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quote:

Originally posted by Zombie0729 my gf and i almost never get in fights.

+1, although my girlfriend's got a temper and only got better when I told her I would eventually leave her, against my will, if she didn't stop complaining about every little thing.

We've been doing great ever since

if you want to talk motivation and understanding my career is what drives me...infantry officer Lt.,HUA!
there is just lots of things in my head that force me to drive the other party away...insecurity could be it.i dont want to do it,i kikk myself pretty good for it later...but there is also the lack of communication from the other party also..."radio silence" if you will.

quote:

Originally posted by DJM104D if you want to talk motivation and understanding my career is what drives me...infantry officer Lt.,HUA! there is just lots of things in my head that force me to drive the other party away...insecurity could be it.i dont want to do it,i kikk myself pretty good for it later...but there is also the lack of communication from the other party also..."radio silence" if you will.

i'm just stating what my employer said and what i went thru.

well fuck you too cocksmoker...but thanx for the wholesome helpfullness...my understand what youve relayed onto me.

I never argued. If you're just bottling it up then yeah, I could see it being a problem. But if you're just the passive type, then why not.

M.O.:

For a couple that doesn't argue, I think it is a sign that the two people in the relationship are mature adults who are capable of resolving their issues in a proper manner.

Personally, I think people who scream and yell at each other need to learn how to deal with their anger in a more productive way.

Being aggressive is only counter-productive, and often very hurtful.

quote:

Originally posted by Theresa M.O.: For a couple that doesn't argue, I think it is a sign that the two people in the relationship are mature adults who are capable of resolving their issues in a proper manner. Personally, I think people who scream and yell at each other need to learn how to deal with their anger in a more productive way. Being aggressive is only counter-productive, and often very hurtful.

hmmm
are you takling about fighting with each other, arguing, or both?
cause arguing i normally think of as a perfectly civilized and respectable thing to do. its only bad once it escalates into fighting

quote:

Originally posted by mezzir hmmm are you takling about fighting with each other, arguing, or both? cause arguing i normally think of as a perfectly civilized and respectable thing to do. its only bad once it escalates into fighting

I suppose it depends on what you classify fighting vs. arguing.

Arguing is having a disagreement with each other, and calmly discussing the issue.

Fighting is screaming, yelling, swearing at each other, and not always, but can include getting physically violent with each other, and other things (slamming doors, breaking things etc.).

So I would like to retract from my last post "argue" and sub "fight".

quote:

Originally posted by Theresa M.O.: For a couple that doesn't argue, I think it is a sign that the two people in the relationship are mature adults who are capable of resolving their issues in a proper manner. Personally, I think people who scream and yell at each other need to learn how to deal with their anger in a more productive way. Being aggressive is only counter-productive, and often very hurtful.

Theresa, may I ask how long the two of you have been together? Have you lived together yet?

If you have been together for a short amount of time (let's say, less than a year) then great! You're not fighting!

If you have never lived together, then great! You're not fighting!

If you're in any kind of honeymoon period (and different couples have VERY different honeymoon periods) you won't fight that much, unless you're somewhat incompatible (or if you're hooked on make-up sex, rather than regular sex, in which case one of you isn't cutting it in the bedroom department). Often, it just comes down to the fact that you just don't know each other well enough yet.

But, if you stay together, you will fight. You will. Most of the time, you can sort it out in a simple discussion - And this is healthy. But you will fight, and that is not necessarily a bad thing: It shows you (and your partner) are passionate about how you feel - For yourselves and your relationship with each other.

If you're NOT fighting because the other person just gives in (from either of your perspectives), then that is not healthy. You're working on a bad relationship dynamic.

Of course, there is no real reason for yelling, shouting and carrying on like an idiot. Insulting your partner, name calling, and ESPECIALLY any king of physical violence, is utterly stupid. In my experience, couples who treat each other like that don't work out too well, or live their lives out whining, to anyone who'll listen, about their crap relationship. Unless your friends are weirdo types, they hate this, and they 'randomly' don't want to be around you any more.

Essentially, just take it for what it is. If you don't fight, GOOD. If you do fight, GOOD.

Enjoy it all. If it puts a smile on your face, then rock that smile





My sincerest apologies for the essay, it's just something I feel strongly about


[COR Version] - Enjoy it or don't, it's up to you. Just don't be stupid.

quote:

Originally posted by stace Me and G don't argue properly. Basically I get in a strop and he puts up with me.

Hehehe

As for fights (in the argument sense), they can be healthy, a good way to get rid of pent up stress, and make-up sex rawks! It's only when issues arent resolved, or violence ensues, or the fight goes on for days that it isn't healthy.

Little spats can also keep things alive.

Speaking from my nooby relationship antics of yore, I was under the impression that I should never, ever EVER do anyhting that could cause friction. I agreed with everything, succumb to any wishes, and tried my darnedest not to make any decisions for fear of it being the wrong one.

This can bore women, as most like a strong man with views and opinions, and if you can discuss opposing views etc in a remotely civil manner, all the more power to your relationship.

COR version: Personally, I've encountered very few couples that don't have spats, so either way it should be ok. But do understand that the honeymoon period blurs any and all, you will find out where the 2 of you really sit after only some time.

quote:

Originally posted by kr00t0n Hehehe As for fights (in the argument sense), they can be healthy, a good way to get rid of pent up stress, and make-up sex rawks! It's only when issues arent resolved, or violence ensues, or the fight goes on for days that it isn't healthy. Little spats can also keep things alive. Speaking from my nooby relationship antics of yore, I was under the impression that I should never, ever EVER do anyhting that could cause friction. I agreed with everything, succumb to any wishes, and tried my darnedest not to make any decisions for fear of it being the wrong one. This can bore women, as most like a strong man with views and opinions, and if you can discuss opposing views etc in a remotely civil manner, all the more power to your relationship. COR version: Personally, I've encountered very few couples that don't have spats, so either way it should be ok. But do understand that the honeymoon period blurs any and all, you will find out where the 2 of you really sit after only some time.

Very well put Sir. I take my hat off to you

It's all about 'concessions' in my house rather than arguing
We argue all the time about stuff we don't agree on but never anything about each other and don't lie about our opinions on one another. Think essentially we can both take a joke and too honest about what we do and think so it's never bottled up for very long.
Personal space is important too, I have my spot in the house where I drink, smoke, play 'awful music', generally work from and vis-versa when 'better half' needs to study... and get away from me, because I'll quite freely admit, I'm not someone you want to be around for protracted periods of time because I'm bloody irritating.

quote:

Originally posted by Lilith It's all about 'concessions' in my house rather than arguing We argue all the time about stuff we don't agree on but never anything about each other and don't lie about our opinions on one another. Think essentially we can both take a joke and too honest about what we do and think so it's never bottled up for very long. Personal space is important too, I have my spot in the house where I drink, smoke, play 'awful music', generally work from and vis-versa when 'better half' needs to study... and get away from me, because I'll quite freely admit, I'm not someone you want to be around for protracted periods of time because I'm bloody irritating.

That why you are on Calla's ignore list?

quote:

Originally posted by kr00t0n That why you are on Calla's ignore list?

Nah, Spud's just too busy stewing in his own juices...

quote:

Originally posted by Lilith Nah, Spud's just too busy stewing in his own juices...

Lilth got this one from Lenny Henrys 1986 Annual.

Bet your mum's glad she doesn't have to do your washing anymore!

quote:

Originally posted by Lilith Bet your mum's glad she doesn't have to do your washing anymore!

haha, I would of actually enjoyed seeing her reaction! Unfortunatly from the age of 16 onwards I've done my own washing and Ironing.

Sound's like a wise choice on her behalf that's for sure.

Theresa: Sounds like you have a good relationship.

Nothing wrong with being relatively calm and talking things out instead of acting like monkeys, bellowing and getting physically agitated over differences of opinion.

well...i think it can happen. my bf and i have been together for about 4 years and we have never screamed at each other. we've had disagreements and it took us about to years before we got into a "fight" (more like an argument).


but one of my friends told me that fights keep the relationship fresh. what do you guys think about that opinion?

edit: two years, not to years lol

I think that arguments and disagreements keep a relationship fresh. Who wants to date somebody whose opinions and preferences are all exactly the same as your own, or who, when he / she disagrees with you, just "submits" to your opinion without saying anything? How boring.

But when I think of a "fight," I think of people screaming and throwing things, or one person in the relationship stonewalling another like a little child. I see no need at all for that kind of nonsense.

no way, that's really cool. my last relationship was like that. we broke up for other reasons, but for the most part, we got along great. there was nothing to ever really bitch about in terms of little things.

i can't understand how some couples go through life like that. just always fighting about dumb shit and making up. once in a while, a good argument is healthy, but i can't stand constant arguing or tension...stresses me out. i'm guilty of being in relationships like that, but looking back, i couldn't stand it.

i like my partner to be my buddy and my best friend. i'd say that's the most important thing to me...always getting along and on the same page and just having a good time together, and being able to communicate like adults and work through differences.

My first long term relationship (three years), we never fought... ever. We had our disagreements, but there was never a moment where one of us was angry enough to raise our voices at each other. That is... not until after we broke up... then I yelled at him a little bit (he deserved it).

Anyway, to be honest, I think I would bail out on a relationship if the guy became aggressive when he disagreed with me. I am not one who responds well to that type of thing.

Sushi, we have been together 7 months, and although we are still in the remainder of the honeymoon stage, I don't forsee either one of us ever yelling at the other.

I was curious because a girlfriend and I were talking about it, and she mentioned how she and her BF always fought, and then told me it wasn't normal that my BF and I didn't. I wanted to know what the general concensus was on that one.

Something else I would like to know... along with whether you think it normal/healthy or not, did you ever see your parents fighting when you were growing up? I wonder if this has a large influence on the opinions in regard to this.

quote:

Originally posted by Theresa My first long term relationship (three years), we never fought... ever. We had our disagreements, but there was never a moment where one of us was angry enough to raise our voices at each other. That is... not until after we broke up... then I yelled at him a little bit (he deserved it). Anyway, to be honest, I think I would bail out on a relationship if the guy became aggressive when he disagreed with me. I am not one who responds well to that type of thing. Sushi, we have been together 7 months, and although we are still in the remainder of the honeymoon stage, I don't forsee either one of us ever yelling at the other. I was curious because a girlfriend and I were talking about it, and she mentioned how she and her BF always fought, and then told me it wasn't normal that my BF and I didn't. I wanted to know what the general concensus was on that one. Something else I would like to know... along with whether you think it normal/healthy or not, did you ever see your parents fighting when you were growing up? I wonder if this has a large influence on the opinions in regard to this.

Not to blame things completely on women but I think unless the guy in the relationship is constantly a dick, some women sometimes like to at times intentionally start shit because they feel like they're not getting enough attention from the guy...like they use fights and arguments to get what they want (perhaps some guys are guilty of this too). Any guy whose been bitched at by his girlfriend when he really didn't do anything wrong can attest to this. Therefore, as long as a guy isn't a dick and the girl doesn't do shit like that there really shouldn't even be any fights in a relationship.

I really wouldn't be concerned if I was in a relationship like yours, be happy you're not like a lot of couples out there that are constantly at each others throats.

quote:

Originally posted by Theresa I was curious because a girlfriend and I were talking about it, and she mentioned how she and her BF always fought, and then told me it wasn't normal that my BF and I didn't. I wanted to know what the general concensus was on that one.

I would guess that it is not very statistically normal. But that in itself tells one nothing about whether it is good.

quote:

Something else I would like to know... along with whether you think it normal/healthy or not, did you ever see your parents fighting when you were growing up?

Arguing, sometimes heatedly, but almost never shouting at each other, and never getting violent with one another.

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