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-- Okay I rarely rent on this board but......
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Originally posted by DJ Eco The more you sit off to the side and wait for her to "make her decision", the more she sees she's got you by the balls I know cos this happened to me too... The more you desperately try and convince her that it'll work out, the more she will be turned off, and then you have a relationship going on because she feels bad to cut it off... If you give her the "if it's meant to be, then we'll end up together" and give her MADD space, then she'll be more drawn to you. By mad space, I mean, go a long time without calling or talking to her, go out with other people, etc.... She'll see how much it sucks for her to be on the sidelines and come to you.

Well sorta. Since she's a female she won't be feeling any remorse for being put on the sidelines. She can always get another guy. The key part of her you want to connect with is her jealousy AND demonstrate that you're in demand.

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Originally posted by DJ_Lord i hear what youre saying but if shes insecure about her future and at the same time feels insecure about her relationship with you...cause by now it should be at least close to that....then you should dump her, not worth it..yes i realize u really really really like her, but unstable girls are not worth it, just move on and find yourself a better fish...being cold-hearted will help u in this situation

Well she said that she is not looking for anyone else right now. Maybe this mofo do got me by the balls. It is weird, because the previous relationship according to her is quite the opposite, because her ex was not that supportive to her.

I don't rent on this board either
< proud TA homeowner

lols

sounds like this girl has all the power in your "relationship." honestly she is doing what she wants and you are letting her so she wins all around. why bother with a relationship if she has everything she already wants? i'm very close with someone in a similar situation and i'm tired of seeing such a disfuctional partnership because it doesn't make any sense. for your own future happiness let it go and if you can't then be emotionally ready to never be in the type of relationship you want. if you let your dynamic with the girl stay the same for much longer you have nobody but yourself to blame if it eventually goes wrong because you decided to ignore clear signs that this just isn't going to work

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Originally posted by ReenTeenTeen at which point you differentiate between slut and a lady?

so are you calling his "friend with benefits" a slut??? i never met the girl so i was giving her the benefit of the doubt......

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Originally posted by chimera66 sounds like this girl has all the power in your "relationship." honestly she is doing what she wants and you are letting her so she wins all around. why bother with a relationship if she has everything she already wants? i'm very close with someone in a similar situation and i'm tired of seeing such a disfuctional partnership because it doesn't make any sense. for your own future happiness let it go and if you can't then be emotionally ready to never be in the type of relationship you want. if you let your dynamic with the girl stay the same for much longer you have nobody but yourself to blame if it eventually goes wrong because you decided to ignore clear signs that this just isn't going to work

great post.

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Originally posted by beema I don't rent on this board either < proud TA homeowner lols

Murphy's law kicked in Ruben

maybe you're not a challenge to her anymore. try being a little more stubborn. don't settle. don't give in and always do what she wants. if she doesn't take this change very well, tough shit, don't call her......let her call you. unfortunately it sounds like she's playing games with you. learn to play the game back and you will find out for sure if she is worth your time or not. and remember......there are plenty of fish in the sea.


http://www.plentyoffish.com

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Originally posted by vtec junkie maybe you're not a challenge to her anymore. try being a little more stubborn. don't settle. don't give in and always do what she wants. if she doesn't take this change very well, tough shit, don't call her......let her call you. unfortunately it sounds like she's playing games with you. learn to play the game back and you will find out for sure if she is worth your time or not. and remember......there are plenty of fish in the sea. http://www.plentyoffish.com

ive heard good stories about that site

I think we are overlooking one HUGE factor...the ex-factor. Guaranteed the ex is still somehow involved and has got her where she has got you. Whether he is in the picture or not it may be that she is still pining over him. I actually applaud her for not getting seriously involved with you right away...that would probably lead to her breaking your heart and going back to her ex. This happens to people so often. I think you should just have a little heart to heart with her and figure out what her deal is.

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Originally posted by Keryn I think we are overlooking one HUGE factor...the ex-factor. Guaranteed the ex is still somehow involved and has got her where she has got you. Whether he is in the picture or not it may be that she is still pining over him. I actually applaud her for not getting seriously involved with you right away...that would probably lead to her breaking your heart and going back to her ex. This happens to people so often. I think you should just have a little heart to heart with her and figure out what her deal is.

True, one of my good friend thinks that she still in denial about the ex. I was thinking about doing the same, and that is a heart to heart talk.

Re: Okay I rarely rent on this board but......

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Originally posted by limin_li Seriously guys no joke here.. I've been seen this girl for about 4-5 months now, and I really like this girl. We have lots of things in common, eg programming language and of course electronic dance music. Over the last couple weeks, she has been doing the same thing she was doing during month one and two. She is not looking for a relationship yet. Yet she is still wants hang out with me during the weekends. Now one part of me is saying, dude forget it, you deserve better. The other part is saying, dude stay where you are and see where is this going. I am in a messed up situation here because I want to move on but I can't and I want to stay with her but I can't and will not want to..... HELP!!!!! PS, if you want more details, I am more than happy to do so.......

dude!!!! im in like the same situation....only a lil worse...we decided to try a relationship and a week later she dumped me haaa...we still hook up she said she really likes me but has to much goin on.....dont give up man...thats my advice....if u truly have that gut feeling that shes something special then u gotta wait it out jus like me.......i jus hope ur not like me man ... theres that old saying....if it was meant 2 be it was meant 2 be....... stay strong mah brother

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Originally posted by kadomony great post.

thanks after seeing a friend in a similar relationship for um close to 18 MONTHS i would hope i learned something.

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Originally posted by limin_li Well she said that she is not looking for anyone else right now. Maybe this mofo do got me by the balls. It is weird, because the previous relationship according to her is quite the opposite, because her ex was not that supportive to her.

you need to step back and see the whole picture...if her past relationship was the opposite that means that she kinda likes a guy who doesnt show feelings..shes your typical girl who likes those guys who dont care..as usual..so step back, give her space and return after you have at least 3 back ups in case she tries to pull this shit again...btw this heart to heart bs is not gonna work, just show her confidence and that it doesnt matter if shes there or not (even tho it does) and u'll be fine, if shes indifferent about it then she doesnt care about the relationship bc shes too proud to give in into it.

i feel like dr phil...

donkey punch her in the back or the head next time you're hitting it from behind........i hear it works wonders

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Originally posted by DJ_Lord you need to step back and see the whole picture...if her past relationship was the opposite that means that she kinda likes a guy who doesnt show feelings..shes your typical girl who likes those guys who dont care..as usual..so step back, give her space and return after you have at least 3 back ups in case she tries to pull this shit again...btw this heart to heart bs is not gonna work, just show her confidence and that it doesnt matter if shes there or not (even tho it does) and u'll be fine, if shes indifferent about it then she doesnt care about the relationship bc shes too proud to give in into it.

I agree. Having a "heart to heart" conversation would be like going from soft to softer. She might say how sweet it is but really she will be thinking about how much more she has you by the balls. Maybe this would work if she was one of those super caring/sensitive type of girls but this doesn't seem to be the case or else she wouldn't be letting you hang like this.

^not too sure this girl is not sensitive or caring. she did put it out there what she wants and does not seem to waive from her intial thoughts on the relationship...she isn't leaving him hanging either, he decided to buy into the relationship the way it is which is his decision. it would be problematic if she eluded to there being a relationship in the future and kept pushing that back. then and only then would i say she's sucks. either way bad bad bad imo.

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Originally posted by vtec junkie donkey punch her in the back or the head next time you're hitting it from behind........i hear it works wonders

lmaooooo!!!! that shud fo the trick

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Originally posted by chimera66 ^not too sure this girl is not sensitive or caring. she did put it out there what she wants and does not seem to waive from her intial thoughts on the relationship...she isn't leaving him hanging either, he decided to buy into the relationship the way it is which is his decision. it would be problematic if she eluded to there being a relationship in the future and kept pushing that back. then and only then would i say she's sucks. either way bad bad bad imo.

never said she wasn't sensitive but the fact that she's doing the same things she was doing the first few months (not really sure what) she has got to know she is toying with his emotions.....I'd have to say she's playing games

^^ with the past relationship being her *FIRST* boyfriend ever and having it end after 4+ years (of which im assuming was exclusive), im not sure she would even know how to play the game effectively (or maybe im naive in that respect). Unless she was a casual/serial dater/social butterfly before and just decided to have an exclusive relationship. Now that its over, she could be contemplating returning to that former lifestyle. (lol, ive seen that happen many times). not that she is, but im just saying. Generally ppl with more experience know how to handle themselves better, including playing any sort of *game* for their own reasons. **shruggs**

she probably still has a lot of unresolved issues and needs to think things through before such a serious step...aka baggage from a failed relationship. if she was dumped, its gonna take hella longer -- healing time? unknown.

but like ppl said, TALK!!! Be understanding about her situation, yet have the right to know WHAT'S UP. Ask her if she still has feelings for the ex/does she think she can get past it/see any sort of possibility of this current thing *growing*, given time. if yes, then i think he should wait it out a few more.

First throw all of your hopes and expectations out the window. People who typically arent expeting anything don't end up disappointed when things don't turn out their way.

If you feel she is worth it keep her around but don't let her be your main focus. Don't pressure her either. Depending on what her last boyfriend did to her or how it was broken off she may just be bitter at all men in general. Reverse phsycology works sometimes also, if you stop talking about it she will wonder why and she may initiate a conversation on the subject.

If her ex was her first boyfriend then I would assume she is pretty young. If all else fails find an older girl who knows what she wants.

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Originally posted by vtec junkie never said she wasn't sensitive but the fact that she's doing the same things she was doing the first few months (not really sure what) she has got to know she is toying with his emotions.....I'd have to say she's playing games

imo its only playing games if one is deceptive. doesn't sounds like she's deceptive to me.

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Originally posted by euphoria First throw all of your hopes and expectations out the window. People who typically arent expeting anything don't end up disappointed when things don't turn out their way. If you feel she is worth it keep her around but don't let her be your main focus. Don't pressure her either. Depending on what her last boyfriend did to her or how it was broken off she may just be bitter at all men in general. Reverse phsycology works sometimes also, if you stop talking about it she will wonder why and she may initiate a conversation on the subject. If her ex was her first boyfriend then I would assume she is pretty young. If all else fails find an older girl who knows what she wants.

and all older women want is SEX SEX SEX........great advice Z!

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Originally posted by vtec junkie and all older women want is SEX SEX SEX........great advice Z!

young women don't?

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