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-- Majority of US women living without spouse
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Originally posted by MrSquirrel There is a very large subset of society that are in committed, long-term relationships that have not and do not plan on getting married. The emphasis on marriage in western society dates back to the middle ages when the church (which was the law) decreed that there could be no sex outside of marriage. A decent portion of the population followed that in the last half century and realized that they married this person to have sex with them, then later decided it really was not all it was cracked up to be. Thus the hightening divorce rate, and the subsequent jading of culture to give marriage a less important role in interpersonal relations. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with marriage. But it seems odd to think that a social construct dictating precisely how a necessary special survival function is carried out is the end all, be all of human interaction. You don't have to be comitted to someone to be married, nor do you have to be married to be committed to someone. MrS

I somewhat agree with you. In United States, I think now that religion is weakening and no longer has enough force to pressure people into marrying, and people choose more often not to get married, at least not for long stretch. But I also agree with metalgearsolid's description of people's stupidity in poor selection of partners that affects the long-term situation. But I am not an expect in this field ... religion is a factor, for sure. But installing the Ten Commandments is not going to reverse the situation. One reason is because many people cant even follow them in the first place, at least the ones who claim to be religious people

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Originally posted by DJ Shibby Not sure where you pulled this out of, but I'd think that most human beings want to be in relationships...

Most human beings want alot of things, but most also don't want to have any responsibility that may come with it, or make the effort to aquire/maintain it. So there really isn't much 'effective demand' which nullifies your statement.

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Originally posted by shaolin_Z Most human beings want alot of things, but most also don't want to have any responsibility that may come with it, or make the effort to aquire/maintain it. So there really isn't much 'effective demand' which nullifies your statement.

So... you're saying that my statement (most people want to be in a relationship) is *nullified* by your statement (most people want a lot of things)?

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Originally posted by DJ Shibby So... you're saying that my statement (most people want to be in a relationship) is *nullified* by your statement (most people want a lot of things)?

No, not entirely. My point was that if people aren't willing to do whatever it takes to have something, they don't truly want it in the first place. So I borrowed the phrase "effective demand" from economics to get it across.

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Originally posted by shaolin_Z No, not entirely. My point was that if people aren't willing to do whatever it takes to have something, they don't truly want it in the first place. So I borrowed the phrase "effective demand" from economics to get it across.

Ah, I see.

Well, yes, a lot of people don't even know who they are.

Asking them to understand why they have strong desires for certain things is useless until they realize the dynamics of their own person.

Being married myself, I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that marriage isn't a walk in the park. You grow up learning and wathcing all these stories about people just instantaly falling in love and never having a single issue. Some people just walk into it thinking it's no big deal and life will just be peachy, but they don't realize how difficult it is till it's too late.

I think a lot of people that do get divorced take a much longer time before taking the plunge again if ever because they have a greater understanding of what they're doing. There is only so much you can handle of a person as well. I love my wife, but it's great to get away from her for a while every now and again to be my own person. I'm sure everyone can relate to that in some way married or not.

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Originally posted by WM2 but it's great to get away from her for a while every now and again to be my own person.

if she's cool with that then youv got a pretty extraordinary wife.

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Originally posted by Q5echo if she's cool with that then youv got a pretty extraordinary wife.

+1

take it from me. that would be one heck of a woman.

The seceret is to marry your best friend. There isn't anything we can't tell each other, and there isn't anything we don't know about each other.

We both talked about this a lot while we were dating. We both had friends that we saw that spent all their time together, and eventually one of them got sick of it and it ended nasty cause the other person wouldn't let them have their space. We both agreed we would never do that to one another and that our lives as individuals was just as important as our life as a couple. Only problem with all that is we're both owned by school so we just sit around the house working on stuff when we're home.

Now, I'm not saying it's a walk in the park, but you have to know who it is you're getting involved with and see every side of them before you ever think about being in a deeply committed relationship with them. It took me a while to figure her out, but once I did I realized their aren't a whole lot of girls like her. I feel really selfish sometimes when I think about stuff she's done to see me happy without even giving it a thought because I would never come up with some of the stuff she has to surprise me. I always make sure to do something to make it up to her though.

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Originally posted by WM2 The seceret is to marry your best friend. There isn't anything we can't tell each other, and there isn't anything we don't know about each other. We both talked about this a lot while we were dating. We both had friends that we saw that spent all their time together, and eventually one of them got sick of it and it ended nasty cause the other person wouldn't let them have their space. We both agreed we would never do that to one another and that our lives as individuals was just as important as our life as a couple. Only problem with all that is we're both owned by school so we just sit around the house working on stuff when we're home. Now, I'm not saying it's a walk in the park, but you have to know who it is you're getting involved with and see every side of them before you ever think about being in a deeply committed relationship with them. It took me a while to figure her out, but once I did I realized their aren't a whole lot of girls like her. I feel really selfish sometimes when I think about stuff she's done to see me happy without even giving it a thought because I would never come up with some of the stuff she has to surprise me. I always make sure to do something to make it up to her though.

I like your story ;-)

quote:

Originally posted by WM2 Being married myself, I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that marriage isn't a walk in the park. You grow up learning and wathcing all these stories about people just instantaly falling in love and never having a single issue. Some people just walk into it thinking it's no big deal and life will just be peachy, but they don't realize how difficult it is till it's too late. I think a lot of people that do get divorced take a much longer time before taking the plunge again if ever because they have a greater understanding of what they're doing. There is only so much you can handle of a person as well. I love my wife, but it's great to get away from her for a while every now and again to be my own person. I'm sure everyone can relate to that in some way married or not.

Being married myself, I tend to agree.
Most people don't realize that while yes, you should have goals and activities that you do together, however, also trust your other when they want to do their own thing because it's just as important.
I've always supported my wife when she wanted to do things by herself (Irish dancing and now playing the Bass guitar) and she lets me do my thing when I want as well.
The unfortunate thing about today's society is that nobody trusts anyone any more and it has a direct effect on their own relationship as they subconsciously bring that to the surface when dealing with their spouse.
I don't image women's smut magazines help either with titles about, "Is your man cheating on you?" and scantily clad toothpicks with poofy lips are all over the place either...

y not just marry some one who has no friends and is use to spending time on his/her own? That way you know she will never do anything bad and she will always be waiting for you at home.

But would you really want someone that never wanted to do anything but sit at home? As you date and meet different people you'll come to find what you do and don't want in a relationship, and eventually you'll know whether someone is right for you after being around them for an hour.

Sorry for hijacking this and turning it into a relationship talk.

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