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Helping & Harming

Spare a change?

She had a cute blue-eyed blond kid on her lap, both looking at me with rosy cheeks and swollen eyes - probably due to the incessant mosquito bites common during the rainy season. However, neither looked weak, frail, or in desperate need. She was quite chubby herself, young, and a bit cute. Brazil is pretty much a nation of softies, and I'm sure people have always promptly helped her and the kid when asked. But, I had no money on me. I had just arrived at the restaurant, and I usually carry nothing but my credit card.

Sorry, I've got just my debit card.

Can you buy me lunch?

The moment she said that, I felt my heart punch me for not having offered this before. I looked down and started doing the maths, hastily checking if I'd have the money to buy her (and possibly her kid) something to eat, and checking if the owner of the place would mind. But, why would they mind? I couldn't refrain from giving somone food, could I? The sheer thought of denying someone something as basic as food sounded repulsive to me.

Well, get your plate then. This is a self-service restaurant, pick what you want and then I'll pay for yo--

I'm sorry, can you come with me for a second? - the owner approached the begger - The place closes in an hour, and there's plenty of food every day. If you wait till closing time, you can have as much food as you want, and we'd be happy to serve you.

I thought it was so sweet of the owner. Like I said, Brazil is a nation of softies, and the owner confirmed the stereotype.

Good, you're going to get as much as you want then. You can probably even score some dessert!

Could you still buy me food?

Wait, why? Didn't she say they'll give you all you want in an hour. Besides, if they see you begging, they may change their mind an--

But I don't want to wait!

The moment she said this she stormed off my table and looked for someone else to beg to. I was so astonished I didn't know what else to say to her. The restaurant owner had given her the opportunity to have as much food as she wanted, yet she wanted everything her way. It didn't look like she had been starving or anything. She was just... dare I say it? Spoiled. Spoiled by other people's kindness.

It hurt me more than an insult, somehow, because it was an attack on my very own sense of humanity. She wanted me to pity her not because she needed - and she probably did - but because she knew someone else would give her what she wanted when she wanted. And I wonder if it's this sense of emergency that may have kept her in poverty. She learnt not to wait, a basic duty in community life. And it struck me... can you always tell help and harm apart?

If she was quite chubby, that should've been your first red flag.

I tend to not give money/food to fat beggars.

quote:

Originally posted by srussell0018 If she was quite chubby, that should've been your first red flag.

You can't always rely on this as an indicator. Some parasites make the stomach look swollen, and poor health can always mess your hormones up.

I'm sure someone with a sound medical background can explain in more detail.

There's a difference between having a distended stomach and being fat.

quote:

Originally posted by srussell0018 There's a difference between having a distended stomach and being fat.

Oh, she wasn't fat. She was, at best, like me. Maybe I used the wrong word. I just meant to say she had love handles, but she wasn't overweight or anything.

quote:

She had a cute blue-eyed blond kid on her lap, both looking at me with rosy cheeks and swollen eyes

Ew. A kid. I stopped there.

Were you alone? Who were the other people she went up to, to ask them if they could buy her food?

as soon as you clocked it, about-turn and go elsewhere.

easy.

Pssh! Maan, we become so indifferent to that kind of BS here. So many people here try so many different tactics when it comes to begging. Meanwhile, these assholes have checking and savings accounts! I simply have to be in a giving mood to actually give. Sometimes I'll look a person straight in the eye and know they're BSing me, and still give, just for the heck of it. Most of the time though, FTS!

One of my favorite stories is of a woman here who traverses the subway system with her 5 or 6 yr old daughter in her arms, begging for money. As she walks through each train car, her daughter lies limp in her arms, as if she hasn't eaten in weeks, while her mother tells their sob story. Then, as soon as they've finished collecting money, she practically drops her daughter to the ground, and the kid starts running around and playing with all of the energy of a perfectly healthy child, saying shit like, "I did good mommy, right!?"

Needless to say, at least a handful of passengers have either cursed them out, threatened to call the authorities, or at the very least called them out for being frauds in the middle of their little act. Most homelessness, in this country, is the result of schizophrenia. Everyone else just needs to get it together, and work! Some of these people have the audacity to treat you as if you owe them something. There was one period in my life where I'd just shout, "NO!" at anyone who asked for anything, regardless of who they were. There are just too many places you can go for help, in this country, if you really want to be helped.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Your mom's house comes to mind.

inb4delete

Yeah guys, I know. I, too, have promised myself many times to not click Lira threads again. But once again I couldn't help myself. Sometimes they have boobies inside, you know.

That stuff also happens here, Blake, but whereas they usually ask for money, this is the first time I've seen someone beg for food when they didn't have to.

quote:

Originally posted by Desiderata Were you alone? Who were the other people she went up to, to ask them if they could buy her food?

I was alone at the time, my fiancée got her food first, and I was waiting at the table. The restaurant was nearly empty. That's why the owner spotted the woman so quickly.

quote:

Originally posted by KilldaDJ as soon as you clocked it, about-turn and go elsewhere. easy.

I was sitting at the table. I had nowhere else to go

quote:

Originally posted by Meat187 Yeah guys, I know. I, too, have promised myself many times to not click Lira threads again. But once again I couldn't help myself. Sometimes they have boobies inside, you know.

I promise I'll add a warning in the threat title saying "boobies inside" in case I talk about something more literally close to the heart

quote:

Originally posted by Blake Everyone else just needs to get it together, and work!

You can't get a job without having a fixed address.
You can't get a fixed address without money.
You can't get money without a job.

This is why homeless charities try to create hostels that people can use as an address while they get back on their feet. Unfortunately, there are never enough places or jobs to cope with demand, and some people always go without.

When I can afford to - i.e., when I'm employed myself - I give something (when I can tell they're not full of shit.)

quote:

Originally posted by Intellekshual You can't get a job without having a fixed address. You can't get a fixed address without money. You can't get money without a job. This is why homeless charities try to create hostels that people can use as an address while they get back on their feet. Unfortunately, there are never enough places or jobs to cope with demand, and some people always go without. When I can afford to - i.e., when I'm employed myself - I give something (when I can tell they're not full of shit.)

I usually do the same - and, when I suspect someone's trying to fool me, I still tend to be polite and redirect the failed con artist to a city shelter (the offer is always declined because it involves actual work). I also tend to be more charitable towards informal workers, because even though they don't have a steady and secure job, at least they're trying to do something honest to earn a living.

What shocked me about this woman is how much she took for granted her right to score free food. She behaved almost as if it was everyone else's duty - and, no, she wouldn't take a "yes, but please wait" for an answer.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira That stuff also happens here, Blake, but whereas they usually ask for money, this is the first time I've seen someone beg for food when they didn't have to.

Yeah, that's pretty wild. I've seen beggars turn down food, or even laugh in the face of someone offering them food, and brag about their checking accounts, but the kind of person you described is, for lack of better term, undead. People like that simply enjoy feeding off of the living. It's what gives them strength, because they have not yet cultivated any significant amount of their own inner strength. Those kinds of people cannot be helped, and IMHO they'll remain here, doing the same BS, for however many lifetimes it takes for them to want to help themselves.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira What shocked me about this woman is how much she took for granted her right to score free food. She behaved almost as if it was everyone else's duty - and, no, she wouldn't take a "yes, but please wait" for an answer.

Entitlement is a disease, rampant and manifest everywhere you go. People who have contributed nothing to society feel that society owes them something, apparently just for being nice enough to grace us with their presence.
She was with child, and I'd be nice otherwise but, frankly, people like that can suck my ass.

In all seriousness, though, I bought a meal for a drifter/bum before. I happened to be outside at a cafe enjoying a fantastic meal when he came by and asked if I would be willing to give him the left-overs (he had an adorable, mangy mutt with him, too). I offered to buy him dinner and to sit down with me.

He was pretty cool and had some amazing stories to tell. His dog was chill as well, too.

Lots of hobophobes here!

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Lots of hobophobes here!

We are quite clearly hamophobes, the chick with the kid was apparently fat.

Does anyone here take their shirt off to take a shit?

I'll never forget the time a hobo came up to my friends and I saying "spare some change? anything helps..." and my friend dug into his pocket to pull out his change which was roughly 50 cents in nickels and dimes. With a disgusted look on his face, the guy actually refused.

Also, Blake: your story about the lady on the subway is fucked but that isn't a new tactic by any means. At least she treats her kid well. I don't know if they still do this today, but, in India (and elsewhere I'm sure), professional beggar type groups would enlist stray kids to beg for them and maim the kids so they'd get more money. It wasn't uncommon to hear of a mother of four taking her youngest, feeblest child out begging with her, wrapping it in a cloth, and not feeding it with the money she made (instead using it to feed its older siblings). After the baby died, she'd keep begging with it. Anyway, people who did this wouldn't view it as a bad thing, as hinduism teaches that children who die such deaths will be reincarnated as royalty.

quote:

Originally posted by Intellekshual We are quite clearly hamophobes, the chick with the kid was apparently fat.

You stole this from one of the greatest comic minds of our times!

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On You stole this from one of the greatest comic minds of our times!

Yes, you.

I don't deal with Subways since they are not in my City but every time I encounter someone asking for change I offer to buy them something to eat. A 99 cent burger and a drink, submarine sandwich and some chips from a convenience store etc. If its a Grocery Store then I offer something else. You can tell right away after you offer food if they are hungry or just want money for something else.

This case is however odd.

My favorite sign so far was this guy holding up a cardboard sign that said "Why lie?? I just need a beer"!!

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