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- Chill Out Room
-- Tell me a joke, pal
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| quote: |
| Originally posted by UmmiE Ben log off of StanVoid's account.  |
elton john wrote the song 'my sacrifice' while robbie williams shoved a mouse up his ass and was holding it's tail.
the name of the mouse was wiggly.
THE END
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.
She approached him.
My name is Carmen, she told him.
That's a beautiful name, he replied.
Is it a family name?
No, she replied. I gave it to myself.
It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men.
What's your name? she asked.
He said: B. J. Titsengolf
Two friends were walking out of a bar and down an alleyway when a mugger approached them and demanded their wallets.
One friend calmly took out his wallet, removed a bill and handed it to the other friend saying, "Here's the 20 I owe you."
Jamie would take a Lexus over a BMW.
What's red and sits in front of a mirrow and gets smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.
What's white and red and screams a lot? The same baby in a bag of salt.
"Mommy, Mommy! I hate Daddy's guts!"
"SHUT UP AND KEEP EATING!"
Aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
I'm not your mother, dad!
A famous priest died and went to heaven. Just before the gates of heaven, he sees this long queue, and thought "Well, I'm a priest, I've been preaching and worshipping God every single day of my life, I don't need to stand in the queue, do I?" and went straight up to St. Peter, who was reading everyone's profiles at the door.
"Excuse me, are you St. Peter?", the priest asked.
"Yes, why?"
"Oh, could you let me in? I've been a good priest my whole life, and I'm anxious to see what heaven is like"
"I'm sorry, you need to wait just like everyone else. God loves everyone but this is not an anar--". Suddenly, St. Peter sees Mario, a simple taxi driver, standing in the queue humbly waiting for his turn. "Hey, Mario, why are you standing there? Welcome to heaven, you can get in now, there's a limousine waiting for you at the end of this road". And Mario obeyed, entering heaven right away.
"Hey, what happen to this not being an anarchy?", asked the priest.
"Oh, sorry", St. Peter apologised, "Let me explain myself: You were a priest, right? You worshipped God and whatnot, preached every single day of your life and tried to show God's love to every troubled soul you met."
"Yeah, exactly", complained the priest, "I've been a good servant".
"You know, most people that went to your church did listen to your preaching and all, but they didn't really have much faith, nor they felt closer to God after listening to your words. It felt more like a duty to them. Mario, on the other hand, was a taxi driver. And thus, he turned even his atheist passengers into passionate God fearing devout Christians full of faith by just giving them a ride, now you try to beat that!" 
| quote: |
| Originally posted by CleverName What's the best part about sex with twenty seven year olds? There's SO MANY of them! Oh man, gets me every time. |
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a massive cock up his ass.
A young girl asks her mother, "Mum, why is my name petal?"
Her mother replies "When you were born a petal fell on your head."
"Oh," she replies.
One of her sons asks her, "Mum why is my name leaf?"
She answers, "When you were born, a leaf fell on your head."
"Oh," he says.
Then the woman's other son goes up to her and asks,
"ngangungunganga?" with an obvious mental problem.
The woman says, "Shut up fridge!"
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Re: Tell me a joke, pal
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Saka Three women: One engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their sex lives and decided to impress their men. That night all three decided to wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet up for lunch. The engaged woman says "The other night when my fiancee came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said "You are the woman of my life. I love you." Then we made love all night long." The mistress says "Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night." The married woman says "I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said; "What's for dinner, Batman?" |
What did Cinderella say when she finally got to the ball?
Nothing. She just gagged.
>Whats the best thing about shagging a 6 year old girl?
>>Flip her over and you've got a six year old boy.
> What do you get when you put 6 babies in a blender?
>> I don't know,I was to busy wanking off.
Bloke downstairs naked with his cock out in front of the fire, Wife comes down, 'Dear, what do you think your doing!?' Bloke replies, 'Just warming up your dinner!'
| quote: |
| Originally posted by chrisday >Whats the best thing about shagging a 6 year old girl? >>Flip her over and you've got a six year old boy. > What do you get when you put 6 babies in a blender? >> I don't know,I was to busy wanking off. Bloke downstairs naked with his cock out in front of the fire, Wife comes down, 'Dear, what do you think your doing!?' Bloke replies, 'Just warming up your dinner!' |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by chrisday nastynastynasty' |
Ghetto Test
If the statement is true add the points in parenthesis to your score.
Scoring is given at the bottom of the test.
1. You've ever used an album cover or old envelope for a dustpan. (5 points)
2. You've ever put foil on your TV antennas to get better reception. (8 points)
3. You've ever had to use pliers to turn your TV on. (7points)
4. You had to come in the house when the street lights came on. (6 points)
5. You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5 + 5 extra points if your house was the candy lady)
6. If you can count more than five police cars in your neighborhood on a daily basis. (3 points)
7. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each)
8. If you've ever been beaten with an extension cord. (15 points)
9. If you have ever had to walk to or home from school. (2 points)
10. If you've ever passed someone a note asking "Do you like me?" or "Can I have a chance?" check _yes, _no or _maybe. (7 points)
11. If you have ever used dish washing liquid for bubble bath. (9points)
12. If you have ever mixed up some Kool-Aid and the found that you didn't have any sugar. (4 points & add 4 if you put the pitcher in the refrigerator until you got some sugar)
13. If you have ever played any of the following games. (2 points each): (hide and go seek, freeze tag, captain or momma may I?, or red light..yellow light..green light 123!)
14. If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang a bell + 5 if he played R&B)
15. If you remember any of the following candies. (1 point each): cherry clans, lemon heads, Alexander the grape, ring pops, Chico sticks, baked beans, candy cigarettes, powder packs with the white dip stick, big league chew, "Wine" Candy (jolly ranchers), jaw breakers, and candy necklaces.
16. If you refer to Now and Laters candies as "Nighladers". (6 points)
17. If you've ever ran from the police on foot. (5 points + 5 if you got away)
18. If you remember underoos or the Wonder Woman bra and panty set. (6 points + 4 if you owned some)
19. If you've ever had reusable grease in a container on your stove. (5 points)
20. The batteries in your remote control are held in by a piece of tape. (5 points)
21. If you've ever used any of the following for drinking glasses. (3 points each): jelly jars, mayonnaise jars, mason jars, or peanut butter jars.
22. You've ever covered your furniture in plastic. (2 points)
23. The heels of your feet have ever looked like you had been kicking flour. (1point)
24. If you have ever worn any of the following fragrances. (1 point each): Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge'.
25. You've ever used Tussy. (9 points)
26. You've never been to the dentist. (10 points + 10 if you've never been to the doctor.)
27. You've ever wore clothes with the tag still on them. (4 points)
28. If you're acquainted with someone with a name as follows. (3 points): Kay-Kay, Lee-Lee, Ree-Ree, Ray-Ray, etc.
29. You have ever paged yourself for any reason. (3 points)
30. You've ever worn house shoes outside of the house. (2 points)
31. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example, Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc). (3 points)
32. You pronounce words like this (1 point for each example you can think of skrimps or strimps, skreet, axe (ask), member (remember), frigerator, etc.
33. You use nem' to describe a certain group of people (for example Craig and nem' or momma and nem'). (6 points)
34. You've ever had a crack across your windshield and never bothered to get it fixed. (3 points)
35. You've ever driven on a donut more than 2 weeks after your flat. (4 points)
36. You've ever asked a perfect stranger to take a picture with you and told your friends it was someone you dated. (3 points)
37. Your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking it. (7 points)
38. If you've ever ran a race barefoot in the middle of the street at approximately 11 at night. (10 points)
39. You've ever left a social gathering with a plate. (1 point)
40. You leave a restaurant with silverware, sugar, and/or jelly. (8 points)
41. You think "red" is a flavor of Kool-Aid. (4 points)
42. You can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails. (3 points)
43. The gold teeth in your mouth spell words. (8 points)
44. You don't have your own place but your child has a leather coat and a pair of Jordan's. (5 points)
45. If you've ever had to get to the driver's side of the car through the passenger side door. (8 points)
46. You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (7 points)
47. You constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?" (10 points)
48. You won't answer the phone if you don't recognize the number on the caller id box. (7 points)
49. You know a child who can't speak, but can do the "bank-head bounce." (15 points)
50. You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)
Scoring
0 - 30 - You have enjoyed a nice sheltered life in the suburbs.
31 - 60 - Hood movies have given you a little exposure.
61 - 100 - You may have visited the hood a few times or on weekends.
101 - 130 - You probably spent a few years in the hood, and moved to the suburbs.
131 - 160 - You're the genuine article. You are no stranger to hood life.
161 - 200 - You are definitely, without a doubt an expert on life in the hood.
201+ - Congratulations! You are Ghetto Fabulous!
ok ok I'll do this.
Ghetto Test
1. You've ever used an album cover or old envelope for a dustpan. (5 points)
4. You had to come in the house when the street lights came on. (6 points)
6. If you can count more than five police cars in your neighborhood on a daily basis. (3 points)
9. If you have ever had to walk to or home from school. (2 points)(I lived on the same street at my school, that's not so ghetto to walk there, the bus wasn't allowed to pick you up)
13. If you have ever played any of the following games. (2 points each): (hide and go seek, freeze tag, captain or momma may I?, or red light..yellow light..green light 123!)
15. If you remember any of the following candies. (1 point each): lemon heads, , ring pops, , candy cigarettes, powder packs with the white dip stick, big league chew, "Wine" Candy (jolly ranchers), jaw breakers, and candy necklaces.
18. If you remember underoos or the Wonder Woman bra and panty set. (6 points + 4 if you owned some)
20. The batteries in your remote control are held in by a piece of tape. (5 points)
.
28. If you're acquainted with someone with a name as follows. (3 points): Kay-Kay, Lee-Lee, Ree-Ree, Ray-Ray, etc.
31. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example, Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc). (3 points)
40. You leave a restaurant with silverware, sugar, and/or jelly. (8 points)
46. You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (7 points)
48. You won't answer the phone if you don't recognize the number on the caller id box. (7 points)
50. You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)
Scoring
-95
61 - 100 - You may have visited the hood a few times or on weekends.
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