Separate or shared bank accounts?

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Posted by Moral Hazard on Jul-17-2006 16:54:

quote:
Originally posted by Floorfiller
i agree with you.

i mean the money is jointly owned by both people...why shouldn't they make decisions on saving and budgeting together? what are you both going to save for retirement differently and then when the time comes..."sorry honey...you shoulda saved a little more...this is my money"

or "Honey, I'm going to drop 80K on a sports car."
"I don't think that's a good idea, we're going to have to pay for Junior to go to college soon."
"Really, well fuck you bitch it's my money I'll spend it however I want!"

Posted by CranberryJuice on Jul-17-2006 16:55:

Posted by Slylee on Jul-17-2006 16:56:

quote:
Originally posted by Moral Hazard
or "Honey, I'm going to drop 80K on a sports car."
"I don't think that's a good idea, we're going to have to pay for Junior to go to college soon."
"Really, well fuck you bitch it's my money I'll spend it however I want!"

hahahah

yea now that i read what you said moral, i completely see where you're coming from, but both of you need to be on that same exact page going into the marriage. cuz if one doesn't really agree with that whole statement about money = power, etc...then it simply won't work.

Posted by igottaknow on Jul-17-2006 16:56:

jason ur avatar is beginning to creep me out.

Posted by Floorfiller on Jul-17-2006 16:56:

quote:
Originally posted by Slylee
yea that's true jason...but you shouldn't marry a stupid slut is going to cheat on u and lie. lol

no i'm jk, i know he had no clue probably and that's actually really sad, but i'd like to think i married the right guy and can trust him (once i'm married).

i would only think that something is up if he was anal and secretive about me seeing his bank statements, or if all of a sudden he started only viewing his bank statements online and stopped having them come in the mail...just little things like that would make me think something is up. but if we have separate accounts, he would know my pin number and my access info to see my online statements and vice versa...just being able to know that, would make me feel more comfortable and trusting.

of course there's always the REAL shady assholes who open up separate accounts and get P.O. box addresses for mail, etc...

usually those are the rich jerks with gold digging, clueless wives though....just my observation.

so if you were married to a guy and he was having to review your bank statements at the end of the month...girls would be fricking out about that. they'd be like "omg you don't trust me bla bla" and i think for good reason. i mean if you need to keep tabs on this other account its the same as not trusting the person.

i understand the rationale behind having the seperate accounts because well you want to spend money that is yours if you have some extra at the end of the month. but that's an ilusion because it isn't really your money...it's both of yours. just because one makes more money or something doesn't mean they are entitled to extra money at the end of the month.

Posted by l�cid on Jul-17-2006 16:57:

quote:
Originally posted by Moral Hazard
No one should ever have the upper hand in a marriage.... there should be no hands.

unless you sign off on a Master/slave agreement...

Posted by Floorfiller on Jul-17-2006 16:58:

quote:
Originally posted by igottaknow
jason ur avatar is beginning to creep me out.

why is it hitting a little to close to home?

Posted by Moral Hazard on Jul-17-2006 16:59:

quote:
Originally posted by CranberryJuice
it doesnt mean that even if u have separated accounts u don't discuss on the use of the money !

True but since the other person doesn't have any authority over the money they have little power in determining it's ultimate use. Again, power indifference.... I have the money available to me so fuck you if you don't like it I'm going to do it.

Posted by Slylee on Jul-17-2006 17:00:

quote:
Originally posted by l�cid
unless you sign off on a Master/slave agreement...

lol

jason, i didn't mean at the end of the month, i or my husband would be like, "welp! ok honey...time to go over your bank statements for the month"

i just meant that we'd both have knowledge to each other's access info and just generally (ideally) wouldn't be consumed or worried about it, as long as the bills are paid and there is communication about where the extra money is going...that's all i meant.

Posted by Moral Hazard on Jul-17-2006 17:01:

quote:
Originally posted by Slylee
hahahah

yea now that i read what you said moral, i completely see where you're coming from, but both of you need to be on that same exact page going into the marriage. cuz if one doesn't really agree with that whole statement about money = power, etc...then it simply won't work.

If you don't have the same views on the meaning, purpose, and function of a marriage then you'd best rethink getting married because the joint account isn't the only thing that isn't going to work.

Posted by Floorfiller on Jul-17-2006 17:03:

it seems like people want to somehow combine marriage and their independence. it's just not very realistic. when you get married...you aren't independent anymore.

i mean if you want to have money that each of you can use for your own purposes each month or something...well why can't you just budget that out in one account? i just think the need to have a seperate account just shows some kind of distrust with your partner...or that you don't want them to know where the money is going or something.

people in relationships should have the ability to have money for things they want...but i'm just saying why is a second account necessary. you could just be like...ok we got 3,000 this month. 2,000 is going to bills...lets put some in savings...and then we each have x amount for ourselves to enjoy...or something

Posted by l�cid on Jul-17-2006 17:06:

quote:
Originally posted by Floorfiller
people in relationships should have the ability to have money for things they want...but i'm just saying why is a second account necessary. you could just be like...ok we got 3,000 this month. 2,000 is going to bills...lets put some in savings...and then we each have x amount for ourselves to enjoy...or something

i agree... that's pretty much how i imagine doing things when i'm in that situation.

Posted by Floorfiller on Jul-17-2006 17:07:

quote:
Originally posted by l�cid
i agree... that's pretty much how i imagine doing things when i'm in that situation.

wanna get married?

Posted by l�cid on Jul-17-2006 17:08:

quote:
Originally posted by Floorfiller
wanna get married?

you me and RJT? we can split our money 3 ways!

Posted by Slylee on Jul-17-2006 17:11:

yea i change my mind then i guess.

the thing is though...i dont really trust myself with being responsible. i mean yea i'll pay bills n stuff, but i (like many females) have a shopping problem and i honestly would rather have it that my husband just keep track of our money and give me an allowance, even if it's an allowance out of my own money i made. lol

Posted by jonze on Jul-17-2006 17:13:

Posted by Floorfiller on Jul-17-2006 17:16:

Posted by Jansa on Jul-17-2006 17:23:

quote:
you could just be like...ok we got 3,000 this month. 2,000 is going to bills...lets put some in savings...and then we each have x amount for ourselves to enjoy...or something

Bills $2000
Savings $500

"Honey, I bought some shoes today"

Money left for beer...$7

Posted by l�cid on Jul-17-2006 17:27:

quote:
Originally posted by Slylee
yea i change my mind then i guess.

the thing is though...i dont really trust myself with being responsible. i mean yea i'll pay bills n stuff, but i (like many females) have a shopping problem and i honestly would rather have it that my husband just keep track of our money and give me an allowance, even if it's an allowance out of my own money i made. lol

if you give up your financial responsibilities though, you're basically losing what little independence you have after opening a joint account together. i think it's important for both partners to keep track of finances instead of having one person in charge. i think it would allow for a better balance of power and/or equality in the relationship, and it forces both partners to be intelligent and responsible about money.

luckily RJT and i both agree on what we'll blow our extra money on... music, audio/DJ gear, and underage Korean prostitutes.

Posted by Slylee on Jul-17-2006 17:51:

no...but honestly, by me doing that (giving up my "independence" of my own money) and allowing my husband to help keep me in check with my spending habits, i dont see that as, "*GASP* he's controlling me. i have no power any more over my own money, etc.." i just see it as him helping me, as i asked him to. it's me trusting him with my finances and helping us save.

Posted by LiquidX on Jul-17-2006 18:51:

Money is one of the biggest problems in todays marriages. When you are seeking for someone to marry, talking about the economics and thoughts about how to manage money its a must, if one loves killing those credit cards or if the person is a compulsive spender or conservative... those things need to be talked cause they will be major players for a marriage to be succesfull. Marriage is not about been independent like Floorfiller said, its where two people become one, whatever its hers its now yours, and whatever its yours its now hers. Marriage its about Trust, communication and honesty, and if you cant do that, then why are you getting married??? I believe that once you get married, one its MATURE enough to able to Marry someone and live the rest of their lives together, not getting into it with the inmature mind or should I just say, Independent mind and saying that to each their own, and the only thing shared at the end its the bed. That aint right aint it?

Posted by LiquidX on Jul-17-2006 18:55:

quote:
Originally posted by Slylee
no...but honestly, by me doing that (giving up my "independence" of my own money) and allowing my husband to help keep me in check with my spending habits, i dont see that as, "*GASP* he's controlling me. i have no power any more over my own money, etc.." i just see it as him helping me, as i asked him to. it's me trusting him with my finances and helping us save.

Now thats another topic all together. You are giving all thats yours to him to finance and control.. which I find perfectly find, if he has that ability to do that then why not, as longest there's understandment and logical thinking into each others minds.

Posted by weymouth on Jul-17-2006 18:57:

One of the many reasons I'm terrified of getting married...I'm a selfish jerk that only wants to spend money on himself.

Posted by Slylee on Jul-17-2006 19:03:

quote:
Originally posted by LiquidX
Now thats another topic all together. You are giving all thats yours to him to finance and control.. which I find perfectly find, if he has that ability to do that then why not, as longest there's understandment and logical thinking into each others minds.

that's pretty much the situation im in now. i'm very aware of my problems with money and i'm trying to fix it, but i dont completely trust myself just yet, so i'm fine with just letting my bf be in charge of mailing all the bills out and just sort of updating me on what's been paid, and how much i owe him (like he'll cut the check to cover it, and then i'll just give him money).

i prefer it that way because he's super organized and responsible and pays every single bill on time and he has great credit. and most importantly, i trust him.

Posted by Ygrene on Jul-17-2006 19:07:

My wife and I have seperate checking, seperate savings, and a joint savings. It works ok for us because we both know what our responsibilities are, financially.

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