TranceAddict Forums (www.tranceaddict.com/forums)
- Chill Out Room
-- Friendship and sex
Pages (13): « 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 [11] 12 13 »

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby Also there is a friends zone for guys too, except it works different I think. Its never off the table, you just don't consider it really. I can vouch for this, a good friend of mine moved from one zone to the other and I never thought about her that way till she said something.

Was she a minger?

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby No, I think that is true for guys, see my last post, but for girls they can def put a guy in a category where they'd never think of them sexually, its not even on the table.

Precisely, because they've always been so far from the table she's never even bothered to offer them a chair so they could have a seat!

quote:

Originally posted by treeboo If you're interested in them but they have no romantic interest in you, you are sort of wasting your time. You're pursuing someone who isn't going to flip. Does that mean you can't be friends? of course not. But I find most people (myself included) can't separate those feelings, even after rejection. In that sense, a person would be better off severing ties, if only for awhile, so that they can move past their feelings to a place where a platonic relationship is possible. The time wasting comes from a sustained hope that the target's perceptions will change...not necessarily just hanging out or what not

This.

quote:

Originally posted by treeboo If you're interested in them but they have no romantic interest in you, you are sort of wasting your time. You're pursuing someone who isn't going to flip. Does that mean you can't be friends? of course not. But I find most people (myself included) can't separate those feelings, even after rejection.

I see. It's just that... I happen to be the opposite. If I fancy a girl and find out she doesn't fancy me, what the hell, at least she can be a good friend. I'd just move on to another girl and keep her friendship.

9 time out of 10, the girl turned out to be well awesome.

quote:

Originally posted by treeboo In that sense, a person would be better off severing ties, if only for awhile, so that they can move past their feelings to a place where a platonic relationship is possible. The time wasting comes from a sustained hope that the target's perceptions will change...not necessarily just hanging out or what not

I see. Well, makes sense from this point of view

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Was she a minger?

No, she is actually quite hot, very smart, etc. I just never thought of her that way because of a lot of other reasons. In fact when she told me I initially entirely rejected the idea saying it was too weird.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Precisely, because they've always been so far from the table she's never even bothered to offer them a chair so they could have a seat!

But they are still friends with her, so what are they? I never had a chance (well maybe fleeting at specific moments) with that girl I was obsessed with for years but she and I were still really good friends, even after I had confessed to her (apparently a couple of times after reading some old logs ).

We eventually stopped talking altogether though, I decided it wasn't worth it and she decided I wasn't worth the friendship.

Also from knowing her for a long long time (15 years this year) she def kept guys in the friends zone. A lot of them. In fact the only time she'd not keep guys in the friend zone was when she was single, but as soon as she was with someone she'd have guy friends all around her. So fucked up...

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby No, she is actually quite hot, very smart

Then she's a potential mate.

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby I just never thought of her that way because of a lot of other reasons. In fact when she told me I initially entirely rejected the idea saying it was too weird.

Do go on...

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby But they are still friends with her, so what are they?

Friends.

Are we really talking about friendship as some sort of boyfriend internship? I mean, are you friends with guys because you want to bone them in the near future?

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby I never had a chance (well maybe fleeting at specific moments) with that girl I was obsessed with for years but she and I were still really good friends, even after I had confessed to her (apparently a couple of times after reading some old logs ).

Precisely why I said you should talk to her: it would get the tension out of the picture and you'd be honest with one another. And, who knows, the feelings could be reciprocal!

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby We eventually stopped talking altogether though, I decided it wasn't worth it and she decided I wasn't worth the friendship.

And, that's your call. Fair, I'd say, you're entitled to making that choice

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby Also from knowing her for a long long time (15 years this year) she def kept guys in the friends zone. A lot of them. In fact the only time she'd not keep guys in the friend zone was when she was single, but as soon as she was with someone she'd have guy friends all around her. So fucked up...

No, it's not fucked up. It's perfectly natural: She liked to hang out with these guys but no one of them was boyfriend material for her. When she started dating, chances are she's spend most of the time with her boyfriend, so cutting ties with these other lads is in no way a surprise.

I definitely hanged (hung?) out with my female friends way more while Kaoru was away. I mean, I had plenty of free time!

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Then she's a potential mate. Do go on...

I'd never considered her that and having that realization that they might be was sort of shocking.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Are we really talking about friendship as some sort of boyfriend internship? I mean, are you friends with guys because you want to bone them in the near future?

I don't know what we are talking about now... I think we are agreeing but I am not sure...

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Precisely why I said you should talk to her: it would get the tension out of the picture and you'd be honest with one another. And, who knows, the feelings could be reciprocal! And, that's your call. Fair, I'd say, you're entitled to making that choice

It is probably for the better, our relationship went from being friendly to having some sort of horrible fight and back again. It was tiring. For friends we still had a pretty deep emotional bond, so fighting was not something that was enjoyable at all.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira No, it's not fucked up. It's perfectly natural: She liked to hang out with these guys but no one of them was boyfriend material for her. When she started dating, chances are she's spend most of the time with her boyfriend, so cutting ties with these other lads is in no way a surprise. I definitely hanged (hung?) out with my female friends way more while Kaoru was away. I mean, I had plenty of free time!

I think you misread me. I am saying she'd NOT keep boys around her all the time when she was single, at least specific ones. When she was single she often hung out with me way less. When she was with a boy though she'd hang out with me way more. Probably just her way of torturing me though or something haha.

This is the same girl we've been hearing about for years, isn't it?

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On This is the same girl we've been hearing about for years, isn't it?

Read betterer Hal and you'd figure that out on your own.

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby I'd never considered her that and having that realization that they might be was sort of shocking.

I'm confused. Why? How so?

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby I don't know what we are talking about now... I think we are agreeing but I am not sure...

I've had that impression a couple of posts ago but because the debate kept going, I assumed I had overlooked an important detail

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby It is probably for the better, our relationship went from being friendly to having some sort of horrible fight and back again. It was tiring. For friends we still had a pretty deep emotional bond, so fighting was not something that was enjoyable at all.

Sorry to hear that. I genuinely wish it worked out.

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby I think you misread me. I am saying she'd NOT keep boys around her all the time when she was single, at least specific ones. When she was single she often hung out with me way less. When she was with a boy though she'd hang out with me way more. Probably just her way of torturing me though or something haha.

Oh, got it! Misread you indeed.

Actually, it may have been very thoughtful of her. She didn't want to lead these guys on while she was single, and felt she didn't need to protect anyone while she was dating because... well... she was dating!

Sorry, was just confused when it got to the prospect of you knowing more than one female who wasn't your mom.

Dr. Nou Pinsky

quote:

Originally posted by Lira You know, I've recently grown tired of the whole "friend zone" talk... how much self-pity do you need to actually believe there is such a thing? No girl would ever friendzone a guy she's really attracted to. And if the guy turns out to be a bore/bastard, then she most likely will stop hanging out with him altogether. Isn't it painfully obvious?

Don't really agree. I definitely think it's an excuse a lot of girls use. I even know one girl who broke up with a guy after two years because she "just wanted to be friends", which is obviously horse-shit. However, that doesn't mean there isn't a reality to it. I don't buy into the idea that everyone decides immediately whether they're attracted to someone else and that decision can't change. There are people who I've had absolutely no interest in when I first met them, but something has changed - either getting to know them or some sudden thing that has changed my impression of them - and I come to find them attractive. And likewise there are people who I might have found attractive when I first met them and knew nothing about them, but getting to know them and being friends with them has either removed the attraction or made it feel weird or socially totally awkward to seriously contemplate a relationship. There's no universal rule governing attraction. To say no girl will ever do anything is just a bit foolish, really.

Also, guys can do it to girls. I've done it before.

Have you ever been dadzoned?

quote:

Originally posted by Lira I'm confused. Why? How so?

Just was, I don't know. I can't really explain it well. Its just something you are expecting from that person, especially when you have known them for a long time.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Have you ever been dadzoned?

I believe Ted Promo might have been.

When I think friend zone, i think of it as one of those things internet "culture" kind of ran with because it comes in an easy to consume package. After those ladder graphics started to hit the internet in...well, whenever the hell it was (02 or so?) Friend Zoning quickly expanded to include any rejection by a person ever. asks To me, the key part of friend zoning is that the potential target leaves the situation undefined and/or ambiguous. What I mean is, the refusal itself is not what constitutes a friend zoning but rather the aftermath.

For example, a girl asks a guy out and he says no: No big deal. But now, let's say he notices that she only comes over and cooks dinner for him a couple of times a month instead of the twice a week schedule she kept before his rejection. He decides that he will continue to flirt with her and keep that dream alive, so to speak, in order to reap the benefits he would receive if he did date her. Think of it as trying to have your cake and eat it too.

Do people act like this in reality? Definitely. But has it also been blown way out of proportion by a subset of awkward people looking for an outlet to avoid the pain of outright rejection? Absolutely.

quote:

Originally posted by treeboo When I think friend zone, i think of it as one of those things internet "culture" kind of ran with because it comes in an easy to consume package. After those ladder graphics started to hit the internet in...well, whenever the hell it was (02 or so?) Friend Zoning quickly expanded to include any rejection by a person ever. asks To me, the key part of friend zoning is that the potential target leaves the situation undefined and/or ambiguous. What I mean is, the refusal itself is not what constitutes a friend zoning but rather the aftermath. For example, a girl asks a guy out and he says no: No big deal. But now, let's say he notices that she only comes over and cooks dinner for him a couple of times a month instead of the twice a week schedule she kept before his rejection. He decides that he will continue to flirt with her and keep that dream alive, so to speak, in order to reap the benefits he would receive if he did date her. Think of it as trying to have your cake and eat it too. Do people act like this in reality? Definitely. But has it also been blown way out of proportion by a subset of awkward people looking for an outlet to avoid the pain of outright rejection? Absolutely.

What if the person doing the rejecting is the one coming back.

No difference? Whether they want home cooked meals or a shoulder to cry on or someone to take care of their pets, the idea is that the desired person fans the flames in the desirer in order to reap the benefits of dating them when they have no desire or inclination to do so. Of course, friend zoning is a two way street; if you're being taken advantage of, it only happens with your passive approval. it's also possible the rejector has changed their mind, but once having rejected, they should be ready to have to earn their place

quote:

Originally posted by SYSTEM-J Don't really agree. I definitely think it's an excuse a lot of girls use. I even know one girl who broke up with a guy after two years because she "just wanted to be friends", which is obviously horse-shit. However, that doesn't mean there isn't a reality to it.

When she said she just wanted to be friends, did they really remain in amicable terms? And, most importantly, did he let himself go (i.e. stopped taking care of himself and gained an enormous amount of weight or just stopped taking care about is looks) or was there any critical problem in their relationship (i.e. it was doomed to failure and that was her "this is the best excuse I can give you for our break-up)? I know my brother's ex used that very same line, but he went from "lean interesting nerdy guy" to "fat anti-social basement dweller" in a matter of months - he was an altogether different person by then. Also, it just could well be the case that she saw the relationship was doomed but wanted to keep him around because she liked him. But in this case, I very much doubt she stopped seeing him as someone who she would like to have a stable relationship if he changed.

quote:

Originally posted by SYSTEM-J I don't buy into the idea that everyone decides immediately whether they're attracted to someone else and that decision can't change. There are people who I've had absolutely no interest in when I first met them, but something has changed - either getting to know them or some sudden thing that has changed my impression of them - and I come to find them attractive. And likewise there are people who I might have found attractive when I first met them and knew nothing about them, but getting to know them and being friends with them has either removed the attraction or made it feel weird or socially totally awkward to seriously contemplate a relationship.

I don't mean immediately - the first time I saw my fiancée, I had no idea I'd ever date her, but I got to know her and we got it off right after our second date... mainly because it was the best date I had ever had. Had I somehow put her in a (non-)friend zone prior to that? No, not at all. If she truly was a minger and I found her as attractive as a socket, then I don't believe we would ever have gotten together.

What I mean is: the whole concept of friendzoning someone because "you somehow placed yourself in the wrong ladder because you were slow" is utter bollocks - personality traits can (and do) make someone more or less attractive, but these are usually borderline cases in which you did already think the person was somehow attractive but not special enough to pursue a relationship with... and vice-versa.

quote:

Originally posted by SYSTEM-J There's no universal rule governing attraction. To say no girl will ever do anything is just a bit foolish, really.

And that's precisely my case against friendzoning. It can't be something all girls do and, due to its specificity, it's unlikely that this is ever the case. Could it happen? Yes. Is it probable? No.

quote:

Originally posted by SYSTEM-J Also, guys can do it to girls. I've done it before.

You've ditched someone attractive because it took them too long to make up their mind?

did you seriously confess your love over IM?

what the fuck is wrong with the world


(in reference to weatherby, "reading some old logs, a couple of times"



also an extra for reading it again

quote:

Originally posted by Allied Nations did you seriously confess your love over IM? what the fuck is wrong with the world (in reference to weatherby, "reading some old logs, a couple of times" also an extra for reading it again

I didn't intend to, she forced me to, I did something stupid and asked her if she wanted to hang out in a couple days, and she asked why and I said I wanted to talk to her and then she started freaking out. So I ended up telling her there, at that point it was almost to spite her for being so hasty in wanting to know what was up.

And in reference to old logs I was reading logs with someone else. We were bored and skype sharing desktops and decided to read logs from way back in the day, and I had mentioned to the person I was reading logs of/with in the logs that I had apparently txt'd her again, but if I remember that right she was baiting me to say it... Man that girl was sorta messed up now that I think about it...

There was a thread on the first one but it got deleted in Neos great purge of the Nou. I asked the cor for advice.

I friend zone bitches all the time. I mean I always meet a new girl with the thought in my mind, "I'm going to fuck her" but sometimes if it gets to drawn out and she hasnt put out and I can tell its passed the point where if we do fuck it'll have more to do then just sex, I back away. I'll keep them around as friends. I'll answer their texts, invite them out with groups or people, or go out once in a while for drinks but i wont fuck them. lets just put it this way....if the girl seems relationshipy I tend not to fuck them and befriend them...chances are they got a slutty friend

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy I friend zone bitches all the time. I mean I always meet a new girl with the thought in my mind, "I'm going to fuck her" but sometimes if it gets to drawn out and she hasnt put out and I can tell its passed the point where if we do fuck it'll have more to do then just sex, I back away. I'll keep them around as friends. I'll answer their texts, invite them out with groups or people, or go out once in a while for drinks but i wont fuck them. lets just put it this way....if the girl seems relationshipy I tend not to fuck them and befriend them...chances are they got a slutty friend

That's because you want to bang them and keep it at that, Eric

It's not like you reckon they're unbonkable because you don't want to go all the way with them... you'd do it provided they don't want more benefits... wouldn't you?

quote:

Originally posted by Lira That's because you want to bang them and keep it at that, Eric It's not like you reckon they're unbonkable because you don't want to go all the way with them... you'd do it provided they don't want more benefits... wouldn't you?

no of course not. I dont want to sound like a perv though im sure I'm come off as one but I think about fuckin every girl I meet even if its just a brief second. Even the ugliest fattest chick when i first meet them I think what their fuckface would look like. It maybe in the back back back back of my mind but its there. Sometimes youll see me shiver

Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright © 2000-2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.