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Re: Falling OUT of love... How do you know?

Tovorish Superman,

I truly believe that love is a process. As such, it won't feel the same throughout your relationship. At times, you will feel more enthusiastic, and there are also some moments in which you're just exhausted. For how long have you been feeling down? What would happen to you if she got married to someone else? Unless you're ready to imagine your life without her, it could just be a phase. It happens.

You've probably noticed that relationship require a lot of work, as no one will ever be your "other half". It takes a lot of talking and "grinding", as though you tried to fit a square inside a round hole.

quote:

Originally posted by emc^2 I realized that there's no cure for religion and its like poison, eating away at our relationship.

Religion almost destroyed my family too

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie I will tell you, that whenever we fight, it stems from boredom and nothing more.

This I can totally relate to.

And honestly, I think that if your wife isnt the same person you married (after all the Jesus crap) then its completely possible to fall out of love. No question.

And more honestly, if I had a husband that pulled that shit on me, Id be out of there in a nanosecond. Jesus is one thing I dont do.

Re: Re: Falling OUT of love... How do you know?

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Religion almost destroyed my family too

To sum up religion, it has the power and ability to both bring people together but also the power to separate them...unfortunately the latter is more often the case.

Re: Falling OUT of love... How do you know?

quote:

Originally posted by emc^2 How do you know you're falling out of love? Could constant bickering and fighting and spite be just something temporary, a phase? Or is it the beginning of the end? I think after 6 very happy and 1.5 quite miserable years with my wife (not my kids) I think I'm just about ready to check out. I realized that there's no cure for religion and its like poison, eating away at our relationship. It obviously carries more significance for her than it does for me and these skirmishes are killing me. I hate coming home lately, yesterday I just crashed at the office couch and stayed at work... dunno. obviously I'll get my share of "buttsexx fixes everything" or "your whaaaaambulance has arrived" comments, but hoping to find some peer advise amidst the usual CORe callousness. thoughts?

It's a lose/lose situation in some ways I'm afraid mate.

You decide to leave you get a divorce your going to get financially taken to cleaners, plus rights for fathers still suck these days. However your kids won't have to put up with bullshit arguements and the constant nit picking, which happens when a marriage is on the rocks.

Or you can last out however you can never guarantee things will get back to the way they were. Perhaps it's a communication problem who knows? Just don't let your kids grow up in a volatile atmosphere, as they get older they'll remember more too. In return it'll affect them a lot more.

I'd suggest you test the waters stay put for 6 months - a year if it grows unbearable throw in towel. The rest from there plays on being a good father to your kids as divorce will hit them for six, you can expect them being angry at you for the idea of the family being broken up.

If it ends tit's up be civil, keep to arrangements and the minute you have someone else in your life keep them seperate from your home life with your kids. Trust me it'll take them a long time to get use to someone.

My parents got divorced when I was seven because they didn't get along and also due to the fact my father has a big problem with alcohol. I've seen the mistakes they've made along the way.

Take her to McDonald's.

Love is only an idea -- if you believe you are in love, then you are in love, because that's what love is. Therefore, the opposite is true too: if you believe you are no longer in love, then you are necessarily correct.

quote:

Originally posted by Arbiter Love is only an idea -- if you believe you are in love, then you are in love, because that's what love is. Therefore, the opposite is true too: if you believe you are no longer in love, then you are necessarily correct.

so simple, yet so true... truth is in the eye of teh beholder

you have no one to convince but yourself

If you feel the need to " stay away " just to feel better than you might be ready for a new path. I spent 8 years with my ex. I agree with the boredom factor. Sometimes its just the same thing everyday. I didnt have to deal with nagging or religion. We just grew apart. I would have left long before if that was the case. The thing about religion is, there is no way of rationalizing with them. Its a belief. If its something you just cant get into it will cause problems and there wont be a cure. Boredom is easier to work out but religion is black and white. Either you agree or you dont. That will always be an issue unless you buckle and follow someone elses ideas. Peace of mind is priceless IMO, it may hurt for a while to make a change but in the long run its the best move you can make, kids or not.

make her watch something like this



what a fucking legend.

I like how people are still comparing Charles Manson to God. What a legend.

//hahahahaha, the fucking end of the video. Perfect.

"Peace to everyone - especially Xtians with guns who support the death penalty" lololol

quote:

Originally posted by Turbonium Take her to McDonald's.

Send her a letter inviting her to a date at McDonalds.

Re: Falling OUT of love... How do you know?

quote:

Originally posted by emc^2 How do you know you're falling out of love? Could constant bickering and fighting and spite be just something temporary, a phase? Or is it the beginning of the end? I think after 6 very happy and 1.5 quite miserable years with my wife (not my kids) I think I'm just about ready to check out. I realized that there's no cure for religion and its like poison, eating away at our relationship. It obviously carries more significance for her than it does for me and these skirmishes are killing me. I hate coming home lately, yesterday I just crashed at the office couch and stayed at work... dunno. obviously I'll get my share of "buttsexx fixes everything" or "your whaaaaambulance has arrived" comments, but hoping to find some peer advise amidst the usual CORe callousness. thoughts?

There's love and being in love. I am sure you love your wife but are still in love with her? After several years, boredom and routine kicks in and eventually the bickering. This is normal and it eventually it will cloud your judgement.

Considering you have kids, you better be sure about how you feel. Impacting kids is the worst...but if your sleeping at the office, I am sure your kids already know something is up. Kids can sense the tension.

But you were in love once....think you need to rediscover that. Its all about the human psyche...what makes you fall in love....the element of surprise, spontaneity, not knowing....these things will intrigue the mind and ....well bascially you need to create some spark...

Think you need to get a sitter...go out and have dinner with your wife...and seriously discuss your situation...tell her how you have been feeling and how she is making you feel...and I pretty sure you will get some insight on how you are making her feel...or better yet...dont discuss things and make her feel like its your first date.

Then surprise her...take her out dancing or do something different...flirt with her...be naughty and see if you can get the ball rolling....if nothing happens...then I guess you have at least tried to confirm how you really feel.

But supressing your feelings will only make things compound and eventually lead to....marriage failure.

And to be honest...times like so is the worst as your mental weakness towards your marriage may cause you to do something even more regretful

"It is not man's temperament to commit evil, but that we are only a product of nature and as such we have naturalistic tendencies or desires."

woman or women that is the question

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy woman or women that is the question

fucking eric! lol

Re: Re: Falling OUT of love... How do you know?

quote:

Originally posted by vcakes Then surprise her...take her out dancing or do something different...flirt with her...be naughty and see if you can get her to try anal.

the difference between people like you and people like me is that (as previously mentioned) you have to get her to TRY anal. i MAKE them do anal.

and then i cum in their ass and do a super-nintendo-like celebration dance. with twirling and arms in the air involved... and then i say "take that bitch" and strut about the room shaking my bits and pieces like a helicopter.

THIS ONE'S FO' NORTH CAROLINAAAAA!

quote:

Originally posted by Arbiter Love is only an idea -- if you believe you are in love, then you are in love, because that's what love is. Therefore, the opposite is true too: if you believe you are no longer in love, then you are necessarily correct.

i agree. to the OP- do your thing, you're the only one who knows what's best for you.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On I guess to address the original thread topic - is it possible to fall out of love? Well, several ancient philosophers deify love as some sort of eternal presence, and not that I disagree with them, as I still feel for every woman I have loved in some way (yet I don't...it's complicated), [...] It's utter foolishness, to be in love. Not that this would ever effectively deter us from feeling its pangs - or fangs, as it would be.

Well you've effectively summed up my state of mind for the past week.

I don't know what to say really - some things aren't meant to last despite how much we might want them to. You've been with her for a long time, but it seems that she has changed considerably since you married her, and it's probably safe to say that she isn't the same woman you once fell in love with. In the end, this can only be a personal decision. If I were you, I would think about all of the things that you do love about her. If it is difficult to think of any things in the present tense, than perhaps it will be better for you both to move on.

Not to be an emo bitch here, but I am genuinely overwhelmed with such an enormous and very sober response from you folks. Thanks for all the words of collective wisdom. <<"GROUP HUG">>

Not to single out, but Astronica - didn't you read about Sodom and Gommorah? There's no room for that kind of nookie in our life anymore

I wrote a very LOOOOOOOONG story to put some things in perspective but decided to change it to CORe to spare the details. And damn, it's still pretty long. So, here's a semi-cor version.

I'm Jewish, my wife is Armenian Christian (by birth). I have a half-brother from my dad's first marriage, who converted to Messianic Judaism, while I retained strong affinity for my Jewish roots, even though I'm not very religious.

My half-brother and his wife came to my house as missionaries and quite successfully turned my wife to this "Messianic Jew" nonsense (which to me is as oxymoronic as "Sober Drunk" or "Smart Idiot".)

My wife's submergence into religion has drastically affected our marriage - we no longer share same interests (aside from kids), she no longer respects our agreement not to influence kid's choice of religion, and totally disregards my desire not to discuss why I need to be more spiritual. She does not necessarily force me to convert to be a Christian but she wants me to be more religious and does want me to start considering and making plans for having Jesus in my life, as otherwise I can't be saved

She further feels that:
- Halloween is a pagan holiday, worshiping the dead and satan, so I can't go trick or treating with my son.

- (as a sarcastic joke, I suggested that X-mass is also a pagan holiday) She found some proof (e.g. some half-assed video online) substantiating that in fact it is and therfore she now does not celebrate x-mass, so - no xmass celebration in our house.

- I now cannot curse around her, cannot gossip about anyone, and cannot say blasphemous things or take lord's name in vain. To which I exhaulted "Jesus fucking Christ, are you hearing your goddam self? You can't be fucking serious!" (sorry to offend anyone) - she didn't like it very much.

- She thinks that she's Jewish. Yes. I know. Yup. Aha. Jew. Who never converted. That's affirmative. Yes, she does believe in Christ, nice of you to ask. Aha. What's that? Oh, yes - she does go to Synachurch - erm, temple where "so called jews pray to the holly trinity". That's right. You're on your way? Great see you here. Please make sure that the straight jacket you're bringing is size "medium". Ok, buh bye.

- We now do not have cable, basic channels only, football is OK, southpark is ok as long as she's out of the room. Family guy - the same.

- All my pr0n (which she actually used to watch even by herself quite often before J.C. came along) was nearly thrown in trash, miraculously rescued and stashed away in a safe place.

- I am now not supposed to drink to solve my problems. In her opinion, the only way I can resolve my problems with her becoming a religious nut is to... that's right, accept Jesus.

- She also feels the need to tell everyone "the good news" and is not too humble to tell her mom how she should live her life (that's while her mom works 3 jobs and her only relief is watching some russian TV, which according to my wife is "polluting her brain"). Meanwhile my wife worked for about 8 months in our entire marriage.

A conversation about her choices few days ago resulted in her telling me how I am thankless pig, because I don't notice all the improvements that happened since she found God - like her running errands, making phone calls about matters, sorting the bills, and doing house work. She tells me I only see the negatives and we're all thankless a-holes for trying to keep her off the proper path, and to prove her point, she kicked a big hole in the wall, because nothing screams "I'm right" more than a nice hole in the wall to greet me every time I come home now.

Speaking of holes, I don't remember last time I had some nookie. Something I used to regularily get and took for granted is now not only not offered but also not very much desired due to all the shit that's going on. So, Astronica's suggestion is purely out of the question.

all the talking is really pointless, because every time we start a conversation, she says - "the Bible tells me that my path to salvation will be covered with obsticles and people who would seek to deter me, even my own immediate family, but I must be strong and resist, as salvation comes only to those who are strong and stand fast".

So, that's pretty much it... in a nutshel.

Yes, but do you still love her?

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie Yes, but do you still love her?

i can't say it with a 100% certainty anymore. I care about her. I don't want to cause her pain but I also can't live with her being like this and be happy. It's like a giant glass wall is between us. We can see each other but we can't break through it. You know? I think she's a good mother (all the religion aside) and I do see the positives... I guess I do love her but it's not passion that we used to have. It's one thing when passion trickles away with years and turns to something else, it is as if the switch was flipped and now it's just gone. I dunno. It's hard to explain. I find her choice is affecting me in the way that I can't seem to swallow it. I feel restricted - like I'm Persian and I have to chose my words carefully now. Simple joys I could share with her before, I can't do now.

Like I bought her a ticket to see Chris Rock, she didn't wanna go because it's in a casino and he's cussing. Besides, she "doesn't like this kind of raunchy humor now".

so, it's like the things that used to attract me to her - feeling free, feeling respected and respecting her, being able to tell each other anything is now somehow gone. I can't share with her like I used to be able to. Heck, I can't even tell her my raunchy nasty thoughts in bed (something she used to get off to).

does it make any sense?

quote:

Originally posted by emc^2 i can't say it with a 100% certainty anymore. I care about her. I don't want to cause her pain but I also can't live with her being like this and be happy. It's like a giant glass wall is between us. We can see each other but we can't break through it. You know? I think she's a good mother (all the religion aside) and I do see the positives... I guess I do love her but it's not passion that we used to have. It's one thing when passion trickles away with years and turns to something else, it is as if the switch was flipped and now it's just gone. I dunno. It's hard to explain. I find her choice is affecting me in the way that I can't seem to swallow it. I feel restricted - like I'm Persian and I have to chose my words carefully now. Simple joys I could share with her before, I can't do now. Like I bought her a ticket to see Chris Rock, she didn't wanna go because it's in a casino and he's cussing. Besides, she "doesn't like this kind of raunchy humor now". so, it's like the things that used to attract me to her - feeling free, feeling respected and respecting her, being able to tell each other anything is now somehow gone. I can't share with her like I used to be able to. Heck, I can't even tell her my raunchy nasty thoughts in bed (something she used to get off to). does it make any sense?

I think you just answered your question right there.

It sounds like it's only a phase. If you keep insulting her "new" thoughts though, however silly they may be, she may feel even more justified in perpetuating this sort of thought. Xtians get off on that whole persecution thing.

I think she may be having an affair with some guy named Jesus though. I'd definitely watch her closely...

She really has gone wacko, no offense. Religion and ideas of a "God" can do this to people. And I don't know why, but it seems to affect women in these sorts of ways much more than men. Women go all emotional "can't you see it's the path to salvation" over it, and are totally blind to any logic, even more than they normally are.

I really don't know what to say. Maybe some time apart will snap her into her senses a bit?

How old is she by the way? And you?

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie I think you just answered your question right there.

how very cheeky and yet zen of you

what pisses me off is that I now have to face a tough question - do I sacrifice my own happiness and just do the best I can with what I got for the sake of my kids or do I just take some time off and move out to sort things out... or do I just pull the plug, you know - haul this horse to the glue factory?

it's really a no win situation, imho.

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