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-- Somebody please post some jokes in this thread.
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R
No.
that muffin joke is awesome though
R Kitty 
and spell my name right if you are going to joke 
How do you fit 1000 jews in a car?
In the ash tray!
Donny, no. 
I did lol though 
Why do pirates love rap videos?
Because they LOVE the Booty
Do you know how to make a woman scream twice while making love?
Put it in the pooper and then wipe your cock with the curtains.
Two men shipwrecked on an island are captured by cannibals. The chief informs them the only way to avoid becoming dinner is to undergo the �Ordeal of Fruit�. The men accept at once, and the chief sends them into the jungle to collect 100 pieces of fruit and bring them back to him. The first man comes back with 100 grapes. The chief says that if he can shove all the grapes up his arse without giggling then he will be free. But no sooner has the first grape reached his butt than the man bursts out laughing. �What�s so funny?� the chief asks. �Don�t you realize we�re going to kill you now?� �I�m sorry,� the sailor replies. �It�s just that my friend is collecting pineapples.�
Why did they create white chocolate?
So black people can get their face dirty.
Long but my fav joke of all time possibly.
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart along with this note:
| quote: |
| My Dearest, Dear Sasha, I chose these because I've noticed that you have not been wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones which are easier to remove. These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that her pair rubs her ring, which helps keep it clean and shiny; in fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love, Peter. P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing. |
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes.
They head up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Two more blondes show up and soon their voices join in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.
Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a framed picture of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture pipes up, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought this puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!
One morning, a stud farm owner receives a visit from a midget wanting to buy a horse. It soon becomes obvious that the dwarf has a bad speech impediment. �Can I view a female horth?� he asks. Dutifully, the owner leads one out, and shows the midget the hoofs and legs. �That�th a thtrong looking beatht, for thure,� says the gnomic breeder, nodding his head. �Can I thee her mouf?� Confused as to how the tiny man will ride the animal, the farmer still picks up the midget by his braces and shows him the horse�s mouth. �Nith, healthy-looking horth,� agrees the midget. �Now move me awownd to her eerth �� Now getting annoyed, the owner lifts up the midget one more time to look at the ears. �Finally,� says the Lilliputian, �can I see her twat?� With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head into the horse's vagina. He pulls him out after a minute, and the tiny man stumbles around, dazed. �Perhapth I thould rephrathe that,� says the midget, shaking his head. �Can I thee her wun awownd?�
So it is judgment day, and god is deciding who goes to heaven and hell. First guy comes up and god says, "Of you're a good guy, go to heaven." Second guy comes up, "Oh you're bad, you go to hell." Third guy comes up, "Oh you're very very bad, you go back to Russia."
What's long, brown, and smells like shit?
... a welfare line.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by elFreak knock knock whos there ania looks fat ania looks fat who dont woory iamesol would fuck her |
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