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Posted by muzzybear on Jan-10-2005 17:07:

You don't wanna know what it's like until you're married.

Even Madonna asked Santa for her Virginity back.

Married sex is the best. I can speak from experience. And it's completely satisfying. The whole world could end and when I'm doin' it with my hubby and I wouldn't care.

Posted by igottaknow on Jan-10-2005 17:13:

quote:
Originally posted by muzzybear
Married sex is the best. I can speak from experience. And it's completely satisfying. The whole world could end and when I'm doin' it with my hubby and I wouldn't care.

that would explain MILF

Posted by Mr. Pink on Jan-10-2005 17:24:

sex is like a swift kick in the nuts...

but i like that sort of shit

Posted by Eric Siefer on Jan-10-2005 17:30:

quote:
Originally posted by Theresa
Did you use a condom?

lol, I didnt see him put that part into the play-by-play commentary, so someone may be a fazccha.

quote:
Originally posted by TranceSpeeder
i like meat on my girls! i mean, nothing is better than tapping the ass.

+1 Skinny chicks just dont turn me on like a girl with a little shape. I'm not talkin about fat girls, but i'll say "filled out". And anything that even looks like it could at some point be a roll in the fat, and i'm out.

quote:
Originally posted by GelatinPufF
I call a fucking pisstake. How can you start with not knowing where to stick it, to then making her cum 4 times?

+1, sounds like he was very comfortable in the 69 position, and had no trouble finding the clit for his first time(of course some are easier to find than others)

Posted by Mr. Pink on Jan-10-2005 17:32:

quote:
Originally posted by Eric Siefer
had no trouble finding the clit for his first time(of course some are easier to find than others)

well its not going to be on her forehead, buddy lol

if at first you dont succeed, slap that vagina

Posted by Midutz on Jan-10-2005 18:11:

i think it was BS

Posted by igottaknow on Jan-10-2005 18:20:

quote:
Originally posted by Midutz
i think it was BS

you think so n00b?

Posted by Ory on Jan-10-2005 19:46:

Jesus fucking christ, why do you even bother pointing out that it's fake?

Posted by kamil on Jan-10-2005 19:53:

quote:
Originally posted by igottaknow
that would explain MILF

doesnt mean shes a mom.

Posted by UWM on Jan-10-2005 19:56:

quote:
Originally posted by La5eR
Steps to Sex by: La5eR
first is what id do is start making out
then while doing so id slowly but surely work my way to the breasts
after i got to those id massage the nipples in a pinching but not hurting manner
then id slowly make my way down towards the pants while still massaging the nipples
then id unbutton the pants then mine
take my tongue start at the stomach then work my way to the mons
after i got to the mons id texture my tongue to your liking
then after i stimulated that properly
id then move to the vulva
slowly making circular motions and flicking motions with the tongue while experimenting to the right texture as well
after i got the clit exposed id nibble at it with my lips
and maybe use a little bit of teeth but itd be gentle with those
then id suck on it a bit
get it nice and moist
id then take two fingers (index and middle) and make them into a cork screwe configuration
stick those in and rummage around in every way possible
then tease ya with them while massaging the clit with my saliva moist thumb
just before you arch your back i take them out
then i slowly ease my penis into it but gently
carefull not to harm any tissue
then as im facing you and youre facing me id thrust gently and at times thrust a violent one so i get maximum penetration
repeate as necessary
then lay my stomach on yours while sucking on your left nipple
and using tongue textures
still thrusting of course
then id do the other nipple
making sure i can get the maximum amount of stand out of them
then we would french kiss while doing the thrusting still
then a min before i go id start doing it from behind while massaging the nipples and breasts gently
still putting in random hard thrusts
THEN this is where the good part comes in
i go faster and faster till you start arching your back
then take one of my hands and massage the mons and vulva to be sure the clit stays exposed
then after i go i continue to thrust while massaging with a saliva mostened fingers
keep going till you go
then we get all tired and sleep for 10 hrs

Overall the whole process should take one to two hours to complete.

Yeah right dude, unless that's some computer game you played.

Good effort though.

Posted by {b.s.e.} on Jan-10-2005 20:07:

quote:
Originally posted by UWM
Yeah right dude, unless that's some computer game you played.

Good effort though.

an 'F' for effort, you might say?

Posted by kaffeemeister on Jan-10-2005 20:11:

quote:
Originally posted by igottaknow
you think so n00b?

Yes the whole thread sounded like some bullshit artist tryin' to get attention the download some porno what pull some tricks over his manhood...

Btw.. stop torturing and discrediting everyone that is new in here...

//my 5 cents

Posted by igottaknow on Jan-10-2005 20:57:

quote:
Originally posted by kamil
doesnt mean shes a mom.

stop stealing my move only i am allowed to ;rolleyes;

quote:
Originally posted by kaffeemeister
Btw.. stop torturing and discrediting everyone that is new in here...

good ole TA hazing, just deal with it

Posted by dredhead on Jan-10-2005 21:42:

SEX=regret 93% of the time, but then again i am usually high when it happens so i forget quickly

Posted by sensorium on Jan-10-2005 22:38:

Calm down there kid.

Posted by DarkAngel on Jan-10-2005 22:58:

I can't believe this thread is still going...

Posted by DJ JEM on Jan-11-2005 01:24:

believe it becuse it is!

Posted by La5eR on Jan-11-2005 03:28:

LOL FloorFiller thats actually going in as my away message for all my IM clients .

Posted by darkace on Jan-11-2005 05:03:

Hardcore s3x, bloodninja style:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

Posted by DJ JEM on Jan-11-2005 05:39:

Posted by DarkAngel on Jan-11-2005 08:24:

quote:
Originally posted by darkace
Hardcore s3x, bloodninja style:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

HAHAHA!!! Classic.

Posted by OurManFlint on Jan-11-2005 08:28:

Posted by DarkAngel on Jan-11-2005 08:32:

quote:
Originally posted by OurManFlint
Hey, does anybody know the site that shows all of the converstions. There are like 5 I think.

I don't know, but HERE is a thread where there are more hilarious cyber stories posted.

Posted by OurManFlint on Jan-11-2005 08:39:

ok, found it, this one's my favorite

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k

Here's the link
http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm

Posted by websley on Jan-11-2005 08:54:

Sex = Flying
Love = Gravity

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