posted by Floorfiller on Jan-07-2005 20:54:

quote:
Originally posted by Miss Julia
No one said anything about marriage!!! Rather, a female just wants to feel like they are "wanted".

When the couple have been dating happily for a year, and then he all of the sudden he starts saying things like "I don't know what I want", and "I'm not ready for a commitment", but at the same time he says "I love you and care about you, and there is a part of me that really wants to be with you"... it get's a little confusing.

What should a female think when a guy says things like this?

hmmmm...well shit...i can't give advice on that because i wonder the same thing about a certain woman hehehe...

but anyway...i would think that he is obviously concious of how long you guys have been going out...and maybe being together for a year is a big deal for him so he's worried about it getting really serious...

Posted by jonze on Jan-07-2005 20:55:

how long have his previous relationships lasted? if this is the longest then that might help to explain some of the things going on.

Posted by Floorfiller on Jan-07-2005 20:57:

quote:
Originally posted by jonSun
Thats not a good thing if he's saying this after a year. I really dont think its the scared of commitment part if its not about marrige. I really dont think this relationship your "friend" is in is gonna last much longer. In the past I said the same to a girl after about a year & the relationship lasted only 5-6 more months & those months sucked becuase our feelings were on 2 different pages.

actually ...i'm gonna have to agree with this to an extent...same shit happened to me. it just might mean that he is starting to lose interest or needs a little space or something...i dunno...

just think to yourself...what would be on your mind if you were with a guy for a year and were saying that kinda stuff?

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