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-- Do all people cheat?
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Its something we take very seriously and dont even budge when it comes to the rules.

so what are the rules, if im not asking too much??

I like a Woman, but if she cheat on me I CRUSH HER!

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Originally posted by Xavier Moriarty me neither. tried it once, good ol' "you dont tell me what do you do and i wont tell you what do i do". at first i was thrilled, shit, getting some at home plus all the pussy i can handle on the side. and its true, girls can somehow sense man is in love or taken or whatever and.... lets just say the amount of girls interested in me during that time was redicilous. and then it backfired in the worst way possible. as soon some emotions developed it turned very ugly. took me a long ass time to get my shit together. i could understand the concept of "open relationship" if there was no emotions involved but i cant wrap my mind around loving somebody and banging som,ebody else on the side. but thats just me.

This open relationship isn't for anyone. Like Kelly said, it's for people with deep understanding and maturity in their relationship...

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i think it has to do a lot with where we live. back home there is no concept of "open relationship". family comes first. there is cheating, no doubt about it but nothing like open relationship. please dont bite myhead off, but i also think it has something to do with feminism.

I think you're trying to bring out another important factor in a relationship: trust.

Do you trust your SO that much, that in an open relationship you can believe that he/she just wants sex and have no emotional attachment?

I dunno. There are few people in my life that I would trust my life without any reservation at all.

But these people I don't love them romantically, and easier for me to trust than people I'd love romantically

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Originally posted by Capo di tutti Open Relationship? Why don't leave your doors unlocked and keys in your car so everyone can use it at their leisure... On op of everything else, STD's fucking scare me...and i know everyone does NOT use protection all the time, or at one point hasn't even with a random. As if i want to kiss or make love to significant other on a saturday or sunday morning after a bar night...the stench of cock or multiple cocks would literally make me vomit. And vice versa for women, who wants to be tasting some chick who was an easy mark from the night before. After bar sex which may include dancing at the bar beforehand can be one of the hardest stinks to get rid of in 12 hrs or less.

lol what?

like Xavier said

theres no way u can have an open relationship if you care/love the person. If you love him/her the idea of somebody else touching or having intimate moments with your partner seems bizzare.


open relationship is for ppl who want to fuck around, and have somebody to hang, be friends with and fuck

Matty - I lol'd in my office. I would hope they shower in between but I get your point.

Miki - yes, I agree with the emotion part. As for the feminism comment, I potentially agree that there is some correlation but I don't think it is as a direct result. Empowerment manifests itself in many ways.

Yohan - we do share similar viewpoints on lots of things and I don't take that as a slam at all You have a good head on your shoulders.

Kels - *BIG HUG* and I will say it again, I am not judging AT ALL. Not at all. There isn't much in the world that I don't understand (except AWFUL stuff) so for this to be such a sticking point for me is perplexing. I think I am open minded and modern in my approach to life in general - just not with this.

Perhaps me being a slut for the time I was single has meant I have shagged my 'quota' lol!

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Originally posted by English Rachel me being a slut

Tell me more.



Hahah sorry. It's my week off. :/

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Do you trust your SO that much, that in an open relationship you can believe that he/she just wants sex and have no emotional attachment?

just sex???? well if shes with me and she wants "just sex" on the side she can just shoot me in the head. i honestly do not understand the concept of this.

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Originally posted by Yohan Do you trust your SO that much, that in an open relationship you can believe that he/she just wants sex and have no emotional attachment?

I don't want to have sex with anyone else, I don't want to kiss anyone else, I would die inside if Adam did too.

We have a deep and mature relationship, openness is just something that doesn't feature in our list of needs and wants. I appreciate that couples are different, the only point I am trying to make is that I DON'T GET IT

Jenny - I blame the alcohol!

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Originally posted by Xavier Moriarty i think it has to do a lot with where we live. back home there is no concept of "open relationship". family comes first. there is cheating, no doubt about it but nothing like open relationship.

See, I'd rather 'be in the loop' and know what's going on if my partner is shagging someone on the side. If "cheating" is going to happen, I'd rather know about it, and be on terms that we can both live with / agree with, in which case things shift a bit more away from "cheating" to "being open".

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Originally posted by kaniz See, I'd rather 'be in the loop' and know what's going on if my partner is shagging someone on the side. If "cheating" is going to happen, I'd rather know about it, and be on terms that we can both live with / agree with, in which case things shift a bit more away from "cheating" to "being open".

Why not just be fuck friends then? If cheating is going to happen, i dont think there should be a relationship.

I believe in crimes of passion

i would kill them both

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Originally posted by Engine9 like Xavier said theres no way u can have an open relationship if you care/love the person. If you love him/her the idea of somebody else touching or having intimate moments with your partner seems bizzare. open relationship is for ppl who want to fuck around, and have somebody to hang, be friends with and fuck

From Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Maid Marian: You can have my body, but you'll never have my love

Sheriff Nottingham: Well, one can't have everythin, I suppose.



My point is, what is more valuable, the body or the soul?

Just something else to think about

But, fuck friends that you want to spend the rest of your life with? build a life with? work towards common goals? have a deeper level of connection/commitment that you have with other people? someone that you look upto / love / admire / respect and does the same to you? someone that makes you want to live up to your full potential? who has your back when no body else will, but isn't afraid to tell you to suck it up when needed?

There are many factors that are important to me in a relationship beyond "who is sleeping with who" - and as long as that "who is sleeping with who" is handled in an open / honest manner on terms that both parties can agree with - being 100% exclusive inst necessarily the answer all the time (for me at least).

Just playing a bit of a devils advocate here. My current relationship is 'pretty much' monog (if anything happens, it happens together). That being said, if he ended up fooling around with someone and let me know within a reasonable period of time and didnt try and hide it from me - it wouldn't be the end of the world or our relationship.

However, if he did fool around, hid it from me, and I found out about it through some other person than from him - then I'd be pissed.

If it became a regular thing and happening pretty frequently - then I'd probably start to take some issue with it.

*shrug*, guess it's a bit of 'shit happens, deal with it' way of approaching it, and dealing with it doesnt necessarily mean givin them the boot.

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Originally posted by Engine9 like Xavier said theres no way u can have an open relationship if you care/love the person. If you love him/her the idea of somebody else touching or having intimate moments with your partner seems bizzare. open relationship is for ppl who want to fuck around, and have somebody to hang, be friends with and fuck

not for me it isnt. Thats how YOU feel about your own relationshpis, but its not how WE feel. To be clear, I havent taken my "options" In over a couple years. I truly love my man, and dont feel the need to go sleep with people all of the time. its an OPTION. We have a great relationship, and because of that I dont feel like I WANT to be with 5000 other people. Like I said, we arent open to be "sluts." I DO NOT like sleeping around and am very picky. (I feel like I am repeating myself, but I can see that people are not readin back more than 2 pages, thus......repeated statements).

As for the rules, I wrote some of them a while back, but to get the jist:

1000% protection all the time PERIOD. Can NOT be budged on!!

WE dont set a "number" but we also discuss NOT abusing this rule (ie: dont go out and sleep around, its for those very FEW instances we wish to stray).

No dating, no spending time with the other person, (etc...a bunch of specific rules on the "emotional" aspect of being with someone else.) We do NOT condone emotional attathcments or anything beyond sexual exploration (nor do we *want* them!!) The LOVE is for us, and if we feel the need to LOVE others or spend emotional energy on them, then its time to pack our bags.

^^there are more specifics but you get the point. And PLEASE for the love of god, stop referring to people who are open as "sluts" or "swingers"...while some people ARE on those relationships (and there is nothing wrong with that either), there are some people who do not WANT to sleep around. We just feel as if we have our whole lives to be together and are having fun and leaving the option while we are young and not married. Once we are married, OR someone decides its not for them anymore, the "open" will become closed.


rachel I appreciate you attempting to be openminded lol I can see right thru the computer screen that this is hard for you! haha!

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Originally posted by kaniz But, fuck friends that you want to spend the rest of your life with? build a life with? work towards common goals? have a deeper level of connection/commitment that you have with other people? someone that you look upto / love / admire / respect and does the same to you? someone that makes you want to live up to your full potential? who has your back when no body else will, but isn't afraid to tell you to suck it up when needed?

thats exactly what im trying to understand.

can you really have all those wonderfull things with somebody who wants to fuck on the side?? or with somebody who "just" wants to have that optin?

yankee no dissrespect im just trying to understand

I can, and know others that have. One couple I know have been together for over 20 years. Their relationship has shifted from 100% monog, to 100% open 'do whoever you want, whenever you want' to a middle ground.

It's something that has been working for them for a very long time, they own a 'house with a white picket fence' - whole 9 yards type thing, and seem like a perfectly normal happy committed couple if they didn't come right out and tell you that they are in an 'open' relationship.

They seem to be allot more happy/stable then some of the 100% monog couples I know.

At the end of the day, I know who I want to be coming home to - and that's more important than who I may be going to bed with.

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Originally posted by yankeeBaby ... I truly love my man...

so u love him and you are ok if he makes out with some other woman, gets naked with her?

there is no fear that say may be he likes her a lot... may be the sex is better then with you.. ? may be hes gone develop feelings for her after the shag session..?


and nobody is calling u a slut lol

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Originally posted by kaniz At the end of the day, I know who I want to be coming home to - and that's more important than who I may be going to bed with.

to a loving wife who just blowed your neighbour jimmy??

sorry, i just dont get it.

Kel - no-one (that I can see) is calling you a slut or a swinger - I was throwing my personal example as to why I may not comprehend this as I have slept with my quota of men during my single life and if you and your fella have been together 5.5 years AND you weren't promiscuous before you met, you probably haven't had the 'encounters' I have and so that does make it a little more understandable - I never want to see another cock in my life lol!
And the 'swinger' comment was about 2 MARRIED couples I know that swing - again your case is different sorry if it came across as a comparison to you - it wasn't meant that way xx

Miki, just because you don't get it, doesn't mean it doesn't work for people.

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Originally posted by Engine9 and nobody is calling u a slut lol

haha I know that I am just clarifying that while some couple enjoy a promiscious lifestyle, I do not Often there are discrepancies in how people view and open relationship and I just wanted to point out that people conduct their own "openess" in a variety of ways. Some are wayy out there, and others simply want the option.
I actually *prefer* sleeping with my man, who knows me and my body.....and whom I feel more comfortable exploring .....err.....more explicit fantasties And the love that we share during sex can never be replaced.

Its just nice to know that if I get the urge, I can go forth with it with out any feelings of regret or guilt. Again, we all have urges, and I'm secure enough... and have enough restraint..... to not give in to all of my urges (by any means....see where I wrote 'its been a few years...')



xavier: I know darling, you are just trying to understand. as is rachel. When I was in with my ex, in a "closed" relationship, I didnt get it either. lol I dont suppose that most people would understand unless they where actually IN an open relationship..... because one must understand and FEEL the emotions and ideas behind it to truly get it. It takes a great deal of trust, maturity and confidence in your partner to be ok with something like this and still feel a sense of true love and committment to him at home.

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Originally posted by jennypie Miki, just because you don't get it, doesn't mean it doesn't work for people.

i completely agree slutpie and thats why im asking all these questions. i wanna try and understand.

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Originally posted by English Rachel Kel - no-one (that I can see) is calling you a slut or a swinger - I was throwing my personal example as to why I may not comprehend this as I have slept with my quota of men during my single life and if you and your fella have been together 5.5 years AND you weren't promiscuous before you met, you probably haven't had the 'encounters' I have and so that does make it a little more understandable - I never want to see another cock in my life lol! And the 'swinger' comment was about 2 MARRIED couples I know that swing - again your case is different sorry if it came across as a comparison to you - it wasn't meant that way xx

lol no worries love, I wasnt making the comment towards anyone in particular. I was just mkaing the reference to the different TYPES of "open" relationships....... and the fact that most people who are engaged in "closed" relationships often see "us" as people who merely want to be promiscious, which is, in fact, certainly not the case with us

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Originally posted by yankeeBaby lol no worries love, I wasnt making the comment towards anyone in particular. I was just mkaing the reference to the different TYPES of "open" relationships....... and the fact that most people who are engaged in "closed" relationships often see "us" as people who merely want to be promiscious, which is, in fact, certainly not the case with us

ok phew

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Originally posted by Xavier Moriarty i completely agree slutpie and thats why im asking all these questions. i wanna try and understand.

Well, it certainly is an interesting and enlightening discussion

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