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-- simpsons quotes
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homer: "don't worry, hippos are afraid of water!"

Cheif Wiggum and MAyor Quimby watching the monorail whizz round very fast from the control room


Wiggum: Argh, this is making me dizzy, I'm gonna go take a break
Quimby: Alright, I'm in charge here
Wiggum: Oh run along Quimby, I think they're dedicating a phonebooth somewhere
Quimby: Watch it you talking tub of donut batter
Wiggum: Hey, I've got pictures of you Quimby
Quimby: You don't scare me, that could be anyone's ass, now beat it.

from a halloween epiosde

Homer : Everything worked fine in the end
Marge : Bart�s dead!
Homer : Well Saying I�m sorry won�t help
Marge : The gypsy woman said it would
Homer : She�s not the boss of me

"Oh Lord, guide this cinderblock--"
"Homer, no!"

while I'm at it,

"Old grey mare she ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be.."

Clerk: Yep, `General Sherman'. They say he's five hundred pounds of bottom-dwelling fury, don't you know. No one knows how old he is, but if you ask me (and most people do), he's hundred years if he's a day.
Customer: And uh no one's ever caught him?
Clerk: Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell.

"Glyvin!"

BlackJack dealer: 18

Homer: Hit Me

BlackJack Dealer: 19

Homer: Hit Me

Black Jack Dealer: 20

Homer: Hit Me

BlackJack Dealer: 21

Homer: Hit Me

BlackJack Dealer: Bust

Homer: DOOOHHHH!!!!!

R-"i ated the purpleberries."
B-How are they Ralph, good?
R-"they taste like ..burning,"

"Now let's talk about rust proofing! those Colecos will rust up on ya in a.. shut up, Gil, seal the deal, seal the deal!"

Mr.burns: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexelent

snake: wallet inspector

quote:

Originally posted by {b.s.e.} while I'm at it, "Old grey mare she ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be.."

lmao, i hope you did that dance while you were posting this

Krusty: To prove that this metal O is harmless, I will personally eat one. [takes a mouthful] See? There's nothing -- [starts screaming and writhing] Oh, boy! This thing is shredding my insides.
Mel: Er, Krusty, that wasn't the metal one, that was a regular Krusty O.
Krusty: It's poison!

[Krusty is attacked by the bird]
Joan: She must think you're after her eggs.
Krusty: I only ate one!

Krusty: Hey! It's respected private citizen Tom Landry! And South American sensation Xoxchisha -- Xoxchoshe -- Xox -- oh, boy.

My all time fav:

*Homer is standing in a sandtrap whilst playing golf against Mr Burns*

Burns: Use an open faced club.... the sand wedge!
Homer: Mmmmmm... open faced club sandwich... gggrrrrggglll

*Nelson on the ground having a spasm*
Apu: "Oh no! this child is having an outer body experience, this is...bad for business."

Apu:

Good FOod, Good curry, Good Ghandi, let's hurry.

* APu and his assistant have to Leave...

"apu, what are we going to do about the store?"

*Apu pulls out four year old kid, and puts on top of the counter

Apu: Little SAnjay, I am trusting you with this honourable position of control over my store.

Sanjay: Oh, how I have waited for this moment,

*Punk teens in the store, see the kid, and start eating merchandise.

*sanjay pulls out a double barraled shotgun, and cocks it.

*punk teenagers' jaw drops. they drop the merchandise.





At the post office, HOmer is posing as Mr. Burns.

Homer: "HELLOoooo, my name is Mr BUrnss...."

Attendant: "yeah, what's your first name Mr. Burns?"

Homer: " I Don't KNowwwww"

*he gets thrown out of the post office, like a bag of trash. (Detroit style)

Homer: "What do you think Marge? all i need is a title. i was thinking of calling it 'No TV and No Beer Make Homer...' something something..."

Marge: "Go Crazy?"

Homer: "Don't mind if i do!"

"That's a honey-doodle of a noodle-scratcher."

Ned Flanders

mrs. lovejoy: they're having s-e-x in the c-l-o-s-e-t!

homer: (gasps) SEX CAULDREN!?


Apu: Jiminy Cricket! Wooh, expired ham. [scribbles over the expiry
date]
Oh, this time I have gone to far. No, no one will fall for --
Homer: Woo hoo! Cheap meat! [picks it up] Ooh, this one's open.
[starts eating it]


Homer: Your old meat made me sick!
Apu: Oh, I'm so sorry. [gets a pail of shrimp] Please accept five
pounds of frozen shrimp?
Homer: [holds one up, sniffs it] This shrimp isn't frozen! And it
smells funny.
Apu: OK, ten pounds.
Homer: Woo hoo!


Homer: Don't be alarmed, Apu. Just go about your daily routine like I'm
not wearing the hat.
Apu: Your headgear seems to be emitting a buzzing noise, sir. Perhaps
you have a bee in your bonnet?
Homer: Bee? Aah! [stomps on hat, runs out]
Kent: Homer, that hat's been with the station twenty years! He had one
day left till retirement.


Kent: Apu, will you ever stop selling spoiled meat?
Apu: No -- I mean, yes -- I mean -- uh oh. [sweats]
[Apu turns off the TV]
I think I come off very well.
Woman: Monster! Run, children.


Woods: 75, 85, 90, and a dollar. Thank you, and come again. Hey, wait
a minute! Hey! Uh...could I just ask you a question? Did
you...did you _believe_ that, the way I gave you the change? Did
I sound like a _real_ Kwik-E-Mart, you know, kind of guy?
Jimbo: Actually, I thought it was a little labored.
Woods: Oh.
Jimbo: You've got to lose yourself in the moment, man!
Woods: Yeah, like, yeah, OK, great! OK, let's, let's just try that
again, OK? Come on. Hey, come on -- hey! Get over here. OK,
now you're you, I'm me.
Jimbo: [with trepidation] I'm me?
Woods: [grabs his collar] Hey -- don't..._jerk_ me around, fella.



James Woods cleans out the microwave with a scraper while talking on his
cellular phone.

Tony, you're my agent. You _have_ to do something about this. ...How
can it be the same movie if they've changed my character from a
convenience store clerk to a jittery eskimo firefighter? ...Uh huh...uh
huh...mm hmm...well, actually, that's a pretty good explanation. {Now
this is gross, right, this'll be _gross_ points in this new...? OK.
Yeah, 'cause there's monkey -- yeah, OK, great.}
OK, good: book me a flight, rent me an igloo, and tell those dorks at
the Kwik-E-Mart that boom! I am outta here, I'm a dot, I'm gone, OK?
...What do you mean, I gotta give two weeks' notice? Why you frickin',
no good, motha [beep] [beep] cheese! ...No, not you, I'm just talking
to my oven.

Lisa: [to a nearby chipmunk] Hello, Mr. Chipmunk. You're a northern
reticulated chipmunk. Yes, you are. [pokes its nose] You are so
reticulated.
[to an owl] Hi, Mrs. Owl. You're out kind of early.
[walks off merrily] La-la-la, la-la...
[as soon as she's out, the owl grabs the chipmunk]

quote:

Originally posted by smallSHEEP Mr. Burns: What country is that over there, it just screams capitalism. Smithers: That�s Cuba sir. Mr. Burns: Ok, land the plane Smithers. Smithers: Sir, you're flying?! Mr. Burns: Excellent...

Priceless that episode.
That is the best quote ever.

quote:

Originally posted by trunks1022 snake: wallet inspector

Snake: Wallet inspector
Dork: Ah yes, I think you'll find all is in order here
Homer: Wait a minute....... *that's* not the wallet inspector!

MR.burns: Smithers help....ive got a rocket in my pocket.

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