a topic that really needs to be covered...

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-- a topic that really needs to be covered...
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Posted by ChemEnhanced on Sep-05-2008 18:25:

quote:
Originally posted by Ania_xox
When two people decide that they would rather spend their time with their respective mate than with anyone else AND voice this commitment - THAT imo is a relationship.

you can still love someone to death and want to spend the rest of your life with them....doesn't mean you can't have sex with others....now...if you are married that is an entirely different story. Love and sex don't always have to go hand in hand.

Posted by Intangible on Sep-05-2008 18:32:

^

Agreed.

Love, sex, and relationships do not necessarly go hand in hand (for everyone).

They are all related but do not depend on each other.

Posted by Intangible on Sep-05-2008 18:33:

I really don't think that there is an answer to the original question... It all depends on your personal lifestyle and values.

Posted by CAKE on Sep-05-2008 19:20:

quote:
Originally posted by Ania_xox
WHAT?!
LOL Tara go back to sleep baby... or clarify

If my bf went off to sleep with another chick and then came home to me - he would be greeted with a punch in the nose and a "good-bye jerk!"

Agreed if you have the need to be other ppl you are not in the relationship your just fucking someone on a regular baisis. When in a relationship with one person and one person only you don't have the urge to be with other ppl. IF you have the need to be with other ppl you obviously don't have a clue what you want and your just hurting the other person. I fucken hate cheats and sluts./ end mini rant

Posted by kaniz on Sep-05-2008 19:27:

wow, some people here are rather close-minded and judgmental. Oh-no, someone has a style of relationship that fits outside of my concept of normal - lets bust out the pitchforks!

Posted by elFreak on Sep-05-2008 19:37:

quote:
Originally posted by kaniz
wow, some people here are rather close-minded and judgmental. Oh-no, someone has a style of relationship that fits outside of my concept of normal - lets bust out the pitchforks!

it is called being scorned/lonely/15 and think sex is love.

Posted by kaniz on Sep-05-2008 19:59:

To me, some of the aspects that make a relationship a relationship, more-so than having sex is:

- Shared values and goals that you want to build towards / work towards as a couple
- A desire to share your life together
- A desire to build a life together
- A commitment to staying together, even when things may get rough
- Being supportive, loving, caring of each other
- Building a family together, and bringing both sides of the family together

At the end of the day - being sexually exclusive with your partner is a decision that they both need to make / agree to.

However, just because one couple is open and another couple is monog, does not make the monog couple more or less serious than the other.

I know a few people that have had very long-lasting relationships that also happen to be open. I've seen them range from the 'total open free for all' (which now and then, does leave me scratching my head at times - but its working for them, so I wont judge), to others that have more rules / boundaries established.

The one couple has been together for over 15 years, own a house together - their relationship has varied between very-closed, to completely open, and now rests somewhere in between - the 'rules' are continually negotiated to fit whats going on at the time.

They have built a life together and share it, they are part of each others families (ie: go to family events/functions together) and share a large circle of common friends.

While now and then they may have some extra-marital activities on the side, they are not bringing their fuck-buddies to the family Christmas dinner either.

Yes, sex is important, however it boggles my mind that so many people get caught up on the notion of "if you are not sexually exclusive, then you are not a relationship" - while that might be the case for YOU and YOUR relationship, it's not always the same for everyone else.

Posted by knacker on Sep-05-2008 20:19:

quote:
Originally posted by Ania_xox
"Open relationships" are for cowards and/or sluts.

wow, what the fuck gives you the right to make this judgment call? Stop being so closed minded.

I have been in a relationship with my woman for 5 years, and for the past 2 it's been open. This was both of our decision as we can separate sex and love -- mind you I don't think most couples can handle this. It takes discussion and confidence in the relationship and each other.

We are both very open and sexual people, and because she is bi, she has certain needs that I can't complete. I personally believe that most men and women are not meant to have only one sexual partner, but if I were as judgmental as you, I should be calling you a hick or something worse for being in a 'traditional' relationship.

To be honest, I would be hard pressed to find another couple that love each other and are as committed to each other as much as me and my partner are. We gave our hearts to each other for life. - the fact that as 2 adults we can be free to explore our sexuality openly, proves just how secure we are in this relationship.

Jealousy is a useless emotion that only causes harm.

Posted by Irishaddict on Sep-05-2008 20:21:

being in a relationship means you value someone else just as much as you value yourself - and act accordingly

Posted by samhouse on Sep-05-2008 20:22:

boyfriend = friend who is a boy
girlfriend = friend who is a girl

i don't think there has to be any sexual or romantic involvement.

Posted by Vivid Boy on Sep-05-2008 21:05:

I will have an open relationship with all of you laides

Posted by FunkyCrew on Sep-05-2008 21:08:

quote:
Originally posted by Vivid Boy
I will have an open relationship with all of you laides

get in the line, here's your number, you'll be called in

Posted by The Highroller on Sep-05-2008 21:43:

quote:
Originally posted by Ania_xox
Sorry if this offends anyone:

"Open relationships" are for cowards and/or sluts.

Open relationships have never worked for me either, but a statement like this is judgemental, extremely closed minded, and even ignorant. Just because something doesn't work for you, doesn't make it intrinsically bad. It is quite possible to conduct an open relationship without hurting anybody.

Posted by Vivid Boy on Sep-05-2008 21:47:

quote:
Originally posted by The Highroller
Open relationships have never worked for me either, but a statement like this is judgemental, extremely closed minded, and even ignorant. Just because something doesn't work for you, doesn't make it intrinsically bad. It is quite possible to conduct an open relationship without hurting anybody.

black ppl always seem to pull it off

Posted by Dr. Z on Sep-05-2008 22:59:

So do open relationships not consider the players bf/gf? But just friends or fuck buddies?

So then most people do not have a bf or gf, until their last year of exclusivity until they get married, which may be at >29??

Posted by barbina on Sep-05-2008 23:02:

quote:
Originally posted by Ania_xox
Sorry if this offends anyone:

"Open relationships" are for cowards and/or sluts.

ouch. a bit harsh ania. not everyone wants to be in a full committed relationship 24/7.. i like having people in my life but i dont want to be tied down. makes sense to me

Posted by Dr. Z on Sep-05-2008 23:05:

quote:
Originally posted by barbina
ouch. a bit harsh ania. not everyone wants to be in a full committed relationship 24/7.. i like having people in my life but i dont want to be tied down. makes sense to me

why not?

Posted by DigiNut on Sep-05-2008 23:06:

quote:
Originally posted by Ania_xox
Sorry if this offends anyone:

"Open relationships" are for cowards and/or sluts.

When two people decide to spend time together because they enjoy eachother's company - that is called being friends. (this does not qualify as a romantic/serious relationship)

When two people decide to have sex with one another because they are attracted to eachother - that is called being "fuck friends", if you will. (this ALSO does not qualify as a relationship)

When two people decide that they would rather spend their time with their respective mate than with anyone else AND voice this commitment - THAT imo is a relationship.

BF/GF just feels real. Sounds corny but you just know. If you're not sure - you're not there yet.

Ah, the quaint little naivet� of someone who's never been burned in a relationship. I wish I could go back to the days when I thought I "just knew".

Sex is not love, love is not commitment, and commitment is not necessarily even friendship. And even if you were to say that the "____friend" terminology implies all of these things together, you'll notice that none of the terms have very clear definitions, and there's the rub: for some people, love is just codependency, and for other people, a "commitment" could be seeing each other once a month with no other strings attached.

I've got a nice shiny penny for anyone who knows where this quote comes from (no cheating on Google):

quote:
Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude
Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right

That's the only definition that's ever made sense to me. If it doesn't make sense to you, then you're probably confusing it with infatuation.

Posted by kaniz on Sep-05-2008 23:26:

Posted by samhouse on Sep-05-2008 23:53:

i have a few friends in open relationships. They have been so for a few years and it is working just fine. Plus they love each other more than ever before. It takes a lot of commitment and understanding to pull it off right. Definately not for everyone.

Posted by evil_cookie on Sep-05-2008 23:57:

quote:
Originally posted by DigiNut

I've got a nice shiny penny for anyone who knows where this quote comes from (no cheating on Google):

trash.
I despise this excerpt - and I vomit everytime I hear it in corny ass films. And unfortunately the preaching is not exclusive to lame films.

Posted by jsibilin on Sep-06-2008 00:01:

open relationships allows you to give in to your sluttastic urges while keeping a "saftey net" around in the event that you're unable to hook up with anything hotter.

i have an open relationship with myself

Posted by Dr. Z on Sep-06-2008 00:39:

quote:
Originally posted by jsibilin
open relationships allows you to give in to your sluttastic urges while keeping a "saftey net" around in the event that you're unable to hook up with anything hotter.

people are so lost these days

Posted by DigiNut on Sep-06-2008 01:36:

quote:
Originally posted by evil_cookie
trash.
I despise this excerpt - and I vomit everytime I hear it in corny ass films. And unfortunately the preaching is not exclusive to lame films.

Maybe you shouldn't watch so many trashy movies then. I don't think I've ever heard it in a film - and I really can't see how it's in any way "preachy", especially when compared with some of the things said in this thread.

Posted by FunkyCrew on Sep-06-2008 01:53:

quote:
Originally posted by DigiNut

That's the only definition that's ever made sense to me. If it doesn't make sense to you, then you're probably confusing it with infatuation.

1 Corinthians 13

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