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-- My dilemma... opinions sought please.
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Dude, I know you mean well and all, but who the EFF do you think you are, superman? If your friend is worried about her safety, she can call the police, if she isn't not worried about her safety, she should just leave the guy. You say she has no problem leaving a guy for good, so why doesn't she just do it then? If she is such a good friend, she probably already knew about your prior commitments (and the fact that you already drove to NYC that day!).

Does she srsly NEED you to come up to montreal to sort out a situation with her boyfriend (who has yet to abuse her)? lol Are you her only friend within a 10 hour driving radius. Come on.

You mean well, but when you move to cali you will be gone and she won't have you to deal with her relationship issues anymore (not as if you should be dealing with her relationship issues anyhow! what is she, 15 years old?). just tell her to walk away from her boyfriend, ffs. If she is scared, she can file a report with the police.

Re: My dilemma... opinions sought please.

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Originally posted by nusty She is one of the sweetest most amazing girls I know and would do almost anything for her especially defending her against pricks that never deserved her in the first place.

Sounds like you feel something for this girl. Maybe you should elope to LA together.

Re: Re: My dilemma... opinions sought please.

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Originally posted by AwakenedAddict Sounds like you feel something for this girl. Maybe you should elope to LA together.

isn't he already gone anyway?

Re: Re: Re: My dilemma... opinions sought please.

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Originally posted by FunkyGroove isn't he already gone anyway?

It doesn't mean we cant leave pointless or useless advice so that he can read when he gets in LA in a few days.

Re: Re: Re: My dilemma... opinions sought please.

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Originally posted by FunkyGroove isn't he already gone anyway?

haha, ohh snap!

I was incommunicado all weekend, so I thought this was new business. I forgot to check the datestamp on the posts.

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Originally posted by Rodrico It doesn't mean we cant leave pointless or useless advice so that he can read when he gets in LA in a few days.

lol good point

my $0.02 - as a girl I'd probably love to have such a caring friend to come and sort things out for me, but I also wouldn't allow anyone to go through such a hassle to just save me from a dick of a bf

the situation might turn against him (Dave) if he (hopefully not) gets into a fight with the bf..

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Originally posted by AwakenedAddict haha, ohh snap! I was incommunicado all weekend, so I thought this was new business. I forgot to check the datestamp on the posts.

lol happens to the best of us

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Originally posted by Rodrico It doesn't mean we cant leave pointless or useless advice so that he can read when he gets in LA in a few days.

my point, that girl needs to grow up and nutsy needs to grow some nuts.

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Originally posted by FunkyGroove as a girl I'd probably love to have such a caring friend to come and sort things out for me

I think a lot of women would. It's nice to have a dude whipped over you and not have to give him blowjobs under the table every once in a while.

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Originally posted by AwakenedAddict I think a lot of women would. It's nice to have a dude whipped over you and not have to give him blowjobs under the table every once in a while.

Ouch. Sorta unfair, given that you dont know their relationship. But it is going far and out the call of being a friend to drive 5 hours in the opposite way of your destination point. But if shes asking for help, I dont think I couldnt say no to someone I cared about especially over something like driving 5 hours...5 hours or 10 hours in a lifetime is really nothing when you can do something to help a close friend in "real trouble". I dunno if I can see his friends situation as being "real trouble", or something that could possibly be "real trouble". I dont see him going a big thing or him not going a big thing, its really just how he feels about her and their friendship that really dictates whether its possible or not.

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Originally posted by Rodrico Ouch. Sorta unfair, given that you dont know their relationship. But it is going far and out the call of being a friend to drive 5 hours in the opposite way of your destination point. But if shes asking for help, I dont think I couldnt say no to someone I cared about especially over something like driving 5 hours...5 hours or 10 hours in a lifetime is really nothing when you can do something to help a close friend in "real trouble". I dunno if I can see his friends situation as being "real trouble", or something that could possibly be "real trouble". I dont see him going a big thing or him not going a big thing, its really just how he feels about her and their friendship that really dictates whether its possible or not.

You are absolutely right. Maybe I was a little harsh, but hey, that's internet advice for yah!

I would drive 5 hours if I was in love with a woman, or strongly cared for her, but if that was the case, then I wouldn't need to ask an internet community what to do.

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Originally posted by AwakenedAddict my point, that girl needs to grow up and nutsy needs to grow some nuts.

LOL! I strongly doubt nusty needs any balls to grow.

P.S. Where in his post did you get that he needed to grow some balls anyway?

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Originally posted by Cosmic Fur LOL! I strongly doubt nusty needs any balls to grow. P.S. Where in his post did you get that he needed to grow some balls anyway?

Not balls in terms of strength or agression. It seems as though he's into MMA and has good fitness, so I doubt that he'll have trouble in a fight. I was referring to the fact that he's obviously letting this woman jerk him around (who the hell asks someone to drive 5-6 hours to help them break up with a boyfriend). He needs to grow some balls and tell her that it's not his job to do this, ESPECIALLY when he is in the middle of a serious move. Next thing you know, 6 months later she calls him up.. and it goes something like this.

Her: "ohh i met some new guy, he was really nice at first but now I don't like him so much"
Nutsy: "Srsly? That sucks, I'm so sorry hun "
Her: "Yea, I know, it ALWAYS happens to me, I can never find a good man"
Nutsy: "I'm a good man! Right here baby!!"
Her: "I dunno, I like you as a friend"
Nutsy: (wtf can I do to have this girl like me, omg)
Her: "Oh by the way, could you drive across the country, I need your help to break up with my boyfriend again"
Nutsy: (thinks to himself, "AGAIN?")

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My dilemma... opinions sought please.

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Originally posted by AwakenedAddict Not balls in terms of strength or agression. It seems as though he's into MMA and has good fitness, so I doubt that he'll have trouble in a fight. I was referring to the fact that he's obviously letting this woman jerk him around (who the hell asks someone to drive 5-6 hours to help them break up with a boyfriend). He needs to grow some balls and tell her that it's not his job to do this, ESPECIALLY when he is in the middle of a serious move. Next thing you know, 6 months later she calls him up.. and it goes something like this. Her: "ohh i met some new guy, he was really nice at first but now I don't like him so much" Nutsy: "Srsly? That sucks, I'm so sorry hun " Her: "Yea, I know, it ALWAYS happens to me, I can never find a good man" Nutsy: "I'm a good man! Right here baby!!" Her: "I dunno, I like you as a friend" Nutsy: (wtf can I do to have this girl like me, omg) Her: "Oh by the way, could you drive across the country, I need your help to break up with my boyfriend again" Nutsy: (thinks to himself, "AGAIN?")

umm where in nusty's posts did you get the fact that she specifically asked him to come and help? from what i gathered she didn't and it was Dave's sole decision to go

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Originally posted by Rodrico am I the only one that finds when men abusal funny? 'cause I laughed when I read that. Imagine the police escorting you home cause of your wife gonna kick the shit outta you.

nah...the issue is that it's perceived to *never* be acceptable for a man to hit a woman (especially by the courts).

she could deck him, but if he hit her back, guess who's going to gett fried by the police and courts?

him.

if you're a guy, you're a pussy if you hit a woman...but you're deemed a pussy if you file a complaint.

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Originally posted by Rodrico am I the only one that finds when men abusal funny? 'cause I laughed when I read that. Imagine the police escorting you home cause of your wife gonna kick the shit outta you.

Its not funny. Especially not when a knife gets pulled on you. Its also not a nice feeling to be in a position where you dont know if the law is on your side if you defend yourself. Sadly, the law is on the side of women so if you defend yourself while being hit, its likely that you will go to jail even though she was the agressor.

These are exactly the sort of things that went through my friend's mind. And trust me, this guy is no wimp. He was a university football player and knows tae kwon do. (sp?) He could have flattened her in a second.

Sadly, violence against men is one of the last accepted forms of violence in our society. And its attitudes like yours that is precisely why most men wont report it.

this is a job for chuck norris.

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Originally posted by FunkyGroove umm where in nusty's posts did you get the fact that she specifically asked him to come and help? from what i gathered she didn't and it was Dave's sole decision to go

Yea, i guess that was kind of left ambiguously out there. Who knows, either way I was wrong to assume so.. but the majority of what I said previously is still relevant .

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Originally posted by Jayx1 Its not funny. Especially not when a knife gets pulled on you...

And thats where you tell her, when shes not busy threatening your life, that if you she can make a sandwhich while she has the knife out.

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Originally posted by Rodrico And thats where you tell her, when shes not busy threatening your life, that if you she can make a sandwhich while she has the knife out.

10 for composition, 0 for execution

In other words, this would have been hella funny if you didn't fuck the sentence up.

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Originally posted by Cosmic Fur 10 for composition, 0 for execution In other words, this would have been hella funny if you didn't fuck the sentence up.

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Originally posted by simms327 well - if you believe that there is any chance of her getting injured (him getting violent) then you should go.

IMO:

The first thing you do is call the police and get them involved.

The second thing you do is get her to move in with one of her girlfriends for the next few weeks.

The third thing you do is put her on a schedule and make sure that wherever she is going - someone knows she is on her way and aproximately what time she should arrive. She should take taxis wherever possible and ask people to wait with her for the taxi until it arrives and also come to greet the taxi when she arrives at her destination.

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Originally posted by Jayx1 Sadly, violence against men is one of the last accepted forms of violence in our society. And its attitudes like yours that is precisely why most men wont report it.

Exactly who accepts it?? The reason wife-beating became unacceptable was because women reported it. It wasn't (and isn't) easy for them either. No one should be pulling knives on anyone else - your buddy should report it and press charges! Anyone that laughs or calls him a wimp is an asshole.

I know its already to late, but I'm with Jay & Aaron on this one.
You driving to Mtl to prove a point to a guy will only serve as a temporary bandaid. He must know you are not a local if you're appearing outta thin air to her aid, and may know you'll be even further away once u move away. Maybe she can't file any charges against him due to a lack of a 'crime', but she can probably get a restraining order issued, which would only result in an arrest if he violated it (since she obviously feels some guilt about involving the police). The sooner you get the police involved & aware, the better. I also find it hard to believe that she doesn't even have 1 other friend locally to help her make these decisions or offer a safe place to stay. Battered women's shelters or agencies are great resources of information and protocol- she should contact them, since you can't stick around forever.
Best of luck, and I hope you make it to LA on time & in 1 piece.

Re: My dilemma... opinions sought please.

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Originally posted by nusty So I'm taking this time to forefit my right any more of these threads for the rest of the year if I can get some other peoples opinions here... My issue is that I just drove home to NYC from Waterloo two days ago. I have a female friend who is in tears and completely at her wits end as to what to do about a situation with a soon to be ex that is quickly spiraling out of control and both her and I are becoming more and more concerned for her saftey. She lives in Montreal (6 hour drive from me currently). Normally I wouldn't even hesitate I would load things I need for the next two days and go to her aid, but this week I am moving out to Los Angeles... by driving and I HAVE to be there by tuesday night. LA is a 41.5 hour drive from here (3 days, since I'm going solo). I'm considering leaving for Montreal first thing tomorrow morning and then spending all day saturday there and then leaving for LA from Montreal (43 hour drive, still takes me 3 days) first thing on Sunday. So I would drive all day Sunday, Monday, Tuesday... the timing still works but doesn't leave me much room for a buffer should something go wrong on my way (not saying it will, I just like to be on the safe side) She has no other male friends in Montreal and very few anyway that are even within 6 hours distance away that would be willing to step in to tell this guy to Fuck off permanentaly. He won't listen to her requests without becoming aggressive. I have NO problem standing to this guys face so that he gets the picture, where ever that leads so be it. And I feel that by showing him she has male friends who are willing to drive this distance to protect her then he may back down a bit which would make her life a lot easier. She is already stressed to the max with work and a bunch of other ordeals. She is one of the sweetest most amazing girls I know and would do almost anything for her especially defending her against pricks that never deserved her in the first place. She obviously does not wish to go the police about this since it hasn't crossed that line yet. I'm torn as to what to do. The friend side of me says I should always do anything I can to help but the responsible side of me says I can't give the extra day of travel time. Should I head to Montreal or take the trip to LA a bit easier leaving myself an extra day of travel time?

yoyoyo do u really exspect people to read all of that forget about the girl yo for 150 a hour i will hook u up holla back

OK so since this thread doubled in size since I left I figured I'd catch back up now that I'm in LA and setteled in.
Things went fine. No problems along the way and I made it to LA just fine with enough time.
One thing that was not properly expressed I guess was the fact that sometimes just having a good friend come to hang out for a bit can mean a lot to people and can give them the strength they need for the tasks ahead of them. No physical violence developed. I'm not dumb enough to act physically in any way besides in total self deffense. I am smart enough however to get people to turn their aggression to me instead of a weaker person so that if need be I can then defend so the other person doesn't have to. Also in regards to it possibly affecting my ability to work in LA... I'm also a US citizen (as well as a Canadian) so any actions in Canada in this regard would not jeapordize a green card application.
The guy never knew I was moving to LA. As far as he knew and still knows I can drive up anytime. I have a reputation for not being concerned for driving the extra miles to see people so this is not that 'out there' for me to do. However this situation is not that sever anymore where this would ever come up anymore anyway.
The only 'feelings' I have for her are that of friendship and total respect, I have a girl friend and no I'm not looking for blow jobs at a later date.
She did not ask me to come. I volunteered to drive up since I knew it might help in one way or another.
She does not have any good female or male friends that were any closer. She works in Montreal and besides that all of her good friends left last year after they all finished university... her work is exhausting and doesn't leave much room outside of it to meet more people right now. That said, I was actually the closest friend to her that she felt she could turn to.
As for me growing some balls... Thanks. I feel like I want to help a friend out and all you can think of is how I need to grow the balls to say 'no'. I have said no before to requests I deemed to be rediculous and would again if I had to... If I am in a position to help then I like to think I'm not so jadded that I would turn it down.

I've handed the situation off to another friend who is now in the area. Everything looks like it will be fine. In the end it was more for comfort and support than it was for kicking any ass.

And yes, actually I am 'EFFing' superman.
So if you agree with me great, if not thats fine too, I understand the negatives of what could have happened and also that it may not have been my place to step in and that's the only reason why I even bothered to post this question on TA in the first place was to see if there were aspects I had not concidered that may weight my descion. In the end it all came down to the fact that I could help, so why not. The pros outweighted the negatives for me.

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