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Separate or shared bank accounts?
Ok Moral and I were just discussing this and I was saying that I don't think it's a big deal if a married couple keeps separate checking accounts. I'd actually prefer it that way. Just as long as you are on the same page about your expenses and as long as there is communication about where the money is being spent and who is in charge of what bills to pay, etc...
Moral thinks the bank accounts should be shared because marriage is a partnership and bla bla bla...i'll let him explain when he posts. lol
I'm sort of torn about the 50/50 rule when it comes to expenses. I think it's a great rule, but at the same time, if I'm some big real estate guru and I bring in like 5 times more money than my husband who is making about 50k or 60k a year as a physical therapist, then Im not going to make him pay half. I would probably take a few of the bills off his hand and put more money towards everything.
But I still have a very firm belief in the "what's mine is yours" attitude/saying when you are seriously committed...which means either marriage, or living together and have been together for years...
Discuss...
your a money whore 
jamie its wishful thinking that you'll make more. but seriously i dont know i can see it both ways. in my experience women like to spend the money on non essentials that they want then leave you to pay the bills. the source of the problem is how the money is spent not over how it is stored. fight over money leads to most divorces.
i dont think it really makes a huge difference in the end, lets face it if you get a divorce, it doesnt matter if the husband makes millions more than his wife, or is unemployed, she gets it all in the end anyways.
for me i would probably have two seperate accounts and a joint account. each person gets an equal amount of fun money per month in their personal checking account (makes it easier to hide the 400 per month you spend on vegas hookers) and the rest of hte money goes into the joint account to pay bills, and all that fun stuff.
if you split your finances, the person who doesnt make as much will feel like they are getting handouts all the time (ie when the wealthier of the two pays more bills than the other) when you pay all the bills and what not out of a joint account, the persons feel more of an equal partner. i agree with seperate accounts for spending money tho, as i like to buy alot of stupid and expensive things for no particular reason, and im always getting flack from the parents / gf's etc.....
point in case, when i told my x gf i couldnt afford to take her out to dinner on the "aniversary" (which in my opinion didnt exist because it was one of those less than 1 year bullshit aniversarys) because i spent 500 bucks on records.....
i think after all is said and done with the bills being paid, if i have money in my account and i want to go buy a couple of new work outfits, that should be fine.
now, if i want to buy a new 2 thousand dollar washing machine, then i need to discuss it with him...
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| Originally posted by Slylee now, if i want to buy a new 2 thousand dollar washing machine, then i need to discuss it with him... |
I think just abt every married couple i know has seperate bank accounts, includint my parents who have been married 35 years. They all just share the money.
why buy a washing machine when you have a girlfriend 
Keep separate until you see the flow of things...once you have a handle of things (income/ expenses/ party money) then get a 2nd account to join all money - except party $$$. That way you both know what you can spend and what cannot be spent on bullshit.
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| Originally posted by colonelcrisp why buy a washing machine when you have a girlfriend |
i believe in prenuptial agreements. As for a joint account, i'll agree with colonelcrisp, it would be a good idea to have one joint account for bills etc, and each person with their own individual bank account. However it is always good to be open with your partner on how your personal account is doing.
i think that maybe once i'm married, i would be fine with having a joint savings account for us to put money in for like vacations n stuff or rainy day money...
but everyday checking...i'm fine with having my own and him having his own.
hey, as long as the bills get paid and we are financially stable, i dont care.
Jamie you forgot to mention Credit Cards 
I like the idea that I can manage my own expenses, and I could never tolerate sharing funds with anyone. I'd have no problem with letting someone use my account if they needed to once in awhile, as long as it remained my account.
well i screwed up my chance of having credit cards for a while because of my irresponsible attitude when i was 19 with 2 credit cards and i got so behind on payments when i stopped working, they got sent to collections and i just didn't give a shit.
anyway, my point is, that i'm so used to paying for everything with my debt/check card that i dont really think of credit cards. my credit is getting better though since i got my car but i still have some debt owed.
maybe we'll each have our own credit card and that can be paid by each of us for our own.
I got a deal with my gf.
Basically there will be a shared and seperate bank accounts. We will put a certain percentage of our pay checks in the shared one.
This will hold up until we need a lone.
My sister and her fiance had a shared bank account. They aren't together anymore, and lets just say there was a little problem at the end that revolved around the shared account.
Seperate accounts are much better, because you never know if you will seperate or divorce.
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| Originally posted by Temperate Seperate accounts are much better, because you never know if you will seperate or divorce. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Temperate My sister and her fiance had a shared bank account. They aren't together anymore, and lets just say there was a little problem at the end that revolved around the shared account. Seperate accounts are much better, because you never know if you will seperate or divorce. |
to me having a separated bank account is the way to go......
and i don't see why being married would change anything on this situation so yeah when i'll be married i don't plan to have a shared bank account
i just heard this story this weekend and it might make you think about this sorta thing...
my cousins were in town and my aunt was telling us this story of this guy she worked with. i guess he just found out that his wife has been cheating on him for 10 years or so and has been hiding things from him for years. things like she got a raise at work. she didn't tell him but instead just was keeping that extra money to support her affair. she even had like hotel credit cards he didn't know about.
i think that kinda demonstrates the dangers of not knowing where money is or how it's being allocated in a relationship like marriage.
personally i guess i just always assumed that i would share accounts with my wife in the future. do i think it's necessarily a bad thing to have seperate accounts? not really. but then if you can't trust the person you're with to manage and share accounts with you is that really someone you want to be marrying?
and honestly i think the only time i've ever really heard of people having seperate accounts is when the husband is very successful or something and then sets up basically like an allowance system for his wife bla bla...which i don't necessarily agree with something like that.
The way I see it is as follows;
Marriage is meant to be a total and equal partnership. In my view both of those need to be true in order for it to work (or work well anyway). The problem seperate accounts brings is that it inevitably leads to a financial dispairity between the partners. As we all know money is power therefore it follows that a difference in the financial footing of the partners creates a power inbalance. Now this can be great if you happen to be the one with more power, however, if one has more power then their partner the "equal" partnership simply doesn't exist. No one should ever have the upper hand in a marriage.... there should be no hands.
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| Originally posted by Floorfiller personally i guess i just always assumed that i would share accounts with my wife in the future. do i think it's necessarily a bad thing to have seperate accounts? not really. but then if you can't trust the person you're with to manage and share accounts with you is that really someone you want to be marrying? |
yea that's true jason...but you shouldn't marry a stupid slut is going to cheat on u and lie. lol
no i'm jk, i know he had no clue probably and that's actually really sad, but i'd like to think i married the right guy and can trust him (once i'm married).
i would only think that something is up if he was anal and secretive about me seeing his bank statements, or if all of a sudden he started only viewing his bank statements online and stopped having them come in the mail...just little things like that would make me think something is up. but if we have separate accounts, he would know my pin number and my access info to see my online statements and vice versa...just being able to know that, would make me feel more comfortable and trusting.
of course there's always the REAL shady assholes who open up separate accounts and get P.O. box addresses for mail, etc...
usually those are the rich jerks with gold digging, clueless wives though....just my observation.
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| Originally posted by Moral Hazard The way I see it is as follows; Marriage is meant to be a total and equal partnership. In my view both of those need to be true in order for it to work (or work well anyway). The problem seperate accounts brings is that it inevitably leads to a financial dispairity between the partners. As we all know money is power therefore it follows that a difference in the financial footing of the partners creates a power inbalance. Now this can be great if you happen to be the one with more power, however, if one has more power then their partner the "equal" partnership simply doesn't exist. No one should ever have the upper hand in a marriage.... there should be no hands. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Floorfiller "sorry honey...you shoulda saved a little more...this is my money" |
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