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-- i HAVE to get this outta my mind...
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quote:

Originally posted by e*motion this is exactly what she wants man.. look down. see that 3===D ? YOUR A MAN! now act like one.. take off that leash and hit the road man. this is exactly what she wants.. for you to feel bad about everything you do. Start going on dates.. you might realize theres soooo much more out there.

but i have dated alot, ive had some girls, but they werent longer then 3 months, nothing more then sex usually. But for this girl i actually felt love. That is what makes it different. If i go now, will i ever get it back with someone else?

quote:

Originally posted by e*motion break it off right now.. whats the point in staying with a crack-case like this ****.. she obviously has issues that you seem doubtful about.. do you see yourself marrying somebody like this? NO? then whats the point in prolonging a pointless relationship? I say break her heart.

i say not true. since he said that this is his FIRST relationship, he has to learn that one of the major steps to making a relationship flow smoothly is to talk it over with your mate and see if you can find common ground between the two of them. if he starts breaking things off easily with all of his mates, he will end up with some half-ridden crack whore who no one wants to marry, and he is forced to marry her, because of the peer pressure (parents, friends)...

so i say to try your hardest to stick it out (i mean the relationship not your schwong .. ...) and talk things over with her.. she needs a talk with you to try to get priorites straight between you and her .. she either has a problem being alone, or a problem with broken relationships... either or, try to make it work if you really care about her.

I once heard a saying... something along the lines of

"The only girl (or guy) worth stressing over is the one that won't cause you to. "

I think there's some wisdom in those words, of course I could be wrong.

quote:

Originally posted by nrjizer I once heard a saying... something along the lines of "The only girl (or guy) worth stressing over is the one that won't cause you to. " I think there's some wisdom in those words, of course I could be wrong.

that could be true .. but there are always circumstances .. like mates who are not fully "experienced" with relationships, so they do not understand the "real" gap in silence time between the companions. those unexperienced people are when us experienced people need to train them

I been in a relationship for almost a year now. When my girl gets pissed at me for some reason I don't know I just walk away and wait untill she is not in a bitchy mood. You prob should be used to it by now.

but I honestly know girls that act that way purposely.. thats how they keep their guy.. through pity and making him feel sorry or bad for everything he does. In a relationship both parties should be truly happy with each other.
I agree you should try and find common ground before doing anything drastic. But best of luck to you.

*fingers crossed*

Re: i HAVE to get this outta my mind...

quote:

Originally posted by 6iki_Snake Jeezzzz i got tons of cramped up anger and feeling shit inside me, im about to fuckin blow. seriously. i feel like really punching something hard, until its dead. Okay this is going to be lengthly and i know it, so be prepared... The situation is this, im with this girl, for 10 months now. I really love her. She is so sweet, pretty and all is good. She is my first LONG relationship ( longer then lets say 3 months ). The only problem i have, she is really really touchy and gets emotional about things FAST. In the beginning i had to be carefull what i said about here. I come from 'the big city' and i can pretty much handle myself on the street and dont take offense that easily. She is like a tripmine( nice metafore i know). After a small while everything went fine and no problems. But every now and then i do something wrong ( like forgot something, or didnt say the right thing at the right time etc ) and she gets pissed, and i mean seriously pissed sometimes. She calls me names and goes as far as saying: how can you be so fuckin stupid. And i try to do my best. I go to her as much as i can, i call her a hour a day (seriously), i spend lots of money on her. and i really love her. But im a fucking human, i forget things, i make mistakes. What i never do is call her names, be angry at her. Im always very calm and try to talk things out. Allright, tonight something went wrong because of MISCOMMUNICATION, and this resulted in her, just being at home doing her at home things ( watch tv, read cosmopolitan, etc whatever ) and while doing that she also waited for me to call. i called her earlier that evening for about an hour long, and in that conversation she thought i would call her later that evening, and in my opinion i never promised that. She calls me up 2 hours later and she starts yelling and saying i cant forget that, and that i aint giving her enough attention and that she feels she means nothing to me ( wich is absolutely not true ). i spend so much money on her, i get shit from my parents for the phone bill, i spend my entire weekend with her all the time. This, she seemingly forgets! We just got off the phone, she is so pissed, and i finally said ( still calm ) that i apologize for forgetting, but in my eyes we had a miscommunication therefor i NEVER REALISED that i had to call her. She just wouldnt believe that and she starts calling me names and that i cant take anything seriously ( then she starts to rant about the college wich im in, that she thinks i cant make it, blabla ). Im just: okay im sorry etc etc, and she hangs up. Im now feeling so much anger, she ALWAYS gets pissed at me, and i never get pissed at her, i always restrain myself. But i can feel it, man.. i couldnt go to thaiboxing practice this week and there is just too much anger left in me man! I care so much for her and spend so much money on her and she just doesnt notice. Damn im sorry for the lenghtly story and my grammar probly isnt that good ( im dutch, what the fuck haha ), and im just feeling messed up inside. In any way, if you're reading this, thnx for reading my story, just needed to VENT!!

why dont u tell her..maker her realize its not always abt her. its abt the two of you and if shes going to be so self absorbed well then u dont need that.

Well, not being so much of a pussy would be a start. You don't act like a man with self-respect, so why would you expect her to respect you?

Hey mate .. send her my way so i can treat her like shit .. THEN she'll appreciate you ... good luck

This guy reminds me of those beaten housewives on COPS who stay with their man even when he kicks their asses.

i feel for the guy. like seriously i do. Ive seen friends go thru the same shit. their girlfriends cheat on them right in front of their faces and they go back with them. their gf sleeps with their bestfriend and theyre still together..being pussy whipped must be hard. dignity and pride is a hard thing to swallow.

Dude I know you feel like shit .. been there done that but no matter how hard or hopeless it seems.. no woman is worth the pain. Now let me do you a favor..



Now put your foot down and be a MAN !!!

MGS2

quote:

Originally posted by 6iki_Snake I almost signed up for the dutch equillavant of the commandos.

Yeh, those guys are NUTS.. my dutch friend was telling me about them.

Seriously tho:

This is her -->
This is you -->

You've got to straighten her out. Tell her that it's NOT OK to go ballistic for every little thing. If she can't understand that, then love or not, this relationship is going to be one battle after the other. I definately wouldn't stand up for that.

quote:

Originally posted by AwakenedAddict Yeh, those guys are NUTS.. my dutch friend was telling me about them.

i know, and im nuts enough to join in. Got thru all the tests with flying colours.

In every aspect of my life i had the balls to do anything, i always played rough as a kid, always did full contact sports, always went all the way. Ive got the scars to prove it. This is just a very different situation, i care about her so i dont wanna hurt her feelings, its true she gets pissed at me, but she cant lay a finger on me. And she knows this. so dont worry about her hitting me or sumthing, that just wont happen, or else i wont care for her anymore.
And i would just let her down hard.

i made my mind up, i will stand my foot down. Ive thought about doing that for 2 months now, before i posted here. I tried on severel ocassions, but never all the way down. Alot of opinions here are worth thinking over and i did. Thnx for the replies in any case.

ps. arbiter, nothing personal, but in what sense do i have NO self respect? The thing that was in my way was that in the first time in my life i really CARE about the girl instead of considering 'just sex nothing more'. I dont like being in the relationship anymore, thats true. But i still dont want her to get hurt.

I think it's time for you to cowboy the fuck up and become a man. Take control over the relationship.

quote:

Originally posted by 6iki_Snake ps. arbiter, nothing personal, but in what sense do i have NO self respect? The thing that was in my way was that in the first time in my life i really CARE about the girl instead of considering 'just sex nothing more'. I dont like being in the relationship anymore, thats true. But i still dont want her to get hurt.

Ok, I'm going to do something I haven't done in a long time: give helpful advice in a relationship thread.

Now, I didn't say you don't have any self-respect, I said you weren't acting like a man who had self-respect. It's an important difference, but what you have to realize is that just like the rest of us here on the forum, your girlfriend can't tell the difference: if you have self-respect, you have to act like it or she'll assume you don't.

What I mean when I say that you don't act like someone with self-respect is that you are obviously placing her interests far above your own on a consistent basis. I know that in your mind, you're just doing it because you care about her so much, but what you have to understand is that you make it look like you believe that you're not good enough for her unless you buy her things constantly, always let her have her way, apologize over and over again for a simple misunderstanding etc...

Let me put it another way. If you are a confident, self-respecting person why wouldn't you think to yourself: "This girl is lucky just to be going out with a great guy like me. It's a good enough gift to her just that I'm willing to set aside my other relationship opportunities in order to be with her, so I don't need to buy her anything but perhaps the occasional small gift just to remind her that I care. I'm not afraid to put my foot down on things which are important to me, because I don't think she can find a better guy than me, so she's not going to want to look elsewhere. I'm willing to apologize if I make a mistake, but I'm not going to take a whole load of abuse over a little miscommunication because I don't deserve it. If she can't handle me sticking up for myself, she probably isn't worth my time and that's no problem for me because there are plenty of nice, attractive women out there just dying to find a guy like me."

Now I hate to be the one to break it to you, but your relationship is already in serious trouble. I wouldn't be surprised if she was cheating on you already. The mistake you've made is a mistake that a lot of guys make: namely, you've stopped living the relationship for yourself and you've started living it for your girlfriend.

It's an easy mistake to make because everything seems to make sense: your girl obviously is going to like it when you buy her things, or let her have your way. And when something goes wrong, she's going to probably like it better if it's your fault than if she has to take some responsibility too. So you think you're just trying to make her happy.

But when you fall into a pattern of doing this over and over again, she'll appreciate it less and less and just start getting used to it. Instead of feeling like you're doing something special for her, she's not going to notice because you're just doing what you always do. The gifts and the sucking up to her will keep her interest for a while, but eventually it'll stop meaning anything to her and all you'll be is a guy who doesn't have the balls to stick up for himself anymore. And that's when she's going to start thinking about moving on and finding someone who projects a more confident and assertive image.

You're in a bad position, because you've already gone down that road and if you stop giving her everything she wants now, there's a good chance she'll break up with you. Still, it's a chance you have to take. If she breaks up with you, then you were screwed either way: because she will break up with you if you keep acting the way you are now. It's not a matter of "if," it's just a matter of "when."

If you're lucky, maybe she'll stick around. You'll probably have a few fights, but if you stand your ground and just try to be reasonable - by which I mean fair to both her and yourself, you might come out of them OK.

If it doesn't go well then all the advice I can give you is on how not to let yourself get stuck in this situation again. What you have to do is avoid falling into the trap of doing everything you can to please your girlfriend, but not go to the other extreme and totally ignore her either. You have to strike a balance where you're willing to get her a gift now and then, but you make it rare enough that it's really a surprise for her. You have to try to be fair and give her her way once in a while, but again, not every time: half or less is preferable. And don't just try to say whatever you think will make her the least mad. If she's angry at you for something, don't automatically say "sorry." Sit back, think about whether or not you really did anything so bad, and be honest and assertive with her regarding what you think created the problem.

Best of luck.

okay i totally misunderstood what you ment earlier, sorry.

but damn that post makes so much sense. You are saying things my mind has gone over and over again and it is making so much sense. I guess you hit that nail pretty hard on its head my friend. thnx.

She sounds emotionally unstable, a.k.a. crazy. Get her committed asap.

But seriously, she's crazy. I'd be careful if you break up with her, she sounds like the kind that will stalk you and stuff.

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