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-- Should the guy pay for the date?
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Again, may just be because I had a horror of an ex, but ever since that first dinner I paid for, I paid for everything for 8 months...she walked all over me and then ditched my ass...

She wasn't Canadian; she was Ukrainian.

quote:

Originally posted by Jayx1 This is exactly how it should be

+1

I paid for almost everything the entire time I've been dating my Fiancee despite her attempts to pay for things. In our case this just made sense as she was a student for the first two years we were together and I have the capacity to pay for dates and what have you without financial hardship. Oddly enough, I still pay whenever we go out even though we have a joint account now.... I'm not sure why that is?

First couple of dates: Whoever "initiates" the dating(which is usually the guy) should pay. Obviously, it'd be nice if the girl offered to pay for herself on the first date, but even if she doesn't - it's ok, cause it's just a first date.

After that: taking turns. Though I think guys should pay slightly more often. Girls spend way more time and money in order to look good for guys, so I think it's fair when guys pay a little more during dates.

Just beware of the gold digger. I had an ex like that too once, i called it 400 dollar fridays.

quote:

Originally posted by zookeeper I've never known any woman to think that they are being "bought" at $20.00 increments

i didn't actually mean being baught in '$20 increments' but since the majority of random things cost $20 or less, it all adds up very quickly and it becomes an expectation...think of it like a gateway drug to crack!!!

quote:

Originally posted by djn8goulet Just beware of the gold digger. I had an ex like that too once, i called it 400 dollar fridays.

ouch thats the worst...one thing i never do is support my gf's bar tab...we hardly drink that much anymore anyways...but seriously, if we were big drinkers, i'm not paying $100 bucks at the bar to see her puking all nite and pass out in the car.

quote:

Originally posted by Jayx1 And watch Canadian girl dutch your ass into the curb for some loser with no spine...

Good, cuz it means we see what kinda person she is right off bat! Better now than later!

Any guy who doesnt have a spine deserves to be walked all over. The problem is that there are way too many spineless guys which makes it difficult for the honest self respecting guys out there.

I usually pay when I take my gf out to dinner, movie etc. but yeah I guess its nice when she's offering to pick up the dinner tab here and there, it shows that she enjoys spending time with me no matter what the cost, but definitely taking turns is the best way to work about it since both parties win.

On a side note, I think alot of guys offer to pay on the first date cuz their trying to impress their date and hopefully get alittle something something for their trouble. (And no I'm not talking about me, just an observation I noticed)

This goes both ways....

My EX-fiance would blow his paychecks as soon as he got them and I would end up paying for everything we did!
It's not always just girls who expect to be taken care of!!

Now, my current bf and I split everything...I never EXPECT him to pay, it's just nice when he does!!

quote:

Originally posted by Jayx1 Any guy who doesnt have a spine deserves to be walked all over. The problem is that there are way too many spineless guys which makes it difficult for the honest self respecting guys out there.

It isn't always a question of spine. I like to pay. It makes me feel good to pay. I look at it as a trade off, she's doing me the favour of having her company therefore I should do her the favour of treating her. I am, however, somewhat of a traditionalist in matters of protocal and social dealings.

quote:

Originally posted by Moral Hazard she's doing me the favour of having her company

WHAAAAAAAAAAT?????


Shes honouring you with her presence?

Oh man i feel sorry for you

You are beyond belief.


I am of the belief that she should be as honoured to be in my presence as i am to be in hers.

No wonder women are the way they are around here.... shit!

quote:

Originally posted by Jayx1 WHAAAAAAAAAAT????? Shes honouring you with her presence? Oh man i feel sorry for you You are beyond belief. I am of the belief that she should be as honoured to be in my presence as i am to be in hers. No wonder women are the way they are around here.... shit!

Not even close to being whipped... I have total freedom within my relationship and my fiancee will do whatever I ask of her. See, when you treat a woman with some measure of respect you will get that respect back. When you make her feel that she is the most important person in your life and it is your privilege to be with her she will behave the same toward you. This is because the way a woman feels about you is directly related to the way you make her feel about herself (if you have not figured this out then you have a lot to learn, son). By making my fiancee feel great about herself her love for me is reenforced, this in turn increases her trust in me and security in our relationship. If you have love trust and security it is amazing how good a relationship can be and how free both parties can be within it.

BTW, if you knew my fiancee you would agree that she is honouring me with her presence.... she's way to good for me! She feels the same way about me. And it is exactly that kind of thinking that prevents us from taking one another for granted and it is the reason we are where we are.

Maybe you should try changing your approach to women.

I agree with you about respect. But too many people equate respect with material items. Respect means treating somebody like an equal as a person as well as someone you care about. But respect should always go both ways.

Spending money does not equal respect

quote:

if you knew my fiancee you would agree that she is honouring me with her presence.... she's way to good for me! She feels the same way about me. And it is exactly that kind of thinking that prevents us from taking one another for granted and it is the reason we are where we are.

thats exactly the point i was making when i said:

quote:

I am of the belief that she should be as honoured to be in my presence as i am to be in hers.

it should work both ways. But the way you posted it sounded like you had to thank her for being there by paying her way. Thats just a wrong way of thinking.

quote:

Originally posted by Jayx1 But the way you posted it sounded like you had to thank her for being there by paying her way. Thats just a wrong way of thinking.

It would be better to say that I want to pay her way as a gesture to signal my gratitude that she would choose to spend her time with me. I also show this by treating her like a lady, opening doors, being well mannered, and considering her feelings equal to my own. There is no mandate that I must pay, it is a choice.

For me it's pretty much random who pays. I think it equals out pretty well in the end though, maybe I spend alittle more.

When I was younger I preferred to split the bill. Now that I have a better job (steady, larger cashflow), I don't mind paying for dates. However, if after the first couple dates a girl doesn't even attempt to offer to pay for her share of the date, I know it's probably someone I don't want to be with much more.

definately agree with jayx by saying 'no wonder girls are how they are these days' with comments like moral hazards.

if you have an awesome relationship and thats the way you like to do things moral hazard, by all means, i'm not going to pry into that, but on a general level among most men and women, i completely stand on the points i made that its an equality, and comments like "its a privlidge to be in her presence, so i return that favour by paying when we go out"

that right there just freaks the shit out of me. its just as much a privlidge for me to be in her presence as her to be in my presence. that = a good relationship. theres no tricks to making a relionship with to many insecurities work well. ( i emphasize WELL, becuase denial is all to prevelant in todays society, i mean who hasn't had relationships that have lasted way longer then they should have).

I usually always pay regardless.. but I love it when a girl TRIES to pay for it.. thats a good girl.

quote:

Originally posted by djbruuen definately agree with jayx by saying 'no wonder girls are how they are these days' with comments like moral hazards. if you have an awesome relationship and thats the way you like to do things moral hazard, by all means, i'm not going to pry into that, but on a general level among most men and women, i completely stand on the points i made that its an equality, and comments like "its a privlidge to be in her presence, so i return that favour by paying when we go out" that right there just freaks the shit out of me. its just as much a privlidge for me to be in her presence as her to be in my presence. that = a good relationship. theres no tricks to making a relionship with to many insecurities work well. ( i emphasize WELL, becuase denial is all to prevelant in todays society, i mean who hasn't had relationships that have lasted way longer then they should have).

Exactly... these "traditional" guys who don't have "traditional" girlfriends. You can't have it both ways IMO

quote:

Originally posted by djbruuen that right there just freaks the shit out of me. its just as much a privlidge for me to be in her presence as her to be in my presence. that = a good relationship. theres no tricks to making a relionship with to many insecurities work well. ( i emphasize WELL, becuase denial is all to prevelant in todays society, i mean who hasn't had relationships that have lasted way longer then they should have).

You clearly don't understand what I said. It is my privlidge to be with my fiancee and I recognize that by treating her accordingly. She does the same. Additionally, what I was saying re:security was that if you treat a woman well and make her feel good about herself then she will feel equally good about you. That inturn will build a relationship where there are no insecurities.

i dont set myself up to be taken advantage of. When its a girl who i just met we go for coffee. Im not taking a complete stranger out for a $300 night just as i would hope that she wouldnt have sex with a total stranger. Same thing.

If she doesnt offer to pay her share then it's over for her. If she does offer i usually decline and offer to pay.

Its not about money its about having repsect for someone you dont know very well. Later on if the relationship progresses in a healthy way then it just balances itself out. And if it doesnt then you should be able to talk about it and work it out. Thats what mature people do.

Funny but i dont think that relationships are about taking advantage of someone else or being honoured by someone's presence. Its about enjoying each others company whether its over mcdonalds or cavier on the riviera. I wish most others thought this way.

quote:

Originally posted by Jayx1 Funny but i dont think that relationships are about taking advantage of someone else or being honoured by someone's presence. Its about enjoying each others company whether its over mcdonalds or cavier on the riviera. I wish most others thought this way.

I've never been taken advantage of nor do I set myself up for it.

Essentially, we are thinking along similar lines, however, you are getting caught up in words that you don't quite understand because you have never experienced them. Believe me, when you are in love with someone (real love) you will be honoured and privileged to be with them.
Being honoured to be with another person happens naturally when you hold someone in high esteem. If you do not hold them in high esteem then you have no business dating them in the first place. Ideally both parties will hold the other in high esteem and therefore will feel privliged to be with the other.

It is unfortunate that you don't have the capacity to understand what I'm saying here. With some more experience and maturity you will. Until then there is no point in continuing this because you cannot possibly understand.

quote:

Originally posted by Jayx1 i dont set myself up to be taken advantage of. When its a girl who i just met we go for coffee. Im not taking a complete stranger out for a $300 night just as i would hope that she wouldnt have sex with a total stranger. Same thing. If she doesnt offer to pay her share then it's over for her. If she does offer i usually decline and offer to pay. Its not about money its about having repsect for someone you dont know very well. Later on if the relationship progresses in a healthy way then it just balances itself out. And if it doesnt then you should be able to talk about it and work it out. Thats what mature people do. Funny but i dont think that relationships are about taking advantage of someone else or being honoured by someone's presence. Its about enjoying each others company whether its over mcdonalds or cavier on the riviera. I wish most others thought this way.

seriously, case closed, read my comments, and jays and you're set. i don't know what jays dating history is, but my relationship is 2yrs and going strong. (not to say if you don't have a long relationship you can't comment, becuase it can be difficult to find the person you actually want to spend lots of time with) its about respect for each other above anything else. the first month is always hard becuase there can be awkwardness in the 'who pays.' i think i had a huge advantage that we were friends 8months b4 dating, so that took lots of the awkwardness out.

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