Im officially a p_ussy (as if there were any doubt)

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-- Im officially a p_ussy (as if there were any doubt)
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Posted by Floorfiller on Feb-10-2005 23:55:

quote:
Originally posted by tribu
That might be it, but this girl was pretty hot, and I just dont see what shed want with me. Plus, after class, everyone is around and I just feel odd striking up a conversation in front of my classmates. Id guess it was a good sign, but she seems like a nice person, and I can't imagine she wouldnt have a boyfriends...

Bah, these are the type of rationale I go through when Im thinking about making a move at all. I just think that I should put relationships out of mind for awhile and just let things fall where they do. Do the important things like graduate, get a job, work out, and have some nice things, then start looking....

Alcohol and drugs are only a semi answer for me. I hate drinking, so that almost surely kills that. I don t mind rolling but Im pretty poor at the moment, and that really isnt an option either. I dont really know.

alright...listen...

next time you see her just be like "hey _________ .... what's up? hey what are you doing this weekend? j00 want to have buttseckz??"

ok say that but not the buttsecks part...

or if she says hello to you or something...just ask her if she's hungry or something... you don't have to be all "would you like to go on a date with me?"... just try to keep it casual. if you ask her to lunch or something and she says yes...i'd say she interested. and if not...it really wasn't that big a deal to ask was it? and no one is gonna think "omg tribu asked you out? what a loser!!"

Posted by tribu on Feb-10-2005 23:57:

quote:
Originally posted by Clovis86
Oh man...you only live once. Fuckin just GO FOR IT.

Please...do it for teh horny fucks in the COR.

heh, Im not sure you guys are the type of motivation I need here

Posted by Clovis on Feb-11-2005 00:00:

quote:
Originally posted by tribu
heh, Im not sure you guys are the type of motivation I need here

Ok seriously. I think...you should wait and see if she strikes up conversation next time. If she does. ASK.

Posted by Spartan on Feb-11-2005 00:01:

What you really need to do is ask a girl out and get rejected. Then you'll realize getting rejected isn't nearly as bad as our inner demons make it out to be. This will give you much more confidence.

What helps me when asking girls out is I try not to think of it as putting myself out on a limb, but more of just me giving her a compliment by asking her out. That way I feel good about asking, b/c even if they say no it becomes nothing more than a nice, harmless thing to do.

Posted by tribu on Feb-11-2005 00:06:

quote:
Originally posted by Floorfiller
or if she says hello to you or something...just ask her if she's hungry or something... you don't have to be all "would you like to go on a date with me?"... just try to keep it casual. if you ask her to lunch or something and she says yes...i'd say she interested. and if not...it really wasn't that big a deal to ask was it? and no one is gonna think "omg tribu asked you out? what a loser!!"

I know it doesn't have to be formal. I dont act or talk like I do on here. I understand how the system works. But I just find myself unable to do or say anything when crunch time comes up. It's like something kicks on in my brain that rationalizes myself into believing that not doing anything is the better course of action, and I act accordingly. This is what I'm most worried about, and the thing that I can't seem to control.

Knowing what the problem is is supposed to be half the battle, but I have a hard time convincing myself, despite the fact that I feel like I've identified the root problem.

Posted by bas on Feb-11-2005 00:11:

quote:
Originally posted by e*motion
I've also noticed I have big balls when im rolling.

pulse won!

Posted by t�bias on Feb-11-2005 00:12:

It took me ages to realise that girls like picking up too.

You are just scared of rejection.

Its easy to fall out of the groove, the best way to overcome is to get some new female friends, just friends, and then treat all girls like you do them, and hopefully they will introduce you to some girls along the way...

Posted by Clovis on Feb-11-2005 00:14:

quote:
Originally posted by t�bias
It took me ages to realise that girls like picking up too.

You are just scared of rejection.

Its easy to fall out of the groove, the best way to overcome is to get some new female friends, just friends, and then treat all girls like you do them, and hopefully they will introduce you to some girls along the way...

female friends, with friends...

Excellent advice.

Posted by Krypton on Feb-11-2005 00:58:

nothin wrong with bein in the V club. but u do have a problem when u cant even get with a girl to just have an innocent little drink at the coffee house. just do it, whats the worst that can happen? she says no? big DEAL move on, she's not interested, if she says yes, boom, youve got it, she interested, and either, she wont be offended. she should feel flattered either way. ive had to say no before, but i wasnt mad, i was very flattered though.

Posted by Emil on Feb-11-2005 01:01:

Re: Im officially a p_ussy (as if there were any doubt)

quote:
Originally posted by tribu
One, two, three....Thats the total amount of times Ive pussied out of asking a girl out in the last 24 hours.

Last night, I went to see a girl I used to work with whom I had a bit of a crush on (you may remember the thread). After talking to her for a few minutes I gave her my cell, but I felt like a bit of a knob asking for hers, so I just decided to go.

Today in class, I was sitting behind this cute girl, and she turned around to talk and smile at me a few times. During class, I thought, 'ok, I can ask this girl out'. Class ends and Im a bit nervous. I grab my things, and look to her, but she isn't quite ready to go. My plan was to walk out of the building with her, and maybe ask her for a coffee as we got outside, but I deicded to just say fuck it, and left.

Just now at work, this cute girl was here. When she came in, we talked a bit about her writing and then I let her get to work. Knowing she would only be in for a half an hour, I thought, maybe I could invite her out after her seminar (the reason her stay in the lab was only 30 minutes). She got up to leave, and I just felt like I couldn't say anything.

So what's my deal? I'm not gay (or if I am, I've never met a male I'm attracted to), and I really want to ask these girls out. But I just feel akward doing it. I feel unable to do it in front of ANY people, and often I feel like I'm imposing on them, or making unwanted advances. Is it lack of self-confidence? I dont quite feel datable, as I dont really have any nice none music/computer related things and Im rather poor.

Im starting to think I should just jump aboard the asexuality bandwagon, if only to avoid the self-loathing and shame I feel after events like the 3 described here.

Can I introduce you to my bald headed friend Nou?

Posted by tc-fan on Feb-11-2005 01:24:

Re: Im officially a p_ussy (as if there were any doubt)

Posted by Psygnosis on Feb-11-2005 01:52:

omg i have the same problem as tribu , damn... some days its fine, and somedays i'm just not confident enough. it's a very bad thing , it's pretty embaressing actually.

It definetly is the "Fear Of Rejection", there has to be a way to get around this mentally... not with alchamahol or anything.

Posted by tribu on Feb-11-2005 01:52:

quote:
Originally posted by ::TranceVanDyk::
nothin wrong with bein in the V club. but u do have a problem when u cant even get with a girl to just have an innocent little drink at the coffee house. just do it, whats the worst that can happen? she says no? big DEAL move on, she's not interested, if she says yes, boom, youve got it, she interested, and either, she wont be offended. she should feel flattered either way. ive had to say no before, but i wasnt mad, i was very flattered though.

I probably lost my virginity earlier than most of the people on this board. Sexually I'm probably more experienced than many of the people who have responded to this thread. But all that changed when I went to uni.

As far as what the deal is, I don't know. It seems like there was a major gradual move from me being an incredibly social being to being radically introvertive and withdrawn. My liking of trance was definitely a big part of it, as when I first got into it, I didn't want to listen to anything else, and this drives away a large crowd. Past relationships are another part, of course, and some (read all) of my living situations have been pretty random and/or fucked up, which drove me further inside myself.

Basically what I'm saying is that the problem here goes a lot deeper than an inability to simply strike up a conversation with girls. I can sometimes do that (see: girls at work, girls in class groups, etc). But I have a major problem initiating anything at all, especially with strangers, and this really holds me back. Fear of rejection is likely a major part of it as Tobias said, but there are other mammoth self-worth issues at work here, and probably lots of other underlying ones too.

This thread has kind of turned into a circus. I don't necessarily need advice, I was just kind of putting some thoughts and stories down for the COR, as is practice around here. I know the way to get over this is to simply take the step and start talking to girls, but Im just not there yet. If you can give me advice on how to get there, that's welcome, but a desire for encouragement wasn't the point of this thread.

Posted by Clovis on Feb-11-2005 01:55:

Take tobias advice. Get girl "friends". Its teh best thing evar.

Posted by bas on Feb-11-2005 01:57:

quote:
Originally posted by Clovis86
Take tobias advice. Get girl "friends". Its teh best thing evar.

yeah...i have this friend from hs, she's really cool to just chill with...plus u know we'll go out and it doesn't hurt to be seen with a hot girl with boobies what was i saying? oh yeah boobies

Posted by N|te-L|fe on Feb-11-2005 02:03:

fuckin pussy

Posted by sym on Feb-11-2005 02:07:

im actually the same way, im fairly confident in myself, its just that I hate when people put me in awkward positions so I don't like to approach girls I don't know at least fairly well.

Posted by Xenocreator_PG_ on Feb-11-2005 02:09:

Do you get the heated head of doom when you try to hunt a chick down for teh kill?

I had this plan to ask this giel out & I went up to her & my head heated up & inertia flipped around & then a sudden sense of self overwhelmed me & then I heard "No!"
I was like "what?"
she was like "No I wont go out with you!'
& I go "thank fuck for that. I was getting a cold sweat & about to vomit all over you. I'll think ill just go to the pub tonight & pick up a drunken slut. seeya bitch, your ugly anyways."

....errrr, well it didnt entirely go like that; everything was true until my last sentence.

Ive just swallowed it on occations & beaten the heated head of doom. You never know, unless you give it a go. Youve got three chick to do it to. Im sure you'll get at least 1 out of three.

Posted by Xenocreator_PG_ on Feb-11-2005 02:11:

quote:
Originally posted by N|te-L|fe
fuckin pussy

he wishes!!

Posted by sym on Feb-11-2005 02:17:

im actually the same way, im fairly confident in myself, its just that I hate when people put me in awkward positions so I don't like to approach girls I don't know at least fairly well.

Posted by smokeape on Feb-11-2005 02:32:

Tribu, the reason you don't ask these girls out and try to get a date is because you're simply afraid of rejection. Bottom line. You need to learn to overcome this fear of failure. Talk with some friends about their fears in asking out chicks (and yeah, they all got some), but concentrate on the part that made themselves do it anyway. You have to realize every male goes through this sort of ritual thing when asking out a female. If you approach it right, they will give you a polite hint if they're not interested instead of just a flat no that you can pick up on. You can also pick up on a mutual interest as well if you go about it right. Just don't bluntly approach a girl with a you wanna go out yes or no attitude.

[[[smoke]]]

Girl Nobody - Cages (Lemon8 Mix)

Posted by t�bias on Feb-11-2005 02:41:

A friend of mine overcomes this shyness and difficulty having the balls to jump off that bridge and talk to girls by acting dumb and helpless.

I'm totally serious.

He'll approach a girl at a bus stop and ask if his outfit looks alright because he's not that good with colours. And girls love to help him out, and its not cheesy or sleazy.

It really works its quite funny, its a great ice breaker.

If being a confident guy and breaking the ice through smooth talking isn't your thing, then play dumb. Remember the episode of Seinfeld when George goes up to the girl and says "Hi, I'm George, I'm unemployed and live with my parents", and the lady likes him.

Well total honesty can really work. You go up to a girl and say, "look I'm really bad at this and don't really do it, but you seem like a really happy person, and I'd like to chat with sometime".

Posted by Chris T. Dot on Feb-11-2005 02:51:

quote:
Originally posted by tribu
That might be it, but this girl was pretty hot, and I just dont see what shed want with me.

Here is your problem. You gotta believe you're the shit! But don't be cocky, just believe that you're worth it man. I personally never really had to ask out girls, every gal I ever had told me she liked me (or pinched my butt while passing me at a party) but that's because I projected an image or personality that they wanted and admired. Girls love confidence and can smell it a mile away. Seriously, people make rejection such a huge thing, when really, it's nothing huge. Worst case scenerio is that you get rejected....BIG DEAL! What's changed? nothing! as long as you don't get pissed and call her a name or insult her afterwards, you'll be fine. Rejection is a part of life, yet it also is at the root of every fear we have in life. Everyone wants to be part of something, whether it be a group of friends, or a relationship, etc. What you have to do is turn this fear against itself. Think about what fear will do to you if you let it control you? The things you will miss out on, the girls you could have gotten but you chickened out. That girl was obviously interested, and the least you could have done was made a friend. You put too much pressure on yourself from the start. If you just have the mindset of getting to know them instead of hoping they will go out with you, you will erase a huge mental block of pressure you put on yourself.

Posted by tribu on Feb-11-2005 02:52:

quote:
Originally posted by Nou
oh sit im george... im unemployed, live with my mom, and bald...

hrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

tribu do it and i will do it to!

Sadly, I do live with my mum and da, which is another massive part of this equation. Luckily, Im not unemployed, I work two jobs, which is highly stressful and probably the reason all of this came out tonight. Im not bald, but I definitely will be. Ive got a fairly obvious receeding hair line.

I think tobias has offered the best ideas in this thread, but mostly I feel stupid for opening it, so im closing it now.

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