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Originally posted by DigiNut I wish people would make better use of paragraphs!

mental note taken.. will be more careful!

Once again, i agree with almost all your saying. To top off the diffrences between guys and girls, perhaps it is wise to carefully consider the advice between the girls statements and the guys, to hopefully balance the difference and find a formula that works. Of course this all depends on who replys to the question because some are more helpful then others. Anyhow, i think we are relitively on the same page.

One last thing, correct me if im wrong, but i think politics of dancin was the only other girl to reply to this thread so far, and it seems to me that she provided some solid advice as opposed to asking the questions? Or maybe thats just me being a girl.

How's my paragraph skillz now?

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy yeah thats why i say u trap her into an busive relationship until u milk all the self esteem out of her and shes stuck with u...then u grab her by the hair and throw to the streets and say "wheres ur lil boys now!"

vivid can i pleeeese be your girlfriend?

quote:

Originally posted by wienerschnitzel vivid can i pleeeese be your girlfriend?

i dunno takes quite a commitment...and u gotta know how to cook!

Re: Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

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Originally posted by DigiNut Oh and one other thing: don't listen to relationship advice from women. Trust me on this.

hey hey hey! what the hell is that? Why wouldn't he listen to any advice from us? At least we can explain ourselves! (eventually, if not right away)

I'm quite in the similar situation that you are in actually, so I feel extreemly bad for you, because it sucks. After a year, the guy I am in love with decided to up and leave for no reason as well. And it was overnight... We had never been happier... Then he just says that its over, he's done. No explaination. Just finito. Anyway, thats my bitter self coming out.

This girl... like my guy is an idiot. But, she might not come back. She probably won't. We (girls) are very stubborn. We don't want to admit that we made a mistake. So even if we are completely unhappy, we will continue to act as though we are, just to show you that we can move on, when really, we haven't. But its not only girls who do this!

For your sake, I hope it all works out differently for you than it had for me.

Re: Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

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Originally posted by DigiNut Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don't call her, don't talk to her, don't even act like she exists. Give her her "space", like Indy so aptly put it, which is what all girls think they want but really can't stand for more than a week. Cut her out, and give it a week or two. If she ends up going hardcore with the new guy, then you're far better off without her anyway. If she comes crawling back, then you've got a choice, either tell her to fuck off and get your vengeance, or lay down the law before you say "ok". Just remember, there is nothing, yes NOTHING you can do to lower her interest in the other guys. However, I'm guessing that if the other dude is constantly sending her flowers and telling her he loves her, her interest in him will die out very fast - in fact, I'd go so far as to say she's just using him even now. It bears repeating, don't make any moves and if she makes a move, don't let her get you involved in any mushy or emotion-related or relationship-related discussions for the next little while. Just make up an excuse and say you've gotta go when that starts. If she really 'loves' you, she'll realize how much she hates you being "inaccessible" and will come crawling back in no time. If she doesn't care about you, she'll take off, and that's of no loss to you anyway in that situation. Oh, and if you can, it wouldn't hurt to go out with a few other girls (preferably hotter than she is), and make sure she knows about it. You don't want the g/f to think she can do whatever the f*ck she wants with you because you 'need' her. Trust me, if she has any interest in this other guy, his constant sucking-up will make it fizzle out soon enough. The worst thing you can do is be on her tail throughout the process, because that will make her associate it with you ("you messed it up with my friends") rather than the absence of you ("holy fuck this guy is lame, what happened to my b/f anyway?") Oh and one other thing: don't listen to relationship advice from women. Trust me on this.

A bit sexist, but it made me laugh.

That said, I really don't have anything to add that hasn't been stated already.

quote:

Originally posted by wienerschnitzel One last thing, correct me if im wrong, but i think politics of dancin was the only other girl to reply to this thread so far, and it seems to me that she provided some solid advice as opposed to asking the questions? Or maybe thats just me being a girl.

True, her advice wasn't bad, at least she made the "don't beg" thing clear. I think it needs to be stressed, though, that when a girl says she "needs space", it means she's losing interest (whether or not she admits it is another story, and confronting her on it is just dumb and serves no purpose).

Guys have a way of misinterpreting "give her space" into "let her call the shots" as opposed to "cut her out." So perhaps the advice from girls in that situation isn't so bad per se, but it's really not in a language that guys understand.

quote:

How's my paragraph skillz now?

Much better. I don't think the identation is necessary though.

I also don't consider any of this sexist. I think it takes a special kind of brainwashing to be able to take fundamental differences between men and women and pass them off as mere stereotypes. Obviously, not every woman is the same - difference exists between women as individuals just as they exist between the genders themselves. And I know I can be a bit harsh on this issue, as with almost every other issue which I'm sure anyone who reads my other posts has noticed, but the fact is, when you sugar-coat things, people don't take them seriously.

People are forgetting that she apparently met this new guy after the "I need space" comment. If that's truly the case, then the meaning is simple: she's not ditching you for another guy - she's ditching you, period. Or rather, she's not ditching you yet, but she's seriously thinking about it and doesn't want to give you the LJBF until she's totally sure.

Re: Re: Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

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Originally posted by anuneventrade This girl... like my guy is an idiot. But, she might not come back. She probably won't. We (girls) are very stubborn. We don't want to admit that we made a mistake. So even if we are completely unhappy, we will continue to act as though we are, just to show you that we can move on, when really, we haven't. But its not only girls who do this!

Ah, but this doesn't apply if the girl has no access to the guy. If she can't prove to him how wonderfully satisfied she really is with her new life, she gets nothing out of it. That's why people will often come crawling back when they're cut out.

I am sorry that you've had a rough ride. These things do happen though, they can happen after a day, a year, or even a marriage and 2 kids (happened to my sister, and I can say with 100% certainty that the guy was a complete jackass and I wouldn't blame any of it on her). Of course guys can be jackasses.

Anyway, don't mean to trivialize on anyone's objections here, but the fact is, guys are comfortable in a relationship if they get everything they want, and women aren't. I don't know why - call it instinctive. When looking at a hitch in relationship, the advice-giver will often try to get into the girl's mind and think "what does she want" and tell the guy on no uncertain terms to give it to her - and it's been proven countless times that this doesn't work.

P.S. I do like your honesty.

wtf is with these games... hasn't anybody ever thought of TALKING with her? I mean if you've been with her for a year, I think you should be able to discuss with her how you feel, if you truly care about someone you shouldn't feel restricted from discussing your thoughts. In the end it will be healthier too instead of playing these games. Altho as previously stated you don't want to cling to her, but man talk with her about how you feel. Try not to assume how someone else is feeling, especially if you care so much about that person. But this is just my opinion...

quote:

Originally posted by Endo wtf is with these games... hasn't anybody ever thought of TALKING with her? I mean if you've been with her for a year, I think you should be able to discuss with her how you feel, if you truly care about someone you shouldn't feel restricted from discussing your thoughts. In the end it will be healthier too instead of playing these games. Altho as previously stated you don't want to cling to her, but man talk with her about how you feel. Try not to assume how someone else is feeling, especially if you care so much about that person. But this is just my opinion...

Please tell me you're a girl.

It frightens me that a guy would give this "advice". Bloody feminism.

"Talk" to her AFTER she's had a couple of weeks to think about it. Until then, following this advice is a sure way to wreck everything. If you do follow this, and somehow manage to work things out, she'll be wearing the pants from then on.

Edit: Okay, look, you're right, after even 5 or 6 months, let alone a year, the games are supposed to stop and be replaced with meaningful discussion. But the point is, his girl has fucked it up, pushed him away, and started spending all her time hanging out with other GUYS SHE JUST MET (not even her friends!), and in the process, started those games all over again. There's nothing to do but play them, or give up and find a new girl.

Re: Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

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Originally posted by DigiNut Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don't call her, don't talk to her, don't even act like she exists. Give her her "space", like Indy so aptly put it, which is what all girls think they want but really can't stand for more than a week. Oh and one other thing: don't listen to relationship advice from women. Trust me on this.

i agree with the first part, just ignore her.

now the last part, take advice from women. after all we are the ones that play these games in the first place.

i have said before to guys 'i need space' and it really met i dont want to date you anymore. but when i found that they left me totally alone then i wanted them back, because at that point i wanted them back....so just ignore her totally!

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut True, her advice wasn't bad, at least she made the "don't beg" thing clear. I think it needs to be stressed, though, that when a girl says she "needs space", it means she's losing interest (whether or not she admits it is another story, and confronting her on it is just dumb and serves no purpose). Guys have a way of misinterpreting "give her space" into "let her call the shots" as opposed to "cut her out." So perhaps the advice from girls in that situation isn't so bad per se, but it's really not in a language that guys understand. Much better. I don't think the identation is necessary though. I also don't consider any of this sexist. I think it takes a special kind of brainwashing to be able to take fundamental differences between men and women and pass them off as mere stereotypes. Obviously, not every woman is the same - difference exists between women as individuals just as they exist between the genders themselves. And I know I can be a bit harsh on this issue, as with almost every other issue which I'm sure anyone who reads my other posts has noticed, but the fact is, when you sugar-coat things, people don't take them seriously. People are forgetting that she apparently met this new guy after the "I need space" comment. If that's truly the case, then the meaning is simple: she's not ditching you for another guy - she's ditching you, period. Or rather, she's not ditching you yet, but she's seriously thinking about it and doesn't want to give you the LJBF until she's totally sure.

Sorry, normally I agree with you DigiNut, but there is no way of getting around "Don't take relationship advice from women" being sexist. Are you saying there is such a fundamentally disposed difference between men and women that they are unable to offer even the slightest bit of useful advice as to relationships? I'd say you're wrong, I'm not saying there isn't [obvious] psychological differences between men and women which makes there advice "different", but it isn't necessarily bad (unless they are giving advice with an agenda to push, but the same thing goes with us men in that respect). Having multiple perspectives on a situation is a good thing, at least I always thought?

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut Please tell me you're a girl.

Actually no.

And yes I do agree with you about giving her space and time, as I did say not to cling to her. I find that if shes not up for talking with you about how she feels and rather wants to play these games, then shes not worth it.

But then again these are just my "feminist" opinions

did you break up with her? if not, do it now and don't be gentle.

Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

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Originally posted by DJ Sunburn So I've been in a relationship for a year now with a girl I love more than anything. We've been through our ups and downs, but we've had so many good moments that just couldn't ever be replaced. She's the type of girl that never leaned too much on other people. Just me. She loved the attention I gave her, and love. She never liked girls very much, because of the numerous amount of backstabs they have done to her. So she focused more on guy friends. Two weeks ago she decided she wanted some space so I gave it to her. She didn't have anybody else she was really interested in. She just wanted to boot old habits we had in our relationship (talking on the phone too much) etc... But a few days later, she met a guy named Ben. She allowed him to come over to her house and stuff and they chilled. Of course, I didn't like this very much. Ben is head over heals for Christina. Which is odd considering they just met. He tells her he loves her, gives her flowers, cards, and roses. He takes her places. He's real nice. BUT HE JUST MET HER! And looking through his online journal, it's easy to say that he's this way with every girl he friggin meets! There's another guy that takes her home in the afternoon from school. His name's Michael. Every day they hang out after school. Christina used to be all over me and adored me all the time. But this change in her happened so fast where it seems like she just doesn't care anymore. She's got this new freedom. And she's the type of person that would get mad if I hung out with other girls. I miss her terribly. She's always hanging out with her new friends, and I want my relationship back with her! She used to be the most loving person towards me. And now she tells me about how she enjoys cuddling with her new guy friends and such and its just a slap in the face to me. argh.... This is not her at all! I don't see how she could hurt me like this! What do I do? I want her back!!!

LoL bro, I feel as if you are my soulmate speaking. Let me tell ya.
Ive been going out with this girl for almost 2yrs. Im now attending college and working every day. Theres barely any time for us to see each other since she goes to school and worked as well, besides been the president of some clubs and such. All of the sudden, she was like I barely do anything to see her and started to like make up stuff, so she was like, lets brake up, and change a bit. Change the way the relationship was going and stuff, she said she likes changes and that she dont like monotone stuff. I was always open for conversation.. and thats the last thing we talked.. after that, she's been so darn cold with me, tells people that we broke up ( whoever asks about us ).. and stuff like that. Thursday I called her, to tell her that I love her so much and stuff like that. As we were about to hang up, she was like, " Tomorrow Im going to the beach, play volley, movies, and bunch of things. " I was like, with who?!?!.. and she's like, ok byeee.. IM like, thats the way your leaving right?.. and she answered.. yeah. bye... I was like, Oohhh what a Bitch, go to hell. ( Ofcourse I didnt tell her that . ). Anyways, Im 100% sure it was her friends who have influenced her someway, and all those guys after her ( theres quite a few after her )... and I wont lie, they are the good looking ones that all the girls drool all over, so Im more then pissed, but probably she wants that freedom to enjoy it with them, the senior year.. right.. Im damm hurt but hey, she acted like a bitch with me, and if she hangs out with that group that she is hanging out with ( i know that group ).. Im sorry to say that she'll be turned into a hoe or something, something that she wasent when she went out with me.. its sad and it hurts.

In your situation, I dont know what to do, I would just be so mad if some guy would go to my g/fs house and have them by themselves.. thats like, open your eyes at least men. Dont be treated like that, and hang out with girls also.. see how she would act. You be like, Ok, dont talk to those guys, and I wont talk to this girls.. and talk to her about working things out, if not, dont worry.. you didnt loose anything.

I would beat the shit out of the other guys for encroaching on my staked territory, and then disappear, because the land, once fertile, is now sewn with mistrust and deceit. Salt the land and move on.

Re: Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

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Originally posted by SuperFarStucker Sorry, normally I agree with you DigiNut, but there is no way of getting around "Don't take relationship advice from women" being sexist. Are you saying there is such a fundamentally disposed difference between men and women that they are unable to offer even the slightest bit of useful advice as to relationships? I'd say you're wrong, I'm not saying there isn't [obvious] psychological differences between men and women which makes there advice "different", but it isn't necessarily bad (unless they are giving advice with an agenda to push, but the same thing goes with us men in that respect). Having multiple perspectives on a situation is a good thing, at least I always thought?

Yeah, I understand where you're coming from, but in all honesty, you need only look at the results from various female "love doctors" out there to see what I'm talking about. These are the so-called "experts" on the subject, and their advice is horrible, and a lot of innocent guys screw up their relationships even more by following it.

Example of crappy advice:
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclov...hip_expert.html
(love that site)

In a sense, I suppose it's possible that women would be worse off to take relationship advice from men as well... but since I've never once seen a girl ask a guy for help in a relationship, I can't say that with any certainty.

So does that mean that no woman can ever give good advice? No, I suppose not, some can, but few do, and yes, men are plenty capable of giving bad advice too (look at LiquidX below). Someone said that women are the ones that "play those games" so they'll know how to handle it - the problem is, they don't realize they're playing them. And if you're a girl and you know that you're playing them, then shame on you, because that would make you a total bitch, the only point of innocence is the unawareness.

People think that women are more apt to give advice, but the fact is, no girl (aside from lesbians I suppose) has ever been there and had to deal with a relationship with another woman, so how could you reasonably expect them to give good advice? I'm not saying women are dumb, but only men (again, excluding lesbians) have actually had any experience to speak of. Come on, I'm not being sexist, I'm being realistic!

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Originally posted by LiquidX All of the sudden, she was like I barely do anything to see her and started to like make up stuff, so she was like, lets brake up, and change a bit. Change the way the relationship was going and stuff, she said she likes changes and that she dont like monotone stuff. I was always open for conversation.. and thats the last thing we talked.. after that, she's been so darn cold with me, tells people that we broke up ( whoever asks about us ).. and stuff like that. Thursday I called her, to tell her that I love her so much and stuff like that. As we were about to hang up, she was like, " Tomorrow Im going to the beach, play volley, movies, and bunch of things. " I was like, with who?!?!.. and she's like, ok byeee.. IM like, thats the way your leaving right?.. and she answered.. yeah. bye... I was like, Oohhh what a Bitch, go to hell. ( Ofcourse I didnt tell her that . ). Anyways, Im 100% sure it was her friends who have influenced her someway, and all those guys after her ( theres quite a few after her )... and I wont lie, they are the good looking ones that all the girls drool all over, so Im more then pissed, but probably she wants that freedom to enjoy it with them, the senior year.. right..

Desperate.

How can you, in good conscience, say that she was a bitch and that the breakup was her friends' faults?

How would you feel if a girl you were no longer interested in called you up to tell you how much she still loved you?

Oh and, incidentally, she's absolutely right about the 'change' thing - if a relationship is the same thing day in and day out, it gets stale, what do you expect? No amount of 'talking' is going to get you anywhere in that situation, you have to act, you don't ask "what do you want me to change" because that's pathetic, you have to do your own dirty work and come up with wacky new things to do.

Be an asshole... girls dig assholes

quote:

Originally posted by N|te-L|fe Be an asshole... girls dig assholes

See, that's why I don't like people calling me sexist. Do I ever say things like this? No.

I've never tried to imply that women are stupid or catty. I've never said they like assholes. In fact, I really don't think I've said anything misogynistic or vindictive whatsoever. I'm simply pointing out some of the misconceptions and terrible advice out there.

Women are NOT evil, but guys have just gotta understand that doting on them and constantly feeding their egos isn't the way to make a relationship work. And more importantly than anything else, people have gotta learn to see when it's time to throw in the towel!

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut And more importantly than anything else, people have gotta learn to see when it's time to throw in the towel!

Word.

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Originally posted by DigiNut See, that's why I don't like people calling me sexist. Do I ever say things like this? No. I've never tried to imply that women are stupid or catty. I've never said they like assholes. In fact, I really don't think I've said anything misogynistic or vindictive whatsoever. I'm simply pointing out some of the misconceptions and terrible advice out there. Women are NOT evil, but guys have just gotta understand that doting on them and constantly feeding their egos isn't the way to make a relationship work. And more importantly than anything else, people have gotta learn to see when it's time to throw in the towel!

first, what I said was in no way related to what you said, and I'm sorry if I got you confused..

Secondly, I couldnt agree more with your last sentence.. Too many guys change their attitude when they are around women so the cutest of them have theirs egos boosted so much they think they can pick any guy anytime they want... plus they don't even talk much cause they are used at letting the guys do all the talking. Dont get me wrong here a lot of them are very cool, I just can't stand those who look at you from above..

Third, I had no intention of insulting nor diminishing girls in any way. I was just pointing out a FACT. Sorry to burst your bubbles guys, but if there's something I'm pretty sure about and learned with time, is that good guys finish last. Perhaps because kindness is often associated with weakness, and that girls want a strong and confident man but who knows what he wants but can also understand and listen to them. Unfortunately, in most of the cases, these type of "tough guys" tend to act like jerks and don't give the gf the attention they need, some will even cheat or beat up their girls... I may be exagerating and generalising a bit here but you get the point.

What is sad about that is that after a certains amount of unsuccessfull relationships, they wake up and realize that an overconfident bum might not be that suitable for a steady relationship and these same girls come back to us complaining about how we can't be romantic or attentive or etc.. well guess what, they got what they asked for. For this reason I tend to think that girls dont know what they want sometimes and that they complicate things for no reason, but thats just IMO. So there you go, that is why I said girls dig assholes.

hmm another thread that made me realize how feminist I am...

quote:

Originally posted by Echo of Silence Word.

I should add that throwing in the towel and making a point of telling them that every other day sort of defeats the purpose, if that's your plan.

Anyway, let's look at some more opinions...

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Originally posted by N|te-L|fe ... if there's something I'm pretty sure about and learned with time, is that good guys finish last. Perhaps because kindness is often associated with weakness...

Not exactly true. Good guys can win the race too - the trouble is that many desperate guys will confuse their desperation with goodness. Desperate guys ("ARE U HOT?" "PICS OR STFU") will invariably finish last, but being the strong silent type is as good as being a conceited asshole. In actual fact, many desperate guys are not particularly nice, but will claim to be so because it gives them an excuse to continue doing what they do.

quote:

...after a certains amount of unsuccessfull relationships, they wake up and realize that an overconfident bum might not be that suitable for a steady relationship and these same girls come back to us complaining about how we can't be romantic or attentive or etc.. well guess what, they got what they asked for.

Darn right... this is why I show NO sympathy to girls who treat their nicest guys like crap and complain later on that all men are assholes. On the other hand, I also show no sympathy to guys who make their desperation blatantly obvious and whine that girls are all bitches. There certainly is equality in relationships, it just presents itself in a surprisingly twisted way.

quote:

...For this reason I tend to think that girls dont know what they want sometimes...

Bingo. Off-topic, but it always makes my day to hear a girl say that she doesn't care whether a guy has looks, money, or a car, as long as he's got personality. What a larf. Only exception to the rule is criminals, who must have some novelty appeal or something.

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut See, that's why I don't like people calling me sexist. Do I ever say things like this? No. I've never tried to imply that women are stupid or catty. I've never said they like assholes. In fact, I really don't think I've said anything misogynistic or vindictive whatsoever. I'm simply pointing out some of the misconceptions and terrible advice out there. Women are NOT evil, but guys have just gotta understand that doting on them and constantly feeding their egos isn't the way to make a relationship work. And more importantly than anything else, people have gotta learn to see when it's time to throw in the towel!

They like to be treated dirty, then thats what they'll get. From my experience, the worst I treat them, the more the look after me, or want me. The harder you are on girls, the better.. it works, and thats how it is. And yes, she said change, but we the first time she comments me and we are about to go for that change, she acts all bitchy.. but w/e. I have a feeling that she'll come back to me. As of now, Im meeting so many hot chicks you cant believe, sadly though, I cant stop thinking of her.

quote:

Originally posted by LiquidX They like to be treated dirty, then thats what they'll get. From my experience, the worst I treat them, the more the look after me, or want me. The harder you are on girls, the better.. it works, and thats how it is. And yes, she said change, but we the first time she comments me and we are about to go for that change, she acts all bitchy.. but w/e. I have a feeling that she'll come back to me. As of now, Im meeting so many hot chicks you cant believe, sadly though, I cant stop thinking of her.

No! You STILL don't get it. If you're intentionally being an asshole just to try and get them, your underlying desperation will eventually show through. It doesn't matter whether you intentionally suck up to them or intentionally treat them like dirt, the point is that you have to be secure in yourself and need no one.

It's not about how you treat them. It's about how much of a challenge you are. Being an asshole will eventually come back and bite you in the ass in the long haul.

And guys... when I say cut her out... don't talk to her for a few weeks... that ^ is NOT what I mean. Don't just sit there waiting for someone to call, you have to forget! Go and have your own life!

I am shocked and dismayed that I haven't seen this posted yet -

Pics or STFU

If I missed it in the thread I apologize, I've been up for going on 48 hours.

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