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-- Jealousy....
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I can't be bothered to read the posts in here so if what I say is a "repost" fuck you all
IMO, there really is no need for jealousy, ever. It happens to some but is it really necessary? If you, no if the both of you, have trust in the relationship then the jealousy bug should not be biting either of you.
The fact that you have never gotten it , up until now, is a good thing. I guess some people look at it as, " You're jealous that means you care, because if you didn't get jealous that means you couldn't care less who your boyfriend talks to yadda yadda yadda", I don't. Both my serious boyfriends and even the little flings on the side had mostly female friends or was just around a lot of women and there were always women flirting with him and/or ignoring me. So, what there will always be women who will be into your boyfriend and skeeses who don't care they he has a girlfriend, that's just something a woman is going to have to deal with unfortunately.
For the guys who say, " OMG I want to bash the face of the guy my girlfriend talks to in the club" grow up, seriously. If you don't want them talking to her than she should know better and not just stay there and chatting up with them.
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| Originally posted by mezzir well put, although this is much easier to say when you're in a secure relationship and have been for a while |
Yea, I half wonder if perhaps I have a little bit of insecurity surfacing. In my last real relationship, it was also my first... I didn't have the experience of needing to feel concerned about other girls.
However, now that I know after the fact that I was cheated on several times, etc. I wonder if sub-conciously I am worried it will happen again.
The thing is, is that I really trust my boy. He has never given me a reason to be worried about what he's doing, and I feel confident that the type of guy he is will prevent him from making stupid decisions like that.
Hmmmm.. I dunno 
it all comes down to how much you trust your boy.
my last relationship...not so great, trust was gone...so i became a VERY jealous girlfriend who was paranoid all the time (which later proved to be for good reason).
it seems like your guy handled it well by putting his hand on you while talking to her, and giving other hints that he was not going to stray.
i have been AMAZED how low a girl will stoop to hook up with a guy that's taken. that's one thing i have vowed to myself never to do...and i have certainly kept my promise. subtle flirting (girl hitting on your guy) is incredibly annoying but most of the time it's harmless and at the end of the day, you have your man and she doesn't. however, if it crosses the line on her end, you have every right to call her out on it. i find that a lot of girls that act like they can hit on ANY GUY (taken or not) just have yet to be put in their place.
T, were you in a bad mood before this happened? i can be a very jealous person sometimes, but it usually only comes out when i'm in a bad mood or i'm feeling upset about something else totally unrelated. if i'm having a good time and i'm happy, it doesn't phase me one bit.
yeah, i'm totally psychotic when it comes to getting jealous. sometimes i'll flip out in my mind over the tiniest shit and i have to tell myself to calm down and chill out and not make a scene, lol. other times i'm totally chill about it, like nothing could bother me.
Jealousy is a natural progression from insecurity. Could be something minor or bad. Like you just noticed your first cellulite dimple. Or he cracked a smart-a$$ comment you didn't understand. Maybe he commented about your hair... or your clothes. You stand there totally clueless and confused why he pulled out of her (noticeably smaller hips and obviously tighter enclave) and then sprayed his man juice in your face! And then wiped his freshly used member with your Prada shirt!
You know - that can definitely put a ding into your trust and cause doubts to set in. Evaluate your situation and main thing - don't overreact.. Just COOK and CHILL.
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| Originally posted by l�cid T, were you in a bad mood before this happened? i can be a very jealous person sometimes, but it usually only comes out when i'm in a bad mood or i'm feeling upset about something else totally unrelated. if i'm having a good time and i'm happy, it doesn't phase me one bit. yeah, i'm totally psychotic when it comes to getting jealous. sometimes i'll flip out in my mind over the tiniest shit and i have to tell myself to calm down and chill out and not make a scene, lol. other times i'm totally chill about it, like nothing could bother me. |
obviously, he's cheating on you, leave him
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| Originally posted by RJT You just relax - you've got nothing to be jealous about |
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| Originally posted by l�cid it's just how i've always been - a little psychotic but not out of control! |
Be really careful with the way you handle jealousy and the way you rationalize it.
I dated a girl that I was completely in love with for over a year, and in the end, it was her uncontrollable jealousy that utterly destroyed the relationship. Shit sucked.
Things like..
"I do trust you, I really do, I just get nervous sometimes"
"I won't control you, but I just really feel uncomfortable etc"
are completely normal things to say. But with the first one, it's not a lack of trust usually that is driving the jealousy, it's a sense of insecurity which is irrational, unless the person you're dating is scum. The second is just a blanket statement. Nobody who is normal will ever say "Im going to control who you can hang out with" and nobody who is normal would ever tolerate it. So I guess just be careful in the way you treat the times you get jealous. Try not to justify it, unless you know he's cheating on you or something, because justifying it will feed into it.
We had just had dinner, and both of us had stuffed ourselves so much that we were feeling like shit (all you can eat buffets are evil). Both of us were a little cranky, and neither of us were really feeling the bar vibe.
Like I said though, he hasn't given me reason not to trust him. He is always telling me how much I am the perfect girl for him, and how much he cares about me. I don't mistrust him.
I think with this girl clearly flirting with him, and having totally snubbed me, I was feeling... defensive? Almost a catty side of me came out. She touched his shoulder and I was thinking to myself "get your pretty little fingers off of him before I break them off for you."
I told him how I didn't like her later, and he laughed, hugged me and said "baby, I don't want that stupid bitch. I want you. You never need to worry because you will always be the one leaving with me." That made me all mushy with him, but I still wanted to punch that chick out.
best thing to do in situations like that is to act all nice and sweet even if the girl is being a complete whore. most girls are all fucking weird and competitive, and if she sees that it bothers you, she'll feel good about herself... but if you act like a total carefree sweetheart, she'll probably be the one who walks away feeling insecure.
Not being funny here, but jealousy to me is a sign of insecurity. If every girl I went out with got the hump when I spoke to another female other then her family and friends, I'd walk.
Theresa it's good you've not reacted, acting in a rational way if you threw a jealous strop then it's not good. It's all about trust and relaxing at the end of the day, regardless if this bird likes him he probably thinks exact opposite. If you show it won't bother you it's get points.
You clearly need to relax.
To be honest it's that girl who should be jealous of you not the other way around. YOU'RE with him not her, YOU'RE going home with him not her, YOU'RE the one he thinks of at night not her. Just because she touched him, doesn't mean you should get all , what's that word, pissed off? Big deal she touched him. Why should she pay attention to you? She's a fuckin' bitch to do that so bluntly in front of you but hey, that's what catty jealous women do. She's also the type where if the rolls were reversed and you were flirting with him and he was her boyfriend she'd be all in your face saying "THAT'S MY MAN BITCH, BACK OFF." So IMO you handled it well and classy with just brushing it off.
I would be concerned though if my boyfriend was constantly reminding me of how perfect I am and constantly telling me he only wants to be with me and I'm the only one for him. Yes it's nice to hear it, who doesn't want to hear that, it would just make me sick of hearing it and question myself what I did or say to have him need to remind meand him say that allll the time and WHY he feels that he has to.
I tried to ignore it because I didn't like watching her trying to throw herself at him, so I turned away and started talking to a friend of mine who was there.
The only way I would have done/said something is if she had crossed the line... which is hard for me to describe, but I know when the line has been crossed. Then I would tell the little cretin that she best be finding someone else's boyfriend to skank it up with.
sometimes i do, but i don't get all psycho about it. i usually make a joke of my jealousy to my partner, rather than act on it seriously. i guess it's just my way of dealing with it and i get a much better reaction than if i were to get all seriously jealous and cause a fight over it.
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| Originally posted by Frenchie You clearly need to relax. To be honest it's that girl who should be jealous of you not the other way around. YOU'RE with him not her, YOU'RE going home with him not her, YOU'RE the one he thinks of at night not her. Just because she touched him, doesn't mean you should get all , what's that word, pissed off? Big deal she touched him. Why should she pay attention to you? She's a fuckin' bitch to do that so bluntly in front of her but hey, that's what catty jealous women do. She's also the type where if the rolls were reversed and you were flirting with him and he was her boyfriend she'd be all in your face saying "THAT'S MY MAN BITCH, BACK OFF." So IMO you handled it well and classy with just brushing it off. I would be concerned though if my boyfriend was constantly reminding me of how perfect I am and constantly telling me he only wants to be with me and I'm the only one for him. Yes it's nice to hear it, who doesn't want to hear that, it would just make me sick of hearing it and question myself what I did or say to have to have him say that allll the time and WHY he feels that he has to. |
None of us were there so none of us can really tell you how it went down but are you sure you're not over exaggerating a tiny bit? I know a lot of guys, with girlfriends, who hug their female friends so that shouldn't have set you off. As for " why don't you come and visit me? ", do you not allow him to visit female friends?'( but yes I would understand why YOU would feel upset about it) The ignoring you part was a pretty bitchy move but I wouldn't expect a girl who is flirting with my boyfriend to acknowledge me instead I would bring myself in the convo or think my boyfriend would notice this and bring me into the conversation so I wouldn't feel left out. This would either piss her off and walk away or just get the picture and piss off.
Re: Jealousy....
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| Originally posted by Theresa ...with my new boy.... |
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| Originally posted by Frenchie None of us were there so none of us can really tell you how it went down but are you sure you're not over exaggerating a tiny bit? I know a lot of guys, with girlfriends, who hug their female friends so that shouldn't have set you off. As for " why don't you come and visit me? ", do you not allow him to visit female friends?'( but yes I would understand why YOU would feel upset about it) The ignoring you part was a pretty bitchy move but I wouldn't expect a girl who is flirting with my boyfriend to acknowledge me instead I would bring myself in the convo or think my boyfriend would notice this and bring me into the conversation so I wouldn't feel left out. This would either piss her off and walk away or just get the picture and piss off. |
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| Originally posted by tubularbills wtf, you deserve to be jealous by saying that. |
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| Originally posted by Theresa No, I don't think I am exaggerating, because afterward he even said to me "I am surprised she was being so agressive with you standing there". Huh? |
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| Originally posted by Theresa No, I don't think I am exaggerating, because afterward he even said to me "I am surprised she was being so aggressive with you standing there". |
Ohhh, well I call him my boy because none of you know his name. His name is Luke.
So from now on, I will say Luke... and if ANYONE asks who Luke is, I will kick some ass
And yea, I am over exaggerating my feelings now (breaking her fingers etc.), but in reality, I wasn't *that* angry... I was irritated.
LUKE.
LUKE LUKE LUKE!
LUKE!!!
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