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Aspects of your personality that have a double edge.

I had something happen today that has made me think about aspects of my life that are both beneficial as well as detrimental to me - namely that I'm competitive.

This has served me well quite often, like today - I had handed in a second exam for one of my courses after receiving the first one back weeks earlier with a comment that read "I think you are capable of much better." The exam grade was a B-, but the fact that the professor thought I could do better stuck with and really bothered me. I got my second exam back today, got an A+ on it, and not only did the professor write on my exam that he thought I had a real talent for this kind of writing and that he was proud of me, but he also held me after class to let me know for sure how well he thought I did, and to try and offer some advice as far as getting into grad school.

It felt great, but being challenged/competing also has a real ugly side for me, one which the majority of you are all too familiar with - I engage in arguments that are often times pointless and that would be better left alone than perpetuated. It doesn't just happen on the internets, it happens with some of my closest friends too. I don't like it when I see myself engaging in these kinds of activities, yet sometimes I find myself doing it without even thinking about what's going on. It is easily the one area of my personality in which I feel like I have the most improvement to do, and I guess just realizing how this kind of thing can be both good and bad for me was kind of an "epiphany" of sorts.

So I put the question to you guys, do you have anything like this that you see in your own life (something that can both help and hurt you)? If so, is the negative aspect something you do reflexively, but the positive seem like something you really have to work at? Does it bother you that there are times when it seems like the negative aspects of the trait are reflexive, rather than rationally deliberated upon and chosen?



This has been todays "Self Help" thread brought to you by RJT and Stewart Smalley - because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.

Hah, funny cause I'm almost the complete opposite. I mean, I definitely can be really competitive from time to time but I'm just really fucking laid back. Very positive in that I deal with stress, stressful situations, and pressure very very well. It helps me in leadership roles and I like to think that I'm a pretty good boss because of it. Like, I can probably count on one hand the number of people in my entire life that have seen me truly angry.

While I like that, with it comes with a tendency to avoid confrontation. I'm not a pushover really, but people definitely try to take advantage of that fact. Not to mention that I'm not terribly ambitious, and I know that. The problem is that I feel like I should get fired up about things more often, but I truly become and ugly person when I'm angry, and I really do'nt like myself being like that. Last time I really got into a fight with someone was with my (now ex-)girlfriend, and while I don't remember what the argument was even about I remember just absolutely loathing myself for being so weak for weeks afterwards.

Good topic, bout time we had some intelligent and introspective discussion around here

Re: Aspects of your personality that have a double edge.

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Originally posted by RJT I had something happen today that has made me think about aspects of my life that are both beneficial as well as detrimental to me - namely that I'm competitive. This has served me well quite often, like today - I had handed in a second exam for one of my courses after receiving the first one back weeks earlier with a comment that read "I think you are capable of much better." The exam grade was a B-, but the fact that the professor thought I could do better stuck with and really bothered me. I got my second exam back today, got an A+ on it, and not only did the professor write on my exam that he thought I had a real talent for this kind of writing and that he was proud of me, but he also held me after class to let me know for sure how well he thought I did, and to try and offer some advice as far as getting into grad school. It felt great, but being challenged/competing also has a real ugly side for me, one which the majority of you are all too familiar with - I engage in arguments that are often times pointless and that would be better left alone than perpetuated. It doesn't just happen on the internets, it happens with some of my closest friends too. I don't like it when I see myself engaging in these kinds of activities, yet sometimes I find myself doing it without even thinking about what's going on. It is easily the one area of my personality in which I feel like I have the most improvement to do, and I guess just realizing how this kind of thing can be both good and bad for me was kind of an "epiphany" of sorts. So I put the question to you guys, do you have anything like this that you see in your own life (something that can both help and hurt you)? If so, is the negative aspect something you do reflexively, but the positive seem like something you really have to work at? Does it bother you that there are times when it seems like the negative aspects of the trait are reflexive, rather than rationally deliberated upon and chosen? This has been todays "Self Help" thread brought to you by RJT and Stewart Smalley - because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.

To be competitve, especially in school/work, your going to have that opposite aspect where it becomes negative. Sorta like yin and yang, or Newton's Law I guess I'm trying to get at. To be successful, thats whats going to happen. Just do what u have to do to reach your goal if you want it bad enough, and don't worry about it. Friends/relationships will come and go.

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Originally posted by KiNeTiC ENeRgY To be competitve, especially in school/work, your going to have that opposite aspect where it becomes negative. Sorta like yin and yang, or Newton's Law I guess I'm trying to get at. To be successful, thats whats going to happen. Just do what u have to do to reach your goal if you want it bad enough, and don't worry about it. Friends/relationships will come and go.

Oh yeah, definitely - I guess I've just become more and more aware of the negative aspects, and though I don't think they necessarily "ruin" me as a person, it's something that I feel like because I know it happens, I should do more than I do to limit its occurrence.

More than anything I guess I never thought of myself as "competitive", I always thought that was for jocks and super-nerds - but in reality I think I'm probably one of the most competitive people I know, just in a different way.

Being a perfectionist is both a blessing and a curse. Your work is always good but you're never truly satisfied.

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Originally posted by RJT Oh yeah, definitely - I guess I've just become more and more aware of the negative aspects, and though I don't think they necessarily "ruin" me as a person, it's something that I feel like because I know it happens, I should do more than I do to limit its occurrence. More than anything I guess I never thought of myself as "competitive", I always thought that was for jocks and super-nerds - but in reality I think I'm probably one of the most competitive people I know, just in a different way.

College is set up that way where your in competition with your classmates which sucks and is great at the same time. Its good though cause thats how the buisness world is, and it gets you ready for it. I still have nightmares from bio and organic chem class, hoping I knew more than my classmates did on the exams. The worse they did, they better it was. Bell shaped curve ftl.

I don't have a grain of competition in me, so let me tell you - it's just as bad on the other side. I have great potential, but it never gets noticed, and I never get anywhere. I'm usually content to sit back and watch life happen. Nothing ever stresses or worries me and I never get very excited about anything. But would I consciousely try to change that about myself? No, I don't think. I'm just more comfortable in this position, and with time I've grown to like that about myself, even if it can be a huge disadvantage at times. Better to understand it's implications and it's downsides so you can work around them.

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Originally posted by UWM Being a perfectionist is both a blessing and a curse. Your work is always good but you're never truly satisfied.

Indeed. I know that it's probably been said by a lot of people about themselves, but I'm a huge perfectionist when it comes to mixing. It has to be perfect, absolutely has to. While I've received nothing but compliments and comments such as, "Dude, why the fuck aren't you playing out more often?" most sets I spin I always overblow the negatives.

It's why I haven't really upped a mix. I can't even begin to count the number of times that I've tried recording one. Nothing ever makes it past Audacity, though, because I always find one little half-second blip or one out-of-place track and it bugs the fuck out of me and I'll abandon the entire project altogether. It's got to the point where I'll spend a week or two finding what should be the perfect setlist, then
"practice" spinning it for about a week or so. By that time, I've found new music that I want to include in it so I'll try and rearrange the tracklist again, thus repeating the process.

I know I'm good enough because of said perfectionism, but I just can't fucking stand it.

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Originally posted by RJT Oh yeah, definitely - I guess I've just become more and more aware of the negative aspects, and though I don't think they necessarily "ruin" me as a person, it's something that I feel like because I know it happens, I should do more than I do to limit its occurrence. More than anything I guess I never thought of myself as "competitive", I always thought that was for jocks and super-nerds - but in reality I think I'm probably one of the most competitive people I know, just in a different way.

Rob, I got on you about it twice, but I'll be honest, I was REALLY bad about this until about say, 2-2.5 years ago. I stumbled on an AIM convo that my best friend left open on his machine. I saw my name in the short few lines that were showing, and admittedly, I was curious. I read it, and it was between my best friend and a friends at-the-time girlfriend. I would argue for the sake of arguing and having to be right. For the first week or two after seeing that conversation I was really quiet and didn't argue at all. It took me a few months to start, but I started giving people more credibility, admitting that I can and may be wrong, etc. So I feel your pain in that aspect very much. It still happens, but nowhere near what it did before. I still have a lot of work to do to realize I am doing it at times, but I can tell you, that it has improved the friendships I have.

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Originally posted by idoru Indeed. I know that it's probably been said by a lot of people about themselves, but I'm a huge perfectionist when it comes to mixing. It has to be perfect, absolutely has to. While I've received nothing but compliments and comments such as, "Dude, why the fuck aren't you playing out more often?" most sets I spin I always overblow the negatives. It's why I haven't really upped a mix. I can't even begin to count the number of times that I've tried recording one. Nothing ever makes it past Audacity, though, because I always find one little half-second blip or one out-of-place track and it bugs the fuck out of me and I'll abandon the entire project altogether. It's got to the point where I'll spend a week or two finding what should be the perfect setlist, then "practice" spinning it for about a week or so. By that time, I've found new music that I want to include in it so I'll try and rearrange the tracklist again, thus repeating the process. I know I'm good enough, but I just can't fucking stand it.

Sometimes its the imperfections that make them better!

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Originally posted by gehzumteufel Rob, I got on you about it twice, but I'll be honest, I was REALLY bad about this until about say, 2-2.5 years ago. I stumbled on an AIM convo that my best friend left open on his machine. I saw my name in the short few lines that were showing, and admittedly, I was curious. I read it, and it was between my best friend and a friends at-the-time girlfriend. I would argue for the sake of arguing and having to be right. For the first week or two after seeing that conversation I was really quiet and didn't argue at all. It took me a few months to start, but I started giving people more credibility, admitting that I can and may be wrong, etc. So I feel your pain in that aspect very much. It still happens, but nowhere near what it did before. I still have a lot of work to do to realize I am doing it at times, but I can tell you, that it has improved the friendships I have.

Well part of the problem the second time was that if you challenge me on something I'm very passionate about and feel like I have a good handle on, I absolutely will not tolerate the perpetuation of half truths or lies. In those cases, where someone just digs in their heels and doesn't particularly care to acknowledge that they're saying some pretty ridiculous things I get even more fucked off and that's when I end up at a point where I ask myself "For fucks sake, is this even worth it anymore?"

It's often a fine line between education and arrogance, and unfortunately the impression of me I know loads of people are left with falls into the latter, and not the former category.

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Originally posted by Project-K I don't have a grain of competition in me, so let me tell you - it's just as bad on the other side. I have great potential, but it never gets noticed, and I never get anywhere. I'm usually content to sit back and watch life happen. Nothing ever stresses or worries me and I never get very excited about anything. But would I consciousely try to change that about myself? No, I don't think. I'm just more comfortable in this position, and with time I've grown to like that about myself, even if it can be a huge disadvantage at times. Better to understand it's implications and it's downsides so you can work around them.

It's easier to stay in your comfort zone than to venture out where it could have worse repercussions than your usual actions. It is hard to say that either is better really.

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Originally posted by idoru Indeed. I know that it's probably been said by a lot of people about themselves, but I'm a huge perfectionist when it comes to mixing. It has to be perfect, absolutely has to. While I've received nothing but compliments and comments such as, "Dude, why the fuck aren't you playing out more often?" most sets I spin I always overblow the negatives. It's why I haven't really upped a mix. I can't even begin to count the number of times that I've tried recording one. Nothing ever makes it past Audacity, though, because I always find one little half-second blip or one out-of-place track and it bugs the fuck out of me and I'll abandon the entire project altogether. It's got to the point where I'll spend a week or two finding what should be the perfect setlist, then "practice" spinning it for about a week or so. By that time, I've found new music that I want to include in it so I'll try and rearrange the tracklist again, thus repeating the process. I know I'm good enough because of said perfectionism, but I just can't fucking stand it.

This one time Lee Burridge was spinning and a record he had was scratched but he didn't see it. The music stopped and he just went with it. The ability to deal with these things in a public setting and allow criticisms is what makes you a BETTER musician and dj.

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Originally posted by gehzumteufel This one time Lee Burridge was spinning and a record he had was scratched but he didn't see it. The music stopped and he just went with it. The ability to deal with these things in a public setting and allow criticisms is what makes you a BETTER musician and dj.

Oh, I know. I'm perfectly capable of taking criticism and always like when something goes wrong because it teaches me something. There's nothing wrong with having an off-beat mix once in a while or accidentally pressing down on the platter of the wrong CDJ. I know this, but the perfectionist inside me can't stand it one bit.

There is only one perfect DJ in the world and his name is Danny Howells.

Everyone else fucks up from time to time, and in my mind, it's the ones who fuck up but don't let it consume them who are the most fun to see play.

Jake, you're good at what you do and I wish you weren't so self-conscious about it.

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Originally posted by gehzumteufel It's easier to stay in your comfort zone than to venture out where it could have worse repercussions than your usual actions. It is hard to say that either is better really.

I think the greatest thing about being like this is that it allows some very interresting relationships with people who are the opposite. Most of my friends are fiercely competitive (like RJT described), and I provide a balance in a group; they charge forth agressively and I'm the guy who sits back and makes sure nothing bad happends.

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Originally posted by RJT Well part of the problem the second time was that if you challenge me on something I'm very passionate about and feel like I have a good handle on, I absolutely will not tolerate the perpetuation of half truths or lies. In those cases, where someone just digs in their heels and doesn't particularly care to acknowledge that they're saying some pretty ridiculous things I get even more fucked off and that's when I end up at a point where I ask myself "For fucks sake, is this even worth it anymore?" It's often a fine line between education and arrogance, and unfortunately the impression of me I know loads of people are left with falls into the latter, and not the former category.

Believe me, I feel the same way. I become a super asshole when people talk about things that they know fuck all about, and I have to go in and set it straight. I had to do that with a thread on another forum, and I do it with people that try to talk about cars and know jack shit(Kinetic energy is guilty of this! ugh) about them. So I have been in your exact shoes. When I would argue about anything and everything, even if I didn't know about it, everyone took me as an arrogant asshole that can't be wrong. As I said, it took stumbling on something that I *shouldn't* have seen, but I did. It was good that I did, as it helped me. The fact that you realize that you do this, is commendable itself. What I *try* to do, is as I am arguing, I try to slow down, think about the response, and then rebut. It usually helps me keep a handle on the argument and not get out of control or anything. I will also, end an argument myself, if I see that neither side will agree. It is something that normally helps keep everything more positive. These things work well for me, but I have no idea what would work best for others.

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Originally posted by RJT There is only one perfect DJ in the world and his name is Danny Howells. Everyone else fucks up from time to time, and in my mind, it's the ones who fuck up but don't let it consume them who are the most fun to see play. Jake, you're good at what you do and I wish you weren't so self-conscious about it.

Thank you, Rob.

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Originally posted by idoru Oh, I know. I'm perfectly capable of taking criticism and always like when something goes wrong because it teaches me something. There's nothing wrong with having an off-beat mix once in a while or accidentally pressing down on the platter of the wrong CDJ. I know this, but the perfectionist inside me can't stand it one bit.

Well, just deal with it! lol jk

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Originally posted by RJT There is only one perfect DJ in the world and his name is Danny Howells. Everyone else fucks up from time to time, and in my mind, it's the ones who fuck up but don't let it consume them who are the most fun to see play. Jake, you're good at what you do and I wish you weren't so self-conscious about it.

haha while I love Howells, I think that there are others that have the skills he does. Burridge is one of them imo. Sasha & Digweed probably another, even if I am bored with Sasha.

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Originally posted by Project-K I think the greatest thing about being like this is that it allows some very interesting relationships with people who are the opposite. Most of my friends are fiercely competitive (like RJT described), and I provide a balance in a group; they charge forth aggressively and I'm the guy who sits back and makes sure nothing bad happens.

haha that's probably a really good thing then! Considering how men can get retarded in an argument.

I'd have to say that the biggest double edged personality trait I have is that I'm indifferent to people's feelings... note; I'm not insensitive, I just don't care. This carries with it obvious negatives socially; however, it also provides a great many benefits in terms of clarity of communication and efficiency in interpersonal and professional dealings. Ultimately, the advantages usually outweigh the disadvantages but I have made a concerted effort to be a little less curt in recent years.

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Originally posted by Moral Hazard I'd have to say that the biggest double edged personality trait I have is that I'm indifferent to people's feelings... note; I'm not insensitive, I just don't care. This carries with it obvious negatives socially; however, it also provides a great many benefits in terms of clarity of communication and efficiency in interpersonal and professional dealings. Ultimately, the advantages usually outweigh the disadvantages but I have made a concerted effort to be a little less curt in recent years.

I have been accused of this at times too.

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Originally posted by gehzumteufel Believe me, I feel the same way. I become a super asshole when people talk about things that they know fuck all about, and I have to go in and set it straight. I had to do that with a thread on another forum, and I do it with people that try to talk about cars and know jack shit(Kinetic energy is guilty of this! ugh) about them. So I have been in your exact shoes. When I would argue about anything and everything, even if I didn't know about it, everyone took me as an arrogant asshole that can't be wrong. As I said, it took stumbling on something that I *shouldn't* have seen, but I did. It was good that I did, as it helped me. The fact that you realize that you do this, is commendable itself. What I *try* to do, is as I am arguing, I try to slow down, think about the response, and then rebut. It usually helps me keep a handle on the argument and not get out of control or anything. I will also, end an argument myself, if I see that neither side will agree. It is something that normally helps keep everything more positive. These things work well for me, but I have no idea what would work best for others.

seriously, how can u say I know jack shit about cars? You have no clue what I have done. I screw with more peoples heads than u will ever know. I grew up in exotic car shops my Father owns. I worked for 10 years at auto body and mechanical shops...actually 4 different shops since I was 15, and put myself through college busting my ass covered in bondo dust, grease and paint. I have done more with cars than u can imagine. I raced and built Yamaha karts, Shifter Karts when I was 12, re-built the engines for them, built small and big block Fords from empty blocks to complete long blocks, welded roll cages and tubs for drag cars, installed suspensions, brakes, drag raced an 89 steeda Mustang for 3 years while in school, with nitrous systems and went supercharged for a while. I laughed when u went searching for glass headlight assemblies for a late model Mustang, which demonstrated your knowledge but I'm not going to sit here and gloat anymore about my experience. *steps off soap box*

I am extremely sensitive to my surroundings yet I easily get aggravated by peoples behaviors towards me especially close friends with the nagging etc.

One example I could give is when I drive I tend to be extremely alert of other drivers, I try to be respectful etc. I do try mega fast so if I wasn't conscious of what was going on I'd be dead long ago.
So in this particular case I'm respectful regarding others but when they do something obnoxious I could throw a fit. Multiple times visions of myself walking out of my vehicle and shattering the "opponents" windows with a crowbar have taken over my every thought.

This heightened sensibly to others makes me more alert to what others may be going through, I am also prone to crying while watching movies or listen to broken hearted chick music. Various emotions of the sort are also found in the way I work, I analyze, and drifting away from this notion that we are all the same, hence all must understand me and the local common "us".

Flip side of the coin when people nag me I can become super sensitive about it. If it's direct confrontation questioning what it is I am doing I can speak in a toned matter and defend me myself and I.
If you piss me off as a joke I can sometimes turn into a ragging ball of fire and want to kill you.




My way of being is also found in the way I work. Countless times I have been told that I pay way too much attention to details and am excessively demanding. But the sweet irony is despite the fact I'll concentrate hard on minute details, I tend to be more productive as others ( a lot of this stems from being able to lay things down and get to work much quicker and also higher technical operational speed and ability )

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Originally posted by UWM Being a perfectionist is both a blessing and a curse. Your work is always good but you're never truly satisfied.

i can totally agree with that.

i think there are a lot of aspects of my personality that tend to affect me in both positive and negative ways. i tend to be very cautious, reserved, defensive, emotionally intense, and selfish... which all serve as barriers that protect me, but they can also make me seem withdrawn, intimidating, or antisocial at times. it takes a lot to earn my trust and i won't show my true self until i feel totally comfortable around someone. this makes it hard for me socialize and network in social situations, but the friendships and relationships i do keep are much stronger and more passionate in return.

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Originally posted by l�cid i can totally agree with that. i think there are a lot of aspects of my personality that tend to affect me in both positive and negative ways. i tend to be very cautious, reserved, defensive, emotionally intense, and selfish... which all serve as barriers that protect me, but they can also make me seem withdrawn, intimidating, or antisocial at times. it takes a lot to earn my trust and i won't show my true self until i feel totally comfortable around someone. this makes it hard for me socialize and network in social situations, but the friendships and relationships i do keep are much stronger and more passionate in return.

very much with you on most counts.


This past weekend there was some church weekend thingy my parents wanted me to go to. Most of the people there were pissing me off asking me ignorant questions just trying to make conversion and I just hate that.

Tonight my father was asking me about the weekend and saying I appeared distant. I went on explaining that I can't stand doubt the whole chatty thing. If there isn't something of interest there you can right bugger off.

Friends are an investement in time and I don't want to waste my time on people who are worthless to me. Feel free to read into this as pseudo-seflish behavior, but if not being alone at times means being with people that you have zero interest in I prefer the former.

My brutal, almost tactless, honesty. I've worked on that a lot though, so it's not anywhere near the double edge for me that it used to be.

I've always been a pretty introspective/reflective person and for the most part I apply the same level of honesty with myself, so I've always been good at identifying and dealing with negative aspects of my personality.

The reflective practice I do in nursing has helped me to be even more objective about it and really be able to accept criticism/negative feedback from my peers. That's more on the professional tip...but still, it helps keep my ego in check.

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