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Tales of Ribaldry (stories about teh sechs)
This story is about my big brother, the Cockmeister. He's the type of d00d who would fuck a fish if he couldn't hook up with a gurl.
This one takes place while he was in the US Coast Guard, stationed in Key West, Florida.
He was out drinking and whoring, as usual, and just before closing time he was lucky enough to attract a human female. By his discription she would not likely have been offered a job as a Victoria's Secrets model, whatever.
As was his style, he went to her place and spent the next several hours fucking and sucking on this woman in a drunken stupor. He passed out and didn't wake up until after 7 a.m. That sounds fairly early except that he was due back at his ship at 6 a.m. for watch duty.
Naturally when he saw that he was late he freaked. He called a cab and waited on the street. When the cab finally came my brother told the driver where to go and jumped in the car.
As my brother engaged the driver in nervous conversation, he noticed that the driver kept looking at him in an odd way. He said it was like the guy was afraid of him or something. My brother is a normal and decent looking person, so he ignored it. He had much bigger issues with being late for duty.
They finally arrived at the dock, and as expected, there was a small group of sailors and the Commanding Officer waiting for him. As my brother passed them, profusely appologizing, he noticed some very unusual looks from the group. He had expected negativity, but what he saw was more like confusion.
He hurried to his quarters to clean up briefly before taking his station. Any curiousity about the cab drivers attitude, or that of the sailors, was satisfied when he looked in the mirror.
My brothers face was covered in dried blood.
Always do a "bright light" check when you hook up with a stranger, especially if you're drunk.
Nasty and hilarious 
Holy fuck. 
lol u brother nasty
Someone else has told that story before. But nice try.
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| Originally posted by dj_bas Someone else has told that story before. But nice try. |
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| Originally posted by Ed G It is certainly possible that my brother made up or borrowed this story, but it definately matches the ones I witnessed myself. |
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| Originally posted by Ed G She was not attractive, had low self-esteem, and had about 4 loads of giz in her. I politely declined the invitation. |
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| Originally posted by DarkAngel 4 loads of wha? |
For the truly disturbed (or tragically curious), you might want to read some Sade. It is fiction but not without some basis in his experience...
Obligatory warnings:
1. Potentially not work safe, even though it's just text.
2. Not for the faint of heart.
3. LONG (parts 2-4 are written in a more COR-friendly style though)
http://www.globusz.com/ebooks/120Days/index.htm
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| Originally posted by dj_bas It's one of those stories that's been told a number of times with different characters and endings, but the base premise is the same. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Arbiter For the truly disturbed (or tragically curious), you might want to read some Sade. It is fiction but not without some basis in his experience... Obligatory warnings: 1. Potentially not work safe, even though it's just text. 2. Not for the faint of heart. 3. LONG (parts 2-4 are written in a more COR-friendly style though) http://www.globusz.com/ebooks/120Days/index.htm |
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| Originally posted by Ed G "Justine" be my favorite. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Arbiter For the truly disturbed (or tragically curious), you might want to read some Sade. It is fiction but not without some basis in his experience... Obligatory warnings: 1. Potentially not work safe, even though it's just text. 2. Not for the faint of heart. 3. LONG (parts 2-4 are written in a more COR-friendly style though) http://www.globusz.com/ebooks/120Days/index.htm |
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Bum-Cleaver, twenty-eight years old, has the look of a satyr; his majestic prick is bent saber fashion, its head, or glans, is enormous, it is eight and three-eighths inches in circumference and the shaft eight in length. A fine curve to this majestic prick. |
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| Originally posted by Ed G I understand if you're just bustin' n00b balls though. I gladly present my testicles to you dj_bas. Bang away. |
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| Originally posted by dj_bas I am, but thanks |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Ed G This is me. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by dj_bas It's one of those stories that's been told a number of times with different characters and endings, but the base premise is the same. |
Oh my dear god.
No wonder the cab driver was scared for his life.
Large Bob and the Pixie
Bob was a business associate of mine a few years ago. As the title of this post implies, he was (is?) large. He stood about 6 foot 3 inches(190cm) and weighed approx. 275 pounds (125kg). He had some large feet on him too, like 13 EEE's or something, but this isn't about dick size.
Bob was gay. He wasn't annoying or totally obvious about it, but for those who knew him it was a matter of fact. He wasn't hung up about it and in fact would make humorous comments about himself and being gay.
In fact, Large Bob was a pretty funny dude. He had a nice, dry, sharp sense of humor.
An unusual thing about him, which is fairly pertinent to this story, is that Bob was conservative about sex. That may sound odd to those of you who have not had many gay friends, but just the same, it happens. I can't explain why, but I have met gay men who are borderline prudes. How can you suck dick or take it in the ass and be prudish you say? I don't know, just accept it for now.
Being relatively shy about sex, Bob had some difficulty getting laid. One night out he was pleasantly surprised by a cute little fellow who seemed very attracted to him. By Bob's description of him, you could call this guy "pixie-ish", or petite. The little dood was so forward that Bob made the big move and invited him over to his apartment.
From Bob's account, this was going along like a decent one-night-stand story. They enter the apartment... dood gets right down to making out... strips Bob down... sets him on the sofa... starts goin at Bob's cock like a toothless pitbull on a pork chop....
So now Bob's thinking life is good. He's sitting back on his couch, legs comfortably crossed, with a cute little elf trying to suck the bone right out of his boner. Bob said the dude was so light that he was sitting on Bob's legs and it wasn't even bothersome.
Now, imagine, you've got your head laid back, your eyes closed, and your cock in some cute little guy's mouth, and then, you slowly begin to become aware of some other, foreign sensation. It starts out as subtle warm feeling in your toes. Then it progresses up your foot. Then you notice that this sensation comes in waves. Then.....
...you open your eyes to discover that without preparation or lubrication of any type, this man who's sucking your penus has slid his ass around your 13 extra wide foot, and you are now passively footfucking him.
up down up down up down......
squishy squishy squish........
warm, moist, poopy.........
*gives everyone a moment*
Well, being the conservative type that Large Bob was, he got totally grossed out, slid his (stinky) foot out of the pixie, and evicted the guy from his apartment. I imagine that there was showering and some disinfecting after that, but to be honest I was so impressed with the image from the sofa that if Bob referred to anything after that I don't remember it.
This has been the story of Large Bob.
Thank you (I think), Bob.
Edit: Too much?
Footfucking? Something like that actually exists?
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Gauss Footfucking? Something like that actually exists? |
this thread reminds me of Tucker Max.
The people around here strike me as people who would be regular readers of Tucker Max.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Arbiter For the truly disturbed (or tragically curious), you might want to read some Sade. It is fiction but not without some basis in his experience... Obligatory warnings: 1. Potentially not work safe, even though it's just text. 2. Not for the faint of heart. 3. LONG (parts 2-4 are written in a more COR-friendly style though) http://www.globusz.com/ebooks/120Days/index.htm |
| quote: |
| THE 6TH. 26. He has himself frigged while a woman is being frigged about the clitoris, and he wishes to discharge at the same time the girl does, but he discharges upon the buttocks of the man who frigs the girl. 27. He kisses the asshole of one girl while a second girl frigs his ass and a third his prick; they then exchange tasks, so that, when all is said and done, each of the three has her ass kissed, each frigs his prick, each frigs his ass. Farts are required of them all. 28. He licks the **** of one girl while fucking a second in the mouth and while his asshole is being licked by a third; then exchange of positions as above. The ****s must discharge, he swallows their balm. 29. He sucks a beshitted ass, has a tongue frig his own beshitted asshole, and frigs himself upon a beshitted ass; the three girls then exchange positions. 30. He has two girls frigged before his eyes, and alternately fucks the friggeresses from the rear, but in the ****, while they continue with their sapphotizings. Z�phyr and Cupidon are upon that day discovered in the act of frigging each other, but they have not yet had recourse to reciprocal embuggery; they are punished. Fanny is much en****ed at the orgies. |
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