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-- Advice from the guys....
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| Originally posted by Floorfiller maybe being together for a year is a big deal for him so he's worried about it getting really serious... |
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| Originally posted by Miss Julia What's there to worry about if you love the person, and they make you happy? Shouldn't you feel blessed that you have someone that makes you happy? Love & happiness are not easy to find!! |
i'm speaking from experience...go with my advice. my boyfriend broke it off back in august...at first i said i wanted to break up because he was treating me badly...then i sort of went back on it, and then he was like, "no i want to break up"...so technically he ended it...but still, i went and did my own thing, i barely called him at all...actually i dont think i ever initiated any calls during the break up..HE kept text messaging ME and calling me...and i was just keeping busy and acting like things were fine.
sure enough, he asked me out to dinner and said he needed to tell me something, and it turns out he couldn't live without me, and that the break up made him realize how much he needed me. 
The End. Things have been awesome ever since.
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| Originally posted by Floorfiller maybe he hasn't had a lot of longer relationships in the past? |
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| Originally posted by Miss Julia What's there to worry about if you love the person, and they make you happy? Shouldn't you feel blessed that you have someone that makes you happy? Love & happiness are not easy to find!! |
If you really want to know you'll need to ask him. We only practice crackpot psyche here. 
Sometimes the ability to communicate openly with your partner is more meaningful then telling each other that you love him/her. Put your cards on the table and demand he do the same.
I have to go run some errands right now, but keep the advice coming. I'll be back later to read all your posts. 
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| Originally posted by Slylee i'm speaking from experience...go with my advice. my boyfriend broke it off back in august...at first i said i wanted to break up because he was treating me badly...then i sort of went back on it, and then he was like, "no i want to break up"...so technically he ended it...but still, i went and did my own thing, i barely called him at all...actually i dont think i ever initiated any calls during the break up..HE kept text messaging ME and calling me...and i was just keeping busy and acting like things were fine. sure enough, he asked me out to dinner and said he needed to tell me something, and it turns out he couldn't live without me, and that the break up made him realize how much he needed me. The End. Things have been awesome ever since. |
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| Originally posted by Slylee it sounds like he's having second thoughts about you and the relationship. this is what you need to do ASAP. you need to tell him that you are sort of confused too, and you think you want to explore other options and "find yourself" and take a break. then start going out and having fun and not calling him...only occasionally returning his calls. if he loves you, he'll come running back crying like a baby. if he doesn't, then he obviously wasn't happy and was waiting for it to end. |
Marriage is an archaic system that is not conducive to todays society. Live by those words, thanks.s
maybe my advice isn't any good here because i seem to think about things differently than average joe...i'd probably listen to some of what jon sun is saying...
Marriage is the biggest relationship killer. There becomes absolutely no reason to try anymore - it's like the end of the game. Love turns grey when it's not tested - people grow cold and unwilling, like there's no incentive to continue. If you are happily dating, why is there a call to "take it to the next level"? Because that's what other people do? Other people are in relationships for x amount of months before they hit this stage and then x amount of years before they hit that stage? Is it really like that? And even if it were...it so seldom works out for two people anyways, so why try and stay on some sort of set pattern?
Just as love grows grey over time, so do feelings and passion - for love and passion are not necessarily the same thing. If anything love is a totally independent ideal, and though the perfect relationship is almost totally reliant on it, a push of desire and passion will tip the balances towards equilibrium. Our lives are spent in constant struggle with one another - this is evident on scales as large as 2 opposing nations as it is between 2 opposing genders. Life is war, and love is life. Without the passion and the lust in between, there is absolutely no element of life to balance things out - life becomes grey and soon falters under logic.
That being said, your boyfriend is being idiotic and unreasonable - but with good reason. Indecision is a trait we all possess, because the dangers posed in every true risk (especially the ones that love and committment pose) are just so intimidating to a single person that fear of the unknown becomes all to real - it soon becomes the only thing that seems real, and any sense of love is ignored. You must help him to realize that he is not making any committment to a risk or to an ideal or punishment, but to a person. If he truly loves you, he will understand that your beauty is enough to absolve any sense of fear or doubt in not only the mind, but the heart as well.
If not, then they were only ever words, and not only was he unsure of his willingness to committ to you, but he was also unsure of whether or not he loved you in the first place. It seems very common for the word 'love' to be thrown around far too loosely, and it is only a placation method used by disinterested males in order to secure reproductive potentiality.
This is all keeping in mind that committment, love, passion, and marriage are all different concepts that unfortunately get lost in one another (whether due to interperation or actual utilization is dependent on the situation).
So do guys make sense yet?
Yeah, I know.
But nobody every accused females of being too rational either. 
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| Originally posted by Miss Julia What's there to worry about if you love the person, and they make you happy? Shouldn't you feel blessed that you have someone that makes you happy? Love & happiness are not easy to find!! |
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| Originally posted by Michael19 bad idea! if i was going out with a girl i loved and she broke up with me, i wouldnt bother calling and pretty much cuto ff all contact. if you take the risk of "i am gonna let him ring me" chances are he wont bother and it will be over for good. |
i dunno if this was mentioned, but the guys past history with girls could be causing this.
if he has been burned seriously by a girl in the past this could be the reason hes afraid of the commitment.
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| Originally posted by Slylee well i see it like this. if a guy that i was with for over a year was showing signs of second thoughts...i would certainly be hurt and freak out, but i would spring into action and break it off and do my own thing and give him his space. if he is too P*$*% to fight a little and swallow some pride and tell me he wants me back, then screw him. |
Re: Advice from the guys....
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| Originally posted by Miss Julia So men, answer this: Can a guy be in love, but at the same time not be ready for a commitment? If so, please explain... Thanks in advance! |
A lot of guys are that way. I think I am like that too. I was hurt once in high school and have trouble let girls get really close now. I find reasons to stop seeing them after a couple of months.
On the other hand, women can be this way too. I have dated a girl, on and off, and she has no clue what she wants and can't make up her mind to anything. It's really irritating.
You have to handle the situation depending on your feelings. Having an open and honest talk is probably the best idea. Communication is really important and you should ask him to share his feelings, even if there is a potential for damage. Don't say anything to freak him out, but ask why he seems to be growing distant. Ask if there are things that are making him uncomfortable with the relationship and talk it out. That's my $0.02.
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| Originally posted by Michael19 i dunno if this was mentioned, but the guys past history with girls could be causing this. if he has been burned seriously by a girl in the past this could be the reason hes afraid of the commitment. |
i know people usually say that you have to earn trust...but i'm the opposite. i trust everyone in the beginning, until they've given me reason NOT to...if they give me reason not to, then they have to start earning it.
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| Originally posted by NiteMer A lot of guys are that way. I think I am like that too. I was hurt once in high school and have trouble let girls get really close now. I find reasons to stop seeing them after a couple of months. On the other hand, women can be this way too. I have dated a girl, on and off, and she has no clue what she wants and can't make up her mind to anything. It's really irritating. You have to handle the situation depending on your feelings. Having an open and honest talk is probably the best idea. Communication is really important and you should ask him to share his feelings, even if there is a potential for damage. Don't say anything to freak him out, but ask why he seems to be growing distant. Ask if there are things that are making him uncomfortable with the relationship and talk it out. That's my $0.02. |
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| Originally posted by Floorfiller see but some people just don't like to talk about that shit. i mean, my last girlfriend...was obviously distancing herself from me...i'd ask her to talk to me...no matter how hard i tried...i couldn't get shit out of her... |
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| Originally posted by l�cid what's the sense of being in a relationship with someone if you can't communicate openly? i know if i can't open up to a guy about anything, then he's not the one for me. communication is soooo important. |
...but i have issues too...i can't lie...does that at least hold good for me that i wanted to talk about shit? hehehe 
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| Originally posted by Floorfiller does that at least hold good for me that i wanted to talk about shit? hehehe |
You should have known, right away, that it wouldn't work out when she wouldn't talk about those things. If she wanted to work things out, she would have talked to you about it.
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| Originally posted by NiteMer You should have known, right away, that it wouldn't work out when she wouldn't talk about those things. If she wanted to work things out, she would have talked to you about it. |
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