TranceAddict Forums (www.tranceaddict.com/forums)
- Chill Out Room
-- FAO: People who are married or have been married
Pages (5): « 1 [2] 3 4 5 »

Please explain what "work" means. Married ppl always say that but it doesn't have meaning to me , because relationships should be a natural act, work seems to imply doing something that you don't like or to because you have to. Sometimes I'll visit family or a friend that has a nice kid and I think that would be nice or I want to find someone who makes me happy or have companionship that takes me away from stupid banality of life. I don't know maybe I'm a dreamer. I'm a poor judge of couples happiness. Often they look happy on the outside and then you find out the real story.

quote:

Originally posted by Zewad they pay me the regular base pay... but since i'll be leaving from tampa they'll pay BAH (basic allowance for housing) for the tampa market for an O-3 (captain w/ dependent, ie wife) and no taxes while there and also pay hazard pay and safe pay... full sum up to $80k+... i only reveal this b/c you can do a search online that would take 2 seconds and find my pay... i love that about the military... we can all discuss our pay wide open b/c we can all calculate each others pay to the penny... so finincial advice runs rampant... btw.. i make 10/hr + commission and wife makes 12/hr now.. and neither of us are on full time big pay jump... hence why iraq isnt so bad... and i'm pretty sure i'll be some staff job nut who will sit at a desk the whole year..

Damn, that's definitely a big jump from $10 and hour alright.

Shame it's not in a nicer place, but as long as you're relatively safe over there, 80k would be nice.

those of you who say that relationships and marriage in general should require no work are fooling themselves lol

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee those of you who say that relationships and marriage in general should require no work are fooling themselves lol

+1. I actually see it in entirely the opposite way, that one should rather be willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of their spouse. Not in a needy, pushover kinda way, but in an interdependent, collaboration kinda way. Hopefully, I'll live to tell about it one day.

i think it's that people are confused as to which kind of work marriage/relationships take. no, it shouldn't take work to enjoy being around your spouse, or to enjoy making love to them, or to enjoy superficial things like that...but it takes work to pay bills together and be responsible together and be on the same page re: parenting, etc...

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee it shouldn't take work to enjoy being around your spouse, or to enjoy making love to them, or to enjoy superficial things like that...

You shouldn't have to try at all to enjoy being around your spouse. There are people who marry for what I think are the wrong reasons. Sure, there are certain benefits that can be gained, but you should know what you're getting yourself into. Even if it's well intentioned, sometimes people rush into marriage. I just graduated from college, and several of my friends and acquaintances are already married. Some have been together since high school, and some only for a few months (only marrying after college). I wish them the best of luck, but for some I can't be too hopeful.

In any case, I think in marriage both parties need to willing to acknowledge their flaws and make corrections, if necessary. I know it sounds simple, but if this were practiced more, I feel like less marriages would end in divorce.

quote:

Originally posted by AnomalyConcept There are people who marry for what I think are the wrong reasons.

lol u mean like more than half of the american population?

Pretty much.

Citizenship/papers/immigration, money (obtained on divorce), winning a game show, getting pregnant, etc. Then there are those that marry the first person that says 'yes'.

I think in the US, there isn't an expectation of marriages lasting very long, and so people are more inclined to get a divorce rather than to try to work things out. You're making a commitment, right? Should try to stick to that. Too bad a lot of Americans are lazy.

Marriage is similar to just about any long-term relationship. There are high points and low points and everywhere in the middle. There is no such thing as a "perfect" marriage, just as there isn't a such thing as a "perfect" relationship. Marriage can be more difficult than other relationships, simply because you're with each other all the time, and that makes it that much more easy to find things to get pissed off about.

If you're looking at marriage, I'd say; 1 - realize there will be rocky times. 2 - have the balls and a healthy enough ego to be able to apologize even if you feel you're not at fault, hopefully your partner will be the same. 3 - deal with situations as they happen. If you wait and hope they fix themselves, they usually won't and it's a lot harder to deal with a situation that's been going on for months or years than one that's only just started happening.

Also, marriage is not the "next step," in a relationship, it's the "final step." I think a lot of people now look at marriage as something beyond serious dating so when things start to look ugly, just like dating, they simply end the relationship instead of working through it. Don't jump in until your ready, but I guarantee that no matter how ready you feel, you'll still have times when you second guess yourself. That's normal though and doesn't mean your marriage is going to hell.

quote:

Originally posted by Zewad full sum up to $80k+...

Gawd Dayam, that's a lot of money. Not to mention you don't get taxed.

quote:

Originally posted by Chris Crossland I have NEVER heard of a good marriage. Every one i know that is married bitches. Not to menchion my parents got divorced, my mom remarried, got divorced again. Now my dad is getting remarried. Fuck that jazz. It's not worth it.

My parents married in their early twenties and are now 45. I've never seen them argue and I was born just a few years after they got married. Ever. They've never raised their voices, they've never thrown things, slammed doors, stormed out of the house, etc.

I was so accustomed to them being so fantastic with their marriage that when they spent thirty minutes disagreeing on plans for a trip when I was ten, I freaked the fuck out and thought they were getting a divorce.

I know countless others who have never divorced, but have had their squabbles.

I'm married and happy.

quote:

Originally posted by idoru My parents married in their early twenties and are now 45. I've never seen them argue and I was born just a few years after they got married. Ever. They've never raised their voices, they've never thrown things, slammed doors, stormed out of the house, etc. I was so accustomed to them being so fantastic with their marriage that when they spent thirty minutes disagreeing on plans for a trip when I was ten, I freaked the fuck out and thought they were getting a divorce. I know countless others who have never divorced, but have had their squabbles.

My parents are much the same, I can remember them having minor disagreements, but their marriage is incredibly stable. I think it's because they're both good at compromising, have decided who will do what in the relationship and stick to it, and are dedicated to bringing their kids up as best as possible.

Probably also helps that they waited until 30 or so to get married.

My feelings on marriage is basically that it's become almost meaningless in this day and age. Only way I'd get married is if I'd been living with a chick for several years already, was happy in that situation and there was some conceivable benefit. Would get a watertight prenup as well.

quote:

Originally posted by idoru My parents married in their early twenties and are now 45. I've never seen them argue and I was born just a few years after they got married. Ever. They've never raised their voices, they've never thrown things, slammed doors, stormed out of the house, etc. I was so accustomed to them being so fantastic with their marriage that when they spent thirty minutes disagreeing on plans for a trip when I was ten, I freaked the fuck out and thought they were getting a divorce. I know countless others who have never divorced, but have had their squabbles.

my parents are the same way, but then again they've been in the game for like.. 30 years or something. they're too old to have issues nowadays


anyways to the OP- most people (around my age, 23ish) i know that have gotten married have broken it off relatively quickly. i blame it on age/immaturity or just plain bad decision making when they don't have the correct mindset to really think about the repercussions (not to make it sound negative) of marriage. for example, a girl that i partied with back in the day, went to school with from grade school to high school etc etc was the first person in our class to get married, even though she had obvious issues with her SO. ugly divorce within the year. i don't know why people wanna jump into shit like that so quickly without thinking about it objectively.. meh.

quote:

Originally posted by Ygrene I'm married and happy.

That Sloth-style haircut of yours tells us something different.

getting married in 34 days

quote:

Originally posted by Ygrene I'm married and happy.

until you run out of energy

quote:

Originally posted by UmmiE getting married in 34 days

Consider this song for your wedding:

I'm married and very happy. Is it work? Yes, but that is the beauty of it. We have had our ups and downs, but have worked through it. Maybe marriage isn't for everyone; I thought I wasn't the marrying type , but it has worked out for the best. I am a better person b/c of him.

I enjoy sharing my goals with my husband and working towards those goals. We are thinking about having children soon (He is ready, I am not quite ready).

omg please make sure you are ready though when u decide to have kids lol

one of the biggest problems in the world today as far as i'm concerned is bad parenting. people don't have a fucking clue how to raise kids and they think they should just follow the natural order of life and pop out a few and still continue on with their life as usual. my sister is a perfect example. my nephew is so obnoxious and it's all her fault lol

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee omg please make sure you are ready though when u decide to have kids lol one of the biggest problems in the world today as far as i'm concerned is bad parenting. people don't have a fucking clue how to raise kids and they think they should just follow the natural order of life and pop out a few and still continue on with their life as usual. my sister is a perfect example. my nephew is so obnoxious and it's all her fault lol

Oh, I will make sure I am ready. Not going to squeeze one out if I am not ready. I am deathly afraid of any medical procedure and if you knew me you would know how scared I am (not going to get into detail here). I think that is the part that makes me so scared. Mentally I am ready, it is the other thing I am so frightened of (I used to pass out during those puberty movies they showed in 5th grade, I still get nervous when I see blood, etc.).

I think too many people find it easy nowadays to just end relationships rather than work at them. If you're gonna get married, find someone u can coexist with and have similar ideas into what would make a strong marriage, then you might be ok. Marriage is for people who're mentally strong enough to cope with problems unlike the majority of the current set of generations from 15-50 years old. Too many people are just pussies and not willing to give or take and such.

quote:

Originally posted by Meat187 That Sloth-style haircut of yours tells us something different.

http://www.tranceaddict.com/forums/...422#post8969422

quote:

Originally posted by Ygrene http://www.tranceaddict.com/forums/...422#post8969422

did you shave your head before or after his post?

quote:

Originally posted by Ygrene http://www.tranceaddict.com/forums/...422#post8969422

Well played.

Edit:

quote:

Originally posted by pvc did you shave your head before or after his post?

I'm pretty sure he ninja-shaved bachwards in time.

Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright © 2000-2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.