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- Chill Out Room
-- Jokes.
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| quote: |
| Originally posted by MrJiveBoJingles |
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem. "
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Stuff dat. Dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me!"
Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis." Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.
He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as halfway down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!"
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head. "Stuff dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgiejumping, den Seamus parrotshooting. . . And now Sean and his hengliding! "
lol
| quote: |
| Originally posted by MrJiveBoJingles |
Re: Jokes.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Enigmatik A nerdy little accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and put in a cell with a huge bruiser. "I wanna have sex", the brute groans. "Are you gonna be the husband or the wife?" "Well" croaks the trembling nerd, "if I have a choice, I guess I'd rather be the husband" "Ok", the bruiser says, "now get over here and suck your wife's dick." |
2 blokes are in a bar.
Bloke1 'I can get any bird in this bar'
Bloke2 'How can ya?'
Bloke1 'Easy, I'm a rapist..'
why do all black people have nightmares?
because the last one that had a dream got shot!
how many black gusy does it take to tar a roof?
depends on how thick ya slice them!
what do you call a black woman that has an abortion?
a crime fighter!
what's worse than a pit full of dead babies?
the one on the bottom is still alive!
whats worse than that?
It has to eat its way out.
what's worse than that?
it comes back for seconds.
asked for his thoughts on Euthanasia, Clinton replied: "The youth in Asia are just like the youth in any other country"
here are a few I find very funny:
1.The phone rings and the husband answers the phone.
He just listens and then says "how the heck do I know... I live 20 miles from the ocean!" and he then hangs up.
His wife asks what that was all about.
He said," oh some idiot wants to know if the coast is clear."
2.Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
- "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
- "None" replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away".
- "Well the answer is four" said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking".
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
- "Well" said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone? "
- "No", said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking!"
3.Son asks his dad.. HOW WAS I BORN?"
His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!
4.A Canadian boy go out with his new bike that he got for Christmas. He meet a police officer on a horse.
Police officer:" Santa Claus brought you this new bike?"
Boy: " yes."
Police: " well, bring this $30 ticket to him and tell him he needs to put a red light behind."
Boy: " and Santa brought you this horse?"
The Police officer willing to participate to the discussion of a little boy played the game.
Police: " yes, Santa brought it to me"
Boy: " tell him to put the asshole behind, not on top..."
5.Teacher: How old is your father ?
Student: 1 yr older then me
Teacher: How can it be...
Student: He became father only when i was born.
6.Teacher: How come you do not comb your hair ?
Student: No comb,sir
Teacher: Use your father's then
Student: No hair,sir
7.What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
8.Guy starts shouting in a store...... where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this.
Guy: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.
9. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair,
eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut.
The barber smiles at her and says:
"Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."
"I know" she replies
"I'm gonna get big tits too."
10.A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom
mirror and says to her husband:
"I look horrible, and I feel fat and ugly.
Pay me a compliment."
The husband replies: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
| quote: |
| Originally posted by jeeper_095 |
hehehe..
here's a funny image:
good neighbours
and one last joke:
Alright, so there's 3 people. They came back from the army.
One has a grenade.
One has a knife.
And one has a gun.
They all went in an airplane, and the guy with the knife breaks the window, and shoots his knife down the plane.
The guy with the gun triggers the gun and shoots it down.
The guy with the grenade takes the bomb and shoots it down, causing an explosion.
They all get off the plane, and the guy that shot the knife sees a little girl crying.
He asks the girl "Hey there, why are you crying?"
The little girl responds, "Someone shot a knife from up there and killed my mom."
Then the guy with the gun saw another girl crying, and goes up to her asking,"Hey there, why are you crying?"
The little girl responds, "Somebody shot a gun from up there and killed my mom."
Then the guy with the grenade sees another girl laughing so hard, he goes up to her and asks, "Hey there, why are you laughing so much?"
The girl responds, "Because, I farted and the house exploded!
| quote: |
| Originally posted by VAR a boy is in a public bathroom when a Marine walks in, in full dress uniform. "Wow, are you a Marine?" says the boy. "yes, would you like to wear my hat?" says the Marine. "you bet i would!" says the boy. the Marine gives the boy his hat, and goes to the toilet to do his business. a couple minutes pass, and the boy is admiring himself in the mirror with the Marine headgear on. then, the door opens, behold is an Army Ranger, in dress greens, jump boots, and beret, the light sparkles off of the many medals on the Ranger's chest. "Wow! are you a Ranger?!" says the boy. "yes I am." says the Ranger. "why, do you want to shine my boots?" "no, i'm just wearing this hat." says the boy. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by jeeper_095 here are a few I find very funny: 1.The phone rings and the husband answers the phone. He just listens and then says "how the heck do I know... I live 20 miles from the ocean!" and he then hangs up. His wife asks what that was all about. He said," oh some idiot wants to know if the coast is clear." |
why do Jewish women save their old bras? To make thier husbands yamakas.
0-200 in SIX SECONDS!!!
this one I know most of you know but...meh.......
My neighbor Sam, was in trouble again, this time for forgetting his
wedding anniversary.
His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to
find
a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds
AND IT
BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Sam got up and left the house very early.
When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there
was a
gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, went out to the driveway, and
brought
the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom
scale.
Sam has been missing since Friday.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Frenchie why do Jewish women save their old bras? To make thier husbands yamakas. |
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