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yeah fuck this im gonna kill myself too. or i may just take a nap. either way goodbye ta.
ill be back later
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| Originally posted by Vivid Boy ill be back later |
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| Originally posted by Vivid Boy yeah fuck this im gonna kill myself too. or i may just take a nap. either way goodbye ta. |
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| Originally posted by Psy-T who will run vivid's shemale bride emparium? |
I was applying for a job to become a suicide prevention counselor
the other day, when the guy interviewing me started bitching
about how boring his job had become. The only people
he ever hears from anymore are 14 year old girls who try to
overdose on Tylenol. YAWN. How about killing
yourself with some style? How about killing yourself like a man?
Here are some manly ways to shove off this mortal coil, along with
ratings for each category from 1 to 10:
Manliness: 8
Style: 4
Awesomeness: 8
Mess: 5
What you need: a tub, enough beans to fill said tub.
How to do it: just dig in, you chunky son of a bitch! Keep eating until you
can't possibly eat anymore, then eat some more. Your gut will
rupture and you will shit yourself. The cool thing about this method is that
it's not only disgusting to clean up, but you'll probably be so bloated from
the beans (choose Van Camp's by the way, not Bush's baked beans unless you
like the taste of beans pickled in ball sweat) that you probably won't fit in
the casket
without some serious reconstructive surgery. Guess who's footing the bill
for that one? That's right: friends and family. Just kidding. You have
no friends.
| Manliness: 9 | Style: 4 | Awesomeness: 4 | Mess: 0 |
What you need: hands.
ALT="Vincent Price was a real man" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="10" VSPACE="5" BORDER="0">
How to do it: strangling yourself with your own hands has long been
thought impossible because when your body stops getting enough
oxygen, you pass out and start breathing normally again. Passing out while
you try to kill yourself is like failing at failing.
You're the one who has
to deal with the embarrassment of having the paramedics finding your
dumb ass passed out on the floor in a puddle of your own drool, as they
begrudgingly take you to the hospital where the doctors would
be so disappointed that one of them might try to strangle you themselves.
And if they don't, give me a call; I will.
Even the late Vincent Price strangled
himself to death. Either that or lung cancer, but I can't be bothered to
look it up. Eat shit.
| Manliness: 9 | Style: 3 | Awesomeness: 8 | Mess: 0 |
What you need: balls.
How to do it: this is similar to strangling yourself, but
the difficulty level is hard. Harder than a priest at a playground.
Step 1: Hold your breath.
Step 2: Wait 10 minutes, then go to step 3.
Step 3: If you are reading this, you have failed.
| Manliness: 5 | Style: 2 | Awesomeness: 8 | Mess: 7 |
What you need: razor, neck.
How to do it: how many times have you tried to kill yourself with
a razor blade by slashing up your wrists, only to be told "it's down the
highway, not across the street"? Then you listen to this advice and
cut up your arms like some
amateur dipshit who doesn't know what she's doing. Your boyfriend dumped
you. You can't go on because you're the only person who has ever been
dumped and this is the most painful thing that has happened to anyone
who has lived 14 consecutive years, so it's time for
the solace only decapitation can bring you. Make sure to go all the
way through the spinal column.
| Manliness: 9 | Style: 8 | Awesomeness: 12 | Mess: 8 |
What you need: ice cream scooper, cadbury eggs.
How to do it: spoon out your eyes with the ice cream scooper,
and replace them with cadbury
easter eggs. Then using any of the methods above, kill yourself.
Your family may hate the suicide, but
everyone loves cadbury cream eggs! Why disappoint your loved ones with
plain old boring eyes, when you can surprise them with chocolate instead?!
Try to do it around easter. The kids will have hours of fun trying to find the
last two treats.
| Manliness: 10 | Style: 3 | Awesomeness: 10 | Mess: 4 |
What you need: a sidewalk.
How to do it:
Step 1: Slam your head into the sidewalk.
Step 2: Repeat.
Headbutting is probably the manliest thing ever. Not only is it useful for
suicide, it's also a great way to break up with your girlfriend. For
example, I couldn't find the words to tell my ex that our relationship
was over, so one day while we were watching TV I headbutt her in the tits.
Then I picked up my jacket
and left. No awkward goodbyes, no "still friends" bullshit. Just a couple of
bruised titties and a failed relationship. I rule.
| Manliness: 0 | Style: 1 | Awesomeness: 1 | Mess: 10 |
What you need: a hooker, $0.75.
How to do it: find a hooker and inquire about her "ass
buffet." If she doesn't know what you're talking about, punch her. If
she does know what you're talking about, she shouldn't charge you more than 75
cents to lick her ass. You may even get away with not having to pay her
since technically it's not sex (unless you're gay, but I'm not sure if it
counts if it's a woman). Fair warning: not paying a hooker is considered
shoplifting. Once you've done the (mis)deed, you may want to have some
alcohol nearby. Make sure it's something strong like turpentine, because
you'll be tasting a mouth full of funk and hookers don't always shit
properly depending on their clientele.
The tingling feeling in your mouth means the disease is working.
Just sit back and relax while your penis falls off and you break out in
hives. Then just wait a
few months and if the other diseases don't get to you first, the AIDS will.
Talk about a cheap suicide! At 75 cents, you can't afford not to kill
yourself!
That's it for now. Just remember: it's your suicide, have fun with it.
365,553 people have failed at failing.
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| Originally posted by nialsjd well, i'm done packing my jeep. jacket, PDA, cell phone, capri sun, CCNA study guide. i'm going to the bank to get all my money, get some cokes and going on the highway. once i can't go any further from hunger or gas or whatever, i'm going to die. i guess i have a few more minutes to get some pictures of my family. |
What you need: a sidewalk.
How to do it:
Step 1: Slam your head into the sidewalk.
Step 2: Repeat.
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| Originally posted by Vivid Boy taht just made me think of something. wouldnt it be awesome to fall asleep then wake up at ur own open casket to someone kneelng and praying over you, and u just sit up and get out of the coffin, brush ur shirt off, que the music and party starts and somehow all the chicks ripp off their black dressess to reveal bikinis, and beer gets passed around and people start doing lines off of my penis? |
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| Originally posted by Pariah Cleric
How to kill yourself like a man.
|
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| Originally posted by Vivid Boy taht just made me think of something. wouldnt it be awesome to fall asleep then wake up at ur own open casket to someone kneelng and praying over you, and u just sit up and get out of the coffin, brush ur shirt off, que the music and party starts and somehow all the chicks ripp off their black dressess to reveal bikinis, and beer gets passed around and people start doing lines off of my penis? |
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| Originally posted by nialsjd well, i'm done packing my jeep. jacket, PDA, cell phone, capri sun, CCNA study guide. |
Just close this thread now before it gets out of hand.
suicide is the most selfish thing someone can ever do.
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| Originally posted by CynepMeH ROFLMAO!!! AHEHEHEHEHE! And advise for punk who is about to kill himself - a) you're not going to do it b) you're spoiled. Here's why: 1. when I was your age there was no internet or pr0n widely available. I had to dial into shitty bbs's and wait for like 5 hours for one measly picture to download on my crappy 2400bps modem. nOW,you can get the entire dvd-quality porn flick in like 15 minutes. So, you already have internet - start looking at porn. Then think, what it would be like to be a compost. Then, definitely no one would touch your pee-pee. 2. My car (at your age) was a beat up Chevy Malibu, circa 1980 with more rust than a russian nuclear submarine currently positioned right outside of New York. A jeep would have been a great addition (and a chick magnet). 3. Trance wasn't invented yet, the radio music sucked as it always has, I had no cable, no playstation, no DVD no RPG's or FPS's, and other BS. I had a text-based D&D, a crappy Super Mario brothers and Vanilla Ice with Milli Vanilli on the radio. Shit, I had no MP3 player either! Tho I did have a $5 walkman - with Stop, Play and fast forward button. Yup.. no rewind button.... Yet I managed to survivie! 4. My computer was a 286 with Windows 2.0 and whopping 2MB of ram and 15MB hard drive. 5. Instant messenger wasn't invented. Email was not available to home users. No websites or www. existed in publically-accessible realm. yet I managed. 6. Even if I did decide to off myself, there would be no one to tell me what I tool I was on some forum. Yet, here you are - enjoying all these perks and all this attention. So, let me grab your attention and remind you what a tool you are. Oh, and I do hope you starve yourself - just to realize that this is a reality for more than 2/3rds of the world. Just do me a favor - spend that time somewhere away from the jeep - to get a real feeling for what a real life is. How about somewhere in a polluted desert - with toxic/bacterial water - to give you a nice case of runs.... or somewhere very cold without any vegitation to keep your dumb ass fed on grass... Or, take a manly approach - sit your lazy, spoiled, hormone-enraged, ADD-riddled ass and think... then study... take the fucking CCNA, MCSE, or MCSA class or even go to a school where they will teach you the real deal = the world. Prepare a fucking resume, send it out and get an entry -level job for $8/hr doing some computer support. who knows... a year from now you might be able to move out of mommy's and daddy's crib. I went to college for 2 semesters, dropped out, prepared my resume, sent it out and got an entry-level job. Went from working at gas stations and clothing stores at minimum wage to making $16/hr in less than a month. Two years later, I had a $30K car, my own place and independence. Oh, and a nice job and paycheck to go along with it. GROW UP, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, AND QUIT BITCHING. This is some tough love for you kid. |
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| Originally posted by butterfly suicide is the most selfish thing someone can ever do. |
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| Originally posted by Arbiter Just close this thread now before it gets out of hand. |
Life is far too wonderful a thing to give up so cheaply.
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| Originally posted by butterfly suicide is the most selfish thing someone can ever do. |
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| Originally posted by Psy-T ermm,,, what makes you think going to a school will get you the life you want?  |
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| Originally posted by Streakfury That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard all day. And considering I had someone who doesn't live in my house tell me he was going to stand all of the beds in my house on end to give him "more space", that's pretty damn ridiculous. |
Fuck me i wish i had a jeep to drive off and die in, my bus pass isnt half as glamorous
No I'm saying it's a silly thing to say. 99 times out of 100 school is the best way to ensure you're qualified for the job you really want. It just gets on my tits when people try to discourage others from going to school.
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| Originally posted by Streakfury No I'm saying it's a silly thing to say. 99 times out of 100 school is the best way to ensure you're qualified for the job you really want. It just gets on my tits when people try to discourage others from going to school. |
why dont youd rive up to riverside, we could chill, give me a call 818 913 0856
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