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-- My Confusion ( Girls )
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I'm rather surprised that there ARE books on dating and social interaction, kinda sad if you think about it that you'd be picking up a very important life skill from a book :P It's exactly why there's a difference in book smarts and street smarts, where book smarts is the theory behind what "could" work, and street smarts being what "does" work. If I were you I'd just get some first hand experience and then you'll know what works and what doesn't for you, it's the only way to go if you want to actually get somewhere :P

Just my $0.02

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Originally posted by Skipper Well, didnt this thread get out of hand!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH TOTALLY AGREEED! I DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO READ ALL 7 PAGES OF THIS SADNESS!!!

[edit]sorry 8 pages....thats even worse..... [/edit]

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Originally posted by Prod I'm rather surprised that there ARE books on dating and social interaction, kinda sad if you think about it that you'd be picking up a very important life skill from a book :P It's exactly why there's a difference in book smarts and street smarts, where book smarts is the theory behind what "could" work, and street smarts being what "does" work. If I were you I'd just get some first hand experience and then you'll know what works and what doesn't for you, it's the only way to go if you want to actually get somewhere :P Just my $0.02

Well, after reading maybe 10% of this whole thing, running into some of drgoodvibe's posts (listen to the advice of the vise man!), and some really confusing posts, I'm just gonna reply to this post (not enough time to reply to all the previous ones, since someone out here already addresses them or will do so sooner or later).

Anyway, you better believe it that there ARE books on social interaction and dating, because 99% of men out there don't even understand the opposite sex. Hell, this whole thread started with a post by a "confused" male. Now, of course, there are so many crap books that teach what "could" work, and don't necessarily work in real world, since the authors themselves didn't get the complete understanding of female nature. Now, there are these rare books written by the people who actually understand women, and understand themselves too, and those are much better than both these "could work" books and the street smarts. Why? Because if you actually go out and try out every single thing and method you think of or find out works, and you actually get it going, you still might not know WHY it works and WHY it doesn't, the whole psychology behind it, etc.

Basically, don't be ignorant to everything books have to offer you, because you might not find out about some things in any other way... not everyone you meet in your life can pass on that knowledge to you.

And just rememeber this -> People are like shadows. Chase your shadow and it will flee; turn your back on it and it will follow you.

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Originally posted by Crazy Serb And just rememeber this -> People are like shadows. Chase your shadow and it will flee; turn your back on it and it will follow you.

haha wow, I'm really liking that..

So the nightmares about the big shadow swallowing me up weren't just to freak me out were they?

I agree, with you man, there are the few rare books, but wouldn't it be easier to just have a very good female friend and have her give you the female's perspective? That's what's helpd me learn quite a bit Now the rest is still up the "hands-on" experience (no pun intended you! )

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Originally posted by brunette haha wow, I'm really liking that..

Likewise, hehe.

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Originally posted by Crazy Serb because 99% of men out there don't even understand the opposite sex.

lol more like 100%.. girls dont even understand why they do the things they do sometimes..

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Originally posted by Prod So the nightmares about the big shadow swallowing me up weren't just to freak me out were they? I agree, with you man, there are the few rare books, but wouldn't it be easier to just have a very good female friend and have her give you the female's perspective? That's what's helpd me learn quite a bit Now the rest is still up the "hands-on" experience (no pun intended you! )

Generally a bad idea. Like jdjd said, most of these women don't understand themselves. They give bad advice. Maybe some of them give good advice, but in general you're going to suffer for it. Women view dating from a woman's point of view and don't understand it at all from a man's point of view.

But hey, if it helped you, then all the best to you. Hands-on experience, of course, is always the best.

P.S. nice quote, Crazy Serb.

P.P.S. Just so ya know Silke, Liebing destroyed me and that's why I hardly danced (reflecting your "shut up and dance" post).

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Originally posted by AmbiguousBliss Likewise, hehe.

haha ya

i dont know if its true or really good advice.heh but cute

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Originally posted by ahlamalek its a SHE

BAH sorry ! :

my mistake ! :P

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Originally posted by Prod I agree, with you man, there are the few rare books, but wouldn't it be easier to just have a very good female friend and have her give you the female's perspective? That's what's helpd me learn quite a bit Now the rest is still up the "hands-on" experience (no pun intended you! )

If you can find a female that is actually willing to teach you a few things from a neutral point of view, that would be more than helpful... neutral point of view being that you're not hitting on her blindly and don't wanna get into her pants (cuz that will just cloud your reasoning) and that she is not there to use you (thus giving you advices like "Girls like being taken out to expensive restaurants, being pampered with expensive gifts, etc"). But your chances of running into one are close to none, since 99% of girls out there don't even know themselves what they want. OK, I don't wanna call them dumbasses or anything like that, but they think and say that they want one thing, when in reality all they want is something a bit different. I won't even go into stories of their own deception with their own ideas, etc.

Now, before you go out and try and get some "hands on" experience ( good one ), you know how everyone says "Just be yourself"... well, that's the trick, just be yourself, BUT first, and I cannot stress this enough, first get to know yourself. Know what you want, what you like, what you hate, where you're going in life, how you're gonna get there, have something going on for you. That might be more attractive than all the good looks God might have (or not) given you. Then be yourself... much easier than having no clue and confusing the hell out of yourself and the girls you run into.

I'll conclude this lesson with a poem...



...yeah, right!

quote:

Originally posted by Crazy Serb If you can find a female that is actually willing to teach you a few things from a neutral point of view, that would be more than helpful... neutral point of view being that you're not hitting on her blindly and don't wanna get into her pants (cuz that will just cloud your reasoning) and that she is not there to use you (thus giving you advices like "Girls like being taken out to expensive restaurants, being pampered with expensive gifts, etc"). But your chances of running into one are close to none, since 99% of girls out there don't even know themselves what they want. OK, I don't wanna call them dumbasses or anything like that, but they think and say that they want one thing, when in reality all they want is something a bit different. I won't even go into stories of their own deception with their own ideas, etc. Now, before you go out and try and get some "hands on" experience ( good one ), you know how everyone says "Just be yourself"... well, that's the trick, just be yourself, BUT first, and I cannot stress this enough, first get to know yourself. Know what you want, what you like, what you hate, where you're going in life, how you're gonna get there, have something going on for you. That might be more attractive than all the good looks God might have (or not) given you. Then be yourself... much easier than having no clue and confusing the hell out of yourself and the girls you run into.

wel said man!!!
cheeeeers

quote:

Originally posted by Crazy Serb If you can find a female that is actually willing to teach you a few things from a neutral point of view, that would be more than helpful... neutral point of view being that you're not hitting on her blindly and don't wanna get into her pants (cuz that will just cloud your reasoning) and that she is not there to use you (thus giving you advices like "Girls like being taken out to expensive restaurants, being pampered with expensive gifts, etc"). But your chances of running into one are close to none, since 99% of girls out there don't even know themselves what they want. OK, I don't wanna call them dumbasses or anything like that, but they think and say that they want one thing, when in reality all they want is something a bit different. I won't even go into stories of their own deception with their own ideas, etc. Now, before you go out and try and get some "hands on" experience ( good one ), you know how everyone says "Just be yourself"... well, that's the trick, just be yourself, BUT first, and I cannot stress this enough, first get to know yourself. Know what you want, what you like, what you hate, where you're going in life, how you're gonna get there, have something going on for you. That might be more attractive than all the good looks God might have (or not) given you. Then be yourself... much easier than having no clue and confusing the hell out of yourself and the girls you run into. I'll conclude this lesson with a poem... ...yeah, right!

I wholeheartedly agree, that's why I provided my example by saying what I did, simply because of a female friend of mine who has actually helped me learn about myself through our interaction and stuff :P It's hard to find a true neutral point of view like you said, but I was lucky to be like that myself, and that the girl was willing to talk on neutral ground on any topic, so hats off to a lucky find (then again this could be another example of fate *ducks behind a fence before rocks start to fly* ) hehe If both people are mature in the mind and can see that in each other then they can pretty much go through any topic without having bias towards the topic, especially when there is respect between the two :P

Just my $0.02

Nice avatar btw

I hate it when women approach you when your with your girlfriend.

Why dont they approach you when your single?

silly females.

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Originally posted by neoh I hate it when women approach you when your with your girlfriend. Why dont they approach you when your single? silly females.

haha that's sort of like the George Costanza's wedding band experiment, where wearing a wedding ring had more women asking him about it hahaha brilliant!

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Originally posted by Crazy Serb Now, before you go out and try and get some "hands on" experience ( good one ), you know how everyone says "Just be yourself"... well, that's the trick, just be yourself, BUT first, and I cannot stress this enough, first get to know yourself. Know what you want, what you like, what you hate, where you're going in life, how you're gonna get there, have something going on for you. That might be more attractive than all the good looks God might have (or not) given you. Then be yourself... much easier than having no clue and confusing the hell out of yourself and the girls you run into. I'll conclude this lesson with a poem... ...yeah, right!

Dude, you are so right! 'Know Thyself' was also in the matrix. It's an old proverb and means the world in life. It's sad how certain people can live over 80 and never know themselves completely.

Think of the world we live in as a constant flow of energy. You're in constant exchange with your universe, and will be surprised to realise that your environment reflects who YOU are almost literally. If you're a positive person, you attract positive people and positive things happen to you, if you're negative, the same goes but with negative things... That is why confidence is so important, because it can be 'felt' from everyone around you. It is a necessary tool in life to make things work for you a lil better, because you being certain of yourself, makes you certain!

But it can't be false confidence. You have to have enough self esteem to be able to love yourself and in turn truly love everyone around you. Appreciate the little things in life, and KNOW that you're worth it and deserve whatever it is that you seek. You know the saying 'you can accomplish anything as long as you put your mind to it?' Well it's true in everything. People these days don't realise the power the mind TRULY has, because we're too hung up on 'I can't' or 'It's impossible' to accomplish what we desire. Break down the barriers, and let yourself go...

Another thing that is important, is how you deal with things in life. One must always think of 'negatives' as a test, to see how well we deal with them, and 'positive' things should always be appreciated and never taken for granted. That being said, you need to 'not care' so much about the outcome of approaching a woman and talking to her, because everything happens for a reason, and if it wasn't meant to be, then it wasn't meant to be...

And rememebr, treat the opposite sex with the same respect you'd treat another human being, and you should receive the same treatment in return. If you do not, then she isn't worth it and move the fuck on...

Sorry for the long post.
Thats it, im out.

you're so right! exactly what i believe in!
... check out the Celestine Prophecy ~ Nine Insights by James Redfield ... my bible!

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Originally posted by disko-kandi you're so right! exactly what i believe in! ... check out the Celestine Prophecy ~ Nine Insights by James Redfield ... my bible!

Already read it

You should try checking out some stuff from 'Deepak Chopra'. It's right up your alley and he tells you alot of facts as well, which is more concrete than the fictional Celestine

nice! thanks~! this is perfect i was actually planning on going book shopping tonite after work ... with the intention of looking for something along those lines ... it's been a while! it's that time of year for introspection!

hi jenna!!!!

I think it's funny that everyone seems to say "be yourself" and I agree, if you don't know who you are, how can you know what you want? I mean, I've BEEN myself for as long as I can remember, I think, and I can honestly say I don't fully know myself. Keeping a positive outlook is absolutely essential, tho. I agree with Boy_Trance on that point. The mind is capable of MUCH more than we give it credit for. I think, however, that desire shapes what we are capable of achieving as well. If you want something badly enough, you will have it. It's that simple, and it's true of almost anything in life.

Good thread! I have to go back and read the middle bits. Very interesting!

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Originally posted by Prod haha that's sort of like the George Costanza's wedding band experiment, where wearing a wedding ring had more women asking him about it hahaha brilliant!

When you see someone else buying, you know it's in demand. They want what they can't have. Men aren't much different though, to be fair. Territorialism is part of our animal instincts buried underneath all the other wires.

In any event, it's the romanticized fantasy of life, love, and relationships that make all of them so shitty, because it's just not the way things are. Guys thinking they can win a girl (who's already told them she's not interested) over by buying her expensive gifts and telling her how wonderful she is every day. Girls thinking that they should reject every guy who has the slightest flaw because Mr. Right will come by one day sporting a tuxedo and an angelic orange glow and sweep them off their feet.

People think of soul mates, true love and all kinds of other junk. They think that when the time comes, God will suddenly take over and bring you together with your future life partner. As if there's going to be a big flashing neon sign telling them what to do and when to do it. And when they don't see that sign, they get frustrated. They start making signs up, pretending that there's some divine message in every mundane event that happens in their lives. Everything happens for a reason. Every event contains a lesson to be learned.

Here's the lesson I learned: life is not deterministic. When 10 billion things happen every day, "1 in a million" coincidences will occur. Someone has to win the lottery. Someone has to get killed in a car accident. Someone has to meet their high school crush that they haven't seen in 10 years. Someone has to forget their pants when they leave the house and walk around the office all day pantsless. These things happen every second of every day - sometimes, in the same place at the same time to the same person, and sometimes not.

The behaviour of the universe and of other human beings is completely unpredictable, and if you want to know what happens in your future, then create it yourself. We have that capability unlike any other species, so use it! Stop trying to find a message in life as if it's something that's just been handed down to you. It's a science experiment, where everything you do has a specific consequence, and to get the result you want, you only have to try a few hypotheses, and yes, that means you'll probably fail the first few times.

But don't forget that in order to get the result you want, you have to know the result you are looking for. When you know what you are looking for, you will have confidence. That is what it means to "know thyself."

/end rant

Sierra's Guide To Getting a Girlfriend:

1) Stop dressing like a goof, get some nice clothes. Baggy jeans, jerseys and baseball hats aren't nice clothes.

2) Stop acting like a goof, and get a personality.

3) Get a life, don't spend over an hour a day on ta.com, get some friends, go to the mall, go to social events and stop believing the best place to meet a girl is at a club. It's not. 90% of guys meet girls through friends, school, work, or just being "out" somewhere. Girls like to shop, malls is where they obviously are.

4) Lower your standards. Not everyone can be a pimp like me and get all the hottest girls. Date the fat chicks, the fugly chicks if your that desperate for a girlfriend, Pamela Anderson or a girl like her isn't going to date you just 'because' you want a girlfriend, they're needs to be a connection, and if your a stupid kid with no life, you probably don't have anything in common with that hot blonde you stare at on the bus who won't even look at you. Words to live by "If your a fat slob, then don't try to date a slim, blonde, clean girl with D cups. The best you can do is a somewhat thinner and somewhat less sloppy girl". There is a "league" your in in terms of looks and personality.

5) Get a car or at least a drivers license. Trying to date someone who is 18+ without a way to go see her is extremely hard. It's NOT cool to be driven around by your girlfriend and to rely on her totally. Girls tell me this all the time. If your 18-21 and you don't have a ride around other than the TTC then you're probably not going to date someone for very long that lives across the city. Furthermore, cars allow you to date people who are in other communities. My past few gf's haven't been within walking distance of my house and public transit is too ghetto and too long to get there. Ifs a 20 minute drive to a girls house it's probably a 1 hr bus ride.

6) Learn to smile and go up to girls who you catch looking at you and quickly look away. They probably find your somewhat attractive. Smile at them when they look at you and try not to say something stupid, assinine or embarrassing. "line's" are the best way to get a girl to ignore you. The simplest conversation starter is "do you have the time?". It works, very very well, just make sure to stop wearing a watch.

7) Don't go "clubbing" every night of the weekend. Clubs aren't the best places to meet girls. The music is too loud to really talk to someone and honestly buddy, if your not good-looking you're probably not going to walk away with a number. Take clubs for what they are, loud, superficial collectives of people who just want to dance, get drunk or get laid. Girls don't go to clubs to meet guys, especially with all the creepy guys who sneak up behind them and jam there *ahem* into their butt.

8) If your THAT desperate for a GF then go on MSN chat and find a girl, chat her up for a while, get her msn, keep talking to her, swap photos, talk on the phone and meet up. It's a fucked up way to do it, but it works for hurt-bags who spend 24-7 on the net. P.S. any girl that meets and dates guys online is probably slutty, so go with it.

Good Luck

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Originally posted by Sierra P.S. any girl that meets and dates guys online is probably slutty, so go with it.

I don't think that's *quite* true. Consider the way guys are, especially in the chillout room. It's not that those girls (and guys) are all that slutty in general, it's just that the slutty ones get very slutty because their inhibitions are lowered - much like when they are pissed drunk. But one of my best friends did this 2 years ago - the guy is a total pimp and she's blindingly hot, but they both met on the 'net, are now living together, and I think each only slept with 1 other person in the past.

So just to clear that one up. I do not recommend "looking" on the internet, but people sometimes do "find" each other that way, and they aren't total losers.

Good advice in general though, agree with most of it...

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Originally posted by DigiNut Good advice in general though, agree with most of it...

Thank you.

I'm not too keen on meeting people online either... I mean, smileys are cool and everything, but there's something to be said for good old fashioned body language... and I can't shake the feeling that that person signed on as SeXyGurL_69 is actually some fat old dude sitting around in his underwear... maybe it's just me! I don't think clubs are a good place to meet girls either, let's face it, you're usually not in a very "balanced" frame of mind, shall we say... "OMG! Enraptured, what are you suggesting? Drug use?" and I don't think that's a good impression to leave someone who you want to spend a lot of time with... on the other hand I met Bubblegirl at a club... and she's awesome, not that we're going out, but I guess you just never know... we know some of the same people, so it all goes back to WHO YOU KNOW!!

Wow, I need to get my thoughts in order before my next post... this post is like a meandering stream!

Oh well, DEAL!

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