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-- Is an Omission a betrayal?
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quote:

Originally posted by Yan If it has no real relevance to anything relating to your significant other than it's not lying.

Its not a situational thing. If you do the same thing to your friends its still lying.

quote:

Originally posted by kadomony i think she means like not saying anything at all. like having a secret and not saying it whatsoever.

Like what? Can you give me an example?

no but see he wanted to choose the gym over her.


its psychological.. hes trying to convince himself he didnt but he really did

quote:

Originally posted by SomewhatDamaged Like what? Can you give me an example?

say you have a fatal disease.
you never tell your lover that you have this disease.
is it the same as saying you dont have it if they ask?

my opinion is no.

quote:

Originally posted by SomewhatDamaged Its not a situational thing. If you do the same thing to your friends its still lying.

Of COURSE it's a situational thing. If we were going around telling everyone EVERYTHING that we did, people would be boring as sh*t.

The situation was that I was not told the whole story about a certain girl who was calling my now ex bf; the story unfolded in layers; she's a friend, then they almost hooked up, then they hooked up... etc so on and so on...always more developments; which came out of discussion from the fact that he couldn't be honest about talking to her. No big deal to talk to people; but lying, leaving things out, etc creates doubt; don't you think? but his logic was "I decide how much people should know" but I think that deliberately creating a misconception in someones head (and in his case; it's because a: he'd know it'd hurt me and b: he WAS trying to hide something) it is the same as telling a flat out lie; but I guess just smooths it over and makes him feel a little better by being able to say "I didn't lie" because he didn't say it...

I guess I'm one of those wierd people who thinks that if you feel you can't tell your sig. other something; then you should know right away you're doing something wrong...

quote:

[i][b] I guess I'm one of those wierd people who thinks that if you feel you can't tell your sig. other something; then you should know right away you're doing something wrong...

now i just KNOW you were trying to be all irnoic there at the end, but ima just go ahead and say...yeah...you're weird.

no one read the damn article?

Re: Is an Omission a betrayal?

quote:

Originally posted by ColorDancer Is not telling your significant other something the same as lying?

It depends on whether or not you are intentionally omitting it. If you are it is the same. Now, whether or not that is an aggregous offence depends on motive and what it is you are omitting.

quote:

Originally posted by BTG you are a damn fool.

well considering that exact thing killed my relationship im pretty sure i have enough experience to say so

quote:

Originally posted by ColorDancer The situation was that I was not told the whole story about a certain girl who was calling my now ex bf; the story unfolded in layers; she's a friend, then they almost hooked up, then they hooked up... etc so on and so on...always more developments; which came out of discussion from the fact that he couldn't be honest about talking to her. No big deal to talk to people; but lying, leaving things out, etc creates doubt; don't you think? but his logic was "I decide how much people should know" but I think that deliberately creating a misconception in someones head (and in his case; it's because a: he'd know it'd hurt me and b: he WAS trying to hide something) it is the same as telling a flat out lie; but I guess just smooths it over and makes him feel a little better by being able to say "I didn't lie" because he didn't say it...

I can understand him thinking that it is unimportant to tell you the entire history between them. What one needs to explore is whether he did this because he's trying to hook up with her now or simply because it wasn't necessary to tell you.

quote:

I guess I'm one of those wierd people who thinks that if you feel you can't tell your sig. other something; then you should know right away you're doing something wrong...

Good rule of thumb.

It is definitely a situational thing. I mean, if last night lets say an ex or girl I hooked up with called to talk that doesn't mean I am obligated to right away tell my girlfriend this happened. Now if something happened between me and the ex, yeah she should be told. It all depends on the circumstances. If your girlfriend/boyfriend isn't or won't be directly effected then it isn't a problem not to tell I don't think.

For the phone call thing. That is something I had to get used to because my girlfriend is or was still friends with a couple ex boyfriends. I have to respect that and get used to it, just like how I occassional will talk to friends that are girls.

When I was in grade 4, I was sent to the principals office for doing something stupid. He asked me to explain myself, detailing why I did what I did. I told him my story, but left out a couple of key pieces of information, and when I finally admitted to them, he yelled at me for being a liar.

At the time I was only 9 years old and hadn't really understood the concept that I was lying by omission, but he reemed me out, and I will never forget, if you don't tell the WHOLE TRUTH, it is not the truth.

And in my definition of betrayal, lying to someone is encompassed by that, so I would say yes, you betrayed whomever you lied to.

quote:

Originally posted by DOOMBOT It is definitely a situational thing. I mean, if last night lets say an ex or girl I hooked up with called to talk that doesn't mean I am obligated to right away tell my girlfriend this happened. Now if something happened between me and the ex, yeah she should be told. It all depends on the circumstances. If your girlfriend/boyfriend isn't or won't be directly effected then it isn't a problem not to tell I don't think. For the phone call thing. That is something I had to get used to because my girlfriend is or was still friends with a couple ex boyfriends. I have to respect that and get used to it, just like how I occassional will talk to friends that are girls.

I totally think it's okay to talk to exes; obviously if your still able to maintain friendships it's just a mark that your a good enough person too... what bothers me is lying about it; you shouldn't have to hide the fact that you talk to them; it should be no big deal.

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