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Re: Re: Cheating

quote:

Originally posted by love_child So you have never told yourself that before...that you couldnt cheat on them? Was it only now you have come to this conclusion after the actual fact?

no i just have little random thoughts sometimes that's all. and i like to be self aware and sort of think about my thoughts. lol

quote:

Originally posted by Echo of Silence Let's say once upon a time I had a bf who was a TA... And I cheated on him...for whatever reason, who the **** cares why. No one cares why I do the shit I do. I'm selfish. I'm a bitch. That's all that matters. But I know and others know that I hurt him. When he found out I cheated, I hurt him. If I knew that he still read TA now and again... Why would I make a thread like this? Seriously, why would I make a thread like this? Just to remind everyone that I'm really shallow and self centered? Nah...

sounds like you're trying to tell some one something?

Well, Slylee. Me recently having the privilege of joining the ranks of "taken"; highly disregard any cheating of the sort. Cheating is uncouth and morally wrong. Once you have declared your affection for someone you should never deviate from that path. Dont be a ditch-digger or a curb-hugger.

eating isn't cheating

i knew this would be pointless and everyone would just focus on the cheating factor rather than the actual point of the thread which is to question whether or not you think someone who once cheated would be faithful if, say... they grew into a more mature person and met the right person at a better time in their life sort of thing.

i wasn't really trying to make this thread entirely about me and my incidents, i was trying to just be the first one to start off and admit that i've done some stupid shit, that way anyone who has done something similar wouldn't be scared to say "yea i did too". cuz i aint scurred like that and don't really fear judgment from you guys. i mean i don't lose sleep over it.

anyway goin to bed

Nobody can do anything more than 100%, and people who justify themselves as putting forth anything more are actually insecure with themselves and trying to overcmpensate for their shortcomings.

i like the term 110% !

I think you have the ability to be faithful if you've cheated but I believe once a cheater always a cheater. It's not something you can erase and say " well I only did it once, so it doesn't count or I won't or couldn't do it again '. The fact remains you cheated and you'll always have the mentality to cheat even if it's far behind in the back of your head and you haven't done it in 5,10 or 15 years. the thought to do it is buried somewhere in there.

u know i just realized the meaning of "once a cheater always a cheater". lol i was thinking it means that once you cheat, u will always cheat no matter what. not so much "once u cheat, u can be labeled a cheater".

lol
/blonde

Once you've done something you're not always labeled as that thing you've done. If you've skydived once you're not automatically categorized as a skydiver. I think it depends on what you've done, the context and what last impressions you've left. Cheating is one of those things that I think the label sticks with you whether you're going to do it again or not. Maybe it's societies fault or I just don't know how to let go? Either way, that's just my opinion.

cheating = you don't love the person you're with

simple as that...
can someone change? Of course they can

quote:

Originally posted by narcism cheating = you don't love the person you're with

i disagree.

quote:

Originally posted by denys envy i disagree.

elaborate

quote:

Originally posted by narcism elaborate

i don't think that in every instance someone cheats they don't love the person they're cheating on. in my opinion cheating is never a black and white thing like that. a lot of times it's complicated and for (sometimes) way fucked up reasons. to simply say "if you cheat you don't love them" is a bit ignorant.

just my two cents.

on a different note - our birthdays are a week apart. high five.

edit: i was stalking the profile to figure our if you're a dude or a girl. that's how i noticed the b-day.

...evidence inconclusive though.

Unsatisfactory led you to cheat one way or another. So you cheat, go back to your partner, what did that cure (aside from sexual cravings)? You were satisfied by someone else, not your partner, so now you're going to want to find pleasure in someone who satisfies you and that wont be your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband so what's the point of being with them if a huge chunk of your relationship you get from someone else? Just doesn't make sense. You're getting itches your partner can't scratch and if you can't scratch each others backs..something is going to fail.

quote:

Originally posted by denys envy i don't think that in every instance someone cheats they don't love the person they're cheating on. in my opinion cheating is never a black and white thing like that. a lot of times it's complicated and for (sometimes) way fucked up reasons. to simply say "if you cheat you don't love them" is a bit ignorant. just my two cents. on a different note - our birthdays are a week apart. high five.

I don't think its an ignorant thing to say on my behalf. Most of the time in situations i have been in the person caught cheating isn't sorry for doing the deed but for getting caught.
I am aware of complicated situations but at the end of the day you are "mostly" aware of what you are doing at the time. I do believe if you truely loved someone you wouldn't stick your cock into another chick.

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee once in a long distance relationship. once out of spite because he treated me like shit and i was miserable and i justified it. and then another time i just wasn't happy and was probably trying to sabotage the whole relationship.

All these reasons point to the fact that slylee probably wasn't in love with the people she was with, the long distance thing is another story

quote:

Originally posted by narcism I don't think its an ignorant thing to say on my behalf. Most of the time in situations i have been in the person caught cheating isn't sorry for doing the deed but for getting caught. I am aware of complicated situations but at the end of the day you are "mostly" aware of what you are doing at the time. I do believe if you truely loved someone you wouldn't stick your cock into another chick.

to be fair. i might not have an idea of what i'm talking about. it's strange but i've never cheated. probably the only wholesome thing about me. ha ha. but i always had opportunities i just stay faithful i guess... i just always thought those that do cheat are just of a weaker character. not that they don't love the person they cheat on but they just can't resist their urges or whatever in certain situations.

i guess those that have cheated could give us a clearer picture of reasons and if they love/don't love the person they're with.

quote:

Originally posted by denys envy to be fair. i might not have an idea of what i'm talking about.

^5 on the stalking of my bday too

I like when girls tell me, "my boyfriend would never cheat on me" and the weekend before I saw him making out with some sloot in a club.

Naive people make me laugh.

quote:

Originally posted by denys envy i just always thought those that do cheat are just of a weaker character. not that they don't love the person they cheat on but they just can't resist their urges or whatever in certain situations.

bingo

i suppose everyone can try to justify their actions, but cheating, IMO, hurts me more than the other person.
i like to look myself in the mirror every morning and actually like who i am. loyalty, integrity, honesty. they actually mean something to me.

call me a sucker or whatever, but my conscience does bug me.

not to mention i'd have the balls to break off a relationship before i screw an another girl

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie Disagree. "Circumstances" are just ways of justifying it...and it's total bullshit, imo. You don't have to love someone to still be respectful of their feelings. I mean, if you're really going to be honest about "why" you cheated, you should just cut the bullshit and say "I have/had little to no respect for this person."

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie I'm pretty black and white about my feelings. I wouldn't need a drunken night out to know I wasn't that into a guy. And no matter how much I'm not into a person, I still have respect for them outside of whatever's going on in our relationship. It's just not a cool thing to do, regardless of what's going on.

quote:

Originally posted by denys envy i just always thought those that do cheat are just of a weaker character.

This. If you're not happy, don't cheat. Just save everybody the bullshit and cut the relationship off.

Also,

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee ... the actual point of the thread which is to question whether or not you think someone who once cheated would be faithful if, say... they grew into a more mature person and met the right person at a better time in their life sort of thing.

Sure, why not? I mean, if someone told me that they had cheated before then I might be really hesitant about them towards the beginning of the relationship, but so long as they've changed, then whatever.

Edit: Well said, Yohan.

i'm so sorry i've had this effect on you i'll tone it down a notch.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie I wouldn't need a drunken night out to know I wasn't that into a guy. And no matter how much I'm not into a person, I still have respect for them outside of whatever's going on in our relationship. It's just not a cool thing to do, regardless of what's going on.

+1

quote:

Originally posted by narcism cheating = you don't love the person you're with simple as that... can someone change? Of course they can

boo ya

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee whether or not you think someone who once cheated would be faithful if, say... they grew into a more mature person and met the right person at a better time in their life sort of thing.

this would be me...I think of myself as a morally sound person with a clear sense of right and wrong, and cheating is definitely wrong. I kinda blame the fact that I was in such a long-term long distance relationship and I had needs. The first time she found out and forgave me, then I did it more times and she didn't find out. Would I do it again? If I'm living with the woman OF COURSE NOT...I think.

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