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-- favourite simpson's segment
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from the itchy and scratchy movie episode

Homer: You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt,
but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until
I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table.
[cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer: [cheerily] I like stories.

quote:

Originally posted by lethal Homer: hmmm peanut.....*drops peanut*.... ahhhh wheres my peanut?? *searching under the sofa* Homer: awww... a 20 dollar bill, i wanted my peanut Homers Brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts Homer: Explain how.. Homers Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services...

OMGIDIE!!!! hahahahahahahaha i luv that quote




"Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead." "-Homer

" I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down." - Homer

"Homer: Bart when you want something get a job, just like when I wanted something and may parents wouldn't get it for me.
Bart: So, what did you do?
Homer: I held my breath and banged my head on the coffee table until they bought it for me. The doctors thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer: I like stories."

"[Homer has been thrown out of an all-you-can-eat restaurant for eating too much.]
Lionel Hutz: This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Neverending Story!
Homer: So, do you think I have a case?
Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I don't use the word 'hero' lightly, but you are the greatest hero in American history.
Homer: Woohoo!"

Lionel Hutz: So what did you do after you were removed from the "all you can eat fish" restaurant?
Marge: We drove around until 2am looking for another all-you-can-eat fish restaurant.
Lionel Hutz: And did you find one?
Marge: No.
Lionel Hutz: What did you do then?
Marge: We went fishing.

Lisa: "It is better to remain silent and be thought the fool, then
to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
Homer�s Brain:"Uh-oh what did that mean. Better say something
or they�ll think you�re stupid."
Homer:"Takes one to know one!!"
Homer�s Brain: "Swish!"

quote:

Originally posted by Vigilante "Homer: Bart when you want something get a job, just like when I wanted something and may parents wouldn't get it for me. Bart: So, what did you do? Homer: I held my breath and banged my head on the coffee table until they bought it for me. The doctors thought I might have brain damage. Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story? Homer: I like stories."

ok u just posted the exact same thing right underneath my post, and you misquoted, nice job reading

The Simpsons going into the Witness Relocation Program

Agent: We have places your family can hide in peace and security: Cape Fear, Terror Lake, New Horrorfield, Screamville --
Homer: [enthusiastically] Ooh, Ice Creamville!
Agent: Er, no, Screamville.
Homer: [scared] Aah!

One agent suggests a new identity for Homer.

Agent: Tell you what, sir. From now on, you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practise a bit, hmm? When I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."
Homer: Check.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: [stares blankly]
Agent: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: [stares blankly]
[A long time later]
Agent: [sighs in frustration] Now, when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson! [stomps on Homer's foot a few times]
Homer: [stares blankly]
[to other agent] I think he's talking to _you_.

ROFL
Then he starts wearing a "Witness Relocation Program" t-shirt and hat

Lionel Hutz: Oh-Oh, Judge[insert name here]
Homer: What's wrong with Judge[insert name here]
Lionel: Well i kinda accidently ran over his dog:
Homer: Oh
Lionel Hutz: Yeh...replace accidently with repeatly and dog with...son


sorry if repeated ;D, damm, i forget that judges name !@#

Selma rushes home, having missed the beginning of MacGyver. And she watches the ending...

quote:

Man: Thank you, Senor MacGyver. You've saved our village. MacGyver: Don't thank me. Thank the moon's gravitational pull.

You can dance, you can dance, everybody look at your pants!

quote:

Originally posted by nicknack damm, i forget that judges name !@#

Judge Snyder

"Motion to declare that boys will boys!"

WHERE'S MY BURRITO!!!, WHERE'S MY BURRITO!!!, WHERE'S MY BURRITO!!!


Bart: Dad, there's a father & son river rafting expedition this weekend

Homer: haha, you don't have a son

I'll never get sick if the Simpsons

Simpsons Quotes

Bart to Marge and Homer: Guys just so you dont hear any wild rumours, im being indicted for fraud in Australia.
Homer: Well thats no reason to block the television.

homer where were you all night ive been worried sick
dont say you were at a bar, dont say you were at a bar
i was at a pornography store, i was buying pornography.

quote:

Originally posted by webmeister Judge Snyder "Motion to declare that boys will boys!"

you just saved me from insanity

quote:

Originally posted by DaveBegic homer where were you all night ive been worried sick dont say you were at a bar, dont say you were at a bar i was at a pornography store, i was buying pornography.

You forgot the next line!!
hehehe, I would never have thought of that...

A couple more
Mr. Burns: What are you doing in my corpse hatch?
Bart: Mr. Burns, you're under arrest for murder!
Mr. Burns: I mean...what are you doing in my 'innocence tube'?


Kent Brockman: Tonight on Eye on Springfield, we meet a man who's been hiccupping for 45 years!
Man: [hic!] Kill me!
Man: [hic!] Kill me!


[Homer's reading a book about corporate success]
Homer: Tip #1- "Live every day as if it was your last". Done and done!
[cut to Homer sitting on a curb, crying]
Homer: I don't want to die! I'm so young!

i was born for this thread

quote:

Originally posted by webmeister Lionel Hutz: So what did you do after you were removed from the "all you can eat fish" restaurant? Marge: We drove around until 2am looking for another all-you-can-eat fish restaurant. Lionel Hutz: And did you find one? Marge: No. Lionel Hutz: What did you do then? Marge: We went fishing.

"now do these sound like the actions of a man who had ALL HE COULD EAT???"
"no!" "no!" "that could have been me!"
haha

when the comic book store guy has a stroke:
"arms....numb....breath....running short....can't go on....describing symptoms...for much longer!"

"i wanna buy a copy of bonestorm. heres 99 cents."
"*sigh* allow me to summarise the proposed transaction: you wish to purchase bonestorm for 99 cents. net profit to me: negative 59 dollars. oh please take my $59, i don't want it, its yours!"
*pause*
"seeing as we are unfamiliar with sarcasm, i will close the register at this point"

"now i must hurry back to my comic book store, where i dispense the insults, rather than absorb them"

"oh! this high-speed modem is intolerably slow! uh? what? the internet king? hmm, perhaps he can provide faster nudity!"

worst thread ever! haha

"scorpio you're totally mad!"
"i wouldn't point fingers you jerk!"
"so you expect me to talk?"
"i don't expect anything from you except to die and be a very cheap funeral! you're going to die now!"
*james bond escapes*
"stop him! he's supposed to die!!"
*homer tackles james bond*
"nice work homer! am i proud of you!!"
"well..."
"when you get home tonight, there's going to be another storey on your house!"

"lisa, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again?? not even bacon??"
"no!"
"ham???"
"no!!"
"pork chops?????"
"dad! those all come from the same animal!!"
"oh yeah right lisa, a wonderful, maaagical animal!!"

i love the ones where homer fights with his brain haha

"ok brain i don't like you and you don't like me. so lets just do this and i can get back to killing you with beer!"
"its a deal!!"

and the one where he doesn't wanna do something, i cant remember but his brain goes "just do this and i will release some more endorphins!" "ooooh yeah!"

plus the one with the peanuts and the pr0n as mentioned

when hes telling them about one of the kids being born, and you see all the little homer-sperms running into each other going "d'oh! d'oh! d'oh!" and then one of them gets into the egg "woohoo!" hahaha love it

"seymor! we are going to have to do something about this budget situation! on that last field trip we came back with fewer students than ever!!"
"god bless the man who invented permission slips!!"

man i can't remember any more haha but what a show

oh man these are all hilarious!

Some of my favs that arent already here cause i have millions

The episode where Mr Burns is trying to kill Granpa Simpson.

Granpa to Nurse: Somebody is trying to kill me!
Nurse: Did you take the wrong medication?
[Hitman bursts through doors and fires Tommy gun everywhere]
Nurse: [Pulls out Shotgun]
OUR RESIDENTs [ re-load, BANG] ARE TRYING [re-load, BANG] TO NAP! [ re-load , BANG]

hahhaah classic!

and this Homer one, from when Bart and Lisa are playing Ice Hockey against one another

Marge: Listen kids, your mother and father love you both equally, remember you are NOT in direct competition!
[Homer bursts in]
Homer: GUESS WHAT, barts team is playing Lisa's Team in the final! That means you'll be in direct competition!
[ Homer starts flashing light on and off]
Homer: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

Another from the same episode.

Marge: Now Homer, dont you eat this pie . . .
Homer: Ok Marge
[Marge leaves]
Homer: Now pie im gonna go like this [eating motion with mouth] and if you get in the way its your own fault! [Munch munch much munch, Smashes head on Stove Hood] OWWWWWWWWW!!

Rofl, love the simpsons! Best show ever!

quote:

Originally posted by Philby and the one where he doesn't wanna do something, i cant remember but his brain goes "just do this and i will release some more endorphins!" "ooooh yeah!"

haha its the one where bart calls all those countries to see which way the toilet flushes

and homer see's the phone bill and is like "hakima fossa....dispusted zone...what the!?!?!?!? who called these places??" *thinks* "quiet it could be you, just write the cheque and ill release some more endorphins"

Standing at the gates of the Shelbyville impound lot:

Shelbyville Homer: Break in here and take it? [laughs] You must be stupider than you look!
Homer: Stupider like a fox!!

One of the greatest episodes is when Ned Flanders goes insane. His and only his house is smashed to the ground after a storm. The Springfield community rebuilds a new house for him, which he is grateful for, but upon inspection he soon realises the workmanship is not up to an acceptable standard. Once they've finished showing him around the new house, it falls down. At this stage he's had enough and starts making som hilarious insults to a few of the people.

Ned: Homer, you are the worst human being I have ever met.
Homer: Hey, I got off pretty easy.

Ned drives himself to a psychiatric institution. Homer visits and is asked to say a few things so that the psychiatrists can examine Ned's reaction. This is just brilliant :

Homer: Ned Flanders, I mock your value system. You also appear foolish to the eyes of others.
Ned: Well howdy, Homer! Ooh, thanks for dropping by!
Homer: Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.
Ned: Oh, well, I'll just have to try harder. Heh heh. Ooh! Thanks for dropping by!
Homer: I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other. Now that's psychiatry! Eh? Eh?

Mr. Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.
Homer: [thinking] Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
Mr. Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Homer: [thinking] Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?
Mr. Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
Homer: [thinking] My God! He *is* coming onto me!
Mr. Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows.
[chuckle]
Mr. Burns: [wink]
Homer: [thinking] Aaaaaagh!
[aloud]
Homer: Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!

Lionel Hutz: I move for a bad court thingy.
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Lionel Hutz: That's why you're the judge and I'm the... law... talking... guy.



Lionel Hutz has gotta be favourite character

well him and Comic Book Guy

Comic Book Guy: Last night's "Itchy & Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

WORST... EPISODE... EVER!

Lisa: Dad this is the Childrens Library
Homer: Yes i know that sweetie, Daddys been banned from the big peoples library......There was some....unpleasentness.....



Homer to Lisa: Honey would you mind opening the window, the police have Daddy's prints on file.

quote:

Originally posted by Chuck Norris Mr. Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract. Homer: [thinking] Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me? Mr. Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Homer: [thinking] Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me? Mr. Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm? Homer: [thinking] My God! He *is* coming onto me! Mr. Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows. [chuckle] Mr. Burns: [wink] Homer: [thinking] Aaaaaagh! [aloud] Homer: Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!

"alright homer, you can have your dental plan, but in return you must retire as union president!!"
"woohoo!!! whoooopwhoooopwhooopwhoooopwhoooopwhooop!
*running around on the floor in that silly dance*



"macbain! that cannon of yours is against regulations!"
"but zir! how can i avenge my partner with dis pea shoota of a gun???"
"i dont wanna hear it!! in this preceint we do things by the book!"
*BLAM! mcbain shoots book*
"WHAT BOOK??!!?"
hahahahha i love mcbain

"oh mcbain! that was wonderful! you totally destroyed that meeting!"
"yah! und i waz thinking of holding another meeting: IN BED!!!"

aaaahahahaha

"on closer inspection these appear to be loafers" 4 hours after someone tells him his shoelaces are untied

Barney: My name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a Girl Scout meeting.
Barney: Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?

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