TranceAddict Forums (www.tranceaddict.com/forums)
- Chill Out Room
-- my parents are getting divorced
Pages (4): « 1 [2] 3 4 »

Re: my parents are getting divorced

quote:

Originally posted by tubularbills so my parents are getting divorced.

Good for them, they're correcting the second biggest mistake most people ever make in their lives: getting married.

quote:

basically the jist of things is that my dad feels he has "lost the love" and is feeling too depressed and helpless. it's been going on, apparently, for quite some time. it's been 15 months since my mom's surgery [hysterectomy] and she hasn't recovered fully yet [and is kind of far from it]. and he apparently just feels that he can't deal with that type of life. that he doesn't want to "die" next to my mom in their house.

Well, if someone's not happy in a relationship, then the best solution is usually to just terminate it, unless the problem is quite simple and can be fixed easily to the satisfaction of all involved, which doesn't seem to be the case here.

quote:

i don't really know what to think/feel except horribly sad for my mom. and the more i think about it, the more it just seems like my dad is being very very selfish. like wtf happened to "in sickness and in health, till death to us part"?

People and the circumstances in which they find themselves change a lot over the course of many years... which is why I think marriage is a bad idea in the first place. But I don't know what you expect him to do if he's not happy in the relationship - do you seriously think it would be better for him to just resign himself to being trapped and miserable indefinitely to spare your mother a little temporary heartbreak?

It seems to me you've got the selfish thing backwards. He isn't demanding anything of anyone or trying to pretend like he owns them. He just wants to live his own life, and I think he has a right to that.

quote:

i had kind of ignored my mom's email ...i guess just being in denail. but now actually hearing from my dad and talking with my mom too it just brings it all into reality. i just don't know what to do / how to feel. i keep telling myself that it's "their" problem and they have to work it out. cause nothing i can do / say will change anything. but part of me wants to. but it's not like i'm a kid anymore....shit, i'm going to be 24 this october. so all i can really do is just let them handle it how they want.

Look I don't mean to be insensitive, but this is a really common thing, and although it will cause some people pain in the short term it's probably for the best. A relationship that one party does not want to be in is not going to be a good relationship for either person. Now, if this was a hasty decision on the part of your father, then that would be one thing, but obviously he's given this a lot of thought and he can't think of any way to solve the problem so that he will be happy.

I don't know about you, but I don't see a better option than divorce.

quote:

sorry for being so longwinded. there's a lot more to say i guess. but i'll just kind of start out asking if anyone's parents are divorced? and how old were you when it happened.....anyone an adult?

Yes my parents are divorced, and it was definitely the right thing for them to do. They are both much happier now than they would have been trapped in a relationship that wasn't meant to be. I was 14 at the time, and I supported the decision wholeheartedly.

im so sorry to hear this t are u sure there is any way for them to stay together?like talking to a councelor or something? i tell u that because when i was 13 my parents soo wanted to divorce .My dad had an affair going on for several months and when my mom discovered it they decided to divorce.but i don't know how ...they managed to go through this that was a bad period but now almost 8 years later they are fine again and don't plan to divorce anymore

but in the case the decision is really taken just support your mom a lot but don't hate your dad .for a long time i was full of hate towards my dad because of his affair but now im fine everyone's making mistakes ......so yeah good luck

Sorry to hear that...

Time is the healer for sure though...everybody moves on. Just tell your mom to stay busy with whatever shez been upto and support her for the next couple of months atleast and this would not be bad at all...Im sure she would move on, everybody does....

And from the previous posts - it is implied that this is probably good for both of them in the long run...so just take care of the next couple of months...

And if you're optimistic - it is a new beginning for both of them

My parents are just finishing up the process now. I guess I'm glad that it's happening now, as I'm an adult, than when I was a kid. It still really sucks though. More than anything I'm disappointed, especially in my Dad. The way he's gone about the whole process leading up to it and the process itself has been pretty deplorable. I know time heals all, but right now it just plain sucks.

parents are people too, and not all relationships will work out. they'll both move on, and you're there to support them.

oh, my parents divorced when I wasn't even born
stop this emoyness

my dad has been married 5 times so i know what you might be feeling. It gets easier as time goes by. Best of luck to you.

quote:

Originally posted by tubularbills i think this whole thing really kind of came as a shock to my mom tho. like, she was only a little unhappy because of her pain from the surgery. having her husband of nearly 26 years say that "i can't deal with you not being healthy" is nearly a slap to the face. i don't think she'll ever be happy again.

Your poor mother. My father did the same thing to my mom, and she was never the same after.

*big hug*

wow that really sucks. i'm sorry to hear that


i can't believe he would just all of a sudden after a marriage so long, just be like, "welp! sorry, ur not doing it for me any more hun" . this was supposed to be their golden years together. i doubt your dad will find any substance in any other woman at this point in his life. i mean, unless he's a millionaire, it's hard to find women at his age.

i mean, i sorta agree about it being fair to your mom (what arbiter was saying). it wouldn't be cool if he just stayed to spare her feelings. so i agree with that, but that still doesn't keep me from thinking, "damn, that's fucked up" for your mom's sake.

my parents divorced when i was 2, so pretty much, as long as i can remember, my parents have been divorced and it never affected me. they get along fine and always have for the most part. my mom even went to his wedding when he remarried a few years ago. i'm close with both of my parents...i'm lucky.

a year today... or tomorrow is when i got the info my perents seperated.. how lovely and the next day i went to england!!! score for that

i'm very sorry to hear about that, Will... especially since you just left, it's gotta be hard having to deal with everything while being so far away.

my parents got divorced when i was 13 and it was probably the best decision my family ever made. sure, it was really rough for a while, for all of us... but looking back on it now, i know it was definitely the right thing for them to do. i wish the specifics of it could have been a little different, because it kind of ruined my relationship with my dad, but i'm just happy that my mom is now 100x happier than she ever was before... she's not even remarried, she's just a happily single lady who is loving life!

all you can do at this point is just be there for your mom, even if it just means calling her a few times a week to talk about random shit. she needs people in her life who love her, same with your dad. try to stay neutral and don't put blame on either one of them, because it will damage your relationship. they're your parents, and you have to support their decisions just as much as they support yours. things usually have a way of working out in the end.

hang in there, kid.

*e-hug*

for everyone saying, "oh my parents got divorced and it was the best thing"... yea i'm sure it was...but probably cuz they were fighting all the time and miserable? just guessing.


anyway, this situation is worse because it seems like his father just out of nowhere decided this and his mother was happy and had no clue. that's the worst. i think it would be easier on everyone if they had been at each other's throats for a while and were expecting it.

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee for everyone saying, "oh my parents got divorced and it was the best thing"... yea i'm sure it was...but probably cuz they were fighting all the time and miserable? just guessing. anyway, this situation is worse because it seems like his father just out of nowhere decided this and his mother was happy and had no clue. that's the worst. i think it would be easier on everyone if they had been at each other's throats for a while and were expecting it.

some people choose to keep their problems hidden from those around them.

yeah, i think it's a little unfair to just immediately decide to get a divorce, without trying to talk about it or work it out or even go to counseling together... but i also think that it's unfair to go through the hassles of working on fixing it, if one person is absolutely sure they know it's not what they really want.

i'm not trying to defend Will's dad... because it definitely sucks that'd he'd just up and leave after 27 years, especially right after she had surgery, but trying to force a relationship just for the sake of one person or the kids or whatever is a bad idea.

thanks for all the words. i gues i'm just still really disappointed/sad about the whole thing.

it would make more sense to me if they were arguing and fighting and all that. but they weren't. it was just....sorry, you aren't getting better and i can't deal with that. which to me is a bit lame of an excuse. like, wtf happened to "in sickness and in health" you know? and like my mom said too, it's not like he's having to change diapers, or do some really really gross stuff....it's just she's in pain and can't go out and do stuff a whole lot.

my brother is super pissed...he's getting married next february so this is kind of putting a kink in his plans and stuff now too.

my dad i guess had been hiding his feelings for some time. which to me seems like betrayal now. i guess. i dunno.

i've got so much shit on my mind. movers came at 0830 this morning w/ out and notice to take my stuff out to louisiana [where i'm getting stationed at]. and now i'm hungry. i'll probably PM some of you later, when i have more time.

again, thanks for the support and words.

It is disappointing to say the least. Despite the fact that half the marriages in the US end up in divorce, we always believe that our parents will stick together. The most troubling part is when you see your mom or dad start to date others or marry into someone who has kids. But what can we do? Statistically speaking many of us will probably end up divorcing our partners as well. I guess there's not much left of the once hallowed institution of marriage.

so its been three years since my dad left my mom; and their divorce is still not finalized.

its *almost* done; but has been a long, drawn out process. neither of my folks have a ton of money; and i've even paid for my mom's lawyer (some of it at least).

but i found out my dad is getting remarried this august. and he's still legally married to my mom.

its pretty fucked up; to say the least. communication with my father has been limited at best; and i only found out cause my mom sent me a link to his wedding registry on Amazon.

awesome.

i've never met the chick that he left my mom for. she tried to add me as a friend on facebook; and i cliked ignore. i don't mean to sound like a child; but the whole thing kinda sucks, and i still have little support for my dad at all.

anyone ever dealt with folks getting REmarried? how long after a divorce was it? how old were you?

I was the flower girl at my parents wedding when I was three, they 'divorced' when I was... uh, 5 I think. Turns out they were never married in the first place because both were still legally married to other people.

Divorce sucks.. my parents got divorced a year or 2 ago.... i felt i was old enough not to get too emotional and understand both of their needs, but it has fucked me up a little inside.


My dad is dating some fucking 24 year old ATM (he is 49)


FUCK!!!!!!!!! i am dating a 34 year old, lder than what my dad is dating... he must have some fucking game (i think its disgusting though)

My parents divorced when I was 6.

My mum got remarried when I was 12, to a Dutch guy. Didn't work out and they divorced when I was 15.

Dad remarried when I was 16, to this cool Chinese lady. Didn't even invite me to the wedding though I didn't even know they got married until a few months later.

I never really got along with either of my parents very well (especially as a teenager, lol) so it didn't bother me too much at the time, or now.

Fuck man.. sounds like FOR THE LOSE



DIVORCE FUCKING SUCKS


FML

Re: Re: my parents are getting divorced

c-c-c-c-combo breaker!! (sorry)

quote:

Originally posted by Arbiter Look I don't mean to be insensitive,

lol. insensitive would be your middle name mate!!

quote:

Originally posted by Sushipunk Dad remarried when I was 16, to this cool Chinese lady.

good work senior stu!

quote:

Originally posted by Sushipunk Dad remarried when I was 16, to this cool Chinese lady. Didn't even invite me to the wedding though I didn't even know they got married until a few months later.

i'm thinking this is going to happen to me too. although she's not chinese.

ha, i didn't even think about her kids (she has 4 i think or something like that).

weird. step siblings i've never met either. awesome.

I was 18 months old. Welcome to the club tubular...

quote:

Originally posted by tubularbills ha, i didn't even think about her kids (she has 4 i think or something like that). weird. step siblings i've never met either. awesome.

I've never had any siblings, from either my parents marriage, or any remarriages either.

I must have been such a little cunt as a kid

Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright © 2000-2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.